"Cristo" by: justin r. durban

[Texture]

Your best entry yet Justin,

Locations, wardrobe, effects all incredible!!!

Every entry has been an exponential improvement from the last, by next year I expect to see you at the local cineplex.

Its nice to see some of the comments of other dvxers above. Seems you've turned alot of heads and everybody is offering helpful comments to help propel your talent.

Good luck!

Erik

[StormFactory]

ha!!! THe day we shot it was the *ONE* day it decided to rain in L.A. So, there was this massive overcast all friggin' day that made it a nightmare not to mention an hour or so of rain pushing the shoot times till like 6:30-7:00 pm. (hence... ubber grain)

Underwater stuff was cool to shoot. Matt did a great job on the underwater stuff adn couldn't have shot it without Robert Eldon's Underwater Housing Unit.. (UWH) :) I'd highly recommend playing around with one.

/jDude, that rain sucked. I guess I had blocked it out or something because I'm looking at it wishing we hadn't lost so much light, but I was totally forgetting that it wasn't just light we had lost due to time, we had lost the sun because of the damn rain and overcast.

It was nice to not have to worry about that on day 2.

By the way, speaking of the underwater unit... were's my battery?

[Mike Insane]

I loved everything about this peice...

I think there was a great story here. I especially likes the dialogue and the acting. I think the only thing that could have been imporved was the rockets in the beginning. I really really liked your promotional material. The pic of the watch was really nice!

http://www.dvxfest.com/spyfest/loader.php?id=27648

[AmyO]

Great work. Overall, it is a very beautiful looking film, with some rather exquisite moments as have been mentioned before. The actor playing the father is great, I love his voice. I understand your decision to have him stand his ground, but I also wonder if this actor was left up to his own devices if he could come up with a powerful way to move around a bit? The dialogue slows this piece down for me, too. It's mostly exposition, which I feel should be limited in a short film. Find ways to show the information, or just accept that the audience isn't going to know 100%, but just the important facts. Of course, if/when you turn this into a feature, you can spread all this out and let the audience learn everything at your leisure. I love the premise of the story, and I hope you are able to turn it into something larger. Good luck.

[Larry Rutledge]

I was just watching this film again, and I think my biggest complaint is that the bulk of the film the two main characters are standing in the same spot. It was like the blocking for an intense standoff, only there wasn't the intense standoff feel...you know where you thought the kid would pull the trigger ANY SECOND, but we never feel that tension....if that makes any sense.

[Mike@AF]

I liked this film. The story was good, although I don't see the spy part of it anywhere. The story also made me think this is part of something much bigger, which is always good in my book. However, it did make me question what was really happening with all the fighting and explosions and never really got answered. The cinematography was good and some of the shots looked amazing. I liked the effects. The acting was decent, but turned bland when the story slowed down... perhaps too much dialogue.

[Edgen]

Your best entry yet Justin,

Locations, wardrobe, effects all incredible!!!

Every entry has been an exponential improvement from the last, by next year I expect to see you at the local cineplex.

Its nice to see some of the comments of other dvxers above. Seems you've turned alot of heads and everybody is offering helpful comments to help propel your talent.

Good luck!

Erik Thank you Eric. Very kind words indeed. Hopefully I turn a few heads outside of DVX looking in as well. I busted my tail all this last month to pull the film together. Specially in post production. (score, edit, vfx, sound, etc) Cheers!






Dude, that rain sucked. I guess I had blocked it out or something because I'm looking at it wishing we hadn't lost so much light, but I was totally forgetting that it wasn't just light we had lost due to time, we had lost the sun because of the damn rain and overcast.

It was nice to not have to worry about that on day 2.

By the way, speaking of the underwater unit... were's my battery? Gregory, Yes. Good thing the rain arrived around Lunch. If those clouds would have gone away we would have had a good 2 hours extra. Yup! Your battery is still sitting on my desk next to the tape stock. Let's get together this week and brainstorm our next project! :) (btw, thank you for the help on the film. couldn't have done it without ya!) And... If you have some cool BTS photos, feel free to post them here or send some to me. I know Tommy was paparazzi there for a long time with your camera.








I loved everything about this peice...

I think there was a great story here. I especially likes the dialogue and the acting. I think the only thing that could have been imporved was the rockets in the beginning. I really really liked your promotional material. The pic of the watch was really nice!

