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    Nosey Penguin
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Harris View Post
    Cut in the edit, or not shot? If cut in the edit, do another version after the fest.
    I wouldn't actually know the answer to this as I was just the one who wrote it. I do know of at least one scene that was shot but not used, but there were certain things that I had written that were taken out due to time constraints that I thought made the story a little harder to follow. That being said, Tomas did a great job considering this was his first film. The shots were nice and the main actress was fantastic.


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    Senior Member iSTy's Avatar
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    Excellent. Really enjoyed this short, lead actress was brill, totally understood the whole storylinen too. We all have to realise change is neeeded at some stage or other ;)
    Thank you.
    If you're not mature enough for criticism, you're too immature for praise.

    "Life will forever be a challenge, some things are meant that way. Learn to deal with each challenge, using time and thought, so in the end it will be a lesson well learned."


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    Script Wrangler Norm Sanders's Avatar
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    I've only viewed a few films so far, and I'm glad to say that this is the best yet. While there are several areas for improvement (i.e. some of the transitions could have been tightened/improved visually and audibly), and the story explained just a touch more at the end (I was lost on why the phone call about the casting was such a big deal for a closer), perhaps taking some fat away from the beginning or middle to allow more room for the ending.

    The music and audio overall was quite good, and I really dug the performances of the female leads. Nice work.

    Also, cool concept overall with some nice camera work as well!

    Thanks for making this and entering!
    Norm Sanders
    Director/Producer/Editor/Writer/Blah Blah Blah


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    Senior Member Horncastle's Avatar
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    Hi Tomas

    I think you did an excellent job on this film. Yes, the payoff could have been boosted rather, but the rest of it was great. The cinematography in particular was beautiful - I really liked the bedroom scene and the birthday party. Many people have rightly commented on your leading actress, but I also thought the younger sister looked great and did a very good job too. I think most criticisms have already been made. Just to add one detail that maybe others haven't mentioned: I think you could have made your subtitles a little smaller and less obvious - they would still have been readable.

    Jason


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    Senior Member Danielleus's Avatar
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    Hey,

    Just rewatched the flick. I enjoyed it for the most part. The production value is outstanding: the lighting is excellent, the camera work varied and rich. I really liked the theme you were going for here and thought that little Dr. Faustus-esque agreement is quite good. For a first film (hell, even if it was up to your fifth or sixth film), this was a tremendous effort. Congrats.

    For me, I didn't buy into the story. I was with you until the last two scene and then it just got kind of boggled/jumbled. I mirror Mark's comments about being able to cut down/tighten a few things here and there, expecially at the beginning. It just feels like it takes too long to get into its groove. Like I mentioned earlier, beautifully shot but wasted story time., I think.

    The VICIS character is a little too blunt for my taste. He come out, does his thing, then vanishes. I'm not a big fan of his sort of just saying the theme/idea of the piece. I think this could have been handled better.
    Finally, I didn't buy your ending. I was confused after the first watch but then I read what was suppossed to happen and I don't think it comes off the way you intended. I just don't think we're given the information we need to follow you to your ending. She chooses NOT to go through with it? It seems to me that she has nothing to lose (as she expressed just a few scenes earlier). Also, I know you wanted us to understand that she was thinking about VICIS and what he said but I just didn't get that. The way it edits makes it seem to be for the benefit of the viewer, as if they would have forgotten the scene right before this. BUT, I think a shot of the lead thinking followed by the quick montage you've got in there would really clarify. If gives us the chance to connect what we're seeing with the character and not what the director/editor wants us to see.

    Overall, I think this story has great potential and I think it's a killer of a first film. I also think you covered an amazing amount of ground and I am going to keep an eye out for your other pieces. Keep it up. The work already here is quite spectacular.
    From the makers of Breathe, Don't Look, Moments, Tailight, Hollow, and North.




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