"J.U.L." Shaun Patrick/Stewbottum

[Shaun Patrick]

"J.U.L."
A Misplaced Planet Production
Written by J Wilder Konschak
Based on the Bullshit by Jared Rivet, Mel Cowan, J Wilder Konschak
Directed by Michael Pierce and Shaun Boyle
Produced by Amy Grumbling and Alli Hartley
Edited by Michael Pierce & Darren Ryan
Shot by Shaun Boyle
Score by Stirling McLaughlin
Fight Choreography Aaron Edell
Makeup Diane LaGrippo
Sound Recordist Allison Howe
Slate Girl Michele LaVigne
2nd 2nd Assistant Fluffer Kevin Boyle

Starring

http://www.misplacedplanet.com/justus/Marc.gif
Marc Lesser as The Father

http://www.misplacedplanet.com/justus/Melissa.gif
Melissa Mills-Dick as Big Sis

http://www.misplacedplanet.com/justus/Mitch.gif
Mitchell Howe as Lil' Bro

http://www.misplacedplanet.com/justus/Keely.gif
And Introducing Keely Flynn as The Bombinatrix

Other People Who Showed Up:
Commander Outstanding Karl Moore
The Trashman Justin Philpot
Captain Quality Gabe McKee
Pillowman Alli Hartley
Kid Pope Mike Ferraro

[MsManhattan]

I love the line explaining who the hostages are -- very funny and timely. And cool fight scene!

[Aaron Marshall]

Very cool film guys. My favorite part was when the dad was cussing at the kids. The part about Steven and his actual name being billy... hahaha I busted out laughing at that dad getting mad at those kids. They were awful kids. They deserved it.

[Shaun Patrick]

They were awful kids. They deserved it.

So very true. Thanks for the kind words Noct and MsManhattan!!!

[Mike McNeese]

Bombimatrix's costume should win you something.

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks mjmcneese2, the costume came out really well. Maybe, WilderWorks can fill us in on what it was made from...

[Mike McNeese]

Maybe, WilderWorks can fill us in on what it was made from...

Don't tell me. I will assume fruit roll-ups.

[Shaun Patrick]

Probably a good assumption.

[WilderWorks]

The helmet was made from a laundry detergent bottle, a toilet bowl cleanser bottle, and the back of an egg timer, with some fabric for texture.

The shoulder-unit was made from a 2 liter coke bottle, 4 breathing filter masks, a plastic paint-can topper, a length of plastic chain, a dow, and 6 shower curtain rings, which clipped to the blanket cloak.

The weapon was made from a children's toy luggage caddy, which I took apart, so I could use the extendable rod segments. They were attached with the ends of a garden hose, which I'd already cut up for the bombs.

Add hot-glue, gardening wire, and spray paint.

The dominatrix body-suit was made from vinyl coated material, cut to shape then stamped with silver "rivet" craft buttons, held together with binder and key rings, velcro, and held in place on Keely (actress) with lots of electrical tape. There is also a large component of black gaffer's tape. Victoria's Secret provided the french-lace topped thigh-high black fish-net stockings. Keely provided the underwear, boots, and body.

[Dahopafilms]

Ahhhh. My first review. Seems like old times ...

But I digress.

I really, really enjoyed this one. The early on bat-to-the-groin provoked an out-loud laugh. But in more coherent order:


The acting. In my view, there wasn't a single weak link there. The Dad was great. Both kids were really really good - the girl's expressions were fantastically dry. The villian was perfect.
Really nice writing. Not too much. Not too little. But I note that some of those lines could have been really tough to deliver unless your actors came through - and they did - see above. Some of the Dad's lines were absolutely perfect, but I reiterate that if the daughter's delivery wasn't spot on, she could have killed this short - but her performance was spot-on believable and ended up making it great.
Nice lighting. The darkened room for the fight scene was well lit, and I know how hard it is to get those scenes.
Good CGI at the end.
The camera work. Nice dolly shots. And if they weren't dolly shots, then your steadicam op probably has never seen a coffee bean in his/her life.
The costumes. Liked the t-shirts. Still reviewing the villian's costume in slow motion ... (really nice job - that was a lot of work - and very gutsy on her part to take it on - what a pro).
The music was perfect. Not too much, but just enough. A little cheesy - and that fit the bill. Great job.


In my view, this is a seasoned, professional production. Funny, well shot and well acted.

Thanks very much for this one.

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks for the kind words, DahopaFilms. We enjoyed making it and I'm glad you enjoyed watching it...

[WilderWorks]

Keely is a pro, and nothing but guts.

I'm glad you liked everyone's performances, because we're very proud of and completely thrilled with them. This kind of tone is a constant moment-to-moment balancing act, and the actors really understood that.

[Shaun Patrick]

"J.U.L." is now available for download off the mirror site.

[JimtheJib]

i justed finished watching this film. great job. i really like the quality of the film in terms of dolly shots and colors in the film. I liked the concept and the way you used hero in a different sense (dad who has to raise two kids).

Alex

[Shaun Patrick]

i justed finished watching this film. great job. i really like the quality of the film in terms of dolly shots and colors in the film. I liked the concept and the way you used hero in a different sense (dad who has to raise two kids).

Alex

Thanks for the comments JimtheJib!!! Glad you enjoyed it. I'll hopefully be getting to making comments on your film (and everyone's) over the next few days.

[Kirk Gillock]

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I wouldn't change a thing.

