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    #21
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nektonic View Post
    if I ever need anyone to help me with the 40's slang, I'll contact you Alex
    I use this whenever I dabble in vintage noir ...

    http://www.miskatonic.org/slang.html


    Great stuff. Others are out there, but I like this one.

    a
    Last edited by alex whitmer; 12-11-2008 at 05:56 PM.


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    #22
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZazaCast View Post
    Mr. Whitmer would need to convince me that could be called an automobile.

    Great job! (but that's NOT and automobile!)

    By loose definition! I still say it's a chick magnet.

    Thanks for the read, Joe.


    a


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    #23
    Senior Member ZazaCast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alex whitmer View Post
    By loose definition! I still say it's a chick magnet.

    I love you car....take me for a ride!





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    #24
    Senior Member Nektonic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alex whitmer View Post
    For those who don't know, this is an Isetta. Yes, it's a BMW



    I love these cars!

    And this one ...

    http://www.1-18scalecars.com/BMW/BMW...nt_quarter.jpg

    Alex, have you seen the episode of Top Gear where they go inside the BBC offices with a Peel P-50? The Isetta reminds me of a nicer and slightly roomier P-50.


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    #25
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Cheers for telling a short and sweet but still complete narrative.

    I dig the vibe I get from the twisted world(s) you tell tale of.


    ***SPOILER ALERT***
    Favorite Line:
    "Of all the decade, in all the centuries, in all the world, she transported into mine."
    (As this world's greatest Casablanca fan, I especially appreciated the homage)


    For your daily Callaghanism...follow Cal on


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    #26
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Love the banter in this one. Superb dialogue.
    Great storytelling, Alex. Very descriptive and well put together.
    Love the pacing as well.

    Well done!

    MAH


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #27
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    Nice job Alex. Solid construction and formatting (as expected).

    Swift read (always a good sign).

    Some more tension would have been nice - but you nailed the theme/genre perfectly. The voice over really helped capture this (especially in the intro).

    Using fricken in the start kind of surprised me.


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    #28
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Really well written, even if some of it is very cliché. Very good and very strange.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #29
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Absolutely charming Alex, I found it delightfuly and amusing - and sexy too!

    It was an excellent homage and you combined it with a science fiction setting also - very effectively (goodness knows I would have balked attempting that!)

    The dialogue was yummy and and overall an excellent piece. Well done!
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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    #30
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    You have such a good style, and you always feel in command of the script. Perhaps why I find it a little disappointing. I definitely smile at the house dropping image at the end, but I feel it sums up the whole thing a little: the rules of the world are arbitrary, and for that reason I don't really connect to it. I feel it drifts past me without hooking me on anything.

    You're a good writer, so I hope you'll forgive my saying that.

    And the only two queries I have:

    'If her story was square, we didn't have much time' just confused me, it seems like the world is set up so that they can time travel however they please, maybe I'm wrong, it just made me beg the question.

    And I don't quite understand 'another man's dame'. Whatever the analogy I can't make it fit with the fact it's a two dame gig... Unless it's ironic, in which case it's a misfire imo.


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