Thread: Scarred Cross

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26
  1. Collapse Details
    Scarred Cross
    #1
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    727
    Default
    (The script is attached to this post)

    *Scarred Cross

    Priests, Sex, Nuns, a Dog and a nail gun.
    __________________________________________________ ______________



    This script is not eligible for competition. Its too late and too long. I actually had a rough draft of it done in time, but I just couldn't get the extra couple of pages shaved off.

    So, I'd encourage everyone to make sure to read and rank the eligible scripts before this.

    That said, I would really appreciate feedback on this script. I highly value the critiques given in these fests. If you have time to read it, thank you.

    I definitely went with the dark, lurid definition of Pulp.

    *The script is attached to this post.
    Attached Files Attached Files
    Last edited by Russell Moore; 03-31-2009 at 06:01 PM.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
    #2
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    planet earth
    Posts
    485
    Default
    ahh, i was wondering why we didn't see a script from you this time... i'll definitely give it a read.

    EDIT: i just saw the log line - wow.


    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
    #3
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Springfield, MO
    Posts
    2,707
    Default
    Good script. Very good script. If this made it into the Fest I think your chances to win would be high. I especially like the connection you made with the dog. You also establish the nail in the hand just enough to get your point across without beating us over the head with symbolism.

    Excellent work.
    Chris Johnson


    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
    #4
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    727
    Default
    Preston...I hope the actual script has the same wow fatcor for you as the logline. lol

    Krestofre...Thanks for the comments and kind words, I appreciate it. I knew I was walking a fine line in some areas of the script. I'm glad to hear that the symbolism worked for you.
    Thanks for reading.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
    #5
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    359
    Default
    i read your script and i loved it. if you are going to cross a line like that one, you had better do it well, and you did just that. i'm sad you didn't enter the script in the fest because it would have been in my top fo sho. i thoroughly enjoyed it.

    the only thing that i felt could be left out was the dog. i love dogs, but i wanted her to just pull out some inner strength to get the job done on her own somehow. like inigo montoya. she deserved the satisfaction.

    i am definitely a fan and i look forward to reading more of your scripts in future fests!


    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
    #6
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    727
    Default
    Jamie - Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments. Its much appreciated.
    The dog seems to be a bit polarizing. I had a couple people read the script before I posted here and one loved the dog and one wanted me to change it.
    My first two posts here, same thing, lol.

    When I first conceived the story I had the dog in it, when I got near the end of writing the script I actually felt the pull to have her fight her way out of it herself, but I wrote the way I had set out to originally. I was happy with how it turned out, but even I was torn a bit with that element of the script.

    Thanks again for commenting, glad you liked it.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
    #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    London
    Posts
    52
    Default
    It's a very cool script. Like the dream sequence and the symbolism that then carries through. Very nicely written (perhaps a little too much description).

    The dog- I prefer that she gets saved by it, as a metaphor that makes a lot of sense to me (although dogs have a more satanic based mythology I guess). I'm not entirely sure I like the image of it in the dream sequence and I'm afraid I don't understand the significance of the hand gesture she makes to it...

    Also, I know it's late, and too long and so not in the fest anyway, but is it really that 'pulpy'? I know the log line is, but somehow it seems something else to me. Not to take away from the writing I really liked it.


    Reply With Quote
     

  8. Collapse Details
    #8
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    2,012
    Default
    Well im a little mixed on this script (so i'll be the dissenting voice here hehe;) but that said it is a script I enjoyed. It is a competent piece of writing but i don't feel its particularly as 'clever' as it seeks out to be. On the contrary i think it would work just fine as 'pulp' but i don't see its symbolism or hidden meaning being anything more sophisticated than say john carpenters vampires for example.

    So comments righto - well i think the action lines could be shortened a bit, and overall i felt some of the story could be condensed (particularly sister rose.) I wasn't sure that really added much necessary information for the story.

    The idea of gun toting christians fighting bad christians, pickups and shotguns is all painfully MidWestern and isnt the first realisation of good vs evil we've seen even in this competition - taking that biblical line. I think in terms of originality those conflicts should be explored deeper, be more original etc - less black and white as it were. Christians in particular (i'm not suggesting you are Conlan) could do a world of good to their conflict depictions by taking a more philsophical (shades of grey) approach. Was there any depth to our villain in this story? What did him being a priest really mean or do for the story?

    The symbolism of the dream sequence was cool, but it felt a little contrived. Is evil so obvious - does evil have demonic eyes etc.

    I don't know if your aware of this but its almost a universal yankee cliche in films that dogs end up being the hero... or dogs just can't be killed. In that way you may find an unnaturally cynical response to the dog rescue ending (outside dog lovin' states ;) - think evil europeans hehe than you would want.

    The overall idea of a priest sexually abusing a girl, who herself comes to collect his confession is brilliant. That it should depicted in a pulp like way can work - but this either took itself too seriously or not seriously enough (as a non-pulp script) to work entirely.

    That said if i had rated it btw i would have rated this a 7 ish (as style and taste being one thing i can see its a well written script and that others would like it more for the very qualities I criticise.)

    Oh and heres a scary dream sequence with nuns! - the Movie 'The Devils' - you can watch it all on youtube, most recommended!
    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=J8Xgm1u_SF4
    Last edited by lawriejaffa; 12-21-2008 at 10:46 AM.
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


    Reply With Quote
     

  9. Collapse Details
    #9
    Senior Member Nektonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    the interwebs
    Posts
    2,420
    Default
    I finished the official entries, and will give yours a read later today conlan.


    Reply With Quote
     

  10. Collapse Details
    #10
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    727
    Default
    Redcloak - Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. Glad you liked the writing.

    The hand gesture she makes, alludes to her rubbing the dogs ear as a way to comfort herself, so even after it's knocked away, she still tries to simulate the motion.

    As far as it being Pulpy enough to be pulp...I don't know I think the question has come up a few times in the fest. I can see where the lines are blurred, but I thought it had enough Pulp elements to fall into the genre. Thanks again for taking the time.

    lawriejaffa - Thanks for reading and giving a well thought out critique, it is much appreciated.
    This is the third script I've written and I definitely wandered into some unknown territory for myself. So I wasn't sure how all the different pieces would work together. (one of the reasons I really wanted to get input from other writers in the fest)

    As far as Sister Rose, I have a lot of backstory in my head about her that I never intended to put on the page, so maybe I didn't get it on the page the way I should have.
    There is more to their relationship. I tried to show that in the fact that Mel was ready to forgive the Priest but was not ready to forgive Sister Rose.

    I can certainly see a point about giving the Priest some more depth.
    The dream sequence is a little in your face, but it's a nightmare of what happened to her, so I'm not sure I could really alter that.

    I admit I laughed out loud when I saw you mention that the "hero" dog was a yankee cliche, because I realized how right you are. We love our dogs. Maybe next time I'll go with a cat ;)

    Thanks again for taking the time and I'll certainly take a look at "The Devils"
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


    Reply With Quote
     

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •