The Future

[wcs]

Comments are appreciated.

I don't know if people need a summary, but I'll throw one out:

Guy travels to the future, comes back with scary black-haired fellow. Fellow knows everything. Fellow scolds other Guy for being a looser. Other Guy calls him a dick. They hold hands and walk into the sunset. The end.

[penfever]

There were cities of floating bananas. Best line of Sci-Fest so far.
This film was a bit dull - there was too much talking and not enough happening. Even if people are saying interesting things, if nothing interesting is happening, and we don't care about the characters, then...you know the rest.
I think your sound recording could use some work. A lot of the dialogue sounds hollow. I think the booming wasn't properly done. And nothing takes a person out of a film like bad sound recording.
It seems like there might be some interesting ideas tucked away in here, but people don't watch films for the ideological content alone - they want to be entertained.
Good work finishing, and keep on shooting.

[ProfD]

I agree with Penfever for the most part....the originality of the concept was cool. I liked it overall. A few things here and there, but, every film on here has that...even the ones some seem to be promoting, etc... Your's was creative and original and I certainly felt that wonderfully interesting and entertaining independent film quality shining through.

Hope to see more in the future.

[wcs]

Thanks for the comments.

I knew going in that I was making a movie about ideas, not action, and that this would make it less accessable. What I really wonder, though, is if people get all the stuff that I meant to imply (ie, that the future guy - Cassius - might have thought it was all another dream). I condensed down about twenty pages of script ideas into the six minutes, and I think some concepts got lost.

The audio problems - I didn't notice some of them until I watched my copy last night with my fancy headphones. Seems the speakers I was using to edit/mix weren't nearly as clear (they have a bass boost) as I'd have hoped. But yes, I'd agree that there were several audio problems. Some have been fixed in the latest edit (6:47 long), and some I'll be fixing very soon.

Thanks for letting me know that the audio issues were distracting.

Comments are appreciated. Thanks again.

[ChrisLyon]

Hope to see more in the future.
What is that supposed to be a pun or something? http://perennialmedia.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif

[P!body]

Who's your DP? What a jackass he is for stamping your film with his ridiculous BSG shooting style?

I hope you don't use him for your next project, you can do a lot better than him.
And I may be busy with another one of my silly little projects. But mainly don't use him because he is a hack.

And by he, I mean me.

Until the Future,
P!body

[ChrisLyon]

Until the Future,
P!body

What is that supposed to be a pun or something? http://perennialmedia.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif

[Jimmy John Worley]

I liked it. I thought it was thoughtful and interesting, but it did suffer seeming like so much going on in 6 minutes. I would like to see a longer cut. Keep up the good work.

[WilderWorks]

There are a lot of poetic and linguistically interesting lines of dialogue in this movie, and it toys with a lot of potentially complex ideas. Unfortunately, it's rather hard to follow because more time is spent on those meditations than on demonstrating the story's through-line. It's also very difficult to invest in, because there isn't a character who's likable enough to care for. It's a nice moment, there at the end, but it would be better if we felt an emotional wallop along with the surprise.

Again, the dialogue certainly has a style, and there was a lot of thought put into it, but a little more clarity/time spent in the simple details of storytelling would even out the experience. :)

[wcs]

thanks jimmy.

I wish I could have spent more time with the characters. After about two drafts I realized that I could either tell the story, or give the characters backstory and depth. I tried my best to make every word important, but in the end I made a philosophical journey rather than a cinematic one.

At this point I'm wondering if only three people have seen it... I'm hoping people are going alphabetical... or I must really inspire apathy in the viewer, and that is tragic.

[wcs]

Just for the hell of it, I'll post the end of a scene from the third draft. Nigel (the guy in the car) has been trying to convince some professors to fund his project (a year before the events of The Future). They listen politely before saying it'll never work....

NIGEL begins to walk out the door, leaving the classroom and the professors behind.

He stops in the doorway, still looking out.

NIGEL: Your car will break down. Your money will run out. Friends will leave you behind to fight your battles alone. But the future is pure, and certain. I push the domino, it falls, hitting the next. The past is just a pile of bad memories and forgotten dreams. Noone in the past truly loves you; they only think they do.

[wcs]

Thanks for taking the time to critique my short, wilderworks. Your comments are thoughtful.


It's also very difficult to invest in, because there isn't a character who's likable enough to care for.

This is certainly the fatal flaw of my filmmaking that I've tried to overcome.... I guess this version of 'the future' fails in that area. Hopefully the scenes I added back into the longer version give that car crash more impact. I wanted the car crash to be a punch in the stomach, to get the viewer to re-examine everything he'd just heard in the car..... I guess it's not working.

