"Developed" - a hopeful!

[Kyle Stebbins]

NEW!! JUST ADDED BEHIND THE SCENES PHOTOS - 10/8/06!!! (http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?p=722876#post722876)

TO VIEW: http://www.nrestudios.com/horror_mirror/Developed-KyleStebbins-Thekyleman71-INCASEMYZIPDOESNTMAKEIT.mov

here it is...
http://www.kylestebbins.com/horrorfest_developed.jpg



MY LEAD:
MARK KRANZ
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/17743/1158815751.jpg




THE GIRL:
KRISTIN JIROVSKY
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/17743/1158817675.jpg




THE BOYFRIEND WITH THE GIRL:
BEN KAMPRATH -- (w/ KRISTIN JIROVSKY)
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/17743/1158817645.jpg


SHOOTING SCHEDULE:


SEPT. 19 - INTRO, BEGINNING

SEPT. 24 - EVERYTHING ELSE =)

Yes!!!!!! I'm a LATE STARTER!!!! Hoooorrayyy for procrastinators!!!!




Some Grabs: (they are on page 2)
These are low-quality .gif files (which makes my grabs look like there is noise... it is just the .gif compression) -- i hope! If any of this is grounds for disqualification... NOTIFY ME!!! I am pretty sure this is allowed, but... yeah. okay. ROCK ON FILMMAKERS!!!!

[Brandon Rice]

cool man, good to see you jump in! Make sure a mod moves this into the film discussion area!

[EJ Pennypacker]

Funky poster.

Welcome!

EJ

[Kyle Stebbins]

unfortunately this thread hasnt been moved yet... i requested it. oh well. -- update: my lead is busy doing on-stage work!! shoots are getting postponed!! I'M TERRIFIED!!!! (then again, this IS a HORRORfest!!!!!!!!)

[TheatreGuy]

Damn Brandon, you're fast! Kyle announced his entry and BAM, you were on it in 2 minutes! Literally!!! Way to welcome everyone aboard... you're the man! :beer:

Congrats thekyleman71 on your entry! Sorry to hear about your postponements. I know that sucks!

Good luck and Git-R-Done, man! :thumbsup:

[Edgen]

hell ya! Way to just balls up and make one. Better put on your 'bust your ass shoes' :)

/j

[Kyle Stebbins]

production begins this wednesday... any ideas as to how I can get about 200 paparazzi-type pictures of random girls for my main character's bedroom wall?

[Tom Marshall]

That would be tough. If you took out a digital camera and just started shooting random girls, technically, you'd have to get a release from all of them...

[Kyle Stebbins]

yeah, so that's not my plan. i took some pictures of my girlfriend yesterday, i have a couple of other girls who want to help me out. i guess i'll just have to make each picture different enough... it'll work out. -- we start shooting on the 20th! i cant wait to post bts pics!!

[TheatreGuy]

200 photos! You're going to be at your printer for days! Better start soon if you're planning on shooting that scene on the 19th! :)

Good luck, have fun!

Looking forward to bts pics!

[Lingothree]

Good luck with the pictures and shoot.

[conrad_johnson]

I like your poster and your tagline.

[Kyle Stebbins]

thanks. =) today was the first shoot and things went VERY WELL. the light in my basement (flourescent) went out and started flashing on and off and on again giving it this eery, horror-like lighting (which worked out PERFECT!). got good use of my dolly, and my lead rocked it up... just like I expected. unfortunately, I do not have any bts photos, however, i did just add a headshot of my actor (this is not his professional one, i took it tonight with my rebel) -- got a bunch of editing done, too-- things are going well!

As for the 200 photos, it turned out being about 20 and I got them printed for FREE at kinkos since their color photo printer broke down. sweet.
anyways, stay posted, the 24th is our major shoot date and it is VERY likely we will have BTS photos on that day. -- YES!

[Brandon Rice]

Good going dude! Nice work, I look forward to this one!

[Kyle Stebbins]

:dankk2:

[TheatreGuy]

All sounds good, Kyle. Thanks for dropping by the I.D. thread and leaving your comments. I appreciate it.

I know that you've posted a lot about using your camera. How is it working out for you? Did you ever find a cheap dv cam to use as a deck?

And you should create a banner for your signature. Very easy to do and will help to advertise your film!

Looking forward to what you come up with!

Ted

[Kyle Stebbins]

These are low-quality .gif files (which makes my grabs look like there is noise... it is just the .gif compression) except for the last one, which mistakenly became a .bmp -- i hope! If any of this is grounds for disqualification... NOTIFY ME!!! I am pretty sure this is allowed, but... yeah. okay. ROCK ON FILMMAKERS!!!!


http://www.kylestebbins.com/3.gif


http://www.kylestebbins.com/4.gif


http://www.kylestebbins.com/5.gif



http://www.kylestebbins.com/6.gif



http://www.kylestebbins.com/7.gif



http://www.kylestebbins.com/1.bmp

[VersuS]

nice man! really liked your desktop, so many shortcuts!!! i could never manage that...i keep them in my quicklaunch bar

oh right we talk about movies....really great shots, love the red light!

[TheatreGuy]

Shizzle! Me like it, too!

[Charli]

And I thought we started late! Ack!

[conrad_johnson]

Grabs are looking good bro.

[Lingothree]

nice man! really liked your desktop, so many shortcuts!!! i could never manage that...i keep them in my quicklaunch bar

oh right we talk about movies....really great shots, love the red light!

Hey, are you (Versus) one of those nerds who criticizes people for storing documents on their desktop? So what if you like stuff on your desktop? So what?

I see you were able to figure out your problem of finding lots of photos of women. Did you just use your girlfriend, or randomly snap photos of people in the street?

[Kyle Stebbins]

lol my girlfriend. -- the girl and the guy on the computer screen are the boyfriend and girlfriend in the short. -- the pictures on the wall are my girlfriend. =)

[VersuS]

Hey, are you (Versus) one of those nerds who criticizes people for storing documents on their desktop? So what if you like stuff on your desktop? So what?

hey I work for a company called Greek Geeks, so you do the math!
But seriously, putting stuff on your desktop and saying it's OK, is like keeping your clothes in a mountain shape at the far corner in your bedroom and pretend that it's not a matter of being absolutely lazy and dirty but just your freudian way to cope with the fact that you can't visit mount everest coz you just spent your last dime on the last copy of Tekken at the video games store!

[Kyle Stebbins]

hahahahahahaha.
(sigh) ooohhhh... horrorfest.

[Kyle Stebbins]

here are more grabs (the others are on page 2) :beer:
again I apologize for the .gif compression, it really solarizes some of the images.

http://www.kylestebbins.com/8.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/9.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/10.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/11.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/12.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/13.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/14.gif

http://www.kylestebbins.com/15.gif

[Kyle Stebbins]

http://www.kylestebbins.com/16.gif

[Kyle Stebbins]

color correction attempts VERY WELCOME!!!

as a matter of fact, they're required... =)

[Z Janky]

Hey, nice to see the shots turned out well. Though, with the system we incorporated, I think they'll look a lot better in motion. Grabs can only do so much. And I would attempt some color correct, but my tools are limited here. :( Maybe once I establish that FCP MacBook Pro system we were talking about we can try some stuff out.

[Brandon Rice]

Nice work on those grabs dude... I'll take a slight pass at some CC tomorrow...

[Kyle Stebbins]

zach, brandon, thanks a ton... i look forward to your CCing brandon, take your time though man... i know youve got a lot on your plate with your horrorfest entry, too man.

im drunk, so forgive me.
anyways, thanks a ton guys!

[Ralph Oshiro]

Hey, are you (Versus) one of those nerds who criticizes people for storing documents on their desktop?Whoops . . . actually, that DOES annoy the crap outta me!

[Ralph Oshiro]

Great selective-focus shot on the knife/bed! LOVE those vehicle shots! Looking good, man!

[VersuS]

great stuff!!!!!!!! love the knife shot too!!! and the one in the parking lot

[Jaime V]

No doubt...I love that Knife/Bed shot!

[Brandon Rice]

Here are a few passes at CC on some of your images....

http://www.kylestebbins.com/13.gif

http://www.noariceprod.com/horror/13.jpg

Added a yellow and reddish hue... also desaturated a bit and crushed the blacks.

http://www.kylestebbins.com/15.gif

http://www.noariceprod.com/horror/15.jpg

Crushed blacks, took out some yellow and red, also desaturated a bit.

http://www.kylestebbins.com/11.gif

http://www.noariceprod.com/horror/11.jpg

Added a bluiesh hue and desaturated... plus crushed blacks...



Hope that helps you out....

[Kyle Stebbins]

i love those CC'ed grabs, Brandon, will definitely use those as a reference. :beer:

I added a new poster (on the first page) and tonight I will post MY cc's as well as some BTS. -- I understand we CAN show behind the scenes footage, right? I will wait until I get confirmation on that to post some BTS clips... until then... PRINT THE POSTER!!!! =)

You guys all rock!:dankk2:

[Brandon Rice]

Hey dude... glad I could help you out!

I dig the poster a lot! Nice style.

Yes, you CAN post BTS clips, just not clips from the actual movie... that's all good. :) Looking forward to checking it out!

[TheatreGuy]

Hey Kyleman, looking real good! I like the grabs. And yes, the knife one is a favorite of mine as well! :evil:

Brandon, very cool with the CC work. I am wondering if I should go through my film and apply some of that techmique. I like the "crushed blacks." Very nice. :)

Keep up the great work, Kyle.

Looking forward to your film!

Ted

[Kyle Stebbins]

I have shot in 60i and then brought the clip into a 24pa timeline in Premiere Pro 1.5.1 -- I slowed the footage down to 40% (like Barry's book instructs) and it looked fantastic in the timeline when I played it back.

However, when I export the file to .avi, the slow-motion looks jittery and jerky... while everything else looks great. I have made sure I am exporting in 24pa.

Also, when I right click my .avi file and choose properties, it tells me my framerate is 29 fps.

So confused... and the horrorfest deadline is here...

-kyle

[avatuar]

be sure to put your cool poster up in the poster gallery on the main horrorfest forum!

