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    #21
    Senior Member pauly_the_hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lawriejaffa View Post
    Yeah um i think whenever the reaction to a script is too obvious - in this case 'omg im so offended by this' hehe then you have to stop and remember the word 'pastiche' or irony or something lol.

    So this is a running joke with your wife Pauly hehe, this perhaps explains some of the rationale over this script! Anything too idiosyncratic (did i even spell that right) especially a joke between you and your wife is not necessarily going to translate so well in the public domain!!!

    Anyway as a script ive got to say my sentiments are similar to those already conveyed, except i dont think protagonists etc need to have this or that to qualify a story (it can be compensated in other areas.) But this script didn't appear to be trying to be taken as a serious entry anyway - more of a hehe affair!

    In that case it succeeded cos although sick lol, it was funny from the perspective that i actually sat reading it and analysing it lol when its just a joke really!

    Anyway thanks for entering dude ;)
    I didn't mean the story was a joke by no means. It started that I actually had a friend that is Narcoleptic and he would just dose in the middle of whatever we were doing. Wake up and start right back where he left off. So this being said one day i told my wife it would be funny if he was a necrophiliac and he would get caught with his pants down so to speak, of course being a nymphomaniac just makes it funnier and all and all I am just a weird guy trying to tell a sick story. Sorry about the double tale. I agree it would have been much funnier if he was also a compulsive liar to boot. Maybe next time. So if you are offended by my little tale of sickness great that is exactly how I would react if I read something like this. And just for the record I am not really all that twisted, I just have a sick sense of humor and love to shock the masses.
    Pauly





    "I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers."


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    #22
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    compulsive liars can be pretty funny!


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    #23
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Hey Pauly,

    Off the bat, formatting wise this is pretty far off. That's all easy to fix. I think the colored text and caps should be the first to go, then we can jump into the nitty-gritty. That's small potatoes.

    Story wise I like the piece. It's not as polished and defined as it should be, but it's a brave adventure for a writer to take.

    I did a little research on the subject for a feature I worked on, and discovered necrophelia and bestiality are far more common than folks care to know.

    That said, I don't have an issue with sexing dead chicks as subject matter. I think what is missing is a solid plot with a disastrous outcome if certain goals are not met. You hint at it with the girlfriend finding out, but that could be better defined.

    I would like to see you develop this. The morgue business is not all roses and lilies.

    Morticians dump bodies to save on actual burial costs, then resell the caskets. They steal the jewelry off the bodies just before they close the casket on final viewing day, and I have no doubt some weird perversions go on as well.

    Work on your formatting and plot skills, and never be afraid to tell these kinds of stories.

    aw


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    #24
    Senior Member pauly_the_hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alex whitmer View Post
    Hey Pauly,

    Off the bat, formatting wise this is pretty far off. That's all easy to fix. I think the colored text and caps should be the first to go, then we can jump into the nitty-gritty. That's small potatoes.

    Story wise I like the piece. It's not as polished and defined as it should be, but it's a brave adventure for a writer to take.

    I did a little research on the subject for a feature I worked on, and discovered necrophelia and bestiality are far more common than folks care to know.

    That said, I don't have an issue with sexing dead chicks as subject matter. I think what is missing is a solid plot with a disastrous outcome if certain goals are not met. You hint at it with the girlfriend finding out, but that could be better defined.

    I would like to see you develop this. The morgue business is not all roses.

    Morticians dump bodies to save on actual burial costs, then resel the caskets. They steal the jewelry off the bodies just before they close the casket on final viewing day, and I have no doubt some wierd perversions go on as well.

    Work on your formatting and plot skills, and never be afraid to tell these kinds of stories.

    aw
    Thanks Alex,
    I value your opinion more then most and am glad to hear these comments. I will say once again I really don't consider myself a writer but a story teller and that is my gift. I wanted to send it to you for your opinion before I uploaded it but ran out of time. I will let you read the next one before submission as to get your invaluable insight. I am never afraid to let people know what devious things are rattling around inside my strange little head. As far as the color I used montage and didn't realize it would populate the PDF in color, thats what I get for not checking it first I suppose. And as for the caps not sure how that happened but it all ended up that way and I didn't have time to rewrite the whole thing before I submitted. Thanks for all the great feedback it is greatly appreciated.
    Pauly





    "I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers."


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    #25
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    Sometimes you ask yourself whether you're not laughing at something because you have no sense of humour or the joke's not good enough. I think what you say you're trying to do is very very hard. If it's close to the line, you run the risk of crossing it. This one's waving at me from the other side, although that's just my opinion.

    Irony, that kind of stuff, twisted humour, I'm all for it. Maybe I'm losing something just in the clarity of the way it's written, but I guess I just didn't see it. I can't fault you for a second for trying though, I have a lot of respect for having had the balls to take it on!

    I think a script that gets a reaction is always better than a script that gets ambivalence.


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    #26
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Is it outlandish?
    Is it ridiculous?
    It is absurd?
    The answer to the above is "Callaghan's Three Y's"...

    But that's okay. I laughed my balls off while reading it because of those very abovementioned reasons.

    From the moment I saw the multi-colored format, I asked WTF? A question, I soon saw, would never be answered...only repeated over and over, and over again as I began to read on.

    Your unique brand of humor is a gas...but your storytelling skills (in this incarnation at least) may be better suited for a different literary medium (IE short story).



    ***SPOILER ALERT***
    Favorite Line:
    "Promise not to bang my mother when she dies."

    Also:
    Maybe I didn't write it down, or maybe I forgot...
    but what is the third "N"? (I got necrophilia and narcolepsy)

    Cheers
    Last edited by CallaghanFilms; 12-12-2008 at 02:00 PM.


    For your daily Callaghanism...follow Cal on


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    #27
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CallaghanFilms View Post

    Also:
    Maybe I didn't write it down, or maybe I forgot...
    but what is the third "N"? (I got necrophilia and narcolepsy)
    nymphomania


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    #28
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by preston View Post
    nymphomania
    Gotcha


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    #29
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Sorry Pauly, but this one didn't do anything for me. Thanks for continuing to beat your own drum though.
    Chris Johnson


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    #30
    Senior Member jasonthewho's Avatar
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    That's the most f*cked up screenplay I've ever read.

    Congrats!


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