"Lets hug." :)

[WilderWorks]

Thank you, PK. As advised, we will do our best to change nothing. :)


...That is, unless someone else has an objection?

[Shaun Patrick]

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I wouldn't change a thing.

"Lets hug." :)

Thanks for the kind words, PK!!!



I liked the concept and the way you used hero in a different sense (dad who has to raise two kids).

To follow up on your comment, JimtheJib...I think our intentions were a little more tongue and cheek. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we're sick, twisted people.

[Ian Slessor]

OK, OK, OK.

Where to begin.

Riiight.

Bat to nuts. That provoked a startled outburst of laughter from me and I had to stop the vid for sec to compose myself.

The story was great. The acting? Nice and dry from the kids. The father was manic in a perfect "Holy shi* my wife left me and I have to raise the kids myself" sort of overcompensating way.

Great lines.
"We're not heroes, we're a single parent family..."
"Mominatrix?"
I tend to find the f-bomb really overused but it was perfect here.

The shots. Super duper. No, I"m NOT being sarcastic.

The music was fun and minimal as the story carried this short.

The costumes rocked. I loved the other heroes who remain anonymous. Paperbag Man?

I only have two little things.

The dad's audio was overmodulated whenever he got loud. Like you blew your levels.

Also, nitpicker that I am, the sfx at the end...fab, BTW, blew right while the clouds in the sky were moving left.

Geez, I'm petty.

Excellent short

J.U.L. is now in my top 3.

sincerely,



ian



PS I want a Just Us League shirt. Please? Can I have the dad's shirt if it's an XL? Pretty please? My last name's Slessor and his is Lesser. That HAS to count for something.

[RDragonFilms]

LMAO You have NO idea how hard I laughed at the baseball incident!

.. After watching It..

haha great flick I loved the comedy ( so good to see a few entries with a good side helping of laughs ) Your actor was GREAT very Jack Black meets Chevy. The daughter was something out of an 80's movie, loved her attitude.

Great job on everything!!!

[Shaun Patrick]

Ian and RDragon,

Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the short.

We've actually had a lot of requests for the T-shirts and I believe the ones used in the film have already been given away. I didn't even get one.

In terms of the overmodulated dialogue...we weren't able to get the ADR done in time for the contest because of scheduling conflicts but we're planning on fixing it for future versions. Good eye on the clouds. I was hoping the explosion would distract most people from that...

[WilderWorks]

I'm sure the director, Shaun, will have something to say about the blown-out audio on a few of Dad's outbursts, but we certainly are aware of that problem.

As for the wind, I guess there's a tunnel effect caused by the school structure, because that's the way the smoke moved when we set the explosives off. :)

...And I actually have one tee-shirt left. Maybe there will be an auction once we have the website set up. Prices could skyrocket to the high five and six dollars range.

[Shaun Patrick]

As for the wind, I guess there's a tunnel effect caused by the school structure, because that's the way the smoke moved when we set the explosives off. :)


We lost a lot of good actors that day...

[Kirk Gillock]

I've watched yours a few more times and it still makes me smile.

What are you all working on next?

[WilderWorks]

Screenwriter here, and I'm presently finishing up a short script around 15 - 20 minutes in length, a comedy with a little romance. Top secret, of course, still hush-hush, but maybe we'll be filming that come fall. Oh, and I'm doing the BTS for this, of course.

I know Benni (co-director) is finishing up a zombie short of about the same length (15 minutes), and is gonna have that ready for the October festivals. You can check out the info on that at www.misplacedplanet.com/antebellum

Thanks for asking!

[Shaun Patrick]

I'm working on my spec reel over the summer and, hopefully, producing some web commercials for some non-profits as well. Then in the fall we'll be gearing up for the romantic comedy WilderWorks mentioned above.

Again, thanks for the kind words PK.

[Jason]

Though I don't know if it will win in the votes, I'd say this movie is the top of all the entries.
Good pacing, nice shots.

The sound could have used more work.

And--something that a lot of the entries overlooked--the film's actually ABOUT something. Certainly one of the better scripts and really solid work by the actors to make that script work.

Also, it's always a good idea to show a little skin. I'm surprised no one else capitalized on that.

[Shaun Patrick]

Also, it's always a good idea to show a little skin. I'm surprised no one else capitalized on that.

Always the secret weapon...:shakes head: I hope Laura Mulvey doesn't troll these boards...

[WilderWorks]

Those are the secret weapons in my superhero belt: a point, a plot, and a pretty girl. I don't always keep them stocked, but I try.

And as a writer, I feel like the story, how it's told, and how the visuals serve it, often get starved for attention, while flashy fakes at badass get spoiled rotten. But the internet is a world where the plurals all get apostrophes, and the work of Len Wiseman can be sited as an artistic milestone... so what are we to do?

Thanks for commenting.

[Shaun Patrick]

But the internet is a world where the plurals all get apostrophes, and the work of Len Wiseman can be sited as an artistic milestone... so what are we to do?

Dude, Len Weisman is awesome. Die Hard 4.0 is going to be off the hook. :shudders:

Anyway, I finally posted a proper credit list on our first page:

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=59895

A huge thanks to the cast and crew on this one. The whole film was shot in one very long day and everyone brought their "A" game.

[Kirk Gillock]

I'm really surprised this flick isn't getting more attention. In my mind this is the sleeper hit of the contest. It's perfect filmmaking and the only flick I consider flawless (other than a slight bump on one of the dolly shots). The performances were excellent, the score was excellent, the story was short and sweet, and there were some great lines. Sure, it doesn't have any big FX or visuals, but it is what it is, entertaining and original. Whether it wins or not, you should be proud.