Thank you Mike! I was thinking of changing up the poster, but the watch is the tie between normal humans and cyborgs implemented with the Cristo Technologies.





Great work. Overall, it is a very beautiful looking film, with some rather exquisite moments as have been mentioned before. The actor playing the father is great, I love his voice. I understand your decision to have him stand his ground, but I also wonder if this actor was left up to his own devices if he could come up with a powerful way to move around a bit? The dialogue slows this piece down for me, too. It's mostly exposition, which I feel should be limited in a short film. Find ways to show the information, or just accept that the audience isn't going to know 100%, but just the important facts. Of course, if/when you turn this into a feature, you can spread all this out and let the audience learn everything at your leisure. I love the premise of the story, and I hope you are able to turn it into something larger. Good luck.
Thank you Amy. Very kind words indeed and I"ll most definitely push it to a feature film. Then we can see it in all it's glory! :)





I was just watching this film again, and I think my biggest complaint is that the bulk of the film the two main characters are standing in the same spot. It was like the blocking for an intense standoff, only there wasn't the intense standoff feel...you know where you thought the kid would pull the trigger ANY SECOND, but we never feel that tension....if that makes any sense.
Larry... Ya, you are indeed right. Aram mentioned having a few cut aways, but I guess i haven't mastered that art. To me, that's kind of a coverup of editing. Which, i hacked the fire out of it so maybe I should have switched it up. I even toyed with the idea of overlaying some of the Cabana/Flashback scenes on top of that footage, but that would have re-directed the story in a direction I did not want you to think or feel while watching. So, it was a rather difficult toss up that I will most definitely work around better the next round.





I liked this film. The story was good, although I don't see the spy part of it anywhere. The story also made me think this is part of something much bigger, which is always good in my book. However, it did make me question what was really happening with all the fighting and explosions and never really got answered. The cinematography was good and some of the shots looked amazing. I liked the effects. The acting was decent, but turned bland when the story slowed down... perhaps too much dialogue. Mike, Thank you for the kind words on the cine. It's been mentioned about the whole missing spy element, but it's definitely a bigger picture. The whole 'men in black' concept of rivals taking out a key target it totally spy in my book. The explosions in the Background was meant to showcase all the hate and chaos in the world that "Cristo" had created unintentially. Hence, causing attempts on his life and ultimately his own death by Hanna.




Thank you again everyone for commenting and viewing. Keep em' coming.

/j

[Larry Rutledge]

Larry... Ya, you are indeed right. Aram mentioned having a few cut aways, but I guess i haven't mastered that art. To me, that's kind of a coverup of editing. Which, i hacked the fire out of it so maybe I should have switched it up. I even toyed with the idea of overlaying some of the Cabana/Flashback scenes on top of that footage, but that would have re-directed the story in a direction I did not want you to think or feel while watching. So, it was a rather difficult toss up that I will most definitely work around better the next round.

I don't mean so much cutaways, as I think it would be good if the two main characters "moved around" at least a little. Maybe when he first confronts his dad he pulls the gun on him, it gets tense for a few moments as they go through their lines, then the dad knowing his son won't shoot him pushes his son aside and moves to the table, sets his paperwork/briefcase/whatever on the table and sits down. Maybe pours a glass of lemonade (or whatever is on the table) and takes a drink. All the while they are delivering their lines.

The son, still standing in his original spot, frustrated that he can't do it. Then he gathers his resolve, moves to the table and re-confronts his dad. Etc, etc, etc.

These are just ideas, obviously, but I think getting some movement from the actors would help keep the interest in the story. Otherwise we are watching two people stand and talk, I can go to the park and do that anytime I want :)

Anyway, I enjoyed the film, just an observation I had.

Peace,
Larry

[Brandon Rice]

Agreed Larry... I felt the staging needed some more... movement... could have added to the tension, IMHO :)

[Edgen]

ahh yes.. next time.

next time I'll have the script finished a week or two ahead of time instead of the night before to prepare. OH well. I think it worked and I'm very proud of the film and their performances 'standing'.

I guess it shows you can't please everyone ;)

cheers!
/j

[Brandon Rice]

Don't get me wrong, still a great piece JD.

