The man from tomorrow

[Nektonic]

THE MAN FROM TOMORROW

A time traveler from a heavily controlled future must choose between what his mind tells him is logical and what the abstract notion of love means.

Not sure about the logline. I really haven't had much time to craft a killer one yet.

My original entry was going to be a sci-fi / detective noir called "The Two-Headed Detective", but that didn't work out due to it being nearly double the maximum required length of pulpfest. After much hair-pulling trying to trim that sucker down to 10 pages, I realized that I would probably go bald before I finished reducing the page count, so I had no choice but to start from scratch on the last day and bang out this one. I'm sure you will all have some great insights for me. Looking forward to it.

Also: when I was writing this I pictured the whole thing as being shot in black and white. You can read it as if it were color as well.

[DarkElastic]

Glad you managed to get something in, shame about The Two-Headed Detective. I look forward to reading The Man from Tomorrow though.

[Nektonic]

Thanks DarkElastic. I hope you will like it. It was written in a state of fever-dream.

[preston]

...when I was writing this I pictured the whole thing as being shot in black and white. You can read it as if it were color as well.

haha nice. cool poster too... good luck!

[MiataFilmSomething]

The poster is almost exactly like the mood for what I want my script to look like. Well done!

[Nektonic]

The poster is almost exactly like the mood for what I want my script to look like. Well done!

Thanks. I'm looking forward to yours too, and I'll keep the mood in mind when I read it.

[jasonthewho]

Read this first, since it was last on the list, just for fun, and I was glad I did. Really nice work. I enjoyed it a lot.

There are some typos, but I'm sure you can find those in revisions.

I really liked the consistent tone throughout. The description of the coffee being poured was cool.

The end didn't quite work for me. It was surprising, but I couldn't work out the logic behind it.

SPOILERS:
Why would he have killed her? When did he kill her, timeline wise?
I felt perhaps his friend from earlier could have been the killer. Maybe that would make more sense.
Why does the briefcase appear in his hand? Has time ellapses, or is something else going on?
Is the overseer at the end the same one from earlier?

I really liked the dialogue in this. Seemed both old fashioned and futuristic at the same time. And never too on the nose.

Good job!

[krestofre]

This script is well crafted. The characters really make it work for me. They feel real, which is great.

***Spoilers***

I agree with Jason. The ending didn't quite work for me either. I saw it coming about half way though the script. For it to really work I'd need to know why the future self of the main character was willing to be sent back and kill the woman he loved (or however that ended up working).

Also, I wasn't crystal clear on why the overseers wanted the murders recorded. This wasn't a huge point, because not knowing didn't really impact the narrative for me, but it did stick in my mind as a curiosity.

[Redcloak]

I liked this one too, although logically speaking it was off to the races. That's maybe what you get for time-travel things, so I was prepared to go with it. The reveal at the end was just a 'huh?' moment though, despite the fact you could almost see it coming.

I just wanted to know a bit more as to why they were there in the first place. Seemed like you had a really nice idea and I couldn't quite get hold of it. But really smartly written and stayed with me.

[DarkElastic]

Your script was a good read, with a really nice sci-fi backing, set in a pulp atmosphere. Loved all the time and overseer stuff, but found myself wanting to know more about the future and human's in it, so this feeling made the ending quite anti-climatic for myself. It is still well written though.