Good luck.

[DarrenRyan]

I feel like the story, how it's told, and how the visuals serve it, often get starved for attention, while flashy fakes at badass get spoiled rotten. But the internet is a world where the plurals all get apostrophes, and the work of Len Wiseman can be sited as an artistic milestone... so what are we to do?

This is the best thing I've ever read on a forum.

[Shaun Patrick]

This is the best thing I've ever read on a forum.

It's certainly up there.

[MiataFilmSomething]

Watched this one twice.

Pros - Some funny moments, and funny play on words. I liked the old "Superfriends" transitional shots, very cool.

Cons - The language seemed like it didn't fit and didnt' belong. The concept was cute, but it just didn't fly for me. I didn't really understand what the film was trying to do.

Overall - Fun to watch, and a unique addition to the fest!

[snodart]

Guys, amazing work. I have been watching the other films so closely like a uptight monkey with a stick up its arse... you guys blew my cover and had me rolling. Maybe its just my style of comedy, but I loved it. I know it's hard to make something that can truly make people laugh, but you did it all the way through.

The audio was already mentioned. I only noticed it in two spots. If there was more I was too busy laughing.

I agree with the earlier post about the language. I think that it would have been more effective if the dad just randomly blurted out one F-bomb. More striking maybe. Just my little opinion.

Camera work looked good. Steadi/dolly shots were nice touch. Acting was top notch and has my highest vote thus far.

I could go on and on. Loved it.

[WilderWorks]

In response to MiataFilmSomething...

There's a certain kind of comedy that I particularly admire, where the main character is clearly in over his head, but he's totally convinced that he's got everything under control. That's Dad. He's overwhelmed by having to deal with his children, but he thinks he's got it in the bag, what with his superhero shirts. His outburst in the car is intended to demonstrate that he's really not on top of things -- cursing, shouting, and making empty threats is a sure sign that a parent isn't on the ball. So, I suppose that's the purpose and place of the language. To comically unmask him by going from one extreme (his sweetness and enthusiasm in the previous scene), to another extreme (his cliche, ridiculous threats and potty mouth in this scene).

However, I must be honest, it came so naturally in the writing, I was caught by surprise when several comments noted the "language." It certainly wasn't calculated; it just seemed right. So, while it certainly seemed appropriate to my experience with flustered parents, I understand if it isn't to the taste of some.

Sorry it didn't really speak to you, but thanks for watching, and thanks for the comments!

[snodart]

I see your point. It was just the only thing that didn't stick with me. And I mean only, because I though this was brilliant!!!

[WilderWorks]

Glad you liked it, snodart! I'm a great lover of comedy, so I'm happy it made you laugh.

We're gonna get those sound problems fixed, hopefully in time for any possible Hero-Fest DVDs. It's no excuse, but the clock just ran out on us.

And I see what you're saying about the ol' F-bomb. And you know, had I known Marc (Dad) was going to be such a great actor, I might have removed all the cursing all together, since he can sell the point without it. ...But then again... I'm a deviant and find his total lack of self-control amusing. I mean, there's something to be said for the inherent comedy of cursing at children. :)

So, it's a tough call. Clearly something for me to think about.

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks for the comments MiataFilmSomething and Snodart!!!

There are definitely some kinks to work out sound wise (ADR and some additional mixing). Like WilderWorks said, we simply ran out of time in the end.

In terms of the language, I see your point but I think it works for the character of the father--being completely flustered/over his head and all. Marc really blew us away with his energy on set and the F-Bomb flowed so naturally out of his mouth. Something to think about, though.

[Shaun Patrick]

I mean, there's something to be said for the inherent comedy of cursing at children. :)

Very true...if Bad News Bears has taught us anything...

[Blaine]

I haven't remarked on this one until now because I have been having serval nagging concerns with it that I haven't been able to come to grips with. In the whole scheme of things, while I thought it was funny, the bat to the 'nads just felt out of place. Either that or the f-bombs. Somehow, I'm having a problem reconsiling the two. I think I agree with snodart, one fuck would have had more impact. As he continues, I think to myself, "okay, this guy's an ass." Maybe that's your point, though.

I really liked the opening right up to the bat to the 'nads. When the daughter asks, "What are you doing here?" she had a Napoleon Dynamite look on her face. I couldn't get the image out of my mind.

I understand the image of a father thinking he's on top of thing but not really being able to hold it together. JUST US LEAGUE is brilliant. The Bombinatrix, very funny. I thought the fight scene was very well done, what a wimp. Maybe that's why the language doesn't ring true; it's too tough coming from a wimp. Then poof...you lost me. He's outside with his kids. He's had the shit kicked out of him. The kids are bomb free but he's still got his on. Why didn't they take it off him after theirs were removed?

Visually, this was executed perfectly. Again, back to the opening scene of the minivan screeching to a halt...spot on. It appears a lot of work went into this and I'd have to say it paid off.

On the whole, I really liked this. I only mentioned the things above because they are what kept this from being perfect (for me). If I'm being over critical feel free to ignore me, after all it's just my opinion. :)

Good job. :thumbsup:

[Shaun Patrick]

I haven't remarked on this one until now because I have been having serval nagging concerns with it that I haven't been able to come to grips with. In the whole scheme of things, while I thought it was funny, the bat to the 'nads just felt out of place. Either that or the f-bombs. Somehow, I'm having a problem reconsiling the two. I think I agree with snodart, one poo poo would have had more impact. As he continues, I think to myself, "okay, this guy's an ass." Maybe that's your point, though.