[WilderWorks]

At this point I'm wondering if only three people have seen it... I'm hoping people are going alphabetical...

I'm not so thrilled myself with how few responses the later-posted movies are getting. I'm with you, and really hope everyone will shift their attentions to later movies like yours as the weekend goes on. I just worry that everyone's caught up in the interesting discussions taking place on threads for the first dozen or so posted. :)

[P!body]

I thought about it, and I liked the lighting for the earlier scene with the window.
I think part of the story is lost within the 6 min edit.
But it still packs a punch as far as the philosophical experience.

The car effect at the end was really cool and still works everytime I see it.

I would really like to see you work on something character driven in order to see you flourish at that particular kind of storytelling.

Perhaps a little "Sixth Street Cafe" or "Seventh Street Cafe". Or maybe one or two shorts in the vein of "Four Years to Life". I'm game, if you are.

In any case good work and I can't wait to see more out of you in the spring.

[Blaine]

I think there was a lot of potential here. My biggest problem with your piece is the casting. I couldn't buy your characters because of the age of the actors. This is something that I've noticed with other pieces. I know we have to use the resources at our disposal but you had a very ambitious screenplay that was miscast, so it was already going to be difficult if not impossible to bring off. You did have some nice lines but I couldn't believe them coming out of the characters' mouths. It could have used some more production value, too. By this, I mean interesting locations and visuals. If you're going to use something ordinary, give me a different look...make it interesting.

"There were cities of floating bananas." LMAO. The writing shows potential. If you are unable to get age appropriate actors, adjust the ambitions of your story to keep it credible. Or better yet, write a story around your assets.

[Norm Sanders]

William, I really respect you on the boards, man, I really do. I wish I could have liked this more than I did. I can't put my thumb on why, but I just didn't really get what was going on and why, and found myself VERY easily distracted.

The positives, as trite as they may sound, is that I really liked your SHWOOP SFX, and the edits that would go with it. And that very last shot of the car coming STRAIGHT at them after the bad guy's last line was perfect ... just wish the rest measured up to that, for me.

[EditPhish]

This is a tough one for me to comment on, but I really do want to add a review to every film. For what it's worth, we all have different opinions so I hope some of what I say is valuable to you, and doesn't come across as just a slam...

That said, I think it's pretty obvious I didn't like it...

There were lighting issues. Some shots had way too much back light and you lost focus on what was being featured. Other shots were too dark. Some were just very flat and uninteresting.

The locations didn't do anything for me... other than in the car (which you can only twist so many ways), everything else just didn't right true.

There was definitely not enough music. Your score just seems a neglected portion of the film.

The editing was really awkward at times. Weird cuts, holding too long on one static shot. The cinematography was okay, but some of your framing choices were odd.

I was bored... and it all sounded too much like what teenagers talk about when they're stoned (sorry!). Half way through I wanted to turn it off because I just didn't care what was going to happen.

I'm glad I DIDN'T turn it off because your ending was a great concept... but getting there was very tough.

Sorry to sound so harsh man... I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I appreciate you putting forth the effort, and I'm glad to have seen it because the end concept was a neat one. I hope you know I only mean my criticisms in the spirit of learning to improve...

[wcs]

Blaine,
Interesing. I never thought it would be a big issue. I actually wrote the lines for the actors. Guess I never explained that the main character was a genius, the girl was a hanger-on, and the guy was the only one he could convice to go (that's an older draft). Thanks for the comments.


found myself VERY easily distracted.

Yeah, I gotta be in the mood to watch it. Ever since I shot it I've been trying to figure out ways to make the middle section a little more cinematically interesting... guess I'm still thinking about it. Originally I was hoping the flow of the language would keep the audience awake... but I agree that it fails more often than not. The middle is, in the end, only for those who find the language or the ideas so engrossing that they get lost in the words (I've been a fan of David Gordon Green since I saw All the Real Girls).

I was actually thinking "I wonder when Envision's gonna review it", earlier today. Your comments are always thoughtful. Thanks.


There was definitely not enough music. Your score just seems a neglected portion of the film.

I'm of the opinion that music is too often a crutch rather than a compliment... though maybe I could have used an artificial boost during the slower scenes.


The editing was really awkward at times. Weird cuts, holding too long on one static shot.

I choose almost every word with rampant anality, trying to make sure my intellectual purpose was clear. And, unfortunately it meant a lot of strange edits in that scene where they are just sitting in the car talking (didn't get the right kind of coverage).

Thanks for sticking it out, man. Glad you took the time to comment.

[THX-1138]

First, age of actors seemed apropriate for this story. In some shorts you want to see older people but for this one I felt casting was spot on.

The big thing that bugged me...

Your cinamatography lacks drama and doesn't help the tension of story. You're camera says at the same hight and position for about the whole film.

