Congrats to the winners :)
Type: Posts; User: theAlchemist
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Sticky: Congrats to the winners :)
This was a short and fast read.
No nonsenses straight into the action. I like that.
It has a nice frantic atmosphere.
I'm really curious to know what the macguffin is, maybe too curious. It could...
Was a fast entertaining read.
The suggestion of coming doom works good.
I liked the suspense on pages 4-6. Good build up. Could work well on the screen if filmed proper.
Yikes, that's a...
When I read your script "small" was the exact opposite of what I saw play in my mind. Imo you've succeeded in making this feel grand.
I liked the tension build up when you reveal the ufo.
Really liked your script.
Nice twist. You've build a decent foundation for the twist. We know there's one coming,...
Thanks for the kind words and your time, hope you enjoyed the read.
Fade in will be there next time.
Think I only used the 'is' stuff if the camera would fall into an activity. Will try to...
Will pay more attention to.
Wanted to seperate the two alleys, so that's why I named one of them quite specific. I tried magix screenwriter for some time and it always had a lot more pop-up...
I'll be sure to have some proper english proofreaders next scriptfest. Thx for reading and commenting. I'm happy you enjoyed the read.
Thx for reading and taking the time to write down some feedback.
I'm happy to hear that worked well for you. I started the idea for my script with that part. ...
Uploaded the script.
Maybe I will replace the poster, my camera died on me so this was just a quick try.
Not really what I had in mind. :undecided
LOGLINE: Frank Bigelow embarks on a search for an antidote while suffering the increasing deadly effects of a...
Thx for all the feedback.
Think I will try and recreate a longer version and take an extra look at the things you all mentioned. Must be able to fix most of the things mentioned.
09-26-2009, 05:05 AM
That was a fast flowing silly read.
The music killing is a very nice touch and certainly elevates the script. The action reminded me to the insane vibe of a lovely strange Japanese movie called...
You sure as hell are successful in making Jake a monster of the worst kind. This naturally creates some sympathizing with the other fellow. Still I think the victim could have used some more...
Script uploaded. :)
Don't really know if I'm happy with the uploaded version, but it seems the best I can do with the story in 6 pages.
First draft was way too long. Going already to 12+ pages...
Title: The Liquidators
Tagline: Involved with heart and soul.
Logline: One decade after the nuclear power plant disaster near Kyshtym, an mutated ecosystem has formed in the exclusion zone,...
Bit late, but I have enough time now.
The beginning gave me a good sense of the sci-fi feeling. Maybe a bit long, but I saw some great visuals in my mind. Your lead was maybe a bit stereotype, but...
04-07-2009, 11:28 PM
I read this post before I started rating and I still made the same mistake... Touchpads are bad:badputer:
Thanks for the reviews so far :)
Appreciate the feedback.
Recognize some of the points that also came to my mind when I read it last time. Mostly confusing things. Naming Guy Guy was silly :huh:...
No more time left to work on it, so this must do. Uploaded successfully :)
First draft done. Finally. Gonna be a long day tomorrow to make the final adjustments to get it in a decent state.
:) good was still doubting about title.
Seems I have to trim some things in the script to keep it at 10 pages.
Luckily I think I can do that mostly with more efficient writing.
Logline: A man on the run jeopardizes his brother's life in search of one last chance.
Second scriptfest for me and second western :)
Still busy writing, but all actions thought out...
Been away from these forums since first scriptfest. I wrote a western for that fest, so this will be my second try in this lovely genre. :)
Nice to see some good and supportive feedback. Gonna react on some things later. Need my time to read another 25 scripts and trying to comment on them in the weekend. :D
But for now, thanks for...
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