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    #21
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    Thanks Pauly. Sci-fi requires broad strokes with imagination and story, but six pages confined them.

    But at least it allows us all to see if our stories and worth fleshing out...

    Thanks again.


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    #22
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seansshack View Post

    Was interested reading an interview with Gary Oldman (when I started writing for the fest) and he mentioned looking at old photo's of himself as a boy and just wanting to be in that picture again...
    [insert ominous music] Should try and get in touch with Oldman and send him that script, might be of some interest to him haha.

    Seriously though, good work, I enjoyed it, minor errors here and there but nothing to big. Definitely an engaging story, keep it up.
    Last edited by MrKilloran; 08-20-2008 at 07:28 PM.


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    #23
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    [insert ominous music] Should try and get in touch with Oldman and send him that script, might be of some interest to him haha.

    Will give him a bell after tea...


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    #24
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    I like endings like this, very cool.
    Fit the theme perfectly. Polish it up and this could be a great Twilight Fest entry in the right hands.

    Well done.

    Mike


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #25
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    Thanks.

    + great suggestion. If anyone is interested for Twilight Fest, drop me a line and she's yours (after a polish of course...


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    #26
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seansshack View Post
    Thanks.

    + great suggestion. If anyone is interested for Twilight Fest, drop me a line and she's yours (after a polish of course...
    They should. This could be done quite easily and effectively in the right hands. Good luck!



    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #27
    Senior Member STYLZ's Avatar
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    Pretty cool Idea. I feel I need an explanation on how frank is time travelling. Thats's just me though. There was one dialog part that distracted me a bit. "looks like daddy has been looking at old photo's again. Whatcha got there?" Everyone knows why the photo's are there, no need to repeat it. Seems too fake. Other than that I thought this was a well done and interesting concept/premise. Another one of those "would make a good feature length project". Thanks for sharing.


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    #28
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    "looks like daddy has been looking at old photo's again
    To make us think that they think as they say that Daddy was indeed going through family photo's - but now Daddy is no longer daddy.

    So the line makes us think all that has happens is "as is" and they have just returned home. But then we see he is not longer there.

    The line helps us feel. All is fine. The family are back and he made a mess. Daddy is still Daddy...


    Thanks for the read.


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    #29
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    The scene with the fortune teller felt contrived to me. If you're down and confused and needing to talk to someone a fortune teller isn't the first person that comes to mind.

    Otherwise, nice script.
    Chris Johnson


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    #30
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    I'm intrigued by the concept, but (as already mentioned) it does seem cramped at this length. I'd agree with krestofre that the fortune teller bit seems odd--maybe you could have used that space to show another scene or two from the photos that could have hinted at him eventually getting trapped.

    But an interesting read at any rate. I can easily see it going longer.

    (Oh, and--logically, Sally should look different if somebody new is her father now, but obviously you have to just overlook that one. )
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


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