Thread: Endgame

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    Endgame
    #1
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    (aka "The Most Over-Used Title in the World" )

    Logline: A police detective has his last encounter with the serial killer he's chased for the past three years.

    As I mentioned in the upload thread, I'm usually not one to allow anyone else to read anything I write (except for one friend and a few fan-fiction stories I've put on a couple of websites), so I actually surprised myself by pushing the "Upload" button last night.

    I actually wrote most of this back on March 17, added and tweaked for a couple of days, then set it aside for (the intention was) a week or two to "get some distance" and all that...and then would up almost completely forgetting about it until the upload details went up. So I dusted it off, found out I still liked it, tweaked it a little more (agonizing over a couple of lines in particular), got some feedback from that friend Wednesday nite, and shot that baby up there.

    As for the title... I'm not sure if it's quite right, but it was the closest thing I could come up with.

    Read it here.
    Last edited by Captain Pierce; 08-06-2008 at 04:26 PM.
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


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    #2
    Pain in the ass Mark Harris's Avatar
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    Nice. I am pretty excited at the turn-out. Lot's of people showing up for this fest. Good luck!


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    #3
    Senior Member StefanHaynes's Avatar
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    Captain, I congratulate your boldness to show us your work. I'm sure it will be excellent.
    Last edited by StefanHaynes; 05-02-2008 at 12:37 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by kylekmd View Post
    Why am I here now, on DVXuser? I should be writing. We all should be writing.


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    #4
    Pain in the ass Mark Harris's Avatar
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    Wow. Nice work. Tight, immediate and dramatic.

    I have to admit too, I kept thinking it was going to go certain directions, and then it didn't. Kept me on my toes.

    Cracked me up how you wrote so many of the descriptions as if you EXPECT it to have no budget.

    I think you can afford to make it longer. Meaning, I think the people and situation and chances to keep us guessing are enough that you can get more out of it.

    Good work.


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    #5
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    Well, if I do somehow win this thing, JDS did say that the budget was "a buck fitty."

    Funny that you say it didn't go in the directions that you expected, because it actually came out of a TV show that didn't go in the direction I expected.

    And it did try to go longer, there's a half-finished extended version of the confrontation after the chase around here somewhere. Didn't like it yet, and it would have put me over the limit, so I abandoned it. I might try to finish that off and maybe add another page or two to flesh it out a little bit someday, but all in all I'm pretty happy with the way it came out.

    Thanks for the feedback.
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


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    #6
    Pain in the ass Mark Harris's Avatar
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    Well the thing is, I kept thinking you were going to go "Seven" with it, and I was thinking: I like this, but if he goes Seven, I am out of here That's why it kept upending my expectations.


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    #7
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Your script is posted with 'Captain Pierce' as the title. Took me a while to figure out where 'Endgame' was. I'm reading it now.

    alex

    www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com


    .


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    #8
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    Thanks for reminding me--I'll see if they can fix that.

    Mark--I've never actually seen "Seven," so just out of curiousity, what would "going Seven" mean?
    Last edited by Captain Pierce; 05-04-2008 at 07:14 AM.
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


    Reply With Quote
     

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    #9
    Pain in the ass Mark Harris's Avatar
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    Well if you "went seven" the big secret the killer would have, the thing he wants to show them would be the cop's dead girlfriend, the one he was talking to on the phone.

    You should see it, good film.


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    #10
    Senior Member Captain Pierce's Avatar
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    Well, I can safely say that that particular scenario never crossed my mind. "Seven" always looked too much to me like too many people met unpleasant ends on-screen, and I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to that. (And when I say "kind of a," I mean "a big". )

    And I'm starting to get worried that Alex hasn't dropped the hammer on me yet. ;) Alex, I'm kidding. I imagine some people have been annoyed by you going to the level you have and picking things apart, but I'm actually (seriously) looking forward to it. I may not agree with everything you say, but I'm definitely interested in seeing what you find in there.

    That said, for the sake of my self-esteem, I'm glad Mark's positive review was posted first.
    The Plinkett Equation:

    TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
    __________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second

    F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000


    Reply With Quote
     

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