[Kyle Stebbins]

okay i found my file! =)
http://www.lingothree.com/horrorfest/

what a fun time horrorfest was, and still is... it was great getting out there and making a movie!
everyone's submissions are so awesome!! this is going to be such a tough one to judge.

[Kholi]

Review | POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I watch the movies first time around strictly for enjoyment, second and third for review.

Hey guys. Neat concept going on here. Don't know if I've seen work from this group before, so I'm not sure about improvements and all.

Script - Concept playing off of the "Camera Pictures steal souls" myth was cool to see. Not sure how many times it's been done, this is probably a completely different take on it. I think where it falls apart is in the presentation. The structure was fairly three act, but the voice-over could've used some work.

Direction - I saw some dolly shots going on, and they were okay. I think your strongest one was the push in toward the window during the beginning of the V.O. Also, the picture snapping in the dark preludes to something neat. I liked that as well. There were times when the framing made things seem more "amateur" than I'd like. But I don't see anything that stands out as too bad.

Acting - No line deliveries aside from the V.O actor, I wasn't too happy with that. It just didn't sound like a natural pitch. Maybe he didn't have the right voice for it? As far as the action delivery, working within what I assume was your means, it was okay. Needed a little bit of fine tuning. One part that stood out to me was when your leading male kind of stood behind the car and then ran. It seemed really out of place. Maybe this goes along with directing, though. Did you guys use a real knife or a fake knife? It looked like he was afraid to get in there and sell the stab at the end.


Cine/Lighting - I didn't see much creative lighting in the house scenes, which is probably where it could've bene applied. I did, however, see some on the book portions. That wasn't too bad at all. Nothing too dark for my tastes, which is usually a sticky subject for me. I like to be able to SEE things. So, everything looks okay.

Editing - Nothing stood out to be as poor editing. I think this is my worst point of criticism on all the shorts. I just can't pin-point excellent editing unless it really matches the content. Sorry i don't have more here.

Sound - Back to that V.O. He just... didn't do it for me. HOWEVER! I like the score/soundtrack. It's about time I hear some new-age ambient driven stuff. Whoever came up with the haunting electronica please, thank them. I rewatched a third time to listen to that.

Special Effects - Not special effects driven, and it didn't need to be.

Scariest Moments - The leading male standing in the most peculiar places for what seemed forever without being SEEN. Stalker even.

Overall consensus - Great getting out there and gettin at em. If you ever got back to reworking the concept into something even better I think you could pull it off. As it stands, it was a watchable piece all the way through. Thanks for showcasing!

[MOVIE MASTER]

Dude Need's A Good Women!

[Kyle Stebbins]

i agree completely about the voiceover, we did it twice. the first take had less reverb, thus making it a better voice over quality. the lines werent read the way i wanted them... so, we did a second take. the lines came out better but it was too close to the submission deadline (which caused a lot of cutting corners for this piece...) - the knife was real, my talent had good training in stage combat fighting, certainly not film fighting... i neglected to reshoot the scene, and i did notice the hand bending before it hits the boyfriend's abdominal section. my fault there. thank you so much for your review, your comments have been more than helpful! it was fun to make a film for such a, how you say, 'prestigious' competition. im truly up against some of the best!

HAPPY HORRORFEST

[Kyle Stebbins]

moviemaster... you are one BAMF. and you're crazy. absolutely insane.

[Kholi]

I enjoyed checking it out. Glad to see my crappy reviews are valuable to some people. Glad you had fun dude!

[Kyle Stebbins]

i assure you, your reviews are far from crappy...

[Brandon Rice]

Just watched this and will post full review tomorrow, I am heading to bed now though.. good work, btw. :)

[Kyle Stebbins]

thanks, good sir. the same to you. i look forward to the review. (man, does anyone else feel like it's christmas time? -- we go from individual thread to individual thread giving compliments and reviews... checking your thread is like looking under the tree for gifts?) ha. man. whew.

ROCK ON!!

[Brandon Rice]

Developed


Script
Your film was driven by the thoughts of your lead, through voiceover. I think most of the writing was good. I am not a fan of VO driven pieces for the most part, but yours didn’t bother me.

Acting
Good, didn’t require too much here, but the actors fit the parts fine.

Cinematography
Some really great shots! One in particular being the car shot with the two cars driving down the street. I think however this short suffered what a lot have to this point, there’s no balance. There will be an amazing shot one moment and then just an average shot the next. I really liked how you opened with the pan over the photos, nice.

Editing
I felt it could have been chopped down a bit… I think your slow-mo at the end could have done without. Just my opinion 

Score
Good, didn’t notice it, which is good in this case, flowed with the piece.

Overall Impressions
Good film. I haven’t seen much of your work, so I don’t know how experienced you are. I think with the time constraints you did a good job. Thanks for the watch!

[TheatreGuy]

Kyle, man I loved what you did. Very simple and haunting. Some great shots with the guy stalking. Especially the one in the window at the house and then on the couple and back to the window. So simple yet effective. And I love the blowing curtains!

Speaking of shots, I loved your dolly shot around the fountain. Nicely done. I wonder why it was done in the direction that you chose. Did you try it with the camera on the left side of the fountain with the couple coming out of the coffee shop and then dolly to the right and have the stalker come directly towards the camera? I feel that this would be more effective.

