"The Sequence" - pastywhiteboy

[pastywhiteboy]

Well, here's the thread for "The Sequence".

Check out the short - leave feedback, criticism, or just whatever the heck you want to leave!

I'll go ahead and apologize in advance for the small titling as I know that won't be very readable with the smaller web compression.

Thanks and enjoy!

-pastywhiteboy

[Jared Meyer]

Good grief, that was dark! :) I enjoyed it, though.

High point:
Great voiceover - props to both script writer and male lead.

(Very Minor) Low Point:
Slightly repetitive music that was maybe a little too upbeat...?

Good stuff. I'm going to watch it again.

[pastywhiteboy]

Hey jaustere, thanks for the comments. Just wanted to check on something - dark in what way... lighting or just depressing?! I know several of the scenes in the short have pretty low lighting, which I was debating if I needed to adjust the gamma to better suit the web compression since it was tailored more for DVD output. I certainly want people to be able to see everything that's going on, but of course the dark scenes were necessary to the script, so we didn't want to just boost the lighting.

Sorry if it was depressing for you!

thanks again,
-pastywhiteboy

[Jared Meyer]

Sorry pasty, I should have clarified that. No, the lighting was great. I was referring to the mood of the piece. Very dark and kind of depressing, but I am assuming that's what you were going for! It definitely worked.

[pastywhiteboy]

Cool. Thanks again for the comments... appreciate it.

[mikkowilson]

So the film starts up, and we see the door with the light.
My first reastion was "ok, now we *finally* get a good old basic sci-fi..

Then the logo came up.


And I was very happily supprized. What a really good and well done peice!
I loved the dolly shot above the stalls.
good stuff :)

- Mikko

[pastywhiteboy]

Thanks Mikko, I appreciate the comments. Really glad you enjoyed it! Yeah, the overhead stall shot actually took quite some time to get down, but it turned out quite nice.
-pastywhiteboy

[Weston]

I thought that was a really good film. The writing, directing, acting, and especially the music were very well done. Nice job.

So far this and similo are my favorites.

[pastywhiteboy]

I thought that was a really good film. The writing, directing, acting, and especially the music were very well done. Nice job.

So far this and similo are my favorites.

Thanks Weston! We certainly had a tough (but fun) time coming up with an idea that we didn't think others would have anything similar to, and that would hopefully be pretty original. I'm glad you enjoyed the film!

-pastywhiteboy

[Blaine]

I really enjoyed watching this. You had some good camera work. I liked how you lit it, too. The music complemented the story. The VO was okay, didn't knock me out, but fit well and kept things moving. My only real criticism was with your main actor. He did a good job but he just felt TOO YOUNG for the part. I'd like to have seen someone ten years or so older and it would have been spot on for me. This is one of the last shorts I have gotten around to watching in the first screening folder. It was well worth the wait. http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif

[penfever]

This was a very solid film, I liked many parts of it. You're one of the few people with a transparent and effective usage of VO on this forum. IN this film, the distanciation makes sense because he himself doesn't understand whats happening, plus the narration is posthumous (I think?).
I wasn't crazy about the choice of music - the meandering piano detracted from the mood of the killing sequences, in my opinion. There needed to be some sort of sonic distinction between reality and waking-dream.
With the exception of the parking-lot, the locations were well-chosen and the shots effectively placed. Nice use of open and closed framing as well, going from small items to finallly reveal the entire scene.
I liked it, make more like it. Hopefully not as sad, tho.

[Kaz]

I liked this a lot. The music matched the mood and the VO lines were read very well. Opening and closing with the same shot was smart and effective. Plus, it's always good when a short film can use multiple locations. Nice work.

[abraham]

This one I enjoyed -- and coming from someone who just shot a movie in which someone gets their head blown off, I really like your effects. Especially coming over the stalls like Penfever said -- beautiful stuff.

Did you use electrical conduit for that? That's what we do our stuff on.
What's your dolly run on?

--evan

[WilderWorks]

I dug the music, I dug the visual style. All I would ask is for a nice muzzle flair added to the shootings, and then you'd be gold.

Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I think we first understand that he's not in control of what he's doing when he drops the wineglass in the gallery. Therefore, I didn't need the first instance of "I'm awake, I see what I'm doing, but I can't stop it." Too on-the-nose, and though some may argue it improves by repetition at the end, I think it has more oumph being said for the first time at the end.

Actually, you may not even need the VO during his cigarette lighting, where he speculates as to the source of his problem. We know he doesn't understand and is searching for answers, because you've also shown this visually: he's dismantling the phone, he's collecting clippings.

The V.O. regains its footing with "A wife, two kids, and a dog..."

You could strengthen a few things, perhaps. Maybe another example of his sudden loss of control, like the wineglass. Something a person in control of his facilities wouldn't normally do. Like, before he shoots the man on the couch, we see him suddenly "drop" something else. Like leave his running car at a stop light, for example.

Lastly, I'm not as immediately clear as I'd like to be regarding whether he willfully killed himself or was murdered by command, but the V.O. (which I *do* like), during his suicide tells me that he's being controlled into doing this. In fact, the spark we see on the phone has triggered this act. If so, we might need something more to associate this spark with the phone of earlier. The rewind is nice, but it's so stylized, we're not sure what we're being told. We're distracted. So, perhaps a sound? A musical que? Something that happens ech time he's called. Something to remind us a little more concretely and instantly. Maybe even flashes of him just answering the phone in those earlier instances (just the answering part). That might tie it all together.

Lastly, I'd like to see him *start* disassembling the phone, or at least see the case, the shell, the skeleton, anything to make those peices clearly part of that phone. Then you won't need the lines "How do they control me through the phone?" It'll be understood, and that'll make it more rewarding to the viewer.

Also, I enjoyed your opening shot. :)

[pastywhiteboy]

Kaz, penfever, abraham, wilderworks... thanks for the comments! I appreciate what all of you have said and am glad that the film is being enjoyed. I'm out of town until tomorrow night, so I have very limited internet access, but I'll try to give some more detailed responses to some of the points that have been brought up.

Thanks again for the comments and keep 'em coming!

-pastywhiteboy

[EditPhish]

Pastywhiteboy,

Really excellent... I enjoyed this A LOT.

Great opening shot... love the lighting.

Your cinematography overall was wonderful... love the way you frame the shots. The lighting was really well done as well. Excellent music that fit the story perfectly... and good sound.

The gun shots/FX/blood were top-notch. Truly believable. Well done!

We've seen a lot of shorts with some kind of narration, and while some pulled it off, some didn't. I really don't like having movies explained to me while I'm watching them (either in type or in voice-over) -- but with yours, the narration is a natural fit... his thoughts and nothing more.

If I HAD to come up with any nitpicks it would be that somehow, and I don't know why, but the closeups of the eyes didn't look like the same character to me. I think it may have been the lack of the glasses? The only other one was I wasn't quite sure how he got blood on his hands in the second shooting... a very small detail, but one that did cause me to ask the question.

Thanks so much for sharing an excellent film. It was certainly "darker" than many of the other entrys, but that is what made it stand out as different. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

[hienben]

I just finished watching and I have to say this is one of my favourites so far. The lighting, camera moves and angles were very well done. I also thought the music and the VO fitted perfectly. Excellent!

[Brandon Rice]

I really liked this film, and it had a great concept, and you told the story very well visually! This will be in my top 10. Really enjoyed it! Some of the dream sequence shots were a bit dark, that's my only critique. Other than that, loved it! Good work!

[THX-1138]

Pastywhiteboy,

You know how to shoot.

You did alot of the things I like to see in films, strong camera work...excelent sound recording, well paced editing.

That being said most of my critisicisms are minor but I thought I should mention them.

I thought the guy getting shot by the SUV could have been better acted. He did'nt die right away and he did'nt seem to be too suprized to be shot, out of the blue.

I thought you had one dolly shot too many, The Art Gallery. Maybe if you started tighter on him and needed to reveal he was in an art gallery but it looked like a dolly move because you had a dolly not because the shot needed it. Obviously that's a personal prefrence thing, you're shots not wrong that's just how it hit me.

Oh yea, great dolly moves! Perfect and smooth! What did you use for those?

All your CC was top notch. The chance of "looks" was perfect.