I know you have the guys on the floor shots and an ocational mouth CU but that's about it.

I would have loved to see more reaction shots to conversations or pick up shots of something other than their faces. Maybe hands on a stearing wheel, fidgeting etc. How about a two shot trom the back seat, or an ext shot of the car passing while they talked.

I know your short is dialog driven but other than the end we don't need to always see their mouths moving from a camera that's eye level.

With more shot choices and some edit tweeks I felt your peice could have been far more dramatic than it was.

Good story, nice way to introduce time travel without being a cleche.

Well done,

Kip Kubin

[wcs]

Your cinamatography lacks drama and doesn't help the tension of story.

Never really thought about that, as a matter of fact. I really was so drained just trying to get simple coverage and good dialogue deliveries, that I never got a brain moment to step back and look for the drama of the frame (other than the last shot, which was in my head from the begginning - though it originally happened on a bus).

I actually shot some random coverage for the driving scenes, but none of it spoke to me. Next time.... more dogs...

thanks for commenting.

[THX-1138]

Never really thought about that, as a matter of fact. I really was so drained just trying to get simple coverage and good dialogue deliveries, that I never got a brain moment to step back and look for the drama of the frame (other than the last shot, which was in my head from the begginning - though it originally happened on a bus).

I actually shot some random coverage for the driving scenes, but none of it spoke to me. Next time.... more dogs...

thanks for commenting.

Shoot! I should have mentioned to you that your last scene's cinamatography did. And did it with economy and elegance.

[wcs]

THX, I'm glad to hear you liked the final shot.

[CallaghanFilms]

The Future...

I think your story is a solid one...in this incarnation,
however, the plotline itself was a bit murky.

If reworked & reshaped, I feel you could really be on
to something here.

My notes on the film are more inquiries than any thing else.
One big one: Is the "time traveler" telling the story over
several days and nights? Because this, as well as other key
points is a bit unclear (I would probably be correct in guessing
that the six minute edit had a lot to do with the questions I have.)
I think editing and pacing could have been the Achilles' heel here.

I must say a big congrats on the ending itself, though. I was
quite impressed with the shot of the car slamming into that of
the principle characters. It was one of the few shots in the entire
fest that I watched over and over again.

Again, I say that your story is a strong one...
and one that I could see finding an audience
if it were revamped.

Cheershttp://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/beer.gif

[Z B Brox]

I thought this was a pretty good looking film, i had no problems technically with it, though technical stuff isn't my forte. I was carried along, I just, like others, didn't feel like I cared enough where I was being carried to. The guy from the future is the best thing here, I think his acting was the most convincing and he clearly had the best lines. I found it hard to believe, though, that this Nigel guy, no matter how smart, was dreaming up time travel in his basement. For a fantasy, a Back to the Future, I might have bought it, but for something with serious ideas on its mind I found it distracting. Perhaps I'd have cared less had I *liked* the characters, but it seemed in large part that you weren't supposed to like them. So I think while it was a solid production, issues with the script and acting I would've let go had I *cared* distracted me more because I wasn't absorbed. Some very nice ideas, though, and I'm happy to see those. Even some of the best movies in the fest haven't had a whole lot new to say, and I don't think that's the case here.

[wcs]

One big one: Is the "time traveler" telling the story over
several days and nights? (I would probably be correct in guessing
that the six minute edit had a lot to do with the questions I have.)

I batted around the idea of throwing title cards in to give an approximate time of each conversation, but I thought it would have been too gimmicky. In the end, I hoped that people wouldn't worry too much about it.


the plotline itself was a bit murky.

Would you believe me if I said it was actually a twisted love story? I think the missing scenes help the last act of the car-ride make more sense. He was speaking broadly, but he was also talking about a single person ("always consumed in your work... you ignored the ones around you who loved you..").

Good comments. Thanks.


I found it hard to believe, though, that this Nigel guy, no matter how smart, was dreaming up time travel in his basement

Ahh, this is certainly a point I wish I had time to clear up in the six-minute script... he was at a university, doing this as an obsessive side project to the chagrin of his piers.


Even some of the best movies in the fest haven't had a whole lot new to say, and I don't think that's the case here.

Yeah, some of them told a simple story beautifully (like Synthetic Love and We are Not Alone). I think I should have cut out a few ideas and focused a couple more seconds on the characters (darn A.D.D.). Really, only one of the characters was supposed to be likable, and I mishandled her only real scene that shows up in this edit (the "turning knobs").

Thanks for commenting.

[iSTy]

It made me jump when all of a sudden some of the guys speech came through on the other speaker sent a shiver down my spine. Then the music came through on the other one. Good clear picture. Not bad.