"Pawn"

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

I would love to see this on film. My favorite part,

"Ohhh Dimitri, it now appears you

have no arms....how will you hold

my Fiona now?"

Loved that line as well.

[arroway]

claudius's monologue to himself on page 4 is like a cheesy comic book villain twiddling his thumbs while going over his diabolical plan. just doesn't play right on film.

also, why do vampires have to have such dandy-boy effeminate names?

He finds a trap door just beneath his feet and slowly opens
it. He finds a stairway and descends.

finds...finds...finds...

CLAUDIUS
Ohhh Dimitri, it now appears you
have no arms....how will you hold
my Fiona now?(laughs)

that's great stuff.


overall, the dialog was too theatrical and on-the-nose. very little of it sounded believable. apart from that good one liner i felt rather uninvolved in the whole thing. vampires are tricky to do in a cool new light. it takes a really strong angle that i don't think you have here.

good luck with it.

[agalla1]

claudius's monologue to himself on page 4 is like a cheesy comic book villain twiddling his thumbs while going over his diabolical plan. just doesn't play right on film.

also, why do vampires have to have such dandy-boy effeminate names?

finds...finds...finds...

that's great stuff.


overall, the dialog was too theatrical and on-the-nose. very little of it sounded believable. apart from that good one liner i felt rather uninvolved in the whole thing. vampires are tricky to do in a cool new light. it takes a really strong angle that i don't think you have here.

good luck with it.

wow....who spit in your bean curd?