Nat Shermans was a great art direction touch. Far more photogenic than the Marlborros my actor chain smoked throught the shoot.

Did you use a 35mm adapter to shoot? If you did, would you mind saying which one and what lenses you used?


We'll you've got one of the best. Thanks for the quality film to watch and comment on.

Kip Kubin

[Norm Sanders]

HOLY CRAP, PASTY! Who are you and where did YOU come from?!

This film just flat our ROCKS! I just got done watching/judging A BRIEF CASE, and had stated that only 2 films had 10's for Cinematography ... yours just got added to the elite, making it 3 on my list now. SIMILO, A BRIEF CASE, and THE SEQUENCE.

Yours is also the only one I've given a 10 to for lighting. Superb, really.

The weakest area for me, though still above average, was the score. It didn't WOW me like everything else did. Some say I shouldn't notice the score, but I want to notice everything and love it all together ... while it worked well, it just didn't WOW me.

Camera, WOW (dolly work was AMAZING). Lighting, WOW. Acting, big props on it, but there's not much traditional acting for my tasts (zero delivery of dialogue - VO doesn't count for acting in my opinion, though the VO was awesome). Script was great ... very dark & cool. Sound design & FX were spot on as well.

This scored near the VERY top, overall. I'm hoping it's simply an alphabetical thing, as to why yours hasn't rec'd as much attention yet, as it's certainly due.

Oh, and lastly ... loved your intro company logo ... but the titles could be just a WEE bit bigger.

[dvx 35mm kid]

man, i thought this was awesome. Mad kudos to you guys.

[HagerNYC]

PastyWhiteBoy, I'm sure I'm repeating what everyone is saying, but great camera work buddy. I loved your opening and ending shots and I loved your placement of the credits in both. Great composition and movement. The lighting was very well done as well. I always say sometimes the best way to do something is usually the simplest way. Also, sometimes, the narrator sounded like David Ducovney in "The X Files". Good work.

[pastywhiteboy]

Well everyone, my wife and I are back from visiting her family and letting them know the news that she's pregnant! Oh yes, that's right... a baby. Completely unexpected and unplanned, but don't worry... we're excited!
Anyway, I've had limited access to the internet over the weekend, so I'm going to go ahead and address all the posts I've missed right now. Here we go!


Blaine: thanks for the compliments! I think you are right that an older actor would have probably looked more fitting for that role, but I'm happy with the way it turned out with Jim (our main actor). The cool thing with the story we came up with is that the "brainwashing" could have happened to anyone... we chose to stick with Jim simply because he was the best actor at our disposal... not too many actors here in Hendersonville, NC! I guess we do have some in Asheville, but mostly stage actors, which generally tend to overact simply because that's what stage acting calls for. Anyway, thanks again for the comments!

Penfever: I love that you used "distanciation" in a sentence - the use of such a marvelous word automatically validifies you in my book! You've mostly understood the voice over. It is actually not posthumous. The idea behind "the sequence" was very much based around structure. That being said, when writing this, we kept it very symmetrical which is mainly obvious with the beginning and ending shots and dialog. How this plays into the voiceover is this: the idea is that he starts out in the present, goes back to his thoughts leading up to this moment, then segways back into the present at the end when he says "I can see it, but I can't control it". I don't know if that really makes sense in the way I explained it, but it really worked with the film and that's where it counts!
I do agree with you on the music. It wasn't exactly what we wanted. We could only get the pianist for about 30 minutes, and she hadn't fully written the piece yet, so we just recorded what she had and I ended up spending hours piecing together different snippets and layering some things to make the final score... it actually sounds totally different than the original recording.
Thanks again for the commments!

Kaz: I really appreciate it!

abraham: you, my friend, freaking rock! Thanks for the compliments.