I also loved the shot of the camera pushing into the window at the coffee shop.

The guy running in the garage seemed out of place. Very eye catching if I was being stalked. Maybe a choice, though.

The guy walking towards the house with a biga$$ knife in his hand blew me away! I guess they don't have a neighborhood watch program there! :) I REALLY would think that it would have been very effective to have the guy approach with the camera and then on the word, "knife" reveal the knife sticking in the back of his pants or something. You kinda took the "mystery" out when you revealed that before the line. Just my opinion.

And lastly, THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE BLOOD!!!! The wound he gave her should have spilled blood all over her and the bed. That last shot with the negatives would have been so much more dramatic with a bloody, messy dead girl!

Oh, and also, the guy stabbing the boyfriend seemed so unreal. I wish that you would have used a fake knife or shot it so we didn't see the knife. A guy capable of these crimes would have THRUST the knife into his victim.

I know that I am being picky. I saw a lot of things that I did like!!! Especially the story itself. I like HOW it was told. I love the constant narrative. (I would prefer a better mic, but I suck at sound myself!)

I loved the score behind it all!

Really great job. Nicely told. We executed! Great shots of the driving vehicles and the guy through the windshield at the stop sign!

Can't wait to see more of your work!!!

Ted

[VersuS]

Kyle, Developed is a little gem!!
I really liked your cinematography and editing, couldnt find anything in there that bothered me. I loved your car 'chase' shots and the one where they are stopping at a red light (possibly) and we see the two cars with the photographer at the back out of focus!

As Ted said, walking up the house holding the knife was STRONG stuff but I would love to see more splatter in the house. I dont quite get how he killed her since there is no throat cut at the last scene and no blood on the sheets.

Loved the line 'i am the kind of guy to leave the negatives behind' is kinda funny actually :)

Your intro was very well planned and delivered, you did your work there with the photos and all.

I have my usual objections about sound...you didnt use much sound and went with Voice Over that was well spoken but no ambience in it...like a guy talking in an empty room. I d love more location sound since you had shots all over the city...

[Kyle Stebbins]

Thanks for the fantastic reviews, I look forward to improving on everything in the competitions to come!

[Kyle Stebbins]

fun times

[Lingothree]

Hello -

Definitely have to echo the comments about the voiceover - it gets hard to follow after a while. I think you could have easily chopped out 2/3 of the voiceover, and you would have still conveyed the same story.

Everything looked really good. Good work!

[Matt Sconce]

Hello -

Definitely have to echo the comments about the voiceover - it gets hard to follow after a while. I think you could have easily chopped out 2/3 of the voiceover, and you would have still conveyed the same story.

Everything looked really good. Good work!

I agree with this, but half to say that the acting of the lead is waht sold me on this. I felt like he really was that character. It felt well paced, and the shots were nice. I would reccomend turning the detail up slightly or maybe bringing the Master Ped down. I shoot with my master ped at -7. That way the images will be a little sharper and less washed out. I also would have believed the kill alot mor if there was a Lot more blood. Her neck was cut, yet the bed was clean? Overall, I thought this did quite well, and I enjoyed it! Good stuff!!

[Gord.T]

The cinematography was quite creative and professional I thought and very well done. Stood out for me. Sound...fit prefect. Acting was as it should be (Good). Not big on the story, pace wise ,but will watch again. The intro credits, 48 secs before first shot? But again, camera work especially,cine, editing, sound, all very very good and will revisit this and maybe I'LL come around storywise. Pretty hi overall. Very good I thought.

[Kyle Stebbins]

thank you raptor... it was my first fest, and my first serious short shot on my dvx. what a learning experience this has been... i wrote it and directed it, and had a blast doing so. my actors were fantastic but would have liked some extra 'toppings' in some scenes... wont mention that here. anyways, it was fun and i definitely recommend taking place in these competitions... THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT!

thanks all.

[Darkline]

Hi Kyle

Congrats on an interesting film. There was a lotI liked about this short, but to me at least it was a bit hit and miss. Some bits worked really well though. I love some of the voyeuristic shots and the style in which you executed the whole thing. Lovely opening too, I said aloud 'this is gonna be a good one'.

I really liked the VO at first but then it became a little too expositional. I think maybe less could have been more. That said, more personal style in here than I've seen in most - stylistically creating you're own world, which is one of the things I look for when I view someones work.

So it maybe didn't all hit the marks, and some of it was predictable, but for your first serious short I can certainly see the peaks of someone talented.

[Kyle Stebbins]

You just said some of the best things I could ever ask to hear. This was indeed my first serious short, and let me tell you it's been quite the learning experience. The VO did sort of become redundant. I thought that to myself as well, but only after it was submitted. Thank you for saying you see peaks of someone talented, that meant quite a lot. -- Especially from someone who seriously anhiliated the competition with their film (halfway) -- Thank you for the view, the review, and the compliment. Your film was brilliantly horrific.