Some good comments here. I really think the baseball 'nads' hit really comes down to personal taste in humor. It's definitely low brow and normally I wouldn't be into it...but I think it just adds to the overall theme of being cruel to a parent who tries to win the love of his children through superficial means.

The Father is an ass and that was definitely one of our points. Our intentions weren't noble in anyway when making this one...we're a cruel bunch of bastards. We were basically trying to subvert the whole 'cutesy family bands together to accomplish a goal' genre.

Thanks for the props on the visual execution!!!


If I'm being over critical feel free to ignore me, after all it's just my opinion..

Don't worry, we can take it. Again, thanks for the comments. Blaine.

[Kirk Gillock]

I've made my opinions known (a long time ago) that the language in film has become too much and has actually hurt our movie going experience. These "bad words" use to have power and would shock us when we heard someone say them on screen (or in real life). "Oh man, he said '#$%&'. He must be really ticked off." But now they're used so much that they've become part of regular conversation. They've lost all impact, all power. We've lost an important tool of communication, which use to help us vent or strike emotion within us, but now is just blah blah blah. We've desensitized ourselves and we've lost something important in the process. Sad.

Typically a young filmmaker will use bad language because he wants to be tough and hardcore. As if he showing off or saying, "Look mommy, I made poo poo. I'm a big boy now." It's also The Shock Jock Syndrome or, what I like to call, the Easy Way Out for a Talentless Hack Sydrome. If done correctly, bad language can heighten a script or movie, but when used too much (like too much of an ingredient in cooking dinner) it can spoil everything.

With that said, the language in J.U.L. didn't bother me. This man just had his wife leave him. When he tells the bad news, the children didn't hug their father or say anything at all. Actually, the son hits the father. It's obvious that this family was messed up, even before the cameras started rolling. That one scene said a thousand words of backstory. (Brilliant.) So now, all he has is sitting in the backseat. His bratty kids (One of which, just threw food at him.) The guy is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and he gets no respect. But he's trying to keep it together. But, much like the ending, he is a ticking time bomb. So he dropped the f bomb.

The downward spiral of the father and the dysfunction of this family makes the choice of "hugs" for a weapon, so much better. If they were a peaceful loving family wanting to go around and hug supervillains, it wouldn't have been so interesting. But here's a guy who probably doesn't even know how to hug (he most likely bought a self-help audio tape on how to talk to his children - Step 8: make matching t-shirts) and now he's trying to teach his kids (and the Bombinatrix) how to love. "Let's hug." Brilliant. He even had shirts (with a clever title) made.

Am I reading too much into this? Yes. Is it fun? Yes. :)

[Mike McNeese]

Just wanted to give an actual review of this one...I think the story is strong and very entertaining. Seems to be missing a 'point,' but it's so much fun forget a point.

Production value is good. I'm gonna make another comment on the language - SLIGHTLY out of place, but not a big deal. The costumes were great, and the casting was right on. Good job directing the kid actors!

[Shaun Patrick]

With that said, the language in J.U.L. didn't bother me. This man just had his wife leave him. When he tells the bad news, the children didn't hug their father or say anything at all. Actually, the son hits the father. It's obvious that this family was messed up, even before the cameras started rolling. That one scene said a thousand words of backstory. (Brilliant.) So now, all he has is sitting in the backseat. His bratty kids (One of which, just threw food at him.) The dad gets no respect, but he's trying to keep it together. But, much like the ending, he is a ticking time bomb. So he dropped the f bomb.

Well put, PK.


Am I reading too much into this? Yes. Is it fun? Yes. :)

LOL

[Shaun Patrick]

Good job directing the kid actors!

Thanks for the comments mjmcneese2!

Funny story with the kid actors... The boy, Mitchell, was really primed to do the wiffle bat 'nads' hit and we had to get it into his head that he wouldn't actually be hitting Marc--just casting the bat in the general direction of Marc's crotch area. Mitchell was adamite that he could stop the bat before he hit Marc and we were like, listen you have to do it our way or your going to hurt Marc.

During the whole process I was really getting a kick out of Marc's (the father) facial expressions as Mitchell kept practicing and practicing. I think Marc wanted to strangle me.

Good times.

[WilderWorks]

PK, you hit the nail on the head. The "audio tape" remark is particularly appropriate. The term I used while writing was, "over-seminared." (Been to too many seminars). Expecting something like a tee-shirt to substitute real love, when you need a map to find your kids' school.

Now, whether he got through to the kids by the end is up to some debate. You can be a cynic and say he didn't, that he was still reciting self-help nonsense, or you can be an optimist and note that he stuck with it even while getting walloped, and they helped their dad to his feet. Either is valid, I hope.

As for the bomb at the end (the exploding kind, not the F-kind) -- you are correct, Blaine. It's a bit of a leap of logic, which we hope will be permitted for the purpose of a punch line. It's in the same spirit as the ridiculous idea that Dad doesn't untie the superheroes! I file it under "Permissible Absurdity," but if it doesn't fly for you, I can't say you're wrong.

(We filmed a line where the Bombinatrix says that, since they're clearly not real super heroes, she's taking her expensive bombs back, and gets them from the kids, but doesn't bother with unconscious Dad -- but it just slowed things down, explaining stuff that didn't seem 100% necessary. Plus, it was more effective when the bomb wasn't called attention to, because the explosion came more as a surprise. We also filmed one of the super heroes saying "Why didn't the fool untie us!" but again, the jump in logic was a calculated risk.)

