Jon's Fall

[Russell Moore]

[Russell Moore]

On a day when the city's sky is filled with screams, a man races against time to save his family and will discover that one small mistake may have great consequences.

[Captain Pierce]

Is it too early to ask how many giant handguns you've worked into this one?

[preston]

sounds cool... i look forward to reading...

[Russell Moore]

Ah good Captain Pierce, I had to put in a bulk order this time around. I really wanted guns ablazing, but when the first draft came in at ten pages I had to cut out four pages of giant handguns ;)
You probably won't even recognize that its my script.

Thanks Preston, I hope you enjoy the read! I lived in Tampa for 14 years, just moved back to Michigan a few years ago.

[Russell Moore]

upload is complete

[Judgement]

nice log line

[Russell Moore]

Thanks Judgement.

I hope the story plays out well after I hacked it down 4 1/2 pages.

I couldn't get a poster designed the way I liked it.

So I'll just call this a "Script Grab"

[krestofre]

The suspence in this script is through the roof! Excellent pacing. The visual of the blue flashes is stellar and the reveal of what's happening is really clever.

****SPOILERS****

The only question I have about the script is if Jon really was behind the disaster, why would he spend so much time talking to the detectives? I'd think his priority would be to blitz past them in an effort to save his family, not stop and chat.

Aside from that, this is a very good script.

[Russell Moore]

Krestofre, I wanted to keep the suspense ratcheted up a bit, so I'm glad to hear it came across.

I actually cut and/or condensed a lot of the stuff after Jon gets to the Station where law enforcement confronts him to get to the 6 page limit..
But the main reason he can't go after his family immediately is because the door has been locked down and the cops have to cut through the hinges. Maybe this fact lost some clarity in condensation.

Thanks for reading and the kind words and comments..