Thread: Trigger Finger

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    #21
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Cool
    Oh, yeah, I did read 'Trigger Finger' by the way and enjoyed it. Sure it could lose some weight, but it was entertaining. Especially loved the rusted shears bit, great!
    Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 12-14-2008 at 04:57 PM.


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    #22
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    I really liked reading this one. Lots of cool action.

    Story wise its fairly 2 dimensional, insofar as we know and learn nothing about the main character other than he is a phenomenal shot, super human like in this regard. After reading, I had no sense of who he is or what he looks like, apart from being beat up and being relinquished of his right index. After awhile I replaced the faceless with Thomas Jane as he appeared in The Punisher. I guess I wanted to have a cool character in the seat. But kind of lost that a bit when he panics at seeing the sheers and his screams when his finger is cut off.

    Don't get me wrong though, I did enjoy it as a read, where I struggle is how this would come across on screen as a whole story.
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    #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noel Evans View Post
    I guess I wanted to have a cool character in the seat. But kind of lost that a bit when he panics at seeing the sheers and his screams when his finger is cut off.
    I didn't really mean to imply that he panicked. I described him as being "wild-eyed", which is different from panic. Anybody's going to have their heart rate go up in that kind of situation. Heck, even the unflappable James Bond got a bit crazy while being whacked with a rope in "Casino Royale".

    But I appreciate the critique!


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    #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CallaghanFilms View Post
    One other point...Although I dug this story, I may be having a wee bit of trouble finding the "pulpiness" factor. Hmmmm
    I was going for the "Pulp Fiction"/Guy Ritchie school of pulp, as suggested in the official rules. Hard boiled gangsters and a superhuman gunman on a vendetta seemed pretty pulpy to me.


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    #25
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Farnsworth View Post
    I didn't really mean to imply that he panicked. I described him as being "wild-eyed", which is different from panic. Anybody's going to have their heart rate go up in that kind of situation. Heck, even the unflappable James Bond got a bit crazy while being whacked with a rope in "Casino Royale".

    But I appreciate the critique!
    Totally understand. But the Punisher doesnt - which is what I meant when I say I couldnt sense the character so I placed my own vision in that didnt fit the space.
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    #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noel Evans View Post
    Totally understand. But the Punisher doesnt - which is what I meant when I say I couldnt sense the character so I placed my own vision in that didnt fit the space.
    Ah, okay. Fair enough.

    It was a fine line to walk, trying to make him superhuman yet human. It's something I'd work hard at tweaking if I was going to go forward with this.


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    #27
    Senior Member jasonthewho's Avatar
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    Really enjoyed this. Great read with some good humor to balance out the action/killing.

    Most everything I was going to say has already been said. I do have one question though. If this guys such a badass, how'd he get caught?

    That's the one thing that bothered me while reading it.

    Good job!


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    #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by jasonthewho View Post
    Most everything I was going to say has already been said. I do have one question though. If this guys such a badass, how'd he get caught?
    Only because he wanted to be caught.


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    #29
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Farnsworth View Post
    I was going for the "Pulp Fiction"/Guy Ritchie school of pulp, as suggested in the official rules. Hard boiled gangsters and a superhuman gunman on a vendetta seemed pretty pulpy to me.
    Fair enough. I guess I got more of an "action" vibe. Either way, like I said, I dug it...


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    #30
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    I really enjoyed reading this script. It kept my interest from beginning to the end. I also liked the part where they couldn't get the shears open. Saw the twist coming, but thats alright, it was still cool.

    One small thing, in the beginning, maybe mention that it is dark in the garage, I was already imagining that it was light and then he was flooded with light. Just would have made for a better visual for me if I'd already pictured it dark. But i'm just being nit picky. Good work!
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