[Robert Eldon]

Kyle,

Nice film. Interesting story. It was interesting because it wasn't the typical movie that I've been watching (Although, the girls name was 'Sarah' and I guess that's being identified as a cliche' by others. ha). The film wasn't 'scary' for me, and I'm sure that was not your intent. It was creepy, however, especially when the girl just let's him slit her throat. Was she in a trance or something? Maybe in shock? Anyway, great job! I've posted some additional notes below:


movietime: 00:00:52:04 - Good opening. Nice closeups.

movietime: 00:02:25:16 - Like the camera movement and fountain. Probably my favorite shot of the movie. Adds a lot.

movietime: 00:03:40:15 - like the handheld and focus adjustments. The voice over is a little monotenous. Good writing though.

movietime: 00:04:05:05 - Like the framing of the guy in the door and the clothing blowing in the wind.

movietime: 00:05:17:05 - Interesting use of slow motion and music combined.

[Inexistence]

Developed is another favorite of mine here. I'm not sure I can
add anymore to what kholi has posted in terms of critique, so I'm
posting my reactions instead.

I really felt I was in another world here and that the American Psycho
esque character worked very well. Three scenes that stood out among the
rest were the 'coffee shop window,' 'pictures by the fountain,' and
the 'voyeur kitchen.' These definetly had great cinematic impact with me.

Overall... despite a few short comings, this has great potential
beyond horrorfest. Longevity is the ultimate rule I live by!

Make some revisions and you're golden!

[Kyle Stebbins]

BEHIND THE SCENES PHOTO


http://photos-052.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v46/230/15/17205767/n17205767_31394052_6794.jpg
Ah, doesn't this make you feel warm and fuzzy about making movies?

[Darkline]

... Especially from someone who seriously anhiliated the competition with their film (halfway).


that could be the single best comment I've recieved this whole fest. wow. You really rate it that high? amazing. All I can do is say thanks.... oh and ask you to post that on my thread....lol :)

those BTS photos are cool - thats what it's all about. get it done anyway you can!

[Inexistence]

Upon reviewing this short again, I can honestly say kyleman has
a career ahead of him here. I know everyone is googoogaga over JDS
right now but, I think kyle has created something beyond what JDS
has. No offense to JDS but, as a filmaker, I think kyle has surpassed
him with emotion, soul, grace, exquisite writing, thoughtfulness, mood
etc. You name it, I'll argue it.

Developed does not carry that overly sought after Hollywood produced
look everyone seems so addicted too like crack. The visuals envoked
the atmosphere of a mild, breezy summer day which is in stark contrast
to everything I've seen up till now. This short has that independent
tenor that is elusive amongst every film here.

I believe that Developed can be expanded on and turned into a feature
film which I cannot say for any other short in horrorfest.

Sure the narration could use a few more takes but, that is completely
missing the point I'm trying to make here. Get this guy a contract,
full crew, and I swear to god you'll have a effin' great movie on
your hands.

It takes more than fancy lighting and an HVX to CREATE a film so
everyone better take notice!

[Kyle Stebbins]

Inexistence,

There is nothing I can say that will properly express my gratitude for your statement.

I do not deserve such praise, and I must say I did not expect such praise. I should be so humbled.

I watched your film, I became obsessed with your posters and design. I went to your website and after viewing your work I wanted to crawl into a hole (which is apparently your location) =) -- You immediately became not just a dvxuser icon to me, but a fellow artist... someone I can look up to, follow, learn from. Your film had a tastefulness and style that was so unlike anything I had ever seen. It truly brought me into another world, somewhere distant. The language, the imagery, the subtleness of it all was EXACTLY what this fest needed.

I have many questions for you, but for now let me say Thanks, even though it doesn't seem enough (even with the capital 'T')
I sleep peacefully...
-Kyle Stebbins

[avatuar]

What's wrong with Hollywood polish? ;) Great job guys solid film!

[Inexistence]

What's wrong with Hollywood polish? ;) Great job guys solid film!

I would answer that here but, that could muckup the Developed thread. I might
start a seperate thread about what everyone values when interpreting/reviewing
horrorfest films.

[Kyle Stebbins]

I'd be really interested in that thread! and thanks for the respect on not wanting to muck this one up. I really appreciate it!

[TheatreGuy]

Kyle, man! LOVE the BTS shots!!! Cool to see how you did your dolly. I have GOT to make me one of those!!!

Some really nice things I'm reading here about your work! I couldn't agree more.

Great job. I am looking forward to our next project and keeping a line open between us.

Keep it up, man!

Ted

[TheatreGuy]

Whoa, Kyle... you've discovered something that I did not know... You actually made a link that directs you to the actual post!!! How did you figure out the post number???

I checked out the web address and see #post722876. That's brilliant! (or at least, it is very clever. I've been using the page number.)

So tell me, where did you get the post number???

Ted

[Mark Johnson]

This is a great film. It came out of nowhere for me because I had not followed this thread and nobody had pointed me to DEVELOPED. Here's my review:

1) Extremely strong opening. Absolutely riveting. People don't know how difficult it is to pull off the right amount of flutter for an opening featuring pictures/newspapers etc., but you got it down (or else got exceedingly lucky). The score is absolutely one of my favorites. Amazing in fact. Maybe my favorite part of this film because it adds just the right amount of power to the images.

