Thread: Wooden Kimono

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    #11
    Senior Member MiataFilmSomething's Avatar
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    Interesting title, the fashion scene may get wind of this and start a new fad!
    "...and knowing is half the battle. The other half is violence..."


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    #12
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Chad, what can I say? You have a gift for dialog and the words in this script just sing.

    ***Spoilers***

    The only problem I have with it is that your build up is so good that when the twist happens I was really saddened that Harry Glass wasn't a real guys, you know what I mean? And at first I thought you were going for a "Harry faked his own death kind of thing" instead of it being an actor. When the camera pans around and you describe him as physically the same person I thought "Alright! Harry beat them all!"
    Chris Johnson


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    #13
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krestofre View Post
    Chad, what can I say? You have a gift for dialog and the words in this script just sing...
    But in what key?

    Sorry to pull the floor out from under you...
    -but-
    I'm glad Harry hooked you and reeled you in
    -so-
    that I was able to do so.



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    #14
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    That is an excellent point. You achieved your goal in spades! Well played, sir.
    Chris Johnson


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    #15
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Hey there!

    Spoilers//

    This is a funny one, i can't dispute that its not well written, and really quite clever and atmospheric. The characters are interesting and the story (till the twist) fairly captivating.

    I think the problem here is with the twist - in a way its cleverness can be the revelation of just how fictional our pulp worlds are ;) But we surely already knew that? This twist doesn't really bring a neat reversal on the story we have come to be absorbed in. Instead it turns it on its head for (however well it is written) a 'only a dream' type ending - that we in fact linger on for a few pages. So I rate it well for its written qualities and characters, but the ending bugs me!

    But well done good sir I did enjoy it.
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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    #16
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    well-written, Chad. i know you're a writer, and i can tell from this script that you enjoy what you do and really have a handle on the tech parts.

    spoilers

    i did think he was "in disguise" or whatever, but i didn't mind the reveal. nice little unique script. cheers.


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    #17
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    Really disagree with using camera direction like this in the script. Just shouldn't be there in my opinion.

    You clearly write well, so it seems to sell yourself a little short with the reveal. But then at least it has the sense not to make it a big twist, and has the nice characterisation of the guy's interaction with people between interviews.

    I enjoyed it, guess that's why I wanted a little more from it as far as the reveal goes.


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    #18
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    i loved the opening. great use of voice overs to tell the story over action scenes.

    i don't know enough about script writing (this is only my second attempt) to comment on camera directions, but i didn't find them distracting in any way.

    i was thinking it was a "usual suspects" type deal at first too, but your writing style is terrific and, all in all, i liked it. good job!


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    #19
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lawriejaffa View Post
    Hey there!

    Spoilers//

    This is a funny one, i can't dispute that its not well written, and really quite clever and atmospheric. The characters are interesting and the story (till the twist) fairly captivating.

    I think the problem here is with the twist - in a way its cleverness can be the revelation of just how fictional our pulp worlds are ;) But we surely already knew that? This twist doesn't really bring a neat reversal on the story we have come to be absorbed in. Instead it turns it on its head for (however well it is written) a 'only a dream' type ending - that we in fact linger on for a few pages. So I rate it well for its written qualities and characters, but the ending bugs me!

    But well done good sir I did enjoy it.
    Glad you enjoyed it.






    ***SPOLILER ALERT***
    If the ending bugs you, that's one thing...but, the story is faithful to the twist. In other words, the plot works on both levels (before and after the reveal) and serves both masters. I made doubly sure of that.

    By your saying it's an 'only a dream type ending', I take that as a "cheat-your-audience-Agatha-Christie"-like ending... something I took delicate measures to avoid it being.


    Quote Originally Posted by preston View Post
    well-written, Chad. i know you're a writer, and i can tell from this script that you enjoy what you do and really have a handle on the tech parts.

    spoilers

    i did think he was "in disguise" or whatever, but i didn't mind the reveal. nice little unique script. cheers.
    Unique was the animal I was pursuing here.

    Being such an uber-aficionado of film noir and vintage films themselves (a well known fact to many here)...I wanted to not do what was expected of me. If nothing else, I feel I achieved that goal.

    Cheers

    Oh, and I am working my way through the script threads with my reviews...yours is upcoming
    Last edited by CallaghanFilms; 12-14-2008 at 08:58 AM.


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    #20
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redcloak View Post
    You clearly write well, so it seems to sell yourself a little short with the reveal. But then at least it has the sense not to make it a big twist, and has the nice characterisation of the guy's interaction with people between interviews.

    I enjoyed it, guess that's why I wanted a little more from it as far as the reveal goes.
    I'm happy you liked it


    Quote Originally Posted by jamiejay View Post
    i loved the opening. great use of voice overs to tell the story over action scenes.

    i don't know enough about script writing (this is only my second attempt) to comment on camera directions, but i didn't find them distracting in any way.

    i was thinking it was a "usual suspects" type deal at first too, but your writing style is terrific and, all in all, i liked it. good job!
    ***SPOILER ALERT***
    The Usual Suspects faux hook just before the real reveal was intentional...a little slight of hand to keep you off balance. Glad you saw it.

    Also, I'm glad you diG my style


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