WilderWorks: thanks for the kind words. I somewhat agree with the muzzle flash thing. To an extent, it would've been cool, but at the same time, small caliber pistols like that in real life give very minimal muzzle flash. We were really trying to keep things subtle and realistic. And to be honest, even if we wanted to do muzzle flash, we just didn't have the time or the means without it being a cheezy CG muzzle flash. I'm a real firm believer in minimal use of CG - only when absolutely necessary - which hopefully you don't even really notice the visual effects in our short (there are about 3 main ones).
As for the "I'm awake..." line, that one was really necessary for the sense of symmetry we were going for. We actually cut several lines from the script because they were to directly associated with what was going on with the imagery.
We also cut the shot you're referring to of him losing control before he shoots the man on the couch. The reason for that was that it was that by the time that happens, we really hope the audience has realized what is going on, which would make that shot kind of worthless. Hope I explained that well, but in summary, it just didn't fit well!
Lastly, you've brought up a really important point and for precisely the reason we did it the way we did! There are a lot of little subtle things during the course of the short that could hint towards him actually just being insane and we wanted to leave that kind of open to the viewer to decide which they thought he was - under mind control or just plain crazy.

EditPhish: glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the fine compliments! All the audio is recorded by us... I was vehemently opposed to using stock stuff, especially gun shots! My wife did a great job with the foley work, although we wanted to do more by actually recording gun shots in each of the actual locations, but we were simply unable to do it which limited us to trying to simulate locations with different reverbs. In the eyes shot, he does kind of look different, but we really wanted to bring the focus to his eyes which made the rest of his face get somewhat lost in the effects.
The other good question you bring up is how does he get the blood on his hand? Now this was something that simply had to get cut out due to the way the shot turned out, but when the man in the bathroom gets shot, he actually falls forward onto Jim (our main actor). His dead body comes to rest up against Jim's leg and Jim reaches down, grabs the back of his head and throws him off... which leads him to "feel the warmth of the blood on his hand". Unfortunately, our actor fell a bit incorrectly and revealed a tube from our blood rig! The shot ended up being slo-moed then cut short - which I actually like better anyway, but it does leave the question too open as to how he got blood on his hand.
Thanks again and hopefully I explained everything in an understandable format!

hienben: you are the man... plus you're Brittish, so your like doubly the man! Thanks for the compliments.

briceman: top 10?!!! How about top 3! Ok, joking... but seriously, thanks for the comments! Yeah, some of the dreams turned out dark, some of which is due to viewing on a computer. I really should've submitted a different version for the web, but I just didn't.

THX-1138: your criticisms cut straight to my core! I agree with the first kill... it is a bit week. We set up too complicated of a blood rig and we had severe time contraints with the actor that gets shot. The blood rig on his chest actually moved to the center right under his tie, which he did a good job moving the tie so we could actually see the blood (although you do have to look closely), but him having to move the tie I think distracted him from what he was really supposed to be doing... dying! Anyway, it really didn't turn out how I wanted it and was unable to be fixed due to time.
The art gallery, I somewhat agree. I didn't really have a reason to use the dolly except to elongate the shot without it being too boring. The dolly was actually one that my friend and cinematographer, Tim, designed. It's pretty standard, but he's an architect so he had some sweet hookups with materials for it. Good stuff.
Thanks for noticing the cigarette selection! I actually get pretty bad headaches from smelling cigarette smoke, but cigars don't bother me at all for some reason (it's all those darn chemicals in the cigs!) so I tried to find something that was as close to a cigar as possible without being an actual cigar... they worked!
No 35mm adapter at all. I didn't want to throw another variable into the mix on this one with the time constraints we had to work on it. Plus I wanted to really focus on us just using the camera for the tool that it is.
Thanks for all the compliments!

Envision: haha! Good question! Well, I'm Andy Jackson and I'm from good ol' North Carolina. My nickname in high school was pasty white boy due to my horrific farmers tan at the beginning of soccer season (thanks to a summer of mowing lawns), so I embraced the nickname and still use it quite often to this day.
Thanks for the compliments on the film and I'm certainly glad you liked it!
Sorry again for the titles... seriously looks totally fine with the DVD file, but the downconversion really annihilated the simple Courier font we chose to go with!

dvx 35mm kid: thanks, man!

HagerNYC: double thanks! I really appreciate the fact that you appreciate the simplicity of some of the choices we made for this film. Ironically, I found that it was often more difficult to achieve some of the simpler shots than it would have been to do an "artsy" shot!