2) My major criticism of the film is the sound quality of the voice-over. You've got some slap-back that makes it clear this was recorded in a small space and given the importance of the narrative VO, it suffers from a mediocre mic (to my ears) and a less than impressive voice talent. The script itself is spot-on, but just imagine a full-realized version of this VO with a powerful voice with a lot of bottom-end. Sheesh. Given that we don't hear the protagonist speak, you could have used someone else. I have a buddy who looks almost exactly like this character and he developed his voice and now is a radio announcer. I would love to see how this film plays exactly as it is, but with his voice and his microphone.

3) Gotta mention again the score rocks. Just rocks.

4) Wonderful camera moves and especially the dolly/truck move as he follows the girl/boyfriend out into the street.

5) Writing is very strong. It's all believable and well written although I am not usually a big fan of VO technique.

6) Nice shot framing with the long shot of both cars. Rack focus appeared a little ragged to me.

7) It's hard to do good hand-held but your camera person has it down. Wow, there's just some amazing camera work in this little gem.

8) At the end when you slow the pan/moves and generate some trails I assume this was all intended. However, I didn't find the effect worked well for me and would rather have seen a smear/doubling effect if you are going to go for this type of time-altered camera move. In fact, to me it looks like interlace artifacts and for that reason alone I would stay away from it or reprocess it to get rid of the horizontal lines.

9) Everything was so strong so I was a bit disappointed to see you go in for a throat slash without really making it work. With that big a knife and a double murder you are going to have to also add blood if you want to sell the viewer. In fact, speaking from my background in forensics I can tell you that you can't off these two people with that knife and not have some serious splatter in that small room. If you aren't going to go for realism with the blood/throat slash I would recommend shooting it as an etheral or suggestive sequence or cut to a wall that you throw a little blood on.

10) In all, this is an amazing little short. REALLY fabulous in almost every respect. My critique is all limited to small things that could be fixed quite easily. The script, camera work and cinematography are all there.

BRAVO!!!

[Kyle Stebbins]

Mark, thank you. I will take more time to comment on your review later, but for now just a couple things:

1) i was the cameraman... with a crew that small, i really kind of wanted to be. i knew what shots i wanted to go for, so it just made it easier.

2) the whole editing process (what... two days?) i was completely agonized by the VO everytime i pressed play -- i too noticed the slapback with the small room ambience. I HATED IT!! but i had little time, and used it just the same. -- thank you for understanding =)

3) Okay, the slow-motion. One of the most irritating things for me... I followed Barry's DVX book to a 'T'. I filmed in 60i (although w/ shutter off, which could be my problem) and then slowed my footage down in a 24pa timeline to 40% thus making it 24 fps. It made sense to me, it didn't look bad... but it still had the smeared/interlaced look that I hated. -- Although, as stubborn as I am, I wanted slow-mo. So i got slow-mo. But it was horribly interlaced.

all that aside, thanks for the review! your film was stunning in every way. I have lots to learn from you. Much appreciation!
-kyle stebbins

[Michael_Petro]

lets see you filmed this late sept in two days? I filmed for like 5 years man and you still kicked my butt--I hate you :)

[Kyle Stebbins]

not sure about that last quote on your sig... certainly doesnt make me want to watch your film =) lol

i'm kidding. i enjoyed it! nude women on a round!!! ;)

[-zach-]

http://photos-064.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v46/230/15/17205767/n17205767_31394064_9365.jpg
Oh... the ego...

is that a "chocolate" phone on the table?

[arielman]

I think this has been done before (story line) but hey it still works !

There is a lot of nice camera work here but some of the pan shots I didn't like .
The Vo could be better but then I doubt I could do any better myself.
You sure get this guy is Physco!!! . As for the girls death I didn't feel anything for her , not sure why . Maybe it was the way you left out the fear in her face , the struggle , I'm not really sure . The slicing of the throat was good !!!
I know it is hard to get a story and feelings across in 5 minutes BUT hey this was still good .
Ian

[cinealma]

An overall good film. There were some terrific shots in there. But the voice over killed it for me. I went back and watched this with the sound turned off and it was 1000% better. The story was definitely told in the images and didn't need the V.O.

There were a few holes for me in the script, but maybe I just missed something.

Anyway, good job. Thanks for sharing.


John G.

[Noel Evans]

Kyleman I just watched yours... taking my time getting through them all I HAVE NO TIME! Anyway I am not reading any threads until I view the short and I am glad I didnt. Truth be told a had little expectation. I must say you put together a very nice piece of work. Enjoyed it from start to finish.

I do have some critique for you from my personal perspective on it.

Some have been mentioned so I am not going to cover anything thats been said. The whip pans didnt work for me. I felt it didnt add anything and I was a little distracted by it. Maybe a reverse over the shoulder with a nice focus pull?

The other small thing was in the story. At the start it was a little mysterious, but when he said he was basically going to end her life, when it happened I was like OK. Not that it was a bad approach at all, but I just think there was opportunity for something more dramatic and thrilling in those final scenes.

Excellent!!!!!!!!!

