Slimothy-Blaine-khmuse -Thou Shalt Not-

[Blaine]

Here's a shot that didn't make it into the movie. I love the feel of Closing Time at a Lonely Diner.

http://www.stickypod.com/videos/data/528/ClosingTime.jpg

(thanks, Kevin)

[Slimothy]

Also a HUGE thanks to Justin (Snodart). He did the VFX in little time and they came out exactly how we wanted them. You frickin rock man.

[snodart]

Also a HUGE thanks to Justin (Snodart). He did the VFX in little time and they came out exactly how we wanted them. You frickin rock man.

Thanks!

[khmuse]

Yep, I second that one. Justin did a great job and over came more than a few cross platform hurdles!

Thanks again Justin, it was a pleasure working with you.

[Blaine]

The sad thing is he did his job so well, no one will notice what he did...:beer:

[Brandon Rice]

Isn't that what VFX are all about :) Looking forward to your skilz on display (or unnoticable) Justin!

[khmuse]

I won't reveal what Justin did just yet, but after the voting closes I will post a few frame grabs both pre and post VFX. Very subtle and extremely realistic work. Really helped as we didn't have enough location time for getting the practical effects that we wanted.

[snodart]

Thanks all. I appreciate it. I'm truly glad that I was able to take part in Thou Shalt Not... which is looking great by the way.

Windows to Mac and back to Windows was an interesting task. Turns out that Mac and Windows can play nice together though. :)

[Brandon Rice]

Been meaning to ask... what inspired the title: Thou Shalt Not? It's quite a good title, just wondering what inspired it :)

[khmuse]

That question should be answered when you view the film. It is very integral to the story line.

[Blaine]

That question should be answered when you view the film. It is very integral to the story line.
I like that answer better...:beer:

[Brandon Rice]

Cool... well, I'll do that :)

[Robert Eldon]

Slimothy,

I just asked if you had an entry in this fest, in another thread. Doh! I haven't been paying much attention to the other entries. This movie looks like fun!

And by the way, I had talked with David Concannon about being in my flick. Congratulations on working with him. He seems like a 'stand up' guy and he's a fine actor!

[concannon]

Yep, I second that one. Justin did a great job and over came more than a few cross platform hurdles!

Thanks again Justin, it was a pleasure working with you.

I third that. From what I had a chance to take a look at...what you did was amazing!! Some of the detail had to be pointed out to me....that is how good it was. It added to the story and was so real it blended in perfectly. I don't know if I can go into detail here before tomarrow, but great work my friend.

[Magicchildfilms]

great poster!

[Slimothy]

great poster!
Yea, that was the work of our lead actor David Concannon. He did a solid job! It seems like we were working with all multi-talented people! Luckily, as my photoshop skills aren't very polished.

[khmuse]

Still trying to find out what happened to our upload. It sat on the server for 48 hours, the upload file size was confirmed, its now off the server, but we are not on the list of confirmed uploads.

I am getting a bit grumpy at this stage. :angry:

[mentatDUKE]

Hey guys. This looks interesting. Your actors look great too. Don't fret too much regarding the upload. I'm sure Jarred will take care of you. He's really helpful.

[khmuse]

We have been struggling with getting the on line file to Jarred. I had thought that we were in the clear when I uploaded Sunday AM, but then late yesterday, I find out that the .zip file was corrupt. This caused a made dash last evening to get a fresh copy to Jarred. I sent an email with links at three different locations for him to download, but so far, I have no idea if he has seen the email.

I really hope that this works out or at a minimum if they would allow us to self host if necessary.

[Brandon Rice]

I am sure everything will be fine :) Jarred may not even be awake yet, and will be checking his email later.

[khmuse]

Sleep is for whimps, not filmmakers!

[Blaine]

It's been uploaded to several different places to make it available to Jarred...no word yet.:huh:

[khmuse]

As of a few moments ago, we are finally on the confirmed list!

[Blaine]

As of a few moments ago, we are finally on the confirmed list!
Just saw that myself. Now, he can ignore the PMs and emails I sent.

[kimko]

kool! i woke Blaine this morning tryi ng to find out the latest on the upload. sorry about that chief!

[khmuse]

Hey Kimko,

You should have called me, I haven't slept since...

...well I can't really remember but I have more "jet lag" over this upload stuff than I did last week after flying back from London.

[Blaine]

Hey Kimko,

You should have called me, I haven't slept since...

...well I can't really remember but I have more "jet lag" over this upload stuff than I did last week after flying back from London.
Hey!!! After I got that uploaded last night/this morning you told me I could go to sleep...:huh:

[khmuse]

Yeah I did mention that you should get some sleep, but until I got the confirmation, I knew I wasn't going to get any so why even try!

Now if I just don't fall asleep on set today, I will be doing great!.

At least its not an overnighter today (12:45 call time) so that should help!

[kimko]

Hey Kimko,

You should have called me, I haven't slept since...

...well I can't really remember but I have more "jet lag" over this upload stuff than I did last week after flying back from London.WHY I'D BE TALKING TO A BABBLING IDIOT! hahahaha your retina's are probably burnt! i know mine are going to be, trying to watch all of these. i hope you didn't pull all your hair out trying to get it uploaded! i'll call you when you get some sleep.:beer:

[Cryogenic Filmworks]

:thumbsup:
Glad to see you finally got it up. Looking forward to watching all these.

[Matt Sconce]

You guys all rock! I expect to see this in the upcoming Action on Film Festival as well! :thumbup: :)

[Blaine]

You guys all rock! I expect to see this in the upcoming Action on Film Festival as well! :thumbup: :)
I'm pretty sure you will...:beer:

[concannon]

Are we there yet.... (A few seconds later)
Are we there yet.... (A few seconds later)
Are we there yet.... (A few seconds later)
etc.

[Blaine]

Do I need to pull this car over, young man?

[snodart]

Do I need to pull this car over, young man?

LOL :grin:

[Rock Punk!]

Glad to see that you finally made it. Just as I was to see that I did too.

[concannon]

Do I need to pull this car over, young man?

Ya...cause I really have to pee. I know I was told to go before we left but I had the super big gulp....

[Blaine]

Ya...cause I really have to pee. I know I was told to go before we left but I had the super big gulp....
http://www.forumup.it/images/smiles/staff_536uo.gif

[Blaine]

Title:Thou Shalt Not.
Produced - Written: Blaine Golden
Co-Producer: Tashauna Riley
Directed: Tim Hyten
Starring: -Miko Hughes - David Concannon - Amanda Beede - Julie Horner - Robert Olding - Nathanael Johnson - Debbie Kagy
Director of Photography: Kevin Halverson
1st AD: David Chien
1st AC: Cody Sarloos
Sound: Michael Blue
Music by: Sid Barnhoorn
Visual FX: Justin Snodgrass


http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/106/1158347444.jpg
Cast:
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1155586180.jpg
http://imdb.com/name/nm0400816/ - Miko Hughes
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1155588338.jpg
http://snodart.com/cache/index.htm - David Concannon
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1157318796.jpg
http://imdb.com/name/nm1438928/Amanda Beede
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1157674996.jpg
http://imdb.com/name/nm1883044/Nathanael Johnson
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1157318899.jpg
Julie Horner
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1157318943.jpg
http://imdb.com/name/nm1500093/Robert Olding
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/3501/1157688603.jpg
Debbie Kagy

Hope you enjoy the movie


NOW PLAYING
Your feedback is appreciated

[gwmesler]

Obviously, "Thou shalt not" refers to "hiring plain looking actresses". Looks like your casting agent knows how to spot talent!