Thanks everyone for all the comments. Hopefully I've answered most of the questions that may have been asked... if not, just ask them again! I'm quite glad that you all are enjoying the film!

thanks again!
-pastywhiteboy

[Blaine]

I think you are right that an older actor would have probably looked more fitting for that role, but I'm happy with the way it turned out with Jim (our main actor). The cool thing with the story we came up with is that the "brainwashing" could have happened to anyone... we chose to stick with Jim simply because he was the best actor at our disposal...
I understand completely. We do the best we can with what we have at our disposal. I really enjoyed your short. It had some great images. You've done yourself proud. http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif

[pastywhiteboy]

I understand completely. We do the best we can with what we have at our disposal. I really enjoyed your short. It had some great images. You've done yourself proud. http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif

Thanks man!

[Aaron Marshall]

WOW! I just watched your film... I'm blown away. So, you're directing a 50 million $$$ feature soon? I would not be surprised at all. This is top notch work. I watched a lot of the sci fi films before. There were a lot of great ones. Before, I had a hard time thinking, "Who should win?". I mean if in some universe I was granted a godly DVXuser power and it were up to me. Now it has become clear.

I loved the overhead shot over the stall. That was so smooth. I love the colors. I also liked the realistic reaction of the people that were shot. This was a prime example of noir sci fi. The music was also dead on and wonderful. The best.

The only thing I can think of that I would change is the sound design when the gun "echoes". I would have programmed a differently timed delay to be more dramatic. I love what you were trying to do in that scene, but I feel it could have been pushed more in the audio realm. I feel this is an important point in the film. This is a very slight issue I have with the film.

If you want I can take the original gun sample and show you what I mean.

[JimtheJib]

i really enjoyed this one. truly scifi in my book. i thought it was funny that the man who got shot in the parking lot moved his tie out of the way so it wouldn't get bloody. I have to say your dolly work here was suberb. i don't think the actor was too young. he was convincing. you don't have to be old for the government to control your mind. my only criticism is the shots in the parking lot. they seemed a little off. when you cut from the master shot to a closer one it doesn't seem to click. i can't put my finger on it...

nice job

[Aaron Marshall]

you don't have to be old for the government to control your mind.

I agree. If anything it makes more sense to be youthful and influenced in such a way.

[pastywhiteboy]

Noct: thanks man, I'm blown away by your compliments! I don't know about $50 million feature, but if you know somebody who wants to hook me up, I'd certainly do it! We actually have a feature length being planned, but it has about as much budget as our sci-fest film at this point!
I definitely see what you're saying with the gun echoing into the clicks... I too was a bit concerned with that because it turned out to be almost too subtle when that is something that we definitely want people to notice. I'll PM you a link later to the gunshot and clicking audio clips because I'm curious to see what you can come up with. For me, I found it really difficult to find a good medium between overdone/cheezy and too subtle.
Again, thanks for the super compliments. I know our film has its share of errors, but it's quite fulfilling when people notice and appreciate those little things that we worked to get in there.

JimtheJib: Heh, I'm glad you enjoyed the tie moving part! That scene, I didn't really feel that it was realistic, but the more I watched it, the more it seemed like something that someone could actually do. I mean, he gets shot... that doesn't happen every day to most people! It looks like he could be so suprised that he has to move his tie to see if it's real. Then he looks back up at Jim (our actor) and has this look of "what... how... why did you just do that?" I'm still trying to decide if I like it, but that scene still seems like a week point in the film to me, although I do love several of the shots in that parking lot scene.
Thanks again for the compliments... you're the man!

-pastywhiteboy

[abraham]

hey pasty!
i think maybe it has to do with the size of the viewing screen, but that part with the tie -- although i think it could work -- i don't know if you quite got it with that shot. I think maybe a better look at the victim's face would help to explain that part a bit more? Not sure, it might not.
Haha, you got a good laugh out of me though.

[pastywhiteboy]

abraham: yeah, I think the parking lot scene as a whole is probably the weakest point of the film. That's basically the scene we had the least amount of time to work with due to our actors' schedules. Anyway, I'm just glad I could make you laugh!

