TristanPR - The Pit

[TristanPR]

Hello all. I decided to wait until the viewing began to start a discussion thread, so here goes.

The Pit - Download Here (http://www.dvxuser4.com/horrorfest/Entire%20Film3.mov)

Written and Directed by - Tristan Pereida-Rice
Staring - Brittany Fernandez - Ashton Pereida-Rice - Joey Woodruff

Any constructive criticism and/or kind words are more than welcomed!

Thanks everyone for watching - I hope you enjoyed the film!

Tristan
TM Films

[TheatreGuy]

Hi TristanPR - First of all, congrats on your film! I enjoyed watching it.

Some comments....

The sound is all echo. Intentional? Very hard to hear and understand the dialogue at times.

A minor note on the music playing in the background.... it bothered me. Not at first, but in the kitchen when the two actors are there, I found it distracting. This could be because I had a hard time hear the lines. Also, I am wearing headphones (to compensate for crappy laptop speakers) and the song just was only playing in the left side while in kitchen. Don't get me wrong and I am no sound expert (just read my thread!) but I would like to have had the sound a little more balanced. It can still be heavier in one side to indicate a room direction, just not so unbalanced.

Speaking of room direction, I know that the guy is sitting in a room off to the left of the kitchen (due to his head movement and the music) but when in the Kitchen, I feel like he is to the right of her. A VERY PICKY MINOR POINT but it played with my sense of location.

The bedroom shots were fine. I thought that she passed out WAY TOO QUICK for someone that was just having a lucid (for the most part) convesation. Overall, though I think that both of your actors did a great job, I didn't understand why she was seemingly drunk on a can of soda. I am SURE that is not the case, but there was no indication that she had been drinking anything other than soda. (picky, picky, I know!)

The under the bed shots were the best! I LOVED her toes C/U. VERY NICE! Best shot in the film!

Didn't understand WHY she would crawl under the bed. I wouldn't. I know that it is a horror flick and people do stupid things, but I didn't understand why she would crawl completely under the bed.

And it would have been really creepy to see her freak-out while under there... trying to get away. Make the audience feel her struggle!!!

I didn't understand the whole "pit" business. Did her boyfriend set this up? I don't think so. Was he taken over by a ghoul? I think so, but am unsure. And what is the creature doing outside the pit? Was this part of the story that the boyfriend was telling? (That story was HARD to understand.)

Overall, I really liked what you did. Some really creepy moments there.

Best shot are those toes!

Oh, need to take a look at transitions (or segue) from scenes. In particular, I believe the bathroom door closes when she walks in. The camera holds, fades to black then opens on the door from the low angle again but in a different location (but not so different as to show that it is new. Only the shoes are missing.). I would rather have seen the door close, a shot of something else... the pit "crack" or the toilet handle being pushed to flush and THEN have her walk back in the room.

The same applies to the segue from her sleeping to her waking. A nice morning shot of the exterior or the sunrising or the stereo playing with a morning program.... something more interesting than fading on her and then opening on her.

I hope that it is okay that I am picky here. Just trying to pass on my thoughts.

I liked a lot of what you did! I liked the eerie soundtrack.

Good work!

Ted

[TristanPR]

Thank you very much for your detailed review! It's humbling to hear the kind words - and also the constructive criticism. That's a huge part of growing and learning your craft.

As for the audio - I had some trouble compressing the file - and I believe I accidently set my compression to mono! Oh well.

There were so many different things I learned from this film and am using it to grow as a filmmaker.

I unfortunately haven't had the chance to check out your flick yet (I've read good things!) Tomorrow evening I will watch and review.

Thank you for the words - I really appreciate the in depth review.

Best of luck on your film!

[Matt Sconce]

Matt Sconce's Review of The Pit
SPOLIERS POSSIBLE!