[Mark Harris]

Just watched this again Kyle. Like some other things I've seen in this fest, I sort of liked the somber tone, as if this is inevitable and we are just witnessing it. It's sort fo mesmerizing to me, personally. I think it would never work at a feature length, but in a short, I think it does.

Also, I liked the V/O. It worked largely because the V/O was giving me information that the pictures weren't. The only quibble I had was I thought the actor rushed some of his speech a bit. Not that he talked fast, but it seemed that he could have been more deliberate in his speech, settled into it more, so that it would sound less like he was giving V/O and more like we were really inside his head.

I think if you ever did the same story longer, you could afford to spend a TON of time on the girl, and let us fall in love with her too, and really see things from his point of view.

I thought the shooting/editing/etc. was all fine in that I pretty much forgot about it right off the bat and just got into the story.

Very nice work!!!

[hvxabuser]

need better lighting and story. acting was good and shots were fun but you need work harder on the others.

[jpbankesmercer]

Acting: Good.
Script: Had me hooked from the start, then a tad predictable. But I liked it!
Direction: Some tasty ideas here, the use of handheld was A1.
Music: Loved those erie soundscapes! During the final scene it blew me away.
Editing: Nice man!
Lighting: Solid enough.
Loved: Fantastic opening, slow track into the window, some of the handheld stuff really blew me away.
Hated: The shaky pan up his body, it looked like she had spotted him through the window, the V.O. irked me a little but it told the story and I couldn’t see that you had any other choice, so it’s not a bad thing.
Overall: Very nice, well paced and well shot. Liked the idea that he left the negs behind. Overall a really solid project.

J.P.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM!)

[Kyle Stebbins]

Thanks for the kind words.

Desperatecomfort: I love that you are looking at this to be a feature... it is a great feeling when someone can take a short film and tell the creater that it has potential to be a longer project... that it has longevity and sustainability. -- The idea about getting more indepth about the girl... you know, this is a thought I never had: THE AUDIENCE NEEDS TO SYMPATHISE WITH THE GIRL!!! I really should have given more of a perspective on HER story, HER background. This will be a lesson that will be helpful in the fests to come. Thank you so much.

jpbankesmercer: I agree with the shaky pans... for one, I am still working on building a jib that is useable. I have built one that attaches to my tripod, but 1) it has no counterweights, which is an AWFUL AWFUL thing and 2) it is made out of wood and has little craftsmanship. My dolly, on the other hand, is solid and well-built. I will work on this...

the V.O. -- what a bother for me! i was not pleased with the sound, but my lead was so involved in other productions on stage, dancing and choreographing... acting in university plays. he is so talented, but I just wish we could've made the voiceover less of a "read-from-the-script" sort of sound. -- we'll try harder next time.

Also, jp, I'm sort of glad I'm not considered an "underviewed film" in your sig... It's very nice of you to put those on there! Thanks again!
-Kyle

[TheatreGuy]

By the way, Kyle... Thanks for that tip on copying and pasting the post# that I asked you about. That is sweet! I forgot to do it with my NEW LADDER SHOTS, but I got it for my new challenge!

Thanks. Cool Tip!

Love your film, man.

I had to watch it again today!

Ted

[jpbankesmercer]

Best of luck dude, you did well with me.
J.P.

[TheatreGuy]

Kyle man, you are my man!!!

Congratulations on your work and your film! You did an amazing job!

This has been a total blast and I look forward to many more converstions with you!!!

Best of luck to you!

You did AWESOME!!!

Ted

[jpbankesmercer]

Bumpy

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

Kyle ... so sorry just getting to commenting on your solid film.
I watched awhile a go and scored it well ... little time with lots of demands and ... awe hell I just suck ...

anyway ...

I liked the opening ... the somber tone ... I think it's harder to have visual impact without a full spectrum of light to dark on the screen and a "dark room" which is actuality a "red room" makes that hard ... hard to get good contrast and have all those images read ... for additional impact you might have had a shot or two in her skivvies taken through a bathroom window, so that we clearly get that this is a scary obsessive surveillance, vs. just some guy with lots of shots of his girlfriend ... the music and marks on their eyes helps, but the marks on the eyes are too hard to see in the red room and perhaps with the compression.

I like the dissolve into the title. Music, image, and metaphor all working nicely here -- great direction.

I like the framing of him in the coffee shop window around 1:45. I like the camera dolly in and its oddly framed for a western audience. One of the tricks of a stage director is to stage from right to left to build tension or to throw focus from right to left, because this is counter to the most repetitive movement our eyes learn which is left to right. So it odd to see a character framed right and throwing attention to the left of the screen (because he's facing that way) where there is just negative space. But like I say, odd in a good way here because you are building tension and showing us a character whose world view is more than a little askew.

Lots of great things beyond those moments, but again, because I am a suck (see above) I must leave you with those specifics for now.

