This script really kept my interest from beginning to end. I liked the three main characters and the dialogue that they shared.
One minor note, in the beginning you have HEAR captilized a few times and I think it should be the actual sound that is captilized, e.g. RING and BEEP. In those cases you wouldn't have to write "hear" at all, Just "the phone RINGS"
My only real quandry revolves around the sniper. Who is he/she? Maybe they see him/her and "Oh s*%t its his crazy girlfriend that married him while he was in prison!" or a brother or a mother or something. Unless it was actually Eggers, in which case I misread it. Also why would Montanaro find it hard to believe that a serial killer with nothing to lose would be shooting at them?
I like your writing style and found it very entertaining, like this...
This should be one of those barns where the hayloft (the
"top floor," for you city types)
I liked how you wrapped it all together with the envelope and Marie at the end.
I had a lot of fun reading this script and thought you kept it exciting.
Oh yeah, I did feel you needed more "giant handguns" in the script, if you're interested, I know a guy. ;)
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05-06-2008 07:56 AM