Script
This worked for me except for the part when they were talking by the fridge and the end in the pit. When they came in drunk and the girl went to the fridge and the guy was on the couch, I liked it, but then when he started talking about the scary, I thought "Where di that come from" After that the story worked again and I must say one of the scariest shots in my opinion out of EVERY single entry in this competition happens when we first see the monster under the bed. The story works for me until they are in the pit. i did not understand why the guy was screaming and where they were or what the girl was saying. This has GREAT potentila for development!
Cinematography
I thought your cinematography was nice. It all worked for me, except for the stuff in the pit. perhaps it was compression but it was VERY pixely. That being said, I believe you may have one of the best shots in all of horrorfest with the first glimpse of the guy under the bed sliding forward. It is Genious!
Editing
I think this was pretty good. I didn't notice anything out of place.
Overall Impressions
I think this movie has a lot of potential and succeeded in many aspects. I applaud you for this great movie and hope my comments have helped a bit.

[VersuS]

That was some disturbing stuff!!!! I have to admit, in the first 5secs the sound made want to stop it coz I found it very irritating...but then I continued...and loved what you did with editing and camera...loved the movement as she craws under the bed...not really sure I understand the plot but the end with the view outside and the sunlight and the monster closing the gap on the wall was freaky!!! If you ever upload a better sound version let me know!!!! Good job!!!!

[Darkline]

I thought this deserved some attention. I'll be ruthless and say I wasnt really feeling this one at first.... But althought I couldnt say it worked as a complete piece, it did have one really creepy moment....

The bit where they are in 'the pit' he is shouting at her and there is some light coming in through the hole. very cinematic and very creepy.

Wrapped up in a more rounded narrative this could have been a really good short. As it stands there was some real peaks, but the lack of production (clear sound) and a rounded story kinda gave it many low point too unfortunately.

But really good things to draw on here....

[self]

I liked the film personally. The Decades song was a nice touch. I also like the director.

[Kholi]

Review | POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I watch the movies first time around strictly for enjoyment, second and third for review.

Made it down to The Pit and it had some interesting things going on for it when it finally got to the later parts.

Story - I think this could've been condensed, as with most of the shorts this fest. For what the content was worth, the time we spend with the characters doesn't tell us much aside from the girl being drunk and the boy being bold enough to try and get some when she sleeps. I don't find any connection with them, so if you were going to focus on the scare it should've come along a lot sooner and had some weight to it. I think your concept was pretty damned cool, though. A nice way to turn the Monster under the bed into something. What was the point of her spilling toothpaste on the pants?

Direction - Hey dude, gotta say, your converage is nice. You should back off of that zoom button. I really didn't like when you started zooming in and out. It was very distracting. I think, however, most of your framing and coverage was good. A good example was the way that you sort of "dollied" during the shot where she begins to climb under the bed. That was nice. That zooming wasn't.

Acting - Your actors were fine for what they had to pull off. They both got pretty weak inside of THE PIT, though.

Cine/Lighting - I liked the lighting for the dude under the bed. Made his creepines stand out. I think you could've benefited from actually lighting that hole a bit better. I couldn't tell WHAT she was looking at until it came out and got her.

Editing - Not bad. Nothing to complain about.

Sound - Your sound was really screwed. I also didn't dig the music pounding in my left ear at all. I know what you were trying to go after, but it was too loud. I think compression destroyed your sound, dude.

Special Effects/Art Direction/Wardrobe - Cool monster under the bed. Pale weirdo with mad skills to slide around on the floor. What exactly did you do for the hole? Did you just kinda make a hole in a board and shoot that against something?

Scariest Moments - The dumb chic climbing under the bed. She's stupid.

Overall consensus - Could've been shortened and had the same impact, to me. There's are some parts that just aren't moving anything forward. We seem to linger a lot on parts.

[TristanPR]

and I must say one of the scariest shots in my opinion out of EVERY single entry in this competition happens when we first see the monster under the bed.