-pastywhiteboy

[granny]

Your film rocked! I especially liked the cinematography. Your DP seems to be skilled at working a camera. I also love the sense of pace that the film created. This in my opinion is the mark of a talented filmmaker. You appear to have a good sense of control and structure. I was drawn into your story quickly, without a hint of boredom. It was also very filmic... joking. A very nice piece of work pasty. Original and one of the best in the competition.

Granny

[pastywhiteboy]

Thanks a bunch, Granny... appreciate the compliments and glad you enjoyed it!

-pastywhiteboy

[macgregor]

This is something to think after you have watched it. I liked the story.
Still i did not understand what he is fixing on his table. Maybe i am too tired now, since i havent sleep.
It remind me of Pi. The scritp is solid. I just wish it had a better visual presence. I am not saying it is bad, and the travelings are used very well. But still since there is no dialogue, i would have tried something more aesthetical.

[MojoTrancer]

Great story! Had me a little disturbed and unsettled at the end. And thats a good thing. The camera movement was top notch. Very cinematic. This is one of those films that I knew was going to be good within the first 30 seconds. I think brightness and contrast in the "killing" sequences could have been a little more punchy. BUt I loved the style they were shot in. The lack of color added to the stark brutality of what he was doing.

Very nice! One of my favorites!

[Shaun Patrick]

I really dug this one and it's definitelty one of the hadful of entries in the fest that works as a short. From beginning to end the piece is very well executed from a great command of the camera to very well done music to good acting. Excellent job overall.

The killing scenes (basically the crux of your piece) didn't completely work for me. They're well executed from a camera and blocking standpoint but the gunshot effects just make the scenes fizzle out when they should be building more and more tension. The sound effect used and the lack of a muzzle flash just really take away from the brutality of the scenes. Anyway, that's a minor gripe. Overall your piece is very successful.

[pastywhiteboy]

macgregor: thanks for the comments. I know some things could have been more clear, like the phone. We had a tough time finding a good medium between too vague and too literal and I hope that we found that medium while still making the story easy to understand. I know that if I've done my job correctly, you shouldn't have to watch it again to get the story, but just for my sake, give it one more shot and let me know if it is as confusing this time! Thanks again for the comments... much appreciated!

MojoTrancer: happy to have disturbed you! :) The contrast of the dreams was really tough. Because of the lighting we used for those scenes, it was tough to make it good and contrasty while still being able to see everything. Some of the dark objects (like the gun) just blended into the scene too much, so we ended up going with a very tweaked contrast/color curve that wasn't too heavy. I would have loved them to be more punchy, but the way we filmed the scenes just didn't allow it.
I'm glad that you appreciated the dry, dullish look we went with. It was what I felt best fit the story. Of course, after watching SIMILO (good stuff, macgregor), I was like "man, we should have had him kill somebody on a volcanic beach at sunset!" Although that would have been beautiful, it wouldn't have fit the story at all... so in the sense that our coloration choices fit the story, they are still quite beautiful in my opinion.
Anyway, thanks for the compliments!

Shaun Patrick: thanks man! I see what you're saying with the kill scenes, though. I too am a big fan of muzzle flash effectively used in a movie, but for this one we just decided not to do it for several reasons. The main reason was that it just wasn't realistic. I know that because we see this stuff all the time in movies, we think that's how it really is, but we actually took a small caliber pistol for all our testing and foley work, and the muzzle flash was actually very minimal... barely noticeable at all.
So as far as realism, I think we came close. In terms of effectiveness, you're probably right that we should've done muzzle flash. To be honest, I'd probably chose the same route if we did it again, though I would probably do more gun foley in each of those specific environments.
Thanks again for the comments and glad you liked it!

-pastywhiteboy

[Kholi]

This was the first out of all that I watched that stuck me. I like it lots. Serious contender here.

It reminded me of an episode of Detective Conan (the anime) where the dog was trained to attack people when spoken too over the phone.

Excellent.

[pastywhiteboy]

Hah! Well I've never seen Detective Conan, but it sure sounds like something fun to watch... especially if it has brainwashed dogs! Thanks for the compliments, man.

-pastywhiteboy

[wcs]

at this point, I'm sure most of the quibbles have been mentioned, so I won't bother because they aren't major.