[Mike McNeese]

I take it no one was injured during production?

[Shaun Patrick]

Yeah everyone survived and we're all still friends. I kept telling Marc:

"You're wearing a cup, now take it like a man.'

Seriously, though, big props have to go out to our fight choreographer, Aaron Edell.

[Blaine]

I'm good with it WilderWorks. It was just an observation I thought I'd ask about since I have access to the principals. :thumbsup:

As I said, you guys have an excellent entry. :)

[WilderWorks]

Thanks Blaine. Glad you asked. I'll take any chance to chat about it.

[Shaun Patrick]

As I said, you guys have an excellent entry. :)

Thanks for the kind words, Blaine.

[Beat Takeshi]

I still have not watched this yet but will soon.

[Shaun Patrick]

I still have not watched this yet but will soon.

Cool. Looking forward to more comments.

[Matthew B. Moore]

This was funny. I enjoyed it. The dad is priceless. There was a level of corn, but it worked great.

I liked the dolly shots, too.

You went there with the leather.
Nice work.

[Shaun Patrick]

This was funny. I enjoyed it. The dad is priceless. There was a level of corn, but it worked great.

I liked the dolly shots, too.

You went there with the leather.
Nice work.

Thanks for the comments, Matthew! What leather? That costume was completely compromised of raspberry flavored fruit roll ups. We had to feed the crew somehow.

Anyway, the dad character was definitely priceless in script form but Marc's energy really took the character to a whole other level. We just let him run with it.

[Kirk Gillock]

Has Marc done any other films we can see?

Edit: Oh, and the Bombinatrix too. :)

[Shaun Patrick]

Check out his site: www.flackman.com

He's sort of moved on to doing more directing and less acting but you can see him in a couple of the clips on his site--particularly in "Today Will be Yesterday Tomorrow"

Enjoy.

[WilderWorks]

Oh, and the Bombinatrix too. :)

Keely starred in a college television series we worked on together, Darwin's Kids (http://www.misplacedplanet.com/dskcontent). She now lives in Chicago, where she focuses on the stage (though she was in a national TV ad for computer graphics school, in which she turned a man into a monkey.) She's a member of A Reasonable Facsimile Theater Company, and her cleavage was featured on this poster: http://www.arftco.com/psychobeach.html. Beyond that, she's the nanny every little boy wants. :love4:

[WilderWorks]

PS: This opens the day after my birthday: http://www.arftco.com/foodchain.html. Fun pictures.

[Mark Harris]

This was really nice. Well made and I think you guys have a great sense of humor. the timing of the actors was nice as well.

I think the only thing I would have wanted a little more of, is empathy with the dad. I felt he was a little too clownish and I wanted to see just a hair more depth to him.

But this is on my mind a lot lately in working on my own comedies, straddling the border between too much and just enough. So maybe I'm projecting :)

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks for the comments, desperatecomfort! I think WilderWorks will chime in on the screenwriting side and the whole straddling the line between too much and just enough.

Either way, I just wanted to say something about the father. What I really liked about the original idea was the fact that the father had no real redeeming qualities. He just isn't likable and I think that fit nicely in the whole parody of the inspirational/feel good 'family bands together to overcome an obstacle' genre we were going for.

It's interesting how things change, though, once an actor brings a character to life. We let Marc run with the character and I think that definitely changes things a bit. Yeah, it's probably hard to empathize with him but, I think, the father character is certainly more likable on screen than he was in script form.

[Kaz]

For the first 1/4 of this film, I was in love. I thought the shot selection, pacing, acting and dialogue were spot on. It unraveled a bit for me once the villain showed up and I was starting to wish it didn't have any "superhero" baggage to carry with it. I agree with desperatecomfort that it needed to build a little more empathy for the Dad (it didn't help that he was suddenly dropping the F-bomb on his kids). I think it would have played better if he was the ultimate lovable, sensitive & naive man who constantly gets crapped on in life.

Overall I enjoyed this very much. The "Just Us League" shirts was a brilliant gag and I love the son putting it on wrong.

[WilderWorks]

Hmm. This is pandora's box, here... Lots of thoughts. Lots of strands in the ol' Duder's head. Bear with me.

First thought: some of the same incidents being cited as examples of things folks lost sympathy over are the same that build it for others. Me? I love people who mean well, but are absolutely ill-equipped to handle their situation. I can't imagine anyone who doesn't feel unprepared and overwhelmed in life, so it seems more true. I love Walter Mathau in "The Bad News Bears," I love Al Pacino in "Heat," I love Bad Santa, Dewy Finn, Schmidt. Nasty, ill-equipped human beings who just keep trying. They're the heroes I relate to. The more nasty, ill-tempered, and unprepared, the more I recognize them and relate. That's the humanity I know! When Dad flips at the kids -- that's when I see a person I know! That's when I recognize a real person, in over his head. A guy who's trying, and blowing it.

So, I guess it's a matter of taste. I love the dumb lug. I love him, and think he probably deserves to be blown up. Just like me, and everyone I know. Sinners all, eh? In short, I guess I love him because he's unlovable.

