you want to spank me? now that's naughty...
Thread: Ten Tumbles and a Boom
Results 41 to 48 of 48
12-22-2008 02:08 PM
12-22-2008 02:18 PM
seriously though... the poster is cool and your script was great and i think you have a good chance of being in the top
12-22-2008 04:38 PM
I really loved this script! I won't comment on the opening scene - it seemed obvious to me that it had been tagged on because of the fest rules, so I kind of discounted it from the story as a whole.
Your dialogue is FAN-TA-STIC!!! I can't pick fault in it at all. You also have some really lovely visuals, especially the lizard being peed on. That made me laugh out loud.
My only criticisms (and they're very small) is that it might be better to give the characters names from the start, or at least keep the same title for them. Like Alex pointed out, you used Boots man and Rugged man for the same person, and it gets confusing. Giving them names would sort this out, although I can understand why you might not want to do that, so you can keep them mysterious. Also, they seemed like such great characters, it seemed like a real waste that they both died so quickly. Maybe have them get into a bit of a punch-up after the car explodes, both of them on fire, then the suitcase can get exploded somehow. It was just a little disappointing to not be able to see these two characters really go for each other.
Definitely one of my favourites of the fest, I think you're going to do really well with this.
12-22-2008 07:27 PM
12-29-2008 04:03 PM
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Tampa, FL
The following is a list of everything I didn't like about your script...
Thanks for your time...-Noel Ortiz