[CallaghanFilms]

Really solid short film here, fellas.
Technically everything seemed to click.
The location was picture perfect.
The acting was quite respectable...It was the little things (the actors' "buisiness") that stuck with me (IE Concannon's spinning roughly of the chairs.)
What can I say but yuz left me wanting more.




Spoiler:


:evil: Now, Blaine - about that line "collateral damage"...:evil:

[Brandon Rice]

Thou Shalt Not


Script
This is where the filmmaking starts, the script. This story was totally confusing to me, and I felt no impact by the end. The setup was ok, but the middle and end just didn’t work at all for me.

Acting
Maybe it was because I was expecting a lot, but the acting didn’t work for me here. I think the best job here was David’s role. The other’s all felt as if they were reading from their scripts. Very wooden. I think some of it might be derived from what in my opinion was unnatural dialogue on the page.

Cinematography
Again, I expected great things. There are a few nice shots, specifically thinking the exteriors of the café, but most everything else falls flat for me. The framing on several shots is totally off, and the lighting in many places seems unmotivated

Editing
Pretty decent. I think some of the acting qualms I had could be solved with tightening up the dialogue, specifically in the exchange after Miko walks in. Sometimes I felt confused as to what was happening, as people were running places or whatever.

Score
I liked the score overall. Very modern horror score. It worked.

Overall Impressions
Thou Shalt Not had amazing potential. I feel it lacks in the writing, cinematography some of the editing choices. Again, after the hype, I was expecting a lot. Please don’t take this review the wrong way. I know I have a lot to learn, and am in no way the end all on films, but I just state my subjective opinion. Thanks for sharing the film!

[Slimothy]

Chad: If you say it's a solid film, then that's an accomplishment! Thanks for watching and commenting man.

Brandon: Don't feel bad, constructive criticism is why we're here.

[Blaine]

:evil: Now, Blaine - about that line "collateral damage"...:evil:
Hahahaha. It hadn't even occurred to me until you brought it up...:beer:

[Edgen]

hey guys! Kudos on the film. I think a lot of what i'd like to say has been said already, so I think that horse maybe dead.

i too was a bit confused at the end. I knew they were 'partners in crime' and It was a great little twist. I dug the visuals. I think the 'red' scene with the blonde girl (georgous btw) was a bit too drawn out and over the top. I assume you made that red to parellel the mood? (cause it was the only red scene in the entire film)

Acting was pretty good.. and.. well, not so good. I LOVED the seat tossing at the end from cocannon? That too stuck out to me. Its the small things. :)

Score! Sid, ahh, excellent work and great to see it with picture! I'm starting to get a good solid feel for your style.

The end. I would have liked to see some extreme close ups. I'm not sure if the long two shot worked. Having you right up in their face will give you a sense of power and uneasiness to the character. I'm wondering if you guys got those angles?

Its probably stupid to say, but they are the western small outskirt village duo similar to the boondock saints right? Taking care of the evil people of the world?

kudos on entering the fest. :)
/j

[Slimothy]

hey guys! Kudos on the film. I think a lot of what i'd like to say has been said already, so I think that horse maybe dead.

i too was a bit confused at the end. I knew they were 'partners in crime' and It was a great little twist. I dug the visuals. I think the 'red' scene with the blonde girl (georgous btw) was a bit too drawn out and over the top. I assume you made that red to parellel the mood? (cause it was the only red scene in the entire film)

Acting was pretty good.. and.. well, not so good. I LOVED the seat tossing at the end from cocannon? That too stuck out to me. Its the small things. :)

Score! Sid, ahh, excellent work and great to see it with picture! I'm starting to get a good solid feel for your style.

The end. I would have liked to see some extreme close ups. I'm not sure if the long two shot worked. Having you right up in their face will give you a sense of power and uneasiness to the character. I'm wondering if you guys got those angles?

Its probably stupid to say, but they are the western small outskirt village duo similar to the boondock saints right? Taking care of the evil people of the world?

kudos on entering the fest. :)
/j
Hey man,
Thanks alot for commenting/watching. I would have really liked to get some more CU's and coverage, but unfortunately we ran out of time so we weren't able to get those angles.

Could you tell me which acting you thought was a bit wonky, so next time I can improve on the direction?

As far as the "boondock saints" theme: You're close, but not quite.

[CallaghanFilms]

I saw it more as Dogma meets The Prophecy set against the backdrop of A History of Violence...or some such jazz

[Edgen]

ha!! Maybe.. Jay and Silent bob? Except darker?

You know.. the third time watching... I think its just the echo of the audio within the diner itself. Re-watching the actors again in 'extreme low volume', it looks like they are delivering. Maybe do an ADR session, (which, i know is costly and timeconsuming) but you can definitely hear a slight muffled or refridgerator echo in the background that sticks out really bad throughout the film (which, i'm sure they couldn't just shut those down) or perhaps that's just my virgin ears? :) (except for the final scene which, i think was adr?) if so, capturing the room tone and throwing that in the backdrop would have evened things out across the boards.

the other thing. I think the Anamorphic adapter is really cutting your information out. It seems like everyone is squeezed into frame and the more movies I'm seeing with the super wide screen, the more I'm not caring too much for it. (second pass o' crit) it happens especially at 2:00

ooh, the third chair thud... what happened to that SFX?
(although it probably did not actually hit, i would have liked to hear the last one to mesh nicely with his swings). I guess sometimes onset audio shouldn't match with post audio fx. Those knife stabs. (another 2nd round crit)... Hollywoodify it. they were just weak. (although i'm sure that's what it actually sounds like in real life)

hope this helps. But.. regardless, I reallly enjoyed watching the film and looking forward to the next!
/j

[khmuse]

Hey Edgen,

You have identified a scene where I too would have loved some more coverage, namely the end scene. The funny thing is that circumstances conspired to prevent this from occurring, by no less than a simple, but absolutely unstoppable force. Namely, we ran out of fuel for the genny after just two takes at the master shot. So, no coverage and not what I wanted for this scene.

To answer your question, the two characters, "The Kid" and "The Demon" are both in fact immortal beings that go about righting the world as they see it (I suspect that Blaine could do a better job expounding upon this than I can). This story really, I mean REALLY, needed more running time to be told correctly. It was an 8 page script that we pushed through to get to the time limit and even 8 minutes would have been a bit tight. Some more back story, some more dialog could have been really used to improve it.

Regarding the "Red" location, its something that just clicked in my head as a way of helping to make the space that "Shirley" (the waitress) was hiding in a bit more terrifying. I realize that there is no real good reason to have a red illuminated room in the back of a dinner, its just felt right while on set and I went for it. It was more likely the cause for the scene appearing a bit over the top and not the fault of the actress who played it out so I take full responsibility for this one good or bad.

Interesting that people are picking up on Dave's seat banging, it really did make for a fairly terrifying event when being shot. I didn't know that he was going to do it the first take and being a handheld shot, I reacted to it and it shows in the camera handling, which in many ways I think helps to make the event slightly more terrifying.

Thanks so much for your comments and explanations, it really helps me to understand what is and what isn't working for our film.

Kevin

[avatuar]

Hey guys great concept definitley a feature waiting to be made.

[khmuse]

Wow Edgen,

You are really, really picking up on things in this film, I am impressed!

Yep, with all the environmental sounds we were dealing with, nearly the whole film needed ADR, but we only had access to "The Kid" and "The Demon" so we got their ADR, but no one else. I tried to cut it together, but without complete ADR, just a few places other than the last scene worked out. The sound design is a bit weaker than I would have liked, but I hadn't planned on doing the editing myself and I had to leave the country on business in the middle of post so time was less than I would have wanted. A better editor and a real folly person and full ADR would have given us better sound.

