Le Lumieres

[Slice]

Hey guys & gals, I just wanted to congratulate everyone on a job well done. I think this community has raised the bar a notch since the last contest.

Slice,

[JimtheJib]

about lumieres... i thought that the kids reactions weren't justified. The aliens didn't seems scary and him sticking his gun in his mouth seemed random. i also didn't really understand the ending. overall i like the look.. nice job

[ZFarms Productions]

about lumieres... i thought that the kids reactions weren't justified. The aliens didn't seems scary and him sticking his gun in his mouth seemed random. i also didn't really understand the ending. overall i like the look.. nice job

i was going to put the same thing. it was "off" the look was really cool though.

[Blaine]

I enjoyed the creepy vibe you started with but for me the whole gun in the mouth thing came completely from left field. The way you set things up, I was expecting the house to blow up, but instead I have NO idea what happened at the end. It looked cool, kind of reminded me of the "Star Child" but it seemed to have no connection to the rest of the piece.

On the positive side you were really setting a tense mood in the beginning with your lighting, sound and score.

[Dahopafilms]

I confess. This was a short that I didn't really "get". For example, why the frantic reaction to the lights outside? What was the back story. If I saw lights outside my house like that, I'd figure either an eye-in-the-sky helicopter was tracking a fugitive, a 737 was on final for my chimney or the local constabulary was setting up to make a grow-up bust on the wrong house. And the ending - I just didn't understand (more commentary on me perhaps than the ending).

So the story didn't sell me.

Yep, the music and sound built up some tension.

But in the end I just didn't get it. But I appreciate your efforts and thank you for letting us comment on your work.

Cheers.

[penfever]

Well, I have to confess, the ending didn't really click for me very much. But I really liked the parts leading up to it - your emphasis on close-ups created a very unique style environment which was a personal thumbs-up.
Next time, take the effort you clearly put into the tech-side of your film and concentrate it where it really sells - script and acting. Your choice of lead was, hrm. Questionable. I didn't really fancy him, I'm afraid. He was young, and just didn't really hold my attention. Of course, your style of close-ups kind of objectified him and distanced me from him anyway.
Also, you should shy away from the easiest locations. It's worth noting that most of the best-received films so far have been in exterior locations. That big, wide world is waiting for you and your camera, so use it, bro!
Keep shooting, no matter what!

[Aaron Marshall]

I liked this film. That feeling of some ominous light source outside felt kind of like that scene from "The Lost Boys" where David's gang comes for revenge against Michael. I appreciate what you did with probably very little help. The house you set this in was believable. I like how you just set up and went for it instead of trying to half ass clean up a boring condo to shoot at. It has this suburban grit to it.

Some of your actions were contrived, especially through your eyes. I kept thinking "This guy knows too much. His fear doesn't seem legit.". Through your music and camera work you acheived a freaky vibe that I have to applaud you for.

edit: I'd like to add something else to my comment. It seems like the intro to a really cool XFiles episode!

[BrianV]

Hooked me at the beginning (which many shorts didn't). If you have the option to start a movie with action or start the movie with a conversation that goes on for a third of the movie, then I'd have to go your route. Action. Get on with it. Movie starts. Bam. Tension, not words.

*thumbs up*

[darkfader]

I liked the color at the end. I didn't quite get the whole understanding of the plot, but I thought it was a good composition. I also thought the editing was well done. :)

[Norm Sanders]

The look was really quite good in this. Camera, lighting, editing, everything. However, from a story perspective it just didn't make sense.

The only thing I could TRY to pull from this is that he'd been previously abducted by aliens, and when he saw the light he remembered ... knew they were back ... and couldn't handle it.

Otherwise, everything was really random (gun in mouth, etc.), and had little to no rhyme or reason.

At less than 3 minutes, you could have taken twice as long and actually told a story that made sense, or given more background, etc.

[P!body]

The pacing was quite vigorous, maybe even too much so. I enjoyed it, but it moved sometimes more like part music video than a narrative. I don’t know if anyone else got that- but that’s what I saw.

The gun in mouth bit got me too. I don't know if you were going for random or if this shot was more of the character's thought rather than reality.

I liked the end even though I think we all saw it going this direction. I loved how the end was shot. Very minimal and perfect.

Good job.

[EditPhish]

Agree with Envision that the look was good...and editing was mostly good though there were some weird pacing problems (the gun thing seemed really random, and paced poorly).

Your use of ambiant sound at the beginning was very good, and you could sense tension and a build up.

But the story just didn't do anything for me... and didn't make much sense. There wasn't enough background to the build-up and all became very frantic out of the blue to really end up going nowhere (or so I perceived).

Story is where you need the most improvements... everything else is just tweaking here and there.

Thanks for sharing it!

[arielman]

At 2:57 , I felt this was a little too short .I did like what I saw here. I really like the way you shot this . I felt lost in some areas of the film. Why did he put the gun in his mouth ? The ending I did'nt understand but did like how you did it!!
I wish you had added another 2 min here .That just might explain some un answered questions.
This had a high mark potential , at least from me anyway.
Nice work!!
Ian

[THX-1138]

One comment I would like to make or suggestion is that the short is filled with med and close up shots which I think is really effective toward the end...stove shot's were FANTASTIC! But I would have liked to see some more variety in the shot choices. Some wider shots....the framing just seemed to be a little clostrophobic for me and the impact at the end wasn't as good as it could have been.

Also I would have likes to see some more frustration before he put the gun in his mouth.

Flashback was very effective and I'll give you high marks for that.

Also tieing the white title sequence with the white tone of the "alien thing" was a nice touch...I hope you know what I mean by that.

Kip Kubin

[conrad_johnson]

Um - that lost me on first viewing. The framing and editing, while jarring enough to create tension, left me grasping for some idea of what was going on. So, I felt tense (good job at creating emotion), but didn't understand what happened ultimately or why I should be feeling tense.

[Slice]

OK, let me start by thanking everyone who has given me feedback. As far as the story, it's meant to be a little confusing and abstract. In fact, I wouldn't classify it as a story, but more of a situation. OK, time for the breakdown.

-The man is trapped inside his own head.
-The light represents the world outside of him.

The reason I entered this contest was more to test my editing and camera work.
Writing a good story will be next.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Z B Brox]

If testing your editing and camera work was the point here, great job. You sure did that. I thought this was a really good looking film, though it played almost like a music video without the music. I can't give you full marks for screenplay based on what we've seen here, but it's nice work and I hope to see what you come up with next.

[RyanT]

Yeah, I agree with everyone else with the story. My take on it was that he was being taken over by the lights, but it at least kept me interested. The camerawork/editing was very nice and I'll give you "props" for that. Get in a good story and you'll have yourself quite the film.

[iSTy]

The picture was clear but again I noticed the jerkiness. The beginning started off being interesting, but the ending was a bit weird.

[stephenvv]

I think people are missing the boat on this film. I ranked this short #2 overall (#1 was Similo). My reason is very clear - I believe 5 to 6 minute short is really about capturing a tone or mood or feeling or moment.

I don't think 5 minutes is long enough to tell arc of story & characters like a feature film or even a 30 minutes short. Films that try to do this feel very artificial, like long trailers or excepts of other films. A number of films, including the winners, felt like that to me and got lower screenplay scores from me.

This was a nice job of capturing claustrophobia and paranoia. It also did not try be perfectly clear and I thought all the elements worked toward capturing this.

And Slice, you are being too hard on yourself. You're a good flimmaker and keeping making stuff like this.

[Aaron Marshall]

I'll have to agree with stephenvv. You did a good job Slice. I like how you chose to go with something a little more abstract.