48 film project for Spokane First Night

[hammers145]

This is the first short that I have actually directed, and it was definitely an experience. The audio is shaky in a couple of places, but with only a crew of three and two actors, I think we did a decent job. Feedback would be great since the only kind we have gotten is that it doesn't make much sense, but not really why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Q4yQCRD5E

[brownpaperbagproductions]

It's really hard to keep track of who the people are, what they're doing, where they are, and when whatever they're doing this is taking place. The reasons mainly are editing/camera angles and it's role in establishing point of view. There seem to be instances that indicate a 3rd person omniscient perspective even though this is a flashback from a single character.

Examples: Second shot of car, would have made more sense if shot from inside house out of window. We know that she reasonably knew the car was gone but camera placement and movement indicate more of a 3rd person pov.

The scene where Sideburns answers cell phone, cut to Mr. Big in dark office, Sideburns says hello, but then we hear a women's voice, what? This really threw me. I kinda get why you show Sideburn on phone to clue that he's in on stuff but it's a weird cut that doesn't work the way you probably wanted it to.

I feel like it's too much of an effort to anchor myself to who's story this is that I can't get involved in the suspense.

At the end when the guy says "Next time you [...]" What next time is he talking about? It's a bit silly to say that, and also to have the badass stand there posing and lighting a cigarette is debatably not likely and feels out of place in the more realistic tone of the rest of the movie.

I really dug what you were going for, the money crime thing is way over done but you guys went with a cool underplayed performance and used sound and editing in much more interesting ways than most people do.

[hammers145]

Thanks for the critique. Confusion was the largest concern we had because of the five minute timeline, and we kept on going back and forth as to whether it was going be a suspense or black comedy, so it was mixed. I tried to play with the whole non-perspective aspect, but looking back, it kind of ended being too much.