Thread: Jon's Fall

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    Jon's Fall
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    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Last edited by Russell Moore; 08-10-2008 at 10:40 AM.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #2
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    On a day when the city's sky is filled with screams, a man races against time to save his family and will discover that one small mistake may have great consequences.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #3
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    Is it too early to ask how many giant handguns you've worked into this one?
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


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    #4
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    sounds cool... i look forward to reading...


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    #5
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Ah good Captain Pierce, I had to put in a bulk order this time around. I really wanted guns ablazing, but when the first draft came in at ten pages I had to cut out four pages of giant handguns ;)
    You probably won't even recognize that its my script.

    Thanks Preston, I hope you enjoy the read! I lived in Tampa for 14 years, just moved back to Michigan a few years ago.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #6
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    upload is complete
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #7
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    nice log line


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    #8
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Thanks Judgement.

    I hope the story plays out well after I hacked it down 4 1/2 pages.

    I couldn't get a poster designed the way I liked it.

    So I'll just call this a "Script Grab"
    Attached Images Attached Images
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #9
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    The suspence in this script is through the roof! Excellent pacing. The visual of the blue flashes is stellar and the reveal of what's happening is really clever.

    ****SPOILERS****

    The only question I have about the script is if Jon really was behind the disaster, why would he spend so much time talking to the detectives? I'd think his priority would be to blitz past them in an effort to save his family, not stop and chat.

    Aside from that, this is a very good script.
    Chris Johnson


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    #10
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Krestofre, I wanted to keep the suspense ratcheted up a bit, so I'm glad to hear it came across.

    I actually cut and/or condensed a lot of the stuff after Jon gets to the Station where law enforcement confronts him to get to the 6 page limit..
    But the main reason he can't go after his family immediately is because the door has been locked down and the cops have to cut through the hinges. Maybe this fact lost some clarity in condensation.

    Thanks for reading and the kind words and comments..
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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