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  1. Replies
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    Script here if needed

    Drop me a line if you need a script. Have two "cold justice" and "revenge"

    Sean
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    Thanks and delighted you mentioned it was very...

    Thanks and delighted you mentioned it was very visual, as I always try to write as such. I film my scripts in my head first, shot by shot before I write. A frustrated director I guess:happy:
    ...
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    I would lose the Continued on the end of pages,...

    I would lose the Continued on the end of pages, along with the Apotheosis Productions and Desperation - they just distract.

    The dialog on page 3, 4 and 5 are a bit long, write it differently and...
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    Thanks Alex. I love the use of mirrors in these...

    Thanks Alex. I love the use of mirrors in these type of movie. A "I just saw something... didn't I?"

    + agree would be easy to film, and have been playing with the idea of extending it. To show...
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    no worries, I could have easily let it slip...

    no worries, I could have easily let it slip through.
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    cheers. The voice over spells out her mother...

    cheers. The voice over spells out her mother killed herself, and then is mixed with a young girl looking at the swinging feet, so figured "visually" it was enough without too much emphasis.
    ...
  7. Thread: The Bells

    by seansshack
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    I was starting to write some remarks and hints...

    I was starting to write some remarks and hints and then read Chris's comments, think he covered everything with some detailed and golden tips.

    I agree. Nice story but would concentrate on the...
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    Cheers, glad you liked it. And yeah except this...

    Cheers, glad you liked it. And yeah except this necklace has been warped a little. :happy:
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    Think this was too contained by being 10 pages....

    Think this was too contained by being 10 pages. Needs more room to breathe. If you plan to develop it I would suggest you make it longer as it feels like it needs more, or you had more ideas and were...
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    It offers protection (of sorts) until you pass it...

    It offers protection (of sorts) until you pass it on or it gets lost. then the gloves are off. So twisted protection. Figured that could be explained in a feature script. A once protecting necklace...
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    read and scored and missed half of Paddy' day....

    read and scored and missed half of Paddy' day. Still trying to find time to review.
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    Well the cop wouldn't find that too obvious, but...

    Well the cop wouldn't find that too obvious, but the doctor would remember her obsessing about them.

    And perhaps, if you think, the real MacGuffin was her nails, I mean the classic MacGuffin is...
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    LoL needed that!

    LoL needed that!
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    The broken nails where the obvious clue to...

    The broken nails where the obvious clue to police/doctor that it wasn't a suicide as she loved her perfect nails - the doctor should have picked up on this but was too concerned with his own...
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    ?????? And I didn't mean I DarkElastic, I'm...

    ??????

    And I didn't mean I DarkElastic, I'm not DarkElastic.Typo.
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    Solid story and well structured. I like you use...

    Solid story and well structured. I like you use of wording in the descriptions, very rich. But sometimes they get a bit to over descriptive. The shots and paragraphs were broken up nicely, but just...
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    Thanks Chris. God knows where that fade in went....

    Thanks Chris. God knows where that fade in went. Must have been during the cutting of scenes to get it down to 10 pages.

    Thanks for the read and review.
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    + enjoyed the read so thank you.

    + enjoyed the read so thank you.
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    I would still use scene descriptions and flash...

    I would still use scene descriptions and flash rather than flashback.

    I've used smash cuts in the past, but since Tropic Thunder one gets slagged off for that lol!

    Just formatting hints really...
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    Good story and solid structure throughout. Just a...

    Good story and solid structure throughout. Just a few suggestions:

    When use flashbacks or flashes of any kind, I would treat them as new scenes.

    you have:

    START FLASH
    Kate lies on a dirt...
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    Cheers and apologies for typo's. I was under...

    Cheers and apologies for typo's. I was under pressure with free time as was dealing with "everything" - work, kids the lot , as my wife was in an accident. So been writing through very tired eyes of...
  22. Thread: Push

    by seansshack
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    sorry to hear you're not in it Alex and I hope...

    sorry to hear you're not in it Alex and I hope things are OK?
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    Sticky: Cool, but what are the prizes?

    Cool, but what are the prizes?
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    Sticky: Is there a prize this time?

    Is there a prize this time?
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    Uploaded.

    Uploaded.
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