[Larry Rutledge]

Yea, please don't misunderstand...that was an observation, I still think you have a great eye for the camera, the "costumes" were perfect, the "set design" was great, the locations were good. :thumbsup:

[Brandon Rice]

oh, and dude, anywhere I can DL the score?? :):)

[Edgen]

http://edgen.hostpaw.com/edgen_cristo.mp3 :)

[Brandon Rice]

Thank you sir!! :) It's going on my Ipod!

[Robert Eldon]

Justin, I think the best scene in this film is the sequence with the boy and girl near the pool, their kiss...her death... Visually, it transcends the rest of the film. I think the scenes between the father and son were bogged down by dialogue.

The score is great! Powerful music!

I can't get that sequence out of my head... 'girl in the water'....'the shot and blood hit on the face'....'the kiss'... awesome :)

Thanks for sharing the film!

Justin,

It looks like you're getting a lot of good feedback. And the comments are very consistent.

Geoff's comment regarding 'the scene with the kiss, the gun shot, girl in the water' seems to be the one that everyone here really likes as well. There is this calm, quiet moment before you hear the gun shot and see the spray of blood and you still don't know what has happened. That moment seems to linger longer than the actual screen time and then you see the guy falling out of frame. Everyone I've talked to agrees that it's a lovely piece of cinema.

A lot of people really seem to like the underwater footage. Your vision realized! Good call! And props to Amanda. What a trooper being thrown into the water over and over and ...

I also really liked the shots of the 'hitman' when he was following, and almost toying, with his victim as he shot a round, he had this weird thing that he did with his mouth. I thought in those short shots it projected a lot of his character.

Great use of the music to set the tone at the appropriate places. You have a gift for that timing.

It was a distinct pleasure working with you and I appreciate your ability to get your 'vision' into the finished product. Congratulations on a great flick.

-Robert

[Aaron Marshall]

Justin,

I think this is your best film yet. I was very impressed by many of the shots. The underwater shots were especially impressive. Your score was rocking too. It helps that you're so intimate with the material from all angles. It gave you a lot more time to attack the score because you didn't have to do as much prep work, finding out motivation etc.

The acting was the weakest link. The singular performances weren't bad, but it felt like the two were miles away from one another emotionally. I don't mean that in the sense of the story, but in the sense of judging a technical acting performance.

The special fx looked awesome! Overall you did a great job and should be proud.

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Justin,

I just noticed. Thanks for posting some BTS images. So we can see the 'director on set'. I love those shots of you in the pool. That's dedication!

[Herman Witkam]

http://edgen.hostpaw.com/edgen_cristo.mp3 :)

Sweeeéét :)

I was impressed with the overall production quality. Great visuals, and most of all, great score!!

I agree with Aaron about the actor's performances. I also think you've put too much narrative/dialogue into it. The story seemed way to complicated to rush through in a mere 6 mins.

[Edgen]

Justin,

It looks like you're getting a lot of good feedback. And the comments are very consistent.

Geoff's comment regarding 'the scene with the kiss, the gun shot, girl in the water' seems to be the one that everyone here really likes as well. There is this calm, quiet moment before you hear the gun shot and see the spray of blood and you still don't know what has happened. That moment seems to linger longer than the actual screen time and then you see the guy falling out of frame. Everyone I've talked to agrees that it's a lovely piece of cinema.

A lot of people really seem to like the underwater footage. Your vision realized! Good call! And props to Amanda. What a trooper being thrown into the water over and over and ...

I also really liked the shots of the 'hitman' when he was following, and almost toying, with his victim as he shot a round, he had this weird thing that he did with his mouth. I thought in those short shots it projected a lot of his character.

Great use of the music to set the tone at the appropriate places. You have a gift for that timing.

It was a distinct pleasure working with you and I appreciate your ability to get your 'vision' into the finished product. Congratulations on a great flick.

I just noticed. Thanks for posting some BTS images. So we can see the 'director on set'. I love those shots of you in the pool. That's dedication!

-Robert
Thank you so much again Robert. It was so great for you to make the trip up to help. I'll most definitely be asking you again. Perhaps next round I'll have a 'massive' budget to work with. (right.) :) Amanda and the underwater stuff was great. It's tough to approach an actress and say.. "Are you willing to drown for me?" :) Ya, those BTS... looking forward to seeing the shots from Greg's still camera and tommy's jaw-biting performance was dead on. :thumbup::grin:





Justin,

I think this is your best film yet. I was very impressed by many of the shots. The underwater shots were especially impressive. Your score was rocking too. It helps that you're so intimate with the material from all angles. It gave you a lot more time to attack the score because you didn't have to do as much prep work, finding out motivation etc.