I normally don't post when the "good job" comments count gets this deep, but I'll make an exception here. This is an excellent short, an example of how to take a simple premise and execute it without overcomplicating it. One of these days I'll figure out how to do that ; ).

Excellent job. Loved the music, and the lighting. Even the ending didn't feel cliche'd. I only read a couple other posts, but has anyone mentioned how this movie could be a metaphor for soldiers in general, and the aftereffects of war? Was that part of your intention? That's where it resonated in me beyond the images and sound.

One of my favorites in the fest, certainly.

[pastywhiteboy]

wcs: thanks for the positive comments! It's always appreciated... it's just good to know that people are watching this one since it was next to last on the download list. More people should post that they watched it just to set my mind at ease! :)
As for the metaphor thing, I had a facination with reading about the MK Ultra (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MKULTRA), on of the most well known of many government mind control projects that took place back in the 50's and 60's. It's interesting to find out that thousands of unwitting citizens, soldiers, etc. were given doses of different experimental drugs for the sake of finding mind control methods.
So, that being said, I guess the idea for the film is loosly based around that, but of course a bit more modernized version of it. So the cool thing with this film is that you can watch it one of two ways... this is a guy who is actually under mind control and is trying to find the trigger to his mind control - which is in the phone. Or, this is a guy who has gone through some sort of trauma (possibly military based, but not necessarily) and is literally going insane.

Anyway, thanks again for the comments! Keep em' comin'!

-pastywhiteboy

[pabloabad]

I guess I'm repeating what others say, but I hope you like to hear it. I loved the camera moves, the lighting and the rythm of the piece. Great. One of my favourites.

The only little thing for me is the first man to die, who is not very surprised with the shot in his chest. A minor personal appreciation, though.

You'll be up there!

Pablo

[pastywhiteboy]

pabloabad: thanks for watching and thanks for the compliments! As for that guy in the parking lot... unfortunately, we only had two takes and one of them wasn't usable due to technical issues.
Thanks again for the comments!

-pastywhiteboy

[conrad_johnson]

Hi - Good work -

This was shot well, and I liked the color correction. The score didn't do it for me and I found my mind wandering away from the story until the part where he says "click click". Maybe if you'd used the score more to accent what was going on in the story, it would have been easier to pay attention than with that wandery piano. Once I began really paying attention to VO again toward end, I liked what I was hearing as far as acting is concerned. Good job.

[Z B Brox]

Hey, this is really nice work. Good looking, good sound, pretty solid acting. In terms of the story, I kinda wondered why he didn't just toss the damn phone, but I suppose I can forgive obsessives their logical lapses. ;) Really liked the timing at the end. Wasn't huge on the score, but it was used well, so that's really just taste. Really looking forward to whatever you do in the future.

[iSTy]

I loved the music which blended so well with the storyline. I liked the beginning especially it reminded me of a fairytale my mum used to read to me, until it got close up.

I liked the idea that it ended with the beginning sequence. And although alot of the films had a 'shot in the head' killing, this was one of the calmest.

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[pastywhiteboy]

conrad johnson: thanks. Yeah, the score was the one thing we had the least amount of time to dedicate towards. We did the best with what we had and I think it turned out ok, but I certainly think it could've been better. Thanks for the comments!

Z B Brox: thanks for the compliments. Hah, we thought the same thing while writing this. It is supposed to come across better that he doesn't even realize that he is actually killing people until the second one when he "feels the warmth of the blood"... that brings him to realization. Then, he doesn't realize that he is being triggered by the phone until the third killing. At that point, he decides he has to rip his phone apart to see if he can find the source... that's where the film starts and of course is intertwined with those "flashbacks". Hope that makes sense!
Thanks for the compliments and glad you enjoyed it!

iSTy: thanks and I'm glad you caught the sense of symmetry in the film. We thought it fitting to integrate a sense of "sequence" into the entire film. I was disappointed that so many films ended with people killing themselves, although I do fill that ours is one of the few that it actually makes sense with the story. Thanks again for the comments!

-pastywhiteboy

[iSTy]

pastywhiteboy says: "I was disappointed that so many films ended with people killing themselves, although I do fill that ours is one of the few that it actually makes sense with the story."

