Thread: Pupae

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    #31
    Senior Member Mike McNeese's Avatar
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    As always, Alex, I'm really looking forward to your stuff!
    Mike McNeese
    Director of Photography


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    #32
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Hey Mike, glad to see you pop in. A rare visit!

    Hopefully Pupae will be at least mildly entertaining to some, brilliant for a few, and maybe nauseating for the rest!

    aw


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    #33
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Alex, this is a fantastic script! First off, you're playing with a genre close to my heart. Not only is it Sci-Fi, but it's dystopian so-different-that-nothing-I-know-matters Sci-Fi. Yet, you give us enough detail that we follow what's going on. There are strikingly powerful visuals in the script and I'd love to see it on the screen. You also really demonstrate how to handle the six-page script with the scope of your story. Excellent job.

    The only critique I have, and it's a small one, is the use of the word "sh*t." It seemed out of place for the character and for the setting. Maybe it's just me, but current curse words in Science Fiction that's not grounded in our current society has always bugged me.

    I really enjoyed the script!
    Chris Johnson


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    #34
    Senior Member nitramlehcar's Avatar
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    Wow. You totally had me. Didn't see that coming at all. I went Biblical...but I'm a Religious Studies student, so that's expected.

    Just one question. Why did Hypatia have an abundance of body hair? Was that somehow connected to the evolution?
    "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." ~T. Leary


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    #35
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nitramlehcar View Post
    Wow. You totally had me. Didn't see that coming at all. I went Biblical...but I'm a Religious Studies student, so that's expected.

    Just one question. Why did Hypatia have an abundance of body hair? Was that somehow connected to the evolution?

    SPOILERS


    Yes, the de-evolution of a select group has already begun. Hypatia would be maybe Cro-Magnon, and then we later see Neanderthal.

    Biblical? Much better than going postal!

    alex


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    #36
    Senior Member nitramlehcar's Avatar
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    Cerebral Sci-Fi is the best kind. Fantastic job.
    "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." ~T. Leary


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    #37
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krestofre View Post
    it's dystopian
    Favorite of mine as well. Always like to use is as a theme when teaching English to Poli Sci Profs. Never dull.

    You're right on the Sh#t. I hated it, but couldn't find another word that expressed what I wanted. I was enjoying a brain-freeze on the last draft when that crept in.

    Thanks for the read.

    Alex


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    #38
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    I liked the script, you have a very accomplished style.

    But very quickly- I don't personally like character descriptions such as 'with an eye for detail', as they're not visible attributes and should be shown through action (as you pretty much do).

    And unless I'm very much mistaken, Neanderthals and the Cro-Magnon co-existed and don't follow in the evolutionary process. I think the Neanderthals were in fact made extinct by them... We are descended from the homo-sapiens side of things I think, although someone else is probably better placed to confirm that.


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    #39
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    SPOILERS:

    Quote Originally Posted by Redcloak View Post

    And unless I'm very much mistaken, Neanderthals and the Cro-Magnon co-existed and don't follow in the evolutionary process. I think the Neanderthals were in fact made extinct by them... We are descended from the homo-sapiens side of things I think, although someone else is probably better placed to confirm that.
    I believe that this is true but the Cro-Magnon was deemed to be a more evolved form of man at that time. So even though they crossed paths I don't think it is a mistake to place them in that order, as far as evolution goes, or devolution.

    Alex, this was poo pooing brilliant! I only wish I had the skills (SFX-wise) to pull this puppy off. I was sucked right in and you really nailed the theme of this Fest.
    Really, this was some great script writing!

    I fell in love with the main characters instantly and cared deeply about what was going to happen to them. Loved Hypatia's goodbye to her Mom.

    10 Stars!


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #40
    Senior Member preston's Avatar
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    technically, there's really nothing to comment on because you pretty much know and follow the rules... you already know this though. plus, it's obvious (from my entry) that i still have a lot to learn before i can tell what's right or wrong, and why.

    i'm having problems opening PDF docs right now, so i'll have to remember your story from last night's reading.... actually, i'm going to try another PC and see if i can find one that works. grrr, more later....


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