The acting was the weakest link. The singular performances weren't bad, but it felt like the two were miles away from one another emotionally. I don't mean that in the sense of the story, but in the sense of judging a technical acting performance.

The special fx looked awesome! Overall you did a great job and should be proud.
Thanks Aaron! Tackling most all those FX shots was a pain in the arse specially since I had relied on some of my friends from the German Film School to help out. Only one of them did. (plane/opening explosion and watch faces). Ugg.. lesson learned. Start earlier without any other planned projects on the plate.

Acting... I thought they did a good job and I was proud of their performances. I wished I had more CU's of matt as he was stuck in medium shot land. :(





Sweeeéét

I was impressed with the overall production quality. Great visuals, and most of all, great score!!

I agree with Aaron about the actor's performances. I also think you've put too much narrative/dialogue into it. The story seemed way to complicated to rush through in a mere 6 mins.
Thank you Herman!! If I had a chance, I'd probably go back again and re-work some of the score, but oh well.. I guess it'll do for now. Story... ya, there was a lot to pack in such a short time frame. And to think the cut before this was 9 minutes of even more side-story stuff. :)

Of course I enjoyed all your pletheras of scores too. Looks like you are building yourself a wonderful little reel that will snagg you the feature films in no time.


cheers DVXr's iN DvX Land.
Now GO VOTE!!

/j

[deedive]

Great piece. Love the colors and movement. I think the framing and music really moves the piece. I love the underwater shots, but im deedive, can’t help it.:)

I have a friend that said u where insane! I said" no, not insane, enlightened.

[MsManhattan]

Wow, Justin, you are just a multi-talented guy! This is an impressive piece of work. I've perused your thread and I'm not sure I have anything original to add, but nonetheless... I loved the shots in the pool; so ethereal. I must read the thread more closely for your comments on how you accomplished that. I also liked the overall pacing of the reveal of the backstory. Solid performances. I found it to be a little heavy on dialogue, but that's really my only criticism.

On another topic, thanks so much for the score for Check -- you are getting rave reviews for that as well.

[arielman]

HI Justin

WOW this was great . Nice work !!

One of my top 3 for sure .
Ian

[Edgen]

http://www.epiccam.com/images/stories/elite.jpg

here's the Camera Housing we used for the underwater shots. (It was DVXuser RobertE's) www.epiccam.com

Thank you Arielman,

and no problemo DeeDive and MsManhattan. :) It was a fun lil' piece and I hope it worked for ya. :)

cheers!
/j

*VOTE Cristo* heheheheh

[Robert Eldon]

http://www.epiccam.com/images/stories/elite.jpg

here's the Camera Housing we used for the underwater shots. (It was DVXuser RobertE's) www.epiccam.com

Thank you Arielman,

and no problemo DeeDive and MsManhattan. :) It was a fun lil' piece and I hope it worked for ya. :)

cheers!
/j

*VOTE Cristo* heheheheh

Justin,

I might add that the camera in the picture is not a DVX100. We used a DVX100 in the Epic Camera housing for "Cristo". As a matter of fact, wasn't there at one time a four (count em 4!) camera shoot going on in one shot? All DVX100's I believe?

[Edgen]

Justin,

I might add that the camera in the picture is not a DVX100. We used a DVX100 in the Epic Camera housing for "Cristo". As a matter of fact, wasn't there at one time a four (count em 4!) camera shoot going on in one shot? All DVX100's I believe?

Yup! We had the four cameras. Unfortunately I only used two of them. THe one with the 35mm letus had the camera crane in the shot and the camera crane looking down was... well, the other two were just better. Perhaps I"ll include those shots in the bts video.

can't wait to use the UWH again in the next film. :)

cheers!
/j

[Beat Takeshi]

Do you have a link to it?

[Tom Marshall]

...tommy's jaw-biting performance was dead on. :thumbup::grin:

hehe :)

Seriously though, I think the final short came off really well. Yeah, there was some acting issues and a few cinematography things that needed some work, but I think it was a great story to tell in 6 minutes. I don't think you were trying to squeeze too much in there at all...

