Thread: ...on Friday.

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    #21
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    No time travel. I get that fix from LOST.

    Just a simple riddle, with a more rounded answer to fit the scenario.


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    #22
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    looking forward to reading... sounds interesting!

    jamie


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    #23
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    I AM SO PISSED! I just looked at my script and found errors.

    ERRORS! NOOOOOOO!


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    #24
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Oh we all usually do Rod don't sweat it ;)

    This was a decent yarn - with particular highlights for me being the convincing father and son banter, and the simple but effective structure of the story and action oh and of course the actual riddle itself and its role in the story!

    There was nothing that struck me as 'oh this i dont like' in the script! Let's see what bits could maybe have more etc in them imo?

    Do you think it might benefit from more even more intensity in the scenes with the bandits and the boy at the start - that they in fact end up physically trying to seize him (before one is shot.) Or that they are playing with the idea of using the boy in some kind of sadistic game to amuse themselves (beyond the boys perception but well within the fathers.)

    The ending dialogue of 'stranger' with his 'closure monologue' of the heart - could perhaps be a little bit overly sentimental? Not that its unwarranted given the characters circumstances, but its a bit out of keeping with his hardman intimidation/dark talk at the bar before hand?

    Both of which are hardly huge points in my estimation hehe and in all an enjoyable romp good sir!
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    #25
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    Thanks! That means a lot coming from a man of your stature.


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    #26
    Senior Member Ezekiel667's Avatar
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    I really liked it. I agree with lawrie. The dialogue between the father and son was really good, and the dialogue in the bar was excellent as well. I like that you gunfight was in a high speed wagon chase. Wasn't expecting one of those haha. The riddle aspect pulled the entire script together IMO, especially the final lines of dialogue you have, chilling and badass all at the same time.

    Great job man!


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    #27
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    Thanks Zeke!


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    #28
    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    A simple straightforward story well done. I think we all know who the stranger is when he enters the bar, but then the story isn't trying to hide it. In fact, we need to know, to make the story work. Again, simple but effective dialogue. I could see this one being shot for a DVXUser fest. I think it could be reworked to fit the 6 minute format without losing its punch. There is nothing in here that is not doable on a modest budget, depending on one's location. Here in SoCal I'm sure it could be done.

    Did the story dazzle me? No. But it DID entertain me. It was a very quick read...lot's of white space without feeling like talking heads.

    Good job.


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    #29
    Senior Member TimCollins's Avatar
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    Hey man, I thought this was a good, uncomplicated story and a fun read.

    Your dialogue was great; easy and fun to read. Especially some of the lines from the Stranger at the end. I had just watched The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly before these were released for viewing, so I totally pictured some of those lines coming from Eastwood.

    One thing though, at the end when the Stranger explains that he made up his own answer for the riddle, I don't really follow his explanation there. But despite not following it, the way it was worded was great and takes me back to the Eastwood point.

    Overall: a fun read, goob job brosef!
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    #30
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    Wow, I know your probably tired of hearing this but great dialogue! This was so much fun to read and I was was moved at the start of the story with the father and son. You created so much emotion there with just a few pages and made us care about those characters. Not an easy thing to do!


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