Second thought: having established that I do feel sympathy for him, this point is purely academic. These aren't feature films, and I don't think sympathy for the lead should be a requirement. That's one of the freedoms of the short. You don't have to live with these people for two hours, so you have the chance, and therefore, the responsibility, to tell stories you couldn't tell in two hours. And that's my goal: what story can I tell that NEEDS to be five or six minutes? How can I make the form imposed upon the story (by the rules) seem naturally necessary to the story? How can I tell a story that *is* five minutes, not condensed to five minutes? Not a sample?

And my last thought? To be honest, I don't have sympathy for a single other character in the whole festival. I've watched a lot of shorts in my life, and I can't think of any five minute character that I actually felt sincere, unique sympathy for -- unless that sympathy came from the recognition of a common archetype. Now, there are some of those archetypes in this contest that did evoke sympathy from me, but it wasn't the character, it was the familiarity of the character, and all the baggage it carried.

However, I don't respond to the traditional comicbook "hero," as you've probably figured out. Therefore, sacrifices, tough-guys, moral giants -- they don't resonate with me. I don't know that world in my daily life. I know people who aspire to that (like Dad), but I don't know anyone who achieves it. So, I put in a hero that my sort can recognize and invest in -- a loser, trying his damndest, but messing it up. And I put him up against that fanciful hero stuff, and let it play out. He loses, gets his ass kicked, but doesn't lose his belief in his own completely ridiculous, semi-dillusional goals.

And that's the best any of us can do. :)

[mrpunch]

Nasty, ill-equipped human beings who just keep trying. They're the heroes I relate to. ... When Dad flips at the kids -- that's when I see a person I know!

OK - the thing that didn't work for me was in relation to this. Not the concept of it - but more the execution of it. When the dad shows up, I wasn't thinking he was a nasty person at all. Just the opposite. Ill-equipped may describe him, but the kids were the nasty part. Then he starts screaming at them in the car. (which distorts badly, btw) I didn't buy that. I laughed - but I'm not sure it was for the right reasons. The character and the performance didn't seem consistent for me and that's one of the problems I have figuring this one out. From the time they're captured, on - I just wasn't with it.

Is this character's "change" that he stands up to fight? You mentioned that you can't think of 5 characters out of the fest that you had sympathy for, and that may be the case - but for this story, I think that is a needed element. You mention a lot of "nasty" hollywood movie characters, but I don't see the resemblence here.

I do understand what you are saying about "these are the characters we know - live with". And I like the ill-equipped part of the dad character. But the combination of character choices didn't work for me in the writing of his lines, or the delivery of them.

Then the fight scene just didn't seem to have relevance. Why were they captured and thrown in the hallway with a bunch of others?

Pardon my "thinking out loud" here. This isn't meant as a harsh criticism, but more like someone trying to figure out what didn't work for them as a viewer.

[WilderWorks]

Thanks for the thoughts. This is the nature of comedy: some people won't share the sense of humor.

If we truely sympathized with the Dad, if we sympathized at all with the kids (god forbid!), it wouldn't be a send-up of a family-bands-together movie at all -- it would be a family-bands-together movie. I do NOT want to make one of those, I want to lovingly mock one. That would be like sympathizing with Inspector Clausau in The Pink Panther series. He's our hero because we love watching him screw up everything and piss everyone off. We love watching him fail spectacularly. We love what a bumbler he is because he makes us laugh, because he never gives up, never sees how ridiculous he is, not because he's a guy we're emotionally invested in. We love that he DOESN'T change. (If you're emotionally invested in him, you should seek help).

In this, the Dad's a ridiculous jackass, the kids are humorously exaggerated brats, and their silly bonding tactic lands them in hot water, where they STILL fail to band together to overcome it, and in the end, they get blown up. The team loses in the end of "The Bad News Bears," because it's a send-up of those awful inspiring-coach movies. The kids stay nasty and they lose and we laugh and I love it. They lose in J.U.L because it's a quick send-up of family-banding-together movies. It's not about sympathy. It's about funny.

(Though, as I mentioned before, the Dad's belief in love is admirable, if it's sincere).

So, why are they captured, thrown in a hall, and beaten up? Because the Dad wanted to bring the family together with a ridiculous scheme of pretending they were a superhero family. It backfired, he was mistaken for a real hero. And when the genre and Dad imagines that they should band together to overcome, he gets his butt kicked. Every punch is a punchline, and thank god, I've watched it work that way! Then, when he claims that he's at least learned a moral lesson, they get blown up. That's funny. If you don't think it's funny, sorry. Again, that's the nature of comedy. And if you try to shave off the mean edges, you end up with the sort of crap Hollywood usually calls comedy.

I couldn't make it any clearer that it was a comedy and a send-up: it opens with a shot to the crotch. :)

[WilderWorks]

I'm going to make an odd comment, which will likely get me run out of town on a rail. I think your movie and mine, J.U.L, are polar opposites, and a perfect demonstration of how taste really *does* affect the regard these movies are held in. Yours involves a heartfelt sacrifice made for a needy child. Ours says that heartfelt gestures, particularly for needy children, are ridiculously funny movie moments, because they're so false.

This occurred to me because, let me be honest, I laughed aloud when the child is on the couch dying. It was just too much. To me, it was an exaggeration worthy of Kids in the Hall film shorts. HOWEVER, at the same time, the audience at large invested in that archetype, and that's a success. Meanwhile, they wanted our film to invest in the same archetype, the one that it's sending up, and they had problems with it because they wanted to get what they expected. I find that fascinating.