The next one is gonna be great too! :thumbup:

[Robert Eldon]

can't wait to use the UWH again in the next film. :)

cheers!
/j

WaterFest!

[Slimothy]

Hey Justin,
This was definately probably my fav of the fest. Well done on many angles. The older actor, I believe his name is Dan Payne is awesome. The other actors did a fine job as well, but I think he really held it together. The cinematography and fx were done quite well too.

Great job man, I hope to get to work with you in the future.

Tim.

[Blake Balu]

Great Job Justin! Sounds great, looks great, great effects! Beautiful.

[Karl151k]

I liked the premise for this movie. It was original and that goes a long way! The VFX were very good considering the time constraints you had for this fest. Nice bullet hit in there too. The lead was believable as well.

A few things I didn't like as much: The shot of the Lemon in the FG?! I was watching and I was like "Oh, here's what the Lemon thinks of the situation. Finally we get a good Lemon POV in a movie." It's just a shot that really took me out of the movie. I'm probably the only person who it bothered. I really think it's a shame that the girl only had one line in the whole movie. From that single line, I got the impression that she was a pretty good actor.

I enjoyed this one's premise a lot, thanks for making it and sharing!

[Norm Sanders]

Justin, I really really REALLY enjoyed watching this one! It was fun to see Tommy in this as an assassin, and Matt did an excellent job in his role, as well as the girl with her final line (my favorte part of the film!). Outstanding. I felt there could have been a little more from the performance of the person playing the father, but it wasn't bad by any means ... I think if there had been more movement vs. just standing in place, it would have helped to give more of a dynamic range.

Solid camera work, although the lighting suffered on the CU's near the end (I'm suspecting because of the sunlight quickly racing away for one reason or another). EXCELLENT score, as always expected from the incredibly multi-talented Justin Durban, but the writing was quite good as well. Nice story, and fairly solid VFX ... the best being the blood/squib work, and the FX of electricity coming from the lead's fingertips to the water's surface ... the rest of the VFX could still use some further work, but not bad by any means. Great film ... one to watch again, and it's a contender to be among the top performers.

I'm envious that you're so young, and already have such a great start. I'm so old, in comparison, and have just barely started to figure some of this stuff out!

[Norm Sanders]

Oh, and to expand on what Karl said ... I'd cast that female in any of my films, just on her delivery of that one line alone! Something about that moment was just perfect in every sense of the word.

[Ralph Oshiro]

Loved the girl, but on a related note, I'd cast your dad in anyone of my films! I thought he was GREAT!

[Edgen]

hehe

Seriously though, I think the final short came off really well. Yeah, there was some acting issues and a few cinematography things that needed some work, but I think it was a great story to tell in 6 minutes. I don't think you were trying to squeeze too much in there at all...

The next one is gonna be great too!
Thanks Tommy! You wanna be in my next one too? :) I'll make you play a viking. :)




WaterFest!
RObert, Waterfest? You got it. Sign me up!




Hey Justin,
This was definately probably my fav of the fest. Well done on many angles. The older actor, I believe his name is Dan Payne is awesome. The other actors did a fine job as well, but I think he really held it together. The cinematography and fx were done quite well too.

Great job man, I hope to get to work with you in the future.

Tim.
Tim, Thank you so much for the kind words. I really enjoyed working with Dan too so I'll be happy to pass along the info. Definitely looking forward to working with him again. I mean... who else is willing to lay down on the ground for a good ten minutes while we pour blood down his hands. (which, that shot was never even used) :(



Great Job Justin! Sounds great, looks great, great effects! Beautiful.
Thank you Blake! I really enjoyed your performance in your shi*ttaaaakkkkkeeer movie too. :) Keep up the wonderful work and if you are ever in LA, I'd cast you in my next film.



I liked the premise for this movie. It was original and that goes a long way! The VFX were very good considering the time constraints you had for this fest. Nice bullet hit in there too. The lead was believable as well.

A few things I didn't like as much: The shot of the Lemon in the FG?! I was watching and I was like "Oh, here's what the Lemon thinks of the situation. Finally we get a good Lemon POV in a movie." It's just a shot that really took me out of the movie. I'm probably the only person who it bothered. I really think it's a shame that the girl only had one line in the whole movie. From that single line, I got the impression that she was a pretty good actor.