The decision to frame and shoot 2:35 was again mine, so if it worked or didn't I will take full responsibility for the outcome. I do like the full wide that you get with this piece of glass when shooting in tight quarters, but I can see why some might have preferred 1:85. There are so many shots that gave me difficulty with the adapter, that I won't go over all them here, but I decided to shoot with it and both Tim and Blaine gave me the opportunity to make the decision myself, so I really appreciate the trust that they placed in me.

Again, I really appreciate the feedback you have provided. Your comments are well reasoned and very insightful.

Kevin

[Sid Barnhoorn]

Here's the whole score for download:
www.sidbarnhoorn.com/thou_shalt_not.zip (http://www.sidbarnhoorn.com/thou_shalt_not.zip)

Cheers,

[Darkline]

Hi All,

Yeh I dont want to flog a dead horse either, but I do agree with a lot of what's been said.

I really like the first half of this. The opening shot selection was very moody. The way they were all listening to him in the diner. At that point I felt this was really working well. I was captivated, I liked how the music built up when he was taking the guy's knife off him, good misdirection. But I'd say from here it began to get a little confusing and the pay off wasn't as grand as I was expecting.

Great lighting, sound, nice title sequence. Very pro looking. You got a lot of things right

[khmuse]

Thanks Darkline,

The pace that we needed to move through the final action sequence was certainly quick. The choreography to get this accomplished was difficult and something that had to be worked out on location, it certainly could have benefited from a bit more running time. I want to point out that is the case for a few other films in this competition as well; I am not making excuses, we all knew the limitations of this contest, some choose to stay within them, others (like us) choose to try to tell a bigger story in a shorter period of time. The success of each is an indication of our ability to tell a story, ours need just a bit more time to be fully told.

I am pleased that you seemed to like the film or at least the direction that we were trying to take the film.

Thanks for your review, feedback is always appreciated, particularly when it is well reasoned and honest.

[Darkline]

Yes its a brave risk to take, taking on a bigger project and I commend you. I have not had the guts to work with a big cast/crew yet; it seems to be a hurdle for me to overcome.

I imagine that with all those people in that location, time is of the essence and decisions need to me made quickly when things don't go to plan.

If you were to reshoot it right now, what would you change, if anything?

[khmuse]

Hey Darkline,

If I were to re-shoot it? Holly Crap, my response could certainly exceed the 5000 character limit that is imposed by this board, but I will try to stay under!

First off, budget allowing, I would have gone with my first camera choice, namely the SDX900. I really prefer a great 2/3" camera for so many reasons.

Second, I would have gone for the high frequency ballast for the HMIs. I had issues with genny driven magnetic ones.

Third, I would have wanted a day to prelight the location and I would have wanted to lock down the location between shooting days. We had to return it to a working restaurant each night after shooting, this was a big obstacle.

Fourth, I would have wanted a gaffer. It was too much for me to shoot and light this without much assistance (not that I didn't have people helping, I just would have loved to have a real gaffer).

Fifth, I would have said since we are not using a sanctioned camera, lets screw the running time limit and tell a more complete story.

Sixth through Five Hundredth... I won't go into these but believe me I could fill them all!

All it would have taken is a lot more money. We probably spent more than nearly any other production here as we had away locations (that had to be paid for), transportation costs, accommodations costs, equipment rentals, etc.

So I guess the one thing I would have changed is I would have tried to find someone with really deep pockets to finance it. Blaine absorbed most of the expense on this one, so I am very thankful for his commitment. He is one hell of a guy to work with!

By the way, GREAT QUESTION!

[Kholi]

Review | POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I watch the movies first time around strictly for enjoyment, second and third for review.

Hey dudes. I ended up catching yours on accident before i went down the line so before I forget about what I want to say, here's to getting 'er done.

Script - This is where it all fell apart for me. There wasn't enough information to tell me what the heck was going on during this short, and while you can't know everything, there's a massive hole in the plot and structure.There's a dead girl and a staticy TV that I really have no idea what's there for. I hear a guy telling a story all of a sudden and everyone's just paying attention, and then it turns around and these two "demons" are killing people. Now, I know that the people they killed were people who had kind of "sold their souls", but with everything going on you really can't tell. The dialogue either needs work or was delivered unjustly. And the pacing is staggered. Script might benefit from an overhaul on a reshoot and proper character and motive establishment.

Direction - An interesting gathering of shots. A lot of static ones that looked okay. I saw a few that stood out as good, like the dialogue coverage on the cook and the lady at about 2:15 or so. Other than that, I suppose I really can't say much. The camera was to static for me for what wsa supposed to be a really intense action scence. I also think you might've benefited from the right dialogue coverage. There were a lot of wides going on.

Acting - I think I might've expected too much. This is where the hype killed a facet of someone's movie for me, the first time anyway. I expected top notch acting for some reason and it was sub-par. I think I expected miracles after seeing the talent list. Line delivery was plastic and unbeleivable, the larger demon's acting was more comedic than intimidating. I just couldn't get into them. Did you guys go through the motions before hand with the shooting scene enough? It seemed really off.

Cine/Lighting - I can see that you had to spend a while turning the darkness til it favors you. I like the red scenes, behind the brunette/dark haired gal. I'm always a fan of colored scenes and maybe it was done on purpose, but it doubled as her "sin". What I don't understand is why the lights had to go off in the first place. It seems it was an uncessary hurdle to leap. Was there a certain reason for that other than "mood"? This was actually the stand-out facet of your short, though. Got a lot of good lighting in where you could.

Editing - The cutting wasn't horrible. I can't identify any issues aside from the beginning. Intercutting the girls dead body with the redundancy of that vehicle... I wasn't too keen on that. Didn't know the purpose behind it, and it looked like it could've saved time in the end. Maybe this also contributes to the Dialogue Delivery. It's a tad off. Maybe you can tighten that up before you go to pitch it for funding?

Sound - Score wasn't up my alley. I won't say much more on that. A lot of entires haven't been for me so that's nothing important. Sound effects were off. The gun shots were kinda weak. I could hear what the people were saying which was good, did a decent job on the ADR.

Special Effects - Lack of muzzle flash actually caught me. It might've helped sell the death. And being that it's horror, a blood splatter? The stabbing looked good. The slit throat lacked a lot of blood. I almost thought she had a bow-tie on when I first saw it.

Scariest Moments - When the lights in the place go off. I hate when lights go out. =(

Overall consensus - The production had a lot of potential and maybe I got a little too hyped about it. It came up short on a lot of areas and maybe it was because of the lack of funding? You can tighten a lot of it up in editing, even shorten it a minute or so. Lighting was good. Especially the red-scenes. I liked those. Overall a good go at it. Thanks for exhibiting guys.

[Slimothy]

Thanks alot guys for your in-depth reviews: I have to head off to Arizona in a bit, but will be sure to comment on all of the films when I get back.

Kholi: You bring up a point that I was concerned with for a while and that was the demon coming in and sitting down and talking. Normally people would be like: WTF? We originally had it so that he was already in the middle of his story, hence, already having everyone's attention, but we kinda got twisted up a bit once we actually shot it/edited it. The scenes back to the hotel were supposed to be more of like flashbacks of what he was talking about but after reading the feedback, I don't think it came across that way. I was afraid from the get-go about "over-hyping" and it was something me and Blaine discussed extensively, but near the end I felt we might've been falling into that pit. It's hard not to when you're excited about everything.