For me and my sort, it takes a long time, and a lot of film, to build up to that sort of moment (the child dying). It takes even longer to build up to a heartfelt self-sacrifice. Six minutes, some of which are spent in an alley-fight, just can't do it. It's so sentimental and so quickly mind-blowingly dramatic, my reaction is laughter. And that's the truth. I hope you will take it in the spirit of honesty and open discussion that it's offered.

So, I congratulate you on having found your audience. But I must express my sincere critique: there's another half of the audience, like me, that find this sort of thing maudlin, and the transition from superhero to dying child an example of humorous bathos. I don't think this sort of story is appropriate for this length of format, and that a lot of its emotional success is dependent on the archetypal baggage that the audience brings to it, which means it isn't saying anything new about life, or critiquing any of the lies we're told about it. It's trotting out the familiar morality play and harkening to our existing investment in it.

Thus, my critique is a purely writerly one. Tell me something true (drama), or point out a lie (comedy). Otherwise, when you make a play at profound, I'm going to laugh.

(EDIT & PS: Yours is CERTAINLY not the only example of this problem that I have, but it's the most important, and the most likely to get the matter throught about and discussed)

I posted this on JDS's Bone Hand thread, but it's certainly relevent here. It's something I'm thinking a lot about right now, as a result of the circumstances of these discussions, and I would love thoughts on it.

[Mark Harris]

Oh yeah, by the way, curse you for coming up with a character called the "Bombamatrix" before I did. Love it. :)

I don't think I meant I wanted more sympathy for him, but just a little more full human being. He felt a hair 2-dimensional. I know it's 5 minutes, but that's all I was saying. In the movies you mentioned, those characters are certainly not LIKEABLE, but they are believable human beings.

But I am being SUPER nit-picky here. Which is a testament to how well done your movie was, to be splitting hairs like this.

I hope you don't think I'm coming down on it, but I think it's really interesting to dig into what makes comedy work, what's subjective, what's not, etc. Because comedy's so hard, in my opinion, I'm always trying to pick it apart to see the mechanics of it.

Not to thread-jack, but you should go check out some of my comedy. Be interested to see what you think, because I definitely have an off-kilter sense of humor like you guys do. I just started a thread for our latest one at:

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=60660

[mrpunch]

Hopefully, no one will take the above bait to make this thread longer. I don't feel that it's obvious what you are "sending up" at all. Defend it all you want - I was trying to point out that the character is not consistent. Anyone who is going to start F-Bombing his kids, would have slapped them when he got hit in the crotch. What's honest about that discrepancy?

[WilderWorks]

Okay. I'm drawing the line there. If you think a dirty mouth and physical violence are the same thing, you're flatly mistaken. Just because you curse doesn't mean you would be violent. Some people use them, some people don't. In the words of the great Mark Twain, "Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer" It doesn't say anything about the person except the sort of language they like to use. I gladly accept all sorts of criticism, but I won't take a little salty language equated with someone being a bad person. After all, my dear old mother has a dirty mouth. And was the perfect mother all the same. Your assumption that bad language makes a bad person is buying into one of the most ridiculous, puritanical pieces of bull I could ever target.

But I think Misery targetted that: "The language, it lacks nobility." And if you don't know the scene I'm referring to, go rent it. It's CLASSIC, and makes my point better than I can. Langauge and behavior are not equal.

[WilderWorks]

Desperatecomfort, thanks for your clarification.

I think you're right: the father ideally would have more depth. I'd personally like to know exactly what happened between him and his wife, and why he doesn't have a better relationship with his kids. I probably wouldn't sympathize with either of these factors, but yes, they might let us know why he's so dependent on this self-help methodology. It's a good point, and I wish I'd found a way to make it fit. I think that got sacrificed to have some fun in the world of the superheroes, but its absense is felt.

[Mark Harris]

I only think it got sacrificed to the 5-6 minute rule. Just a time contraint I think, which is totally natural.

But I look forward to seeing more from you guys.

[Shaun Patrick]

Not to thread-jack, but you should go check out some of my comedy. Be interested to see what you think, because I definitely have an off-kilter sense of humor like you guys do. I just started a thread for our latest one at:

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=60660

No worries. I checked out Man Hole Part 1 awhile back and quite liked it. I will check out episodes 2-3 in the next couple of days. Thanks for the comments.

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

Funny stuff.

I really admire the resourcefulness in the Bominatrix costume, and the sound bed where the hostages were added the the feel of the location and production value.

I was also impressed that you were able to finesse the shutterspeed and exposure to get that dark downlit look with the shuttery action fight movement.

Thanks for making this one, guys.

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks for the kind words, Jack!!!

[mrpunch]

Okay. I'm drawing the line there. If you think a dirty mouth and physical violence are the same thing, you're flatly mistaken. Just because you curse doesn't mean you would be violent.

You take criticism so well. Thanks for the joyous exchange of ideas. That's what I really respect about about this thread. <Insert more sarcasm here>

[Shaun Patrick]

You take criticism so well. Thanks for the joyous exchange of ideas. That's what I really respect about about this thread. <Insert more sarcasm here>

:sigh: I actually think the level of discussion over the father character was pretty good--I believe Blaine was the first one to voice objections over the f-bomb and whot not. Either way, mrpunch, WilderWorks wasn't attacking you--just defending his point and I think the point extended beyond the movie. Anyway, thanks for the comments...sorry you feel that way.

