Thread: Subscryption

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    Vimeo Version w/ a several fixes and re-edit
    #31
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    Hey Guys,

    Thanks for leaving some great comments. For the most part it seems the story was great but a lot of weakness technically i.e sound, acting in some parts, slow start, & special effects were off... they still are in this version. Basically, about 4 more hours of RESTED editing with no pressure of a deadline. LoL.

    List of changes:

    1. Audio Levels boosted and lower accordingly
    2. Color corrected the ending scene to add darker feel
    3. Re-cut the ending - way different.
    4. ends with fade out instead of freezing on last frame
    5. Added transitions to ending
    6. extended the film by 1 min.


    Its worth a second look or third to see the differences.

    http://www.vimeo.com/2134595


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    #32
    AD GURU Kyle Stebbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
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    2,700
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    Real quick here...

    Acting really needs work. I didn't buy into any of the characters. The line: "He's going to burn her, he's pouring gasoline all over her... i mean..." really bothered me. Why did she say "I mean..." -- What else COULD she mean?? I understand that it's a default term that just gets spat out when one is improvising, but it shouldn't have been in the final edit.

    Camera angles and cinematography were okay for me, but I didn't sense the urgency at all. You put me too far away from the action, and there weren't enough cuts to make it exciting.

    Story-wise your film is okay. Unfortunately, I can't buy into it unless you present it to me in a manner that is realistic and believable. I don't think your actors achieved this.

    Lighting felt alright, but I think some color-correction could have helped you out a lot.

    Just some quick thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
    video editor
    portland, or
    www.kylestebbins.com


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    #33
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    Just to Bump and get some more plays at Vimeo,
    http://www.vimeo.com/2134595
    updated version.

    Notes taken: Need to select better actors.
    "the whole phone conversion was improvised... next time it will be cut out.

    I did do some color correction myself but its my first time doing that too...


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    #34
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Jan 2007
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    Ottawa
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    One of the best stories in the Fest relating to the theme.
    I just wanted to add... I thought the shot of her at the end with the TV reflected in the background of her doing the same gestures is awesome.

    Looking forward to your next short.

    Mike


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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