Wow! Thank you for that! The story I wanted to tell wasn't a typical 'horror' flick - more like a campy-fun/creepy movie that children and adults could enjoy without having buckets and buckets of blood. "A real life monster under the bed story"


Wrapped up in a more rounded narrative this could have been a really good short. As it stands there was some real peaks, but the lack of production (clear sound) and a rounded story kinda gave it many low point too unfortunately.

Thanks for your input. I agree that with a more polished script and sound, the film could have drastically improved. Audio is tough to ballence in post. I had to get rid of a bunch of excess noise here and there - but overall I think it was just the levels that needed some attention. I appreciate the review, though!



The bit where they are in 'the pit' he is shouting at her and there is some light coming in through the hole. very cinematic and very creepy.

That's great man! Thanks - I just blasted a 650 through the hole in the wall, causing a huge spotlight on the talent. The only thing I would have done diferently would be to use more fill light on the faces as the two characters crept in to the shaddows. I had to butcher the shots like crazy in post - adding some gain and color correction, trying to get it to look decent (of course it didn't look great with the compression)


the end with the view outside and the sunlight and the monster closing the gap on the wall was freaky!!!

Thanks! We had some issues with the monster's bald cap - the back wouldn't blend and stick on. It didn't look great and we were running late so of course "I'll fix it somehow in post" was my response. I'm glad you thought it looked good - I was a little worried.


I think your concept was pretty damned cool, though. A nice way to turn the Monster under the bed into something.

Thanks very much for the detailed review. Yeah - I wanted to tell a diferent 'monster under the bed story' a "Real life - monster under the bed story" if you will - and like I said in a previous response - I would have loved to develop and spend more time on the script. I felt it was lacking in few points.


What was the point of her spilling toothpaste on the pants?

That was more for the fact that I needed something in the morning to remind her, strike her memory of Trey. Also another glimpse into her character - the sloppy, messy way she acts in the morning - it almost justifies the stupid "okay - I'll crawl UNDER the bed now to investigate this mysterious hole in my wall!" Stupid girls in horror movies, eh.

Thanks everyone for their input! It's helped me a lot to look at my film in a different light, with a different eye.

Keep em comin!

[Paul Coleman]

I liked this one. The actors had some good momentum going. And I like the "alternate reality" they entered. Somehow reminded me a bit of Eraserhead. Good stuff. :beer:

[Lingothree]

Hey there -

Good job. Neat concept.

Too bad about the sound.

The introduction of the monster under the bed (by boy to girl) was a little clunky, and so I missed it altogether on my first viewing. Would be nice if you could find a better way to introduce the story.

I love the drunk girl. It appears that she was method acting during that refrigerator scene. Reminds me of Friday night...and Saturday night...and Tuesday night...and Thursday night.

The short looked good - nice work.

[jpbankesmercer]

Best of luck guys!

[TheatreGuy]

hey TristanPR, Congratulations on your work and your film!

Best of luck to you and I hope to see you in the next fest!

Ted

[cinealma]

An overall above average film in the fest. Acting was very good. Yeah, the flanger sound again. I'm used to it by now as more than a few shorts in the fest have had the same issue.

Some of the story was a little vague for me.

Good effort and thanks for sharing.


John G.

[Mark Harris]

The sound problem often comes from using a bad codec, but the sound in this was particularly off.

This was very much the same story as that movie "Night Terrors" or something like that, with about the same ending.

I pretty much agree with Kholi, you could have done this in less time, or set it up fromthe get-go that this was the issue - the pit, that is. The time spent with the kids seems like a lot for the story

[Norm Sanders]

Just finally getting the time to copy the notes I compiled in a Word doc while watching the shorts:

Extremely well acted, specifically by the mail lead. EXCELLENT lighting/make up on the dude coming out from under the bed. The this doesn’t have the magic for me that a few of the others did, it’s a surprisingly strong performer in the overall score & placed high on my list. NICE job!