Darkline: Excellent question. If I could change some things, I probably would have gotten an extra day if possible allowing for alot more coverage. For the major kill scene, we were only able to do two takes and I was REALLY worried about that since you don't get the chance to see any reactions, etc to what is going on. I would have also liked to see more blood. I'm a fan of gore, and I think it might've helped to sell some things better. Namely the girl in the hotel. Like Kevin said, time was our enemy.

Thanks again, I VERY much appreciate everyone's comments/feedback on this. Constructive Criticism is the shizznit.

Tim.

[TimurCivan]

i thought it was good. It looked more llike one scene from a larger projectt hn a stand allone film. ACting was good. The demon was actually pretty cool.

i like the red light shot and tht girls scream was blood curdling.

Nice work!

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

I thought the lighting and acting were the standouts here.

Another great performance from Concannon, and very differen. I think I saw a little of my avatar in his first bit with the wallet, but always his own and very believable.

I was confused as to some of the relationships and then generally trajectory of events though it all made sense by the end.

All in all I liked it, thought it had a great consistent mood, good look and nice performances. :thumbsup:

[Blaine]

Glad you liked it, Jack. I'm glad to see it came together at the end. That was the intent. We wanted all the information to be there so that by the time you got there it would make sense, from the point that Gina (Julie Horner) catches herself and has to cover the fact that she was at the hotel to where Travis (Nathan Johnson) doesn't think it would be a good idea for her to work with him, considering they're the ones having the affair.

That whole scene was added late. When we were casting, we needed some dialogue for the female characters and it was written for that purpose. As it turned out, we felt it was essential for advancing the story, so in it went...and another page with it...

[Blaine]

Special Effects - Lack of muzzle flash actually caught me. It might've helped sell the death.
Hey, Kholi, just thought I address this one quickly. The gun was pressed against the body, so I'm not certain we'd see a muzzle flash on the shot to Travis (Nathanael Johnson). There was an exit wound which is tough to see because it happens so quickly and it's dark. Perhaps we could have played that up a bit more... There was a muzzle flash when he fired at the Kid (Miko).

[RebeccaD]

Nice job on this one! I got a chance to watch it today. I thought much of the acting was believable and the content was scary! Keep up the good work

[Kholi]

Hey, Kholi, just thought I address this one quickly. The gun was pressed against the body, so I'm not certain we'd see a muzzle flash on the shot to Travis (Nathanael Johnson). There was an exit wound which is tough to see because it happens so quickly and it's dark. Perhaps we could have played that up a bit more... There was a muzzle flash when he fired at the Kid (Miko).

That makes sense. After checking it out again I saw how deep it was against the clothing. It had been too dark for me to pick up that it was too close in the first place.

Thanks, Blaine.

[khmuse]

Excellent critique Kholi! Really appreciate you taking the time and effort to write this. I will just make a comment on some of your observations.


Direction - An interesting gathering of shots. A lot of static ones that looked okay. I saw a few that stood out as good, like the dialogue coverage on the cook and the lady at about 2:15 or so. Other than that, I suppose I really can't say much. The camera was to static for me for what wsa supposed to be a really intense action scence. I also think you might've benefited from the right dialogue coverage. There were a lot of wides going on.

If we had more time, I would have shot a lot more coverage, but we didn't and I choose to try to cover things in much fewer shots than is typical. The reality of the difficulties of the location did not become apparent to me until I arrived (late due to traffic) on location the first evening of shooting. I quickly came to the conclusion that I would really have to be careful in budgeting my time as things were going to be more difficult than I had anticipated. Looking back, I should have taken a day and driven to the location to fully survey it first, but the 5+ hour round trip just wasn't possible with the schedule that I had with other projects at that time.

So, I wouldn't blame direction (Tim) here much, he, like myself would have also wanted more coverage, but it wasn't in the time budget.


Acting - I think I might've expected too much. This is where the hype killed a facet of someone's movie for me, the first time anyway. I expected top notch acting for some reason and it was sub-par. I think I expected miracles after seeing the talent list. Line delivery was plastic and unbeleivable, the larger demon's acting was more comedic than intimidating. I just couldn't get into them. Did you guys go through the motions before hand with the shooting scene enough? It seemed really off.

Here I can't say that I fully agree. I understand that it isn't my place as DP to comment directly on the talents performance, but given the fact that most of these people had never seen each other before their call time (and one, Nathan, was a last minute replacement) I thought that they all did a damn good job. This of course is a matter of taste, but I felt that the talent was the best thing we had going for us.


Cine/Lighting - I can see that you had to spend a while turning the darkness til it favors you. I like the red scenes, behind the brunette/dark haired gal. I'm always a fan of colored scenes and maybe it was done on purpose, but it doubled as her "sin". What I don't understand is why the lights had to go off in the first place. It seems it was an uncessary hurdle to leap. Was there a certain reason for that other than "mood"? This was actually the stand-out facet of your short, though. Got a lot of good lighting in where you could.

Glad you liked the lighting choices that I made. They were fairly quick decisions, but I tried hard to make them work to set a mood for the story line. The choice to have Travis (the cook, played by Nathanael) turn off the lights was that I really wanted a reason for the interior illumination to change tone. It was after all past closing time, so it seemed like a reasonable thing to me. I tried to use the practicals that I established on the exterior to provide a motivation for the lighting that followed. Again, more time (and wall spreaders would have been great if I could have come up with a way to rig them) would have given me more to work with. But overall, I am not totally unhappy with the lighting that I achieved.


Editing - The cutting wasn't horrible. I can't identify any issues aside from the beginning. Intercutting the girls dead body with the redundancy of that vehicle... I wasn't too keen on that. Didn't know the purpose behind it, and it looked like it could've saved time in the end. Maybe this also contributes to the Dialogue Delivery. It's a tad off. Maybe you can tighten that up before you go to pitch it for funding?

As I don't consider myself an editor, I will gladly accept "...wasn't horrible"! Sorry that the opening sequence didn't fully come across. It was likely also a victim of not having enough time to fully realize. Am I beginning to sound a tad redundant with this part of my response?


Sound - Score wasn't up my alley. I won't say much more on that. A lot of entires haven't been for me so that's nothing important. Sound effects were off. The gun shots were kinda weak. I could hear what the people were saying which was good, did a decent job on the ADR.

I liked the score a lot, but again this is a matter of taste. Full ADR would have made my editing task easier, but we only had access to two of the actors so I did what I could with what I had to work with.


Special Effects - Lack of muzzle flash actually caught me. It might've helped sell the death. And being that it's horror, a blood splatter? The stabbing looked good. The slit throat lacked a lot of blood. I almost thought she had a bow-tie on when I first saw it.

I think that Blaine has already fully addressed these comments perfectly, so I don't feel the need to add anything else here.


Scariest Moments - When the lights in the place go off. I hate when lights go out. =(

For me it was the scene where Shirley watched Gina get killed and the event was seen in her expression of horror. It really gave me chills when shooting it and did to a somewhat lessor extent each time I watched while cutting the film.


Overall consensus - The production had a lot of potential and maybe I got a little too hyped about it. It came up short on a lot of areas and maybe it was because of the lack of funding? You can tighten a lot of it up in editing, even shorten it a minute or so. Lighting was good. Especially the red-scenes. I liked those. Overall a good go at it. Thanks for exhibiting guys.

Thank you too for your great comments! Very appreciated.

Kevin

[Kholi]

Thanks for taking the time to respond, dude.

