Thread: Jon's Fall

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    #41
    Senior Member jasonthewho's Avatar
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    Well, I've been writing a feature for four years now, and I still haven't found a title that satisfies me.

    I think sometimes titles come easy, sometimes not. And so many good ones have already been taken.


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    #42
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    Very good read...I found myself reading very quickly to hurry up and get to the end to see what happened...and then found myself rereading it so I could take it all in! lol!

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    I was hoping somehow it all worked out but when it didn't and he knew it was his fault...yeah...great mistake with major consequences!


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    #43
    Senior Member mjjason's Avatar
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    This was a good read. The pacing was brisk throughout and it was easy to get caught up in the action. Though I would say that it was obvious early on that Jon was in on it as his demeanor was off in the first scene.

    Also, why was he rushing his family away while he was still going to work? Wouldn't he have tried to leave town as well or did he assume that the video was destroyed?

    I would love to get the backstory as to why he did it. Overall, good script.


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    #44
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Thank you Agalla for both reads I appreciate the kind words.

    mjjason, thanks for reading.

    Jon didn't want to leave town and incur anymore suspicion on himself, also he would be there to tell the police that he had been away from his post when Roger was there.
    Jon did assume that the video would be completely destroyed, he was told by the FM that it would be. The FM was more concerned with the actual event then whether Jon got caught or not.

    I knew it would be too easy to say he just did it for the money. Unless the money meant more to him than just its monetary value.
    Jon was raised in a house where money was valued above all else. Money and material objects. His Father ingrained this in his head along with a healthy dose of criticism and plenty of denigration.
    Jon heads off to college encumbered with insecurities, no self confidence and the pressure to succeed financially, even though he was only a mediocre high school student, not from lack of effort.
    He leaves college with a business degree near the bottom of his class. Father is relentless in putting pressure on him to succeed financially and continues to pick apart Jon's every decision.
    Jon fails to ignite a career in business and begins to work as a security guard at the PTS.

    He meets Teri at Art gallery. Jon is there deciding if maybe he should invest in art, even though he is broke and knows little about it. Teri has a sincere love for art. She sees something in Jon, maybe sees that he is broken and feels she can change him. Teri is genuine person with a nurturing soul. She also comes from money.

    This puts more pressure on Jon. He feels he has to do everything he can to provide her with luxury. Teri insists its okay, she is sincerely happy to just be together. But Jon doesn't believe this.
    They have Meg. Jon sends her to private school, he showers his wife and daughter with gifts, clothes, jewelry. A new car, though its a few years old by the time the script takes place. He is in over his head.

    Jon fails to get promoted for two seperate management positions at the PTS. He feels more inadequate than ever. This combined with the ever present scrutiny of his father, the pressure he feels to give Teri and Meg a better life and the mounting debt triggers his acceptance of the FM's offer.

    Jon is so focused on the financial side of the deal with the FM, that he pushes the negative side out of his mind. He knows something bad will happen but is not told exactly what it will be. Its easier for him not to know, he doesn't have to imagine it.

    When he sees it happening on the street he is shook to the core and horrified at what he's a part of, of course he doesn't have long to contemplate it after he hears the message from his wife.

    Thanks for the comments and the interest.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #45
    Senior Member AJ Brooks's Avatar
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    SPOILERS, I think.....
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    .
    .
    .

    It reminded me of magnolia with the frogs,...except people. lol. Great script. Really enjoyed the setup and delivery. Great work!


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    #46
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    AJ, thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

    Somebody else mentioned the Magnolia connection. It never struck me til they said it, but I can certainly see the connection, of course this would be a little messier ;)
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #47
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    congrats to you and to Jon's Fall!!


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    #48
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Thanks Preston, I appreciate it.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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