Thread: Jon's Fall
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08-01-2008 11:20 AM
Last edited by Russell Moore; 08-10-2008 at 10:40 AM.
08-04-2008 08:19 AM
On a day when the city's sky is filled with screams, a man races against time to save his family and will discover that one small mistake may have great consequences.
08-04-2008 09:21 AM
Is it too early to ask how many giant handguns you've worked into this one?The Plinkett Equation:
TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
__________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second
F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000
08-04-2008 08:24 PM
Ah good Captain Pierce, I had to put in a bulk order this time around. I really wanted guns ablazing, but when the first draft came in at ten pages I had to cut out four pages of giant handguns ;)
You probably won't even recognize that its my script.
Thanks Preston, I hope you enjoy the read! I lived in Tampa for 14 years, just moved back to Michigan a few years ago.
08-10-2008 10:43 AM
upload is complete
08-11-2008 07:36 AM
- Join Date
- May 2008
- The Bahamas
nice log line
08-11-2008 02:56 PM
I hope the story plays out well after I hacked it down 4 1/2 pages.
I couldn't get a poster designed the way I liked it.
So I'll just call this a "Script Grab"
08-14-2008 01:57 PM
The suspence in this script is through the roof! Excellent pacing. The visual of the blue flashes is stellar and the reveal of what's happening is really clever.
The only question I have about the script is if Jon really was behind the disaster, why would he spend so much time talking to the detectives? I'd think his priority would be to blitz past them in an effort to save his family, not stop and chat.
Aside from that, this is a very good script.Chris Johnson
08-14-2008 04:59 PM
Krestofre, I wanted to keep the suspense ratcheted up a bit, so I'm glad to hear it came across.
I actually cut and/or condensed a lot of the stuff after Jon gets to the Station where law enforcement confronts him to get to the 6 page limit..
But the main reason he can't go after his family immediately is because the door has been locked down and the cops have to cut through the hinges. Maybe this fact lost some clarity in condensation.
Thanks for reading and the kind words and comments..