I'd like to add on the ACTING section-- No practice before call time reflects the acting. I can totally see what transpired here and I can imagine that it'd be ten times better when you go into a feature version (if planned).

A good thing about the DVX fest (amongst other obvious ones) is that you have the chance to get feedback. This is the time to really mess-up, when your peers will tell you honestly and help you out. On a real festival circuit, there's no justifying things. It's either did or did not and that's pretty much it.

Great job, all of you. I'm still crazy jealous of everyone who entered.

[khmuse]

Nice job on this one! I got a chance to watch it today. I thought much of the acting was believable and the content was scary! Keep up the good work

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks so much for your comments. I am so pleased that you found it "scary" that is all that I could have hoped for in a Horror short film. I think our talent was our best asset on set and seeing your performance in R.E.M. I know that you are fully aware of good performance so your kind words go even further for me.

Kevin

[Matt Sconce]

Well, let me begin by saying I had very big expectations for this film...the caliber of acting, the DP, the hype, the Grabs. I want you guys to know that I was not dissapointed! I think you lived up to everything and even went above the hype. The only thing that hurt this for some people is the audio mix. I think when they were unable to understand, they lost the story and missed the kicker at the end.

*************SPOILERS******************

The cinematography here was amazing. I loved everything about it. It felt natural and subtle where it needed to be. I liked how the light color reflected emotions. Red for the sheer terror the actress was feeling. Angles rocked too! Tis is definitely one to see on the DVD as it works better bigger than 400 lines wide.

Acting was excellent. I really enjoyed the performances.

The editing helped create a nice flow, and could possibly be tweaked to make the adultery thing less confusing.

The payoff of realizing who the two guys were was priceless. Two angels or demons hunting commandment breakers! AWESOME!

Yep loved it, definitely up there in the top group!

[VersuS]

Story: very nice, thought it could use some work coz I had to watch it twice to fully understand what was going on...for example, when the guy enters and talks about the blood at the motel...the others seem to pre occupied with their own stuff, like who worked there and why and say she's sorry....i mean...a guy just walked in freaked out, talking about a possible murder....

Cinematography: strong one! loved the lighting and the choice of direction, i dont know why you chose the red light for the blonde girl when she's screaming...

Editing: thought it worked well though I have no clue how the blonde ended up running to the door when in the previous shot she was collapsing by the wall...

Acting: natural, not the best but in top10 spot

Score/Sound: nothing to go ballistic for but it fit the context...a few problems with the two 'angels' in the end...i couldnt make out their lines and i thought it was recorded in post...thought i saw some off sync lip movement with the guy sitting and his line

Overall, very strong, very nice images and concept, could go all the way for a very interesting short feature

[khmuse]

Thanks for taking the time to respond, dude.

I'd like to add on the ACTING section-- No practice before call time reflects the acting. I can totally see what transpired here and I can imagine that it'd be ten times better when you go into a feature version (if planned).

A good thing about the DVX fest (amongst other obvious ones) is that you have the chance to get feedback. This is the time to really mess-up, when your peers will tell you honestly and help you out. On a real festival circuit, there's no justifying things. It's either did or did not and that's pretty much it.

Great job, all of you. I'm still crazy jealous of everyone who entered.

It was my absolute pleasure and what I felt to be almost an obligation to write as your post was full of very useful feedback.

I fully agree about the value of this forum, it is a great place to get constructive feedback and not just the little comment cards you see used in festivals (which don't tell you much more than if someone liked or disliked the entire film). Without specifics, you can't extract much that would be valuable or ways to improve one's filmmaking skills.

Thanks again,

Kevin

[Slimothy]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I'm back from AZ now, so I will resume commenting/watching the films.

Tim.

[kimko]

nice shots Kevin. good story Blaine in this tight shoot everyone got their wings to fly giving them some character in a short which is unheard of on these fest. Tim i know it must of been hard with all the heavy hitters on this one, but you put it all together and kept it in place. CONGRATULATIONS! .............Miko looked good, I liked when he was taking the gun, and when he was walking up to the girl (exuding evil and confidence) while Dave was spinning the chairs. Dave had the look going when being frisked(nice lighting Kevin) the ladies were very good.

[Blaine]

Thanks, Kimko. I'm glad you liked it. Sorry we had the scheduling problems. Hopefully next time we can make it work...:beer:

[khmuse]

Hey Kimko,

Glad you liked it. It was a challenging yet very enjoyable project to work on. The distant location and the over nighters are a lot to ask of everyone but we had a great cast and crew, everyone was professional and very understanding. We ran into a number of on set surprises (which to varying degrees can occur on any project) and I really thank Tim (Director), Blaine (writer/producer) and David (1st AD) for their willingness to work through the issues and confront the realities that we experienced without any complaints and always with the idea that the outcome of the project is all that matters.

It was a real pleasure to work with this cast, their performances were all excellent and I think that any degree of success that this short has is in large part due to the actors we had.

Sorry that it didn't work out to have you involved in this one, I am certain you would have made a hell of a demon! Perhaps next time we can finally get to work together.

Kevin

[Mark Harris]

Hey guys,

I'm slowly making my way through all of the films. I watched this once the first day, as the first time, I just watch for enjoyment. Then I came back to it last night and then this morning. I've now seen it 5 times.

I like this idea, kind of a "DOGMA," but with BALLS!

I guess I'm a little confused about a couple of things:

1) When the second Angel of Death says: "You look just like the guy in the license..." Who is he talking to? It's not clear from the camera choice who he's talking to and why he's saying that. If I missed something, let me know. If it's not clear, I think it could be cleared up with a cut-away of that person, if you have it.

2) Were the brunette and Travis the adulterers? And the Danny Bonneduce guy the brunette's husband? That's what I picked up on when Travis says: "I don't think that's a good idea." And was the girl in the beginning related to what was going on here, or was she the PREVIOUS job they pulled?

Acting-wise, I didn't have any real problem, except, I felt like big "Angel of Death" was working a little too hard at being mean. Not to say his acting was bad, but if you are an Angel of Death, I think you can just be. Power comes from not moving, not working hard. Also, the third barstool he slams, there is no sound. You might foley that in, because if you're an Angel of Death and you're trying to be intimidating, just one of those chairs NOT banging can blow your whole act. :)

The lighting was so nice to me, because it created these pools of light and dark and you let the characters move in and out of them. Can you post a lighting plot? I bet that diner was a BI-OTCH to light, but I would like to see it if you have it.

[Blaine]

1) When the second Angel of Death says: "You look just like the guy in the license..." Who is he talking to? It's not clear from the camera choice who he's talking to and why he's saying that. If I missed something, let me know. If it's not clear, I think it could be cleared up with a cut-away of that person, if you have it.
He is talking to the Kid in this shot. The Kid had just come from the hotel, "leaving" the wallet behind. At this point, no one knows they are actually working together.


2) Were the brunette and Travis the adulterers? And the Danny Bonneduce guy the brunette's husband? That's what I picked up on when Travis says: "I don't think that's a good idea."Yes, yes and yes. That was the intent of that line. That along with the fact that she was caught with her statement about being at the hotel last week.


And was the girl in the beginning related to what was going on here, or was she the PREVIOUS job they pulled?It was a previous job. The Kid went ahead to "set up" the next job, using the last one as his "story" to the people in the diner, while he waited for his partner to get there.

[Mark Harris]

He is talking to the Kid in this shot. The Kid had just come from the hotel, "leaving" the wallet behind. At this point, no one knows they are actually working together.

Yes, yes and yes. That was the intent of that line. That along with the fact that she was caught with her statement about being at the hotel last week.