[WilderWorks]

Sorry I ruined the thread Shaun. I was wrong to disagree. :embarasse

[Blaine]

I believe Blaine was the first one to voice objections over the f-bomb and whot not.
Actually, I was following up on a couple of earlier posts. Let me say first and foremost, I have absolutely no problems with the use of the f-bomb or fuck, if you prefer. My problem was trying to reconcile the "tough" language coming from what had been set up (to my way of thinking) as a wimp. Again, it was the guy whose wife had left him (no surprise at all seeing the way you built the character) for another man taking a shot to the 'nads with not so much as a "why I oughta" and then later the outburst in the car. For me, it didn't quite ring true. But then again, perhaps I'm coming from a different"set" of experiences. It is your character inhabiting the world you created for him, therefore you have the right to portray him as you please. Your use of language didn't feel like it was there for shock value, which is what I felt was the case in a highly rated film from SciFest. For me, any language is acceptable as long as it fits the character and situation. I respect the fact that you made your choices. I might have handled it differently, however, it's your story you're telling, not mine.

I think the whole thing about the language has been blown way out of proportion. Having made my opinion clear (or so I thought) I really didn't want to come back and talk further about it. But then I didn't want to come off as the language police, either. Language, nudity or any other adult themes do not bother me as long as they serve the story. Having listened to WilderWorks lengthy explanations of the thought process behind his choices, I respect his choices. I still differ on how I would have made them; by this, again I mean reconciling the bat scene to the outburst in the minivan scene. But if that's the only complaint I have about you film, it seems somewhat trivial.

It was a good short that rated near the top of my ballot. It wouldn't surprise me to find that it at the top several ballots. It was very well done. Overall, I have enjoyed it more with subsequent viewings.

Just my http://www.geocities.com/the_callaghans/emoticon-14.gif :)

[Shaun Patrick]

Yeah, I didn't mean to single you out Blaine...I was just pointing out to mrpunch that the discussion over the father character/f-bomb had been civil/constructive.

Thanks again for your comments and I'm glad you dug the film!

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

Sorry I ruined the thread Shaun. I was wrong to disagree. :embarasse
now you know how I feel

just reread some of my thread and you'll feel much better about yourself :)

[WilderWorks]

:evil:

I love it.

[Norm Sanders]

Hey Shaun I've not read any of the other comments here, but this was my last film to comment on, as well as view. Alphabetically it was near the bottom of the list, but I also expect good things from you & wanted to save a good one for last.

Well, I wasn't disappointed. You're really into comedy, which I respect, and think you're good at. That first nut crack left me falling out of my chair with laughter. VERY well done, I might add, as when I framed through it I could see the bat never even came close, but you could otherwise never tell & the shot was sold quite convincingly.

I wish the dominatrix (or bombinatrix) had filled out the leather costume a little better :evil:, but otherwise thought your super villain was cool.

The lead was definitely whacked, so much so that it began to lose its humor after a while, at least for me, as there weren't really any highs & lows with it, just a constant nutty guy.

Good job in another comedy line up, which I can safely say yours are always among the best for comedy & dry humor.

[Isaac_Brody]

Ha. Hahaha. That was great. I needed a good laugh. :) The actors were great, especially the kids. I liked your camera movement and the music was perfect. This reminded me of a Kids in the Hall episode. Awesome work. :thumbsup:

[arielman]

Just watched this film this morning ..lmao ..great !!

The actors were Great ...really liked the father ..thought he did a bang on job..
Also liked the "HUG"? bit ...

It was easy to pick up on the idea of the Father not being close to his kids ..eg reading a map to find the School ? where is kids went/were .

Thought this was a well done short !!!.

Between Diaper Boy and J.U.L you guys might do well T shirt sales .

Ian

[jpbankesmercer]

One of my favs great in all depts. Loved the dad. Will PaperBagMan get his own short??
Fun, Fun, Fun. (Capital F's)
Top job in all areas. Bombinatrix is hot and surprisingly tough liked that front kick to his face, please post stills of Bombinatrix at home being evil :)
Jp

[WilderWorks]

Glad you guys enjoyed it. There will be plent of Bombinatrix stuff on the website, and on the Behind the Scenes, shortly after the competition comes to a close. We'll keep you updated!

[Larry Rutledge]

Note: I haven't read the other posts yet, so I may repeat comments that have already been made.

I liked the opening shots of the van coming into frame and then careening away as he tries to find the school.

The audio seemed off, particularly when he first meets up with the kids. The tonal quality of the lead's voice seems to change from shot to shot and several times when he speaks loudly it clips really bad.

The kids played their parts perfectly...definitely the best actors in this piece. I particularly liked when the boy put the t-shirt on and pulled the sleeve down over his head...pretty amusing to me for some reason. And I enjoyed the several non-descript "superheros".

I liked the spin-off of the justice league logo transition, cool idea.

[Shaun Patrick]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

[conrad_johnson]

Always the secret weapon...:shakes head: I hope Laura Mulvey doesn't troll these boards...


Laura Mulvey???

And I thought everyone around here got their film know-how from the sci-fi channel?!?

Okay, that was mean and unnecessary.

Upon second gaze...

Great film! Very funny and great acting. My only beef was the sound, but you already know that that was a problem.

Very funny - by far the funniest in the fest. Great work!

[Cryogenic Filmworks]

Nice dolly shots. Decent actors. Nice camera and audio for the most part. Kool flick.

[Shaun Patrick]

Conrad and Cryogenics, thanks for the comments...


Laura Mulvey???

Well Conrad, I'm a feminist film theorist at heart...

[WilderWorks]

Been fun kids! I'm out! :dankk2: