Great stuff. Others are out there, but I like this one.
Thread: Another Man's Dame
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12-11-2008 05:33 PM
Last edited by alex whitmer; 12-11-2008 at 05:56 PM.
12-11-2008 05:38 PM
12-11-2008 05:52 PM"We've all been used...and reused...and abused...and amused!" [ ZARDOZ ]
"If you don't have anything to say then you shouldn't be making films. It's nothing to do with what lens you're using." [ Chris Doyle ]
CURRENCY -- Scriptfest I Entry
LEGENDS OF MAGOLIA: The Noble Blade -- Scriptfest II (Sci-Fi) Entry
12-11-2008 06:13 PM
Cheers for telling a short and sweet but still complete narrative.
I dig the vibe I get from the twisted world(s) you tell tale of.
"Of all the decade, in all the centuries, in all the world, she transported into mine."
(As this world's greatest Casablanca fan, I especially appreciated the homage)
12-12-2008 12:44 AM
Nice job Alex. Solid construction and formatting (as expected).
Swift read (always a good sign).
Some more tension would have been nice - but you nailed the theme/genre perfectly. The voice over really helped capture this (especially in the intro).
Using fricken in the start kind of surprised me.
12-12-2008 03:00 AM
Really well written, even if some of it is very cliché. Very good and very strange.
12-12-2008 07:57 AM
Absolutely charming Alex, I found it delightfuly and amusing - and sexy too!
It was an excellent homage and you combined it with a science fiction setting also - very effectively (goodness knows I would have balked attempting that!)
The dialogue was yummy and and overall an excellent piece. Well done!Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/
12-12-2008 10:41 AM
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
You have such a good style, and you always feel in command of the script. Perhaps why I find it a little disappointing. I definitely smile at the house dropping image at the end, but I feel it sums up the whole thing a little: the rules of the world are arbitrary, and for that reason I don't really connect to it. I feel it drifts past me without hooking me on anything.
You're a good writer, so I hope you'll forgive my saying that.
And the only two queries I have:
'If her story was square, we didn't have much time' just confused me, it seems like the world is set up so that they can time travel however they please, maybe I'm wrong, it just made me beg the question.
And I don't quite understand 'another man's dame'. Whatever the analogy I can't make it fit with the fact it's a two dame gig... Unless it's ironic, in which case it's a misfire imo.