It was a previous job. The Kid went ahead to "set up" the next job, using the last one as his "story" to the people in the diner, while he waited for his partner to get there.

Right, I got that no one knows yet that they are together. Actually, that reminds me, that moment where the little Angel reveals that is pretty awesome.

Why did they set it up that way, tying in the previous job, and not just come in and kill these people?

[Slimothy]

Thanks alot for the comments Mark. I feel bad for not making it over to your thread yet especially since BM was one of my definate favs of the fest.

1-He is talking to Miko, the kid that walked in and sat down in the beginning. I think a shot of Miko's face would have worked excellent here as well, but we got mostly master shots to make sure we had everything in the first place as time didn't permit much, if any coverage.

2-Yes, you have that right, The brunette and Travis were adulterers, she was married to the guy w/ the longer hair and the girl in the hotel was the previous job.

3-A couple of people have mentioned the slamming of the chair. I never noticed it! Weird, the little things you do/don't pick up on.

I'll leave it up to Kevin to post a lighting breakdown, he is far more qualified!

Thanks again man and congrats on your film.

Tim.

[Slimothy]

Wow....You guys REALLY beat me to it!

[Slimothy]

Why did they set it up that way, tying in the previous job, and not just come in and kill these people?


We tried to make it more of a "What would you do if you were roaming the earth for thousands of years killing people" scenario. I think it would get pretty boring, so this is sort of a little game they indulge in from time to time to make it more interesting.

[Mark Harris]

Like so many of us, I'm working on a feature version. Do you guys have any plans to expand on this? Almost seems like a bitchin idea for a series...instead of these guys being like monster hunters or whatever, they are Angels of Death, each episode visiting a new sinner...

[Mark Harris]

We tried to make it more of a "What would you do if you were roaming the earth for thousands of years killing people" scenario. I think it would get pretty boring, so this is sort of a little game they indulge in from time to time to make it more interesting.

That's what I assumed. It has some of the feel of Pulp Fiction, the way that movie showed the hitmen just talking about stupid shit before a killing. And what you're saying definitely came through in the last moment with the coffee.

It actually could be funny dealing with the practicals of that situation. Like apparently they have to change their clothes, because they get bloody. It would suck if they both had to have jobs in order to function in the world, while on their mission. :)

[khmuse]

The lighting was so nice to me, because it created these pools of light and dark and you let the characters move in and out of them. Can you post a lighting plot? I bet that diner was a BI-OTCH to light, but I would like to see it if you have it.

Thanks for the comments on the lighting, it was a bit of a challenge due to a lot of issues. I really wanted to make a moody and dark environment to help with the story, but I also wanted to pay close attention to the motivation of the lighting that I employed. If you go back in this thread, to about page 8 you will see a lot of photographs and screen caps. I went into a good amount of detail as to how and why I lite things as I did. If you have any questions that I haven't addressed, please feel free to post them and I will be happy to respond when I can. This might be next week as I am just about to shoot another project for another dvxuser (tommyinla) entitled "Maliboo". This will be shot on the SDX900 and should cut to about a 13 minute TRT.

Thanks again for you comments and glad you liked our little film.

[TheatreGuy]

Hey guys,

I have to tell you that I saw this film on day one, it was one of the first 5 films I saw. I didn't comment immediately because I was torn. I wanted to LOVE your film (having great expectations) but I was very confused by you film. I just didn't know what to say. So I held off until I could see some other films.

I have now watched it 4 more times in the last hour and I keep trying to understand a basic story fact. Who deserved to die? Who was the adulter? Or adulters? Two of the 4 people were collateral damage, right?

In addition to my lack of understanding the storyline, I was very confused by the framing of the shots. The placement of the actors seemed to change in several of the shots. I got very lost as to where I was in the diner.

But let me jump to some things that I really liked before you dismiss this post and move on to the next. :)

I loved the production quality of this film. It felt like a Hollywood blockbuster. The lighting and the art direction really stood out for me. I loved the darkened environment of the diner. Even in the dark, I could make out a lot of detail. I bet it's even better in a larger format and uncompressed.

The hotel shot was just "pro" all the way! The exterior shot of the diner as well. Nice lighting on that tree to create some height with that wide shot.

The performances of your actors worked for me.

The shot of the waitress in the spill of red light was a nice touch. I found myself wanting it to be a neon light glow with the "cracks" of intermittent outage (like a neon sign on the fritz). I guess that may be a bit too cliche', but I thought that it would build some tension there.

A few other notes...

I didn't understand at all what the waitress said when she came back into the main room. I finally have determined that she must have said, "I can't get a dial tone." I honestly don't even know when she left main room. I guess it was right after she said, "Oh, my god." A quick shot of her leaving the main room would have been nice and (for me) would have built tension. (by asking myself where is she going?)

The guy who enters the diner says that he's "never seen so much blood in his life before..." but the shot of the woman lying dead has but a flesh wound. :)

The guy (Dell, I think) is searching the guy with the knife and while he is doing so, Travis repeats his demand to search him. Threw me, thinking that command was being given to someone else.

And after he searches him, there is that nice shot through the window of Dell tying him up. Again, I was confused because I didn't see the lady with the rope come back in. I actually thought that he was still searching him and that this was a continuity issue (with the arms suddenly down by his side).

I would like to have seen bigger gun shot noise and better stabbing sounds. (I really don't know what a stabbing actually sounds like, but if Hollywood as over embellished what it actually sounds like, then that is what I wanted. :) )

Also, the first gun shot didn't seem quite real. I watched this over and over again and believe that it is because the trigger man has no reaction. I know that maybe he has fired a gun a thousand times in his life... but I still think he should have some body movement. He head is so still. I shot a gun many times in the USMC and I always flinched a little bit.

Okay, I am picky. I am very, very picky.

I really LOVED the first 1:55 of this film. Then it got confusing. By the end, I understood that the two guys are "bounty hunters" but I was confused as I stated before.

You guys really made a gorgeous looking film. I must say that. You made me feel like I just took a bunch of ladders and some old lights and stood in front of a camera! :)

Sorry that my critique is negative on the storyline. I didn't want to write this but if I am not honest, then how will you ever know?

And I haven't read anyone else's comments (I don't like to taint my view) so I don't know if I am an isolated case or what.

I am leaving it for you to do what you will with it!

I really do think that this film has a lot going for it. Really I do. I could see this being a full feature with a fully developed storyline. I am sure that a lot of decision were made as to what to keep and what to toss.

A very PROFESSIONAL looking film. Above all, it is got a great look to it. (And I love the idea of these two guys roaming the Earth hunting down sinners. Truly, I do!)

Thanks for sharing this film. And thank you for allowing me to share my critique. I hope to one day make films that look like this!

Ted


(Just to emphasize how picky I am... the white vette's lights were still on when he went into the diner. Maybe a time-delay switch on the car's headlights but it bothered me.)

[TheatreGuy]

I forgot to mention that I really liked the score. It was so understated and worked nicely under this film.

I also keep wondering if I should delete my critique and and just say, "good job!" But I wouldn't be true to myself and if (or when!) I ever meet you guys, I want to hold my head up high.

Besides, there is some outstanding craftmanship in your film. Absolutely one of the best looking films in the festival! I wish you the best success and hope that there is plans for more of this story. It is a great title and I love the premise.

Thanks again,

Ted

(I guess I probably blew my chances to work with you... I hope not! :) )

[Blaine]

I also keep wondering if I should delete my critique and and just say, "good job!"