That's what I liked about it. The entire film was calm. So when he killed himself that's why I felt it was the calmest suicide.

[pastywhiteboy]

Thanks iSTy... much appreciated!

[EJ Pennypacker]

Lots of things married well in this piece for me.

The only thing that struck me odd was the lack of muzzle flash - but then again I explained that away to it all being a dream... so it really didn't matter in the end.

Nice job.

EJ

[conrad_johnson]

Hi - I watched your video again to check out your editing - well deserved! The editing was great - everything was very natural and flowed well. Beginning to end, this felt like the best "package" of all the videos posted.

[pastywhiteboy]

conrad_johnson: well why didn't you watch it again before the voting?! Just kidding! I really appreciate the compliments and I'm really glad that people are enjoying this film. Hopefully my team and I will have an entry in the Hero Fest as well and I'm going to go ahead and guarantee that it will blow you away (I know, risky statement!). Congratulations on the sound design award!
Thanks again for all the kind words and votes, everyone. Thanks Jarred for the sweet contest. Congratulations to all the other winners!

-pastywhiteboy

[conrad_johnson]

Sorry - we didn't get to vote this time anyway, not enough posts. We'll pull for you next time around, though!

[pastywhiteboy]

Sorry - we didn't get to vote this time anyway, not enough posts. We'll pull for you next time around, though!

I'll be looking for yours next time as well!

[badassmofro]

Cool visuals and great editing. But was this really sci-fi?

[pastywhiteboy]

Cool visuals and great editing. But was this really sci-fi?

If by sci-fi you mean involving the typical aspects like time travel, space exploration, mutation, or aliens, then no it's not sci-fi. If by sci-fi you mean using technology to trigger mind control in an unwitting subject, then it is definitely sci-fi. I suppose that sort of stuff could really be happening, but who knows? Depends on how many conspiracy theories you believe.

Anyway, I have no doubt that it qualifies as sci-fi in my mind, but it definitely is subtle and unconventional... but for me that just solidifies what we were going.

Thanks for the kind comments!

-pastywhiteboy

[Z B Brox]

It's funny how people's definitions of what "sci-fi" is vary. I wonder how many people realize that movies like A Clockword Orange are, in essence, much more "sci-fi" than Star Wars. If flashy tech was all sci-fi was, James Bond would be sci-fi. But really, sci-fi should have some scientific advancement as central to the plot and themes. When it comes down to that, Star Wars is more about magic than science. It's a fantasy in science fiction clothing.

[TheMacB]

pasty, i LOVED your film! it was #1 on my list tied with Signal Decay. Great job!

[pastywhiteboy]

pasty, i LOVED your film! it was #1 on my list tied with Signal Decay. Great job!

TheMacB, thanks! It seemed that we came up with something that people either loved or just plain ol' didn't like... not too much in between. Glad you enjoyed it so much, though! I really enjoyed A Brief Case as well. Loved the set!

-pastywhiteboy

[granny]

Nice job pasty and congrats on the edit award! You need to teach me some of your techniques.

I loved your film and can't wait to see what you throw at us for hero fest.

old'G out.

[Blaine]

You did a great job on your short. I'm really surprised no one has mentioned The Manchurian Candidate (the original, of course) regarding the telephone calls, followed by the shooting. Please do not take the comparison as a criticism because it is not meant that way. I loved that movie and also loved how you used a similar device. :thumbsup:

[Matthew B. Moore]

I didn't get a chance to say anything on this while the comp was going on, to be honest, I didn't watch your film until the next to last day. Your concept and lighting kicked that ass. I LOVED your lighting. Nice work on making that DVX hum. The one wish I had for it (like many others) was that you had more time. I got into the character and what was going on and then the 6min was up. "Keep us coming back for more" and you did that with style. Thanks for the entertainment. Nice work

[pastywhiteboy]

Granny, Blaine, Matthew B. Moore... thanks a bunch for the comments! I've actually never seen the original Manchurian Candidate, but I'm sure there are similarities. It's pretty unavoidable since both are loosely based on MKULTRA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MKULTRA). Thanks for the great compliments, all!

-pastywhiteboy