I enjoyed this one's premise a lot, thanks for making it and sharing!
Karl... The lemon's got to get some love too right? That was my one artsy fart shot of the film. Every film from here on out will most likely have something like a 'fly on the wall'. Sorry it distracted you from the story so much. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you enjoyed it otherwise. :)



Justin, I really really REALLY enjoyed watching this one! It was fun to see Tommy in this as an assassin, and Matt did an excellent job in his role, as well as the girl with her final line (my favorte part of the film!). Outstanding. I felt there could have been a little more from the performance of the person playing the father, but it wasn't bad by any means ... I think if there had been more movement vs. just standing in place, it would have helped to give more of a dynamic range.

Solid camera work, although the lighting suffered on the CU's near the end (I'm suspecting because of the sunlight quickly racing away for one reason or another). EXCELLENT score, as always expected from the incredibly multi-talented Justin Durban, but the writing was quite good as well. Nice story, and fairly solid VFX ... the best being the blood/squib work, and the FX of electricity coming from the lead's fingertips to the water's surface ... the rest of the VFX could still use some further work, but not bad by any means. Great film ... one to watch again, and it's a contender to be among the top performers.

I'm envious that you're so young, and already have such a great start. I'm so old, in comparison, and have just barely started to figure some of this stuff out!

Oh, and to expand on what Karl said ... I'd cast that female in any of my films, just on her delivery of that one line alone! Something about that moment was just perfect in every sense of the word.

Thank you Norm! I appreciate the feedback and kind words. I feel like I'm starting to grow too old myself but even If I were 65 years old, I would probably still love doing this stuff. Again, in terms of movement, I had a reason for Cristo staying put. I suppose I can reference that to myself sometimes. I would rather just stand in one place and intensely watch/talk to someone else just to study their reaction. Almost like a Ninja knowing that someone is about to strike.. :) I could have had Robert's character circle him, but knowing that my time was quickly running down for the day I couldn't afford the trickery of risking additional takes. Next time... I'll have them running and blocked all over the place.



Loved the girl, but on a related note, I'd cast your dad in anyone of my films! I thought he was GREAT!
THanks Ralph... I'm Sure Mr. Payne would be up for the additional roles.


Thanks again everyone who responded so well to the film and for the constructive feedback. It really means a lot and I'll do my best to apply that to my next film.

Cheers and good luck to all the filmmakers.

/j

[kurtmo]

Justin, you did a really nice job on the camera work on this one. The camera angles, the DOF and the underwater work were all fantastic. The music was well crafted. The acting was excellent.

I was a little fuzzy on the story. I didn't pick up what was up with the plane explosion and other explosion. I also didn't understand why the son and his girlfriend/wife were shot in the first place. Also, if the son can be shot without injury, why would his re-born life be trying to shoot him? I took it that she couldn't be injured either (cristo watch) so she should know that.

Again, excellent cinematographic look and feel. Thanks for sharing!

[Darkline]

Hi Edgen,

Sorry its taken me ages to get to post my thoughts here. I simply havent had the time to watch every entry yet, let alone comment on all of them.

Ok I thought this actually started really solid, with tons of promise.

I was really pulled into this short, i thought the pacing and execution was handled very well. It created a really nice combination of intrigue and style.
The acting was good and you used one location with a successful single 'isolated' event . Sometimes it can come off cheap, but here you managed to unfold a personal story against a bigger backdrop.

I loved the underwater shots and the cinematogrpahy was all very well done.

But for me I felt half way through it went too dialogue heavy and lost some of the vision it had at the start. It didnt really live up to the first half of the short which showed some flair. I appreciate that in a short film you dont always have much choice and its hard to get a full story across without having some dialogue heavy scenes. So although I am talkng out of my hole a little here, I think it would have been nice if you could have found a way to keep the conversation visually more intresting and not have a 2/3 minute stand off of talking heads. At the start of the short you had the guy lying down next to the pool talking - this gave the film more of an edge, which I felt left once they were facing each other it had become more pedestrian.

That may be picky, but I felt if it could somehow hold up to the opening then it could have been one of the top shorts of the fest.

As it was I still enjoyed this, but perhaps started better than it ended.

It also seemed like you were running out of light at the end there, perhaps this has a lot to do with it if you were trying againt time to get the thing into the bag at the end of a long shoot day.

But I thought this was probably your best solo short yet (apart from the joint effort of 'lakeside' which i also loved).