(I guess I probably blew my chances to work with you... I hope not! :) )
That would have been a mistake. I'm glad you didn't delete it. You've made some valid points and I appreciate the feedback. There were some things we'd have liked to have done differently but found ourselve out of time and up against the time limit for the movie. I'm not making excuses for the movie. I am happy with what we were able to come up with.

Kevin addressed the question of what we'd do differently if we did it again, earlier in the thread and I think he did a good job of it. We made some strategic choices to make sure that we could finish the shoot at the location and get the shots we needed. We still ran short of time and didn't get the coverage we wanted. It would have been nice (and more expensive) to have a third day at the location. Next time, we'll know better.

That's wha this is all about, learning from our mistakes. Thanks for taking the time and giving a well thought out review. You might want to read back a few posts as some of the plot issues may be a little more clear to you.

Oh, yeah. Just to reiterate what Kevin said earlier (in your thread), if you're ever out this way, we'd love to have you join us on a project.

[TheatreGuy]

Hey Blaine, I appreciate the reply! I will go through your latest thread entries and catch up!

And I read a great quote today... "Films are never finished, they just run out of time!"

Loved it when I read it. Going to have to make a T-shirt of that for the last day of shooting or something!

Talk to you later - Ted

[Slimothy]

Ted: Thanks a bundle for the review man. The most irritating thing for me is to know about some shortcomings, then hear people say "Your film was great, I wouldn't have changed a thing!" Blowing smoke helps no one and once again, thanks for taking the time.

As far as the storyline goes: There were some things that were changed from the time it was written to the time we edited it, and I think that's why it's confusing for most people. I think we knew the story so well and made changes figuring people would understand it the way we did, but that didn't end up being the case.

I'm sure most people had similar constraints on time so I hate to keep going back to that, but I learned alot from this. Thanks to reviews like yours, and some others I feel confident that next time things can be alot better. As I stated before, our initial plan was to not hype this one up at all, but things just kinda took off.

Irregardless, I'd like to thank everyone involved one last time, they did a great job and any shortcomings can definately be attributed to those of us behind the cam.

Tim.

[khmuse]

I(I guess I probably blew my chances to work with you... I hope not! :) )

No way, you would be a hell of an asset on any set. I loved reading your critique of our little film, it is so honest and equally helpful. Now, if it wasn't 3AM and if I didn't have to be up by 6:30 and if I wasn't just two days from shooting another film, I would try to address some of your questions and comments, but that is just going to have to wait until early next week.

Seriously, if you ever find your way out here, let me know, I would be honored to work on something together or at a minimum have a beer or three.

Great points, every one of them and thanks so much for taking the time to write in such detail!

[TheatreGuy]

Blaine, Slimothy, khmuse... Thank you, each of you, for your reply to my response.

I really do appreciate your positive attitude and not giving me the "whatever" treatment. Really means a lot that you each took time to comment. Thanks.

I have been trying to find a way to convince my wife that we need to live in California. If any of you have any resources that you could direct me to for potential work out there (in this biz) I'd greatly appreciate it!

I am and have been an independent artist pretty much all of my life and would like to find that out there in good ol' CA. Might be a pipe-dream, but I miss it and have been trying to get back for some time now!!!

Thanks again for all!

Looking forward to the future!!!

Ted

[khmuse]

Hi Ted,

I don't think that I can recommend uprooting ones family to move to California, but it really is the place to be if this is something you want to seriously pursue. The great things about California are the weather, the scenery, the film industry presence and the cultural diversity (we have wonderful ethnic cuisine here). The down side is the traffic and the cost of living and the highly competitive work environment.

I suspect that a resourceful individual such as yourself (this is very obvious based upon what you have pulled off in I.D.) has a much better chance of accomplishing this sort of move than the average individual, but it is a big decision to make.

If you have the opportunity, perhaps you could plan a vacation with your wife to visit. I would be more than happy to make some introductions and show you around the maze that is our local film industry (or at least the little corner that I frequent). I have a 17 year old daughter who has a successful career as an actress and I know a lot of people who work in diverse aspects of the entertainment industry.

Kevin

[Tom Marshall]

I have been trying to find a way to convince my wife that we need to live in California. If any of you have any resources that you could direct me to for potential work out there (in this biz) I'd greatly appreciate it!

I am and have been an independent artist pretty much all of my life and would like to find that out there in good ol' CA. Might be a pipe-dream, but I miss it and have been trying to get back for some time now!!!

Thanks again for all!

Looking forward to the future!!!

Ted
Hey Ted,

I believe that if you're passionate enough about something, are willing to work hard, and have talent (as you definitely do!), that things will work out just fine. If you want to move to LA, then seriously consider it. Consider what you'd be giving up and then decide if it's worth it or not. I'd say if you want to bad enough, then it's kinda something you have to do.

Look at me... a month ago, I was jealous over all these people doing a Horrorfest entry. Now, a month later, I'm doing my own short with all three of these guys - very talented individuals.

Also, if you do move out here, you've got a good friend right here man... :)

[TheatreGuy]

Yeah, uprooting to move to California has been on my mind for a long time.

I was raised in Northern California and loved it! I loved the weather and the state parks.

Since that time, I've been in Oregon for 4 years, Texas for 1 (loved it!), North Carolina (okay, great BBQ!) and now New Hampshire for (gulp!) 16 years. (yikes!)

I was outta here 11 years ago but then met my wife. Couldn't leave then. And it is just beautiful up here and sparce in population in comparison. Much to be said. But the industry is not up here and the weather is WAY TOO COLD.

Now, we are both ready to move but she has NO ASPIRATIONS of going to CA. I've taken her to the Bay Area twice and she loved it. But the cost of living factor is SUCH A FACTOR for her.

I keep hoping that I can find a way to make a connection in California that will ease the immediate burden of the move. (She is a school teacher, but wants out to follow her own desires.) I know that I could support us on my desire/skills, if I had the opportunity. I don't know how tough those doors are to open. I would work on crews if it paid the bills!

Thanks for the scoop! I may have to take that trip and investigate. It would be very enlightening to see the industry up close and personal. I appreciate the invite!

And thanks Tommy for the encouragement. Good luck with your shoot. I am looking forward to progress reports!

Thanks all!

Ted

[jpbankesmercer]

Acting: Lead was good, some other slightly more un-even.
Script: Interesting. Are you going to expand the two hunters story?
Direction: Wanted to see you throw in a few more interesting ideas but overall covered well, maybe a few more CU's.
Music: Audio was low for me man, compression?
Editing: Smooth enough.
Lighting: Wanted it pumped up a slightly more, some stuff looked ace, like the opening.
Loved: The location, the door slamming/ jump, the grab, the red lit shot, “First time I’ve been shot in a hundred years.” - :) Great line. The fact you have developed an interesting idea that can be taken further.
Hated: That first jerky pan, the four people watching ,(wide), didn’t like how the guys face was cropped, the gunshot Foley’s (wanted them sharper), the stabbing.
Overall: I think your covered a lot of things in this short, with a tighter script and a few new ideas throw-in you could do well with this idea in the future. It's not many people who create a film that they can expand upon. I look forward to seeing what happens with your future projects.:thumbup:

J.P.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM!)

[jpbankesmercer]

The best of luck guys.

[TheatreGuy]

khmuse, Blaine and Slimothy, Been a real pleasure.

Congratulations on your work and best to you all!

I have learned so much from this experience and look forward to more!!!

Thanks for sharing your work!

Ted

[khmuse]

Thanks for the critique jbankesmercer,

I think that this could be a much longer story and a very interesting one at that. It was very difficult to convey all that was needed in the alloted running time, perhaps we were a bit over ambitious.