To thoughts on the voice over ... to get a less scripted sounding or read sounding voice over here are some tricks
- if they are a smoker, have them sit back and relax and smoke while the do it. tell them not to worry about pace and piece it together later, have them do a few takes.
- have them do it to a specific person in a specific situation ... in this case I would suggest that he do it as if he has Sarah tied up, or at his mercy at least, and delivering the lines to her, running the knife down her cheek etc. Could get a good creepy take that way.
- final thought on the V.O. = cut it. Film is a medium of show not tell and your film shows us fine. If you will forgive me ... there are no thoughts that are so profound or new in your V.O. that would cause its absence to hurt the film. And I say that as a fellow filmmaker who has a "serial killer who thinks his killings are art" film in the fest. If it wasn't such a begged question in mine I wouldn't have expressed it in dialogue even if I felt I could have gotten away without it. If some of these ideas about being lost / freed or being art then put them in a quote at the top of the film. It could even be a quote from your killer or you it could be from some great philosopher or thinker or even from a great mind that you make up. But that gives us a filter to watch throughout rather than spoon feeding us thematic information all along the way. You might similarly begin or end with V.O. but I think its best to avoid it.

Ask yourself -- does my film make absolute 110% sense without the V.O.?
Does it have impact without the V.O.?
IMHO t he answer to both questions is a resounding yes. Your images are powerful and you structure and tell the story well, and again to harp on the point, you are in the show don't tell medium.

Look at Shed. I don't think it would benefit from me adding a voice over "Like a snake sheds its skin ... leaving behind its flesh, I too would make such a transformation .... shedding the life I knew for the darkness that lay ahead."

And again your filmmaking is strong enough to carry us just visually without the V.O. reinforcing the metaphor.

Also you might be able to tighten the edit a tad if there are any places you are just holding for the V.O.

It's a really good film as is. If you hit delete on that V.O. I think it will be a really great film.

try muting that track and watching it in your NLE and let me know what you think.

Plus, it always impresses people just as a hat trick when you tell a complete story with no dialogue. :thumbsup:

Nice film thanks for sharing it with us and for being such a positive and participatory part of the festival as an audience member as well!!!!

You scored well with me sir :beer:

Best,

Jack

[mentatDUKE]

Hey Kyle. Good cinematography on this. Especially the beginning. I wish the first closeup of him smiling was a bit less flat.
V.O. was pretty good. Sounded like a normal guy. Arrogant and elitist. Makes the character believable.

One problem was how closely the stalker followed without being noticed. A bit distracting and kinda pulled me out.
The girl and her boyfriend seemed to lack chemistry. If they seemed closer it may have been more tragic when the bf was killed.

Makeout scene on the bed could've been more believable and had more passion also.

The girl didn't seem to struggle much or be scared when confronted by the killer. This part of the film didn't feel genuine.
Also, more makeup/blood could have really sold the murder here.


One of the better films. Creative.

[Kyle Stebbins]

i agree... it's funny you say that about the b/f g/f though, because they are dating in real life. matter of fact, they are one of the 'closest' couples i know.

thanks for the review though, i still love getting these! it gets me pumped for more fests!!

[mentatDUKE]

ya. I suspected they were really dating. This is an indie after all. :)
I think it's hard to do public displays of affection (especially on camera) and show closeness rather than just "living" it. Hollywood couples who do movies together struggle with this too from what I understand.

[BryantStanton]

I can't seem to download the file. It d/l's about 500k and that's it, then if I just click the linkm it asked for a password and said the file had been suspended. Anyway you can re-link it for me? I'd love to check out the video.

[Kyle Stebbins]

Here, I uploaded it since the other hosts were getting suspended...
http://www.kylestebbins.com/Developedh264.mov

It's not anamorphic, and i am ashamed. i will have to consult other premiere users on their steps they took to get it to be such. i ran out of time towards the submission deadline.

[Norm Sanders]

Just finally getting the time to copy the notes I compiled in a Word doc while watching the shorts:

Started out with a BIG movie feel all the way through the opening title. Still a good film after that, but stronger opening, IMO. Not really a horror, as nothing about it scared me … seemed more psychological. Interesting idea, good camera work, editing, etc. Wish there had been more than simply VO the whole time, however.

[macintosh]

CINEMATOGRAPHY:

I liked your style on this film. In the beginning it had a real "narrative" feel to it, and then towards the end it seemed to almost move to a documentary style. For the most part you had a good look and good shots. I liked how you managed to get different shots when they were driving, it must be difficult to get the shots you want on real streets.

EDITING:

I really liked the beginning of the film. From the title I had an idea of what this film was going to focus around, and then the beginning stayed true to that.

SOUND:

The voiceover for the most part sounded great. There were at times when it sounded a bit louder then before, but nothing really major, and nothing to bad to say about it.

SCORE:

I think the soundtrack was a nice touch to this film. It didn't interfere with the story at all and helped keep the story flowing.

SCREENPLAY:

I liked the idea that you had for this. At the beginning I wasn't sure of what the outcome was going to be, and the way that you slowly revealed what happens was nice.

ACTING:

The acting was done well. When there aren't any speaking roles between characters its important that a person's body language comes off right. A lot of times when people are asked to do simple things that they do everyday, they have a hard time because there is a camera there and they feel the need to exaggerate their movements and facial expressions. Your actors had a good mix of everything and felt real to me.

Overall, this was a good film. I liked the story and I think the ending worked well. You had good shots, good soundtrack, and everything just fit together well.