i tried to turn the tables (on the detective/femme fatale model) and have the detective -who makes a good living spying on cheaters- get caught with his pants down... and all it took was a call-girl and some cash.
thanks for reading, and i'm glad you liked it.
thanks for the "mood" and dialog props... i wasn't expecting much of that. also - the dream - i thought everyone would absolutely hate it. i was preparing for a torrent of boo's. thank you!
Thread: Solstice - by preston
Results 21 to 30 of 53
12-14-2008 06:50 PM
Last edited by preston; 12-14-2008 at 07:03 PM.
12-14-2008 09:22 PM
Pretty good idea and storyline, but I thought it ended a little suddenly. I'd also like to see more motivations behind the husband and wife.
Great classic feel though, and it seemed to flow well up until the end. You could have a lot of fun getting creative filming that cool dream sequence, too."...and knowing is half the battle. The other half is violence..."
12-15-2008 05:03 AM
Structure and formatting are solid. Nice clear tight descriptions. Dialog is very good also, straight to the point. Each character sounds unique (and well developed).
Story flows well + like the ending.
This read like a polish script that you had spent your time with. No glaring suggestion or problems from my end. (would only be repeating what others have said on this thread already).
One of my favs. Well done.
12-15-2008 10:39 AM
to answer your question... Gina didn't leave him the money because she liked him - it was bait to ensure he would accept the case. she just thought it was funny that his own money was used to catch him cheating. i'm sure she was well-paid by her client- the detective's wife.
12-16-2008 10:58 AM
12-17-2008 12:58 PM
12-17-2008 01:02 PM
12-17-2008 06:46 PM
That was a fun read. I loved the twist at the end.
I wouldn't change a thing about how you introduce the fact that he has a wife (late in the story). As you have it, the twist is hard to forsee and that makes it all the more fun to read.ScriptFest III Entry - X-Elixir - Deep inside the Third Reich, American GI's Buck Masterfield and Paul Bolden take on a cadre of superhuman Nazis who are hellbent on world domination.
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12-18-2008 08:24 AM
Very good story. Written really well. A good job creating the atmosphere and characters.
You keep setting it up and setting it up for a twist, because these stories always do.
But I never saw it going in the direction it did. Kudos for that. Good use of the dream sequence.
Really nice work.the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"
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