I agree about the pan at the head of the film, I had wanted this to be a dolly shot, but due to needing to get that talent off set (longer makeup time than estimated) and the very remote location, I settled for a pan. It does seemed to have suffered a bit due to the compression, it really looks much better uncompressed (but not an excuse, this should have been a dolly shot).

I really didn't want the overall illumination level any higher than it is presented here. The DOF that is necessary with an anamorphic adapter would have yielded way to much background in most of the scenes, so I choose to just deny a lot of the background much light (a lot of flagging off of parts) to keep the focus of the viewers eyes where the story dictated it should be. If you look at some of our BTS location stills, you will see how boring this would have been if more fully illuminated.

Better sound design and full ADR are also things that I would have liked to have, but again time and other constraints prevented this.

Well, I am loading up today getting ready to begin principal photography on another project, so I want to thank everyone who posted their comments and suggestions. I really do appreciate the feedback.

[arielman]

just watched this ...really liked the story you did .
The only complaint I have is the scene in which the bad dude (sic) tells what he just saw at Paradise Motel. I felt this was a little too quick .
Nice short guys .

Ian

[khmuse]

Thanks for the comment Ian. I agree, that did come a bit too quick, but we, like a number of films in this contest, could have used a little more running time to more fully tell our story. Perhaps we will cut a bit longer version after the contest closes and post a link (at a much higher resolution).

Glad you liked our little film and thanks again for the post.

[Blaine]

Perhaps we will cut a bit longer version after the contest closes and post a link (at a much higher resolution).
I can think of a couple of things I'd like to see go back in that would help clarify things. But decisions had to be made and all things considered, I believe we made the right decisions for the 6 minute running time.

[khmuse]

I think we made just about the only decisions that would have gotten us down to a 6 minute TRT, other than getting a really hot sh*t editor to cut it for us! Even then, I think we still would have been at or over the limit.

Editing seems to be something that is never really done, you just have to decide when its time to stop trying "just one more thing" which always leads to another, and another, and another...

[arielman]

I can think of a couple of things I'd like to see go back in that would help clarify things. But decisions had to be made and all things considered, I believe we made the right decisions for the 6 minute running time.

I think many of us think the same as you Blaine ,just only if we had a minute longer .

Good luck
Ian

[Lingothree]

Hello - nice work. Everything looked pretty nice. I think the acting took the cake here - it was very good, very believable. I liked it very much.

Some of your framing was questionable, I thought. Also, your angles, framing, etc. seem to jump all over the place, so it was dificult to get a sense for who is talking to whom, and where, at the beginning. It was hard to establish the context for the place they were in.

I also wish there was a greater allusion to the point of the story (they are killing for god, or whatever) through the first 5 minutes. I kind of felt like that was just sprung on us at ~5:15 - even after watching it a few times I always seem to miss that, and kind of go "huh?" when they start talking about it at the end.

Loved the acting in that last scene. Very funny.

Good work.

[cinealma]

Another snuff film. There's been a lot in this fest. This one is a little different because I guess "morally", the bad guys are the good guys in the end. But I've seen more than my fare share of "antagonists kill protagonists--the end" type of films here and this is another. But enough of my rant...

The look of the film was superb. Another "felt like I was watching a movie" films here in the fest. Acting was top notch! A lot of great genre elements here and I like the way you pulled it all together. The ending went on a bit long and I think the expository dialogue at the end to "explain" everything could have been better weaved into the meat of the film.

Good job, overall.


John G.

[Norm Sanders]

Just finally getting the time to copy the notes I compiled in a Word doc while watching the shorts:

Overall cool idea, though I didn’t know if they were supposed to be angels or demons, since I think I heard one of them swear at the end about being shot. I was actually surprised, since I’ve heard great things about Kevin’s DP work, that it looked like we crossed the line several times. Normally it wouldn’t bother me, but when we’d cut to reverse angles of the couple at the bar, I’d get confused on where we were looking from, etc. Otherwise, pretty pro camera work, directing, and story. By far, however, the weakest thing in this was the sound by a long shot. The gunshots literally sounded like a pop gun (was it supposed to, since the one guy had called it that?), but even the knife stabs sounded weak & pathetic. Still an entertaining piece, and glad to have watched it.

[khmuse]

Hi Norm,

Thanks for the comments on our little film. I wanted to address your question about "breaking the line" on this. To be absolutely correct, I really only bent it pretty hard, but perhaps due to the dark lighting tone I choose, I may have failed to establish the physical space well enough (during the first part where the room was illuminated to "normal" levels) to keep the position of the actors understood by the viewer. Our best laid plans of coverage were pretty much abandoned after our first night of shooting as it had become clear that we were not going to get all of our shots in time if we didn't kick up the pace. Our first AD, David Chien, came to our rescue with a nicely choreographed final "kill sequence" that really accelerated the pace.

Yeah, now for the sound, it really needed to be punched up and no, it wasn't really intended to play as a "pop gun" at all!

Thanks again for your comments and observations, greatly appreciated.

Kevin

[Slimothy]

Thanks alot for your comments guys. We really appreciate the feedback, good or bad. I will try and get to everyone else's films as well. We just got back from helping TommyinLA with his short Maliboo! so it was a bit of a reunion and we had alot of fun.

TIm.

[Tom Marshall]

Yeah, it really was a reunion for you guys! I left you all a thank you note in my thread. I really appreciate everything you guys did to make our project happen...

[HorseFilms]

Fantastic work, guys. I loved it. I really like the concept. It's definitely something that could be made into a longer work, but I think it works really well here as a short.

The dialogue was well written and you can tell that by the great performances. If the dialogue isn't natural sounding, it'll be obvious by the delivery. That wasn't a problem here. I expected no less, Blaine.:beer:

Nice work with the lighting, Kevin. It was really well done and very natural looking. Lighting for darkness is a tough thing to pull off and have it look real. Well done, man.

This is a very good entry. You should all be proud.:beer:

Horse

[Blaine]

Thanks for the kind words, Horse. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, knowing what an aficionado you are of the b-horror films. Quite an honor hearing those words from you.:beer: :beer:

[HorseFilms]

B-horror? Come on, Blaine. That's A-list stuff compared to my flick.:beer:I shot mine in my house with a drink in one hand and the camera in the other.:) I'm just sorry I didn't get to see yours sooner.

[khmuse]

Fantastic work, guys. I loved it. I really like the concept. It's definitely something that could be made into a longer work, but I think it works really well here as a short.

The dialogue was well written and you can tell that by the great performances. If the dialogue isn't natural sounding, it'll be obvious by the delivery. That wasn't a problem here. I expected no less, Blaine.:beer:

Nice work with the lighting, Kevin. It was really well done and very natural looking. Lighting for darkness is a tough thing to pull off and have it look real. Well done, man.

This is a very good entry. You should all be proud.:beer:

Horse

Hey Horse,

I REALLY appreciate your comments.

I know we had some great actors here, and I am certain that they were our greatest asset. Its just too bad that not as many users here as I would have hoped for can appreciate this. I screened all of the better entires for a group of industry people that I know (CDs, agents & managers) and they universally agreed that only a few showed strong acting skills.

Also, you are about the first to acknowledge that getting a dark lighting scheme to read as real, isn't all that easy. I could go into great detail as to what I would have done differently, but frankly, it all came down to time (which really came down to money) and in the end, I got close to what was my goal for the look.

I have to say, your comments made my day!

Thanks!:thumbup:

Kevin