JimtheJib- JOHN AND GUSTAV- Alexander Lewis [Archive] - DVXuser.com -- The online community for filmmaking

penfever

02-17-2006, 09:15 AM

The 1st to post, as often.
Not crazy about this one - there was just too much voice-over. I really think it's important to tell a story with a mixture of devices. Voice-over's a tempting tool, no doubt, but it creates a certain atmosphere of distance and indifference. This kind of atmosphere has to be carefully planned around and backed up with the shot style, composition and everything else - otherwise, it doesn't hang together as a unit.
For the next fest, I suggest you challenge yourself to get better actors, a more experienced unit, and try to branch out a little bit. I think the core - desire and good ideas - is definitely there. Just don't take the easy way out, especially when casting.
Keep shooting, and good luck.

Shaun Patrick

02-17-2006, 09:57 AM

For the next fest, I suggest you challenge yourself to get better actors, a more experienced unit, and try to branch out a little bit. I think the core - desire and good ideas - is definitely there. Just don't take the easy way out, especially when casting.
Keep shooting, and good luck.

I'll echo penfever's comments here. There is a lot of potential here in terms of the story/concept but the actor's are way too young to pull this off. It's almost like they're "playing" office. It's just not realistic.

You're based in the NYC, right? I've had great luck on Craigslist when casting actors. There definitely might not be the same actor to normal person ratio in NYC as there is in LA but there are definitelty a lot of good actors in the city willing to work for food.

In terms of the VO, I didn't mind it. The majority of the shorts in this contest seem to use VO in one or another so I guess I'm used to it. With that said, I think VO can often be an "easy way out" structural device but your writing was sharp so it worked.

Anyway, good job.

JimtheJib

02-17-2006, 12:03 PM

thanks 4 the comments... i realized even before i submitted it that it had some mistakes... having said that one of my actors didn't show up and i was forced to stand in myself. keep em coming...

Shaun Patrick

02-17-2006, 12:13 PM

... i realized even before i submitted it that it had some mistakes...

There is no film in this fest that is perfect. Everyone made mistakes. I just wanted to stress to you that your film shows a lot promise.

JimtheJib

02-17-2006, 06:06 PM

any other thoughts?

Blaine

02-17-2006, 06:21 PM

Your concept was interesting but you would have been better served to write it around something that would have been more apropos to your actors' ages. It's nice that you aspired to something more, but it just kind of blew the illusion with actors so young portraying older "business" people. With that said, keep shooting and you will find your "groove." http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif

JimtheJib

02-17-2006, 06:50 PM

what did you think technically?

Blaine

02-17-2006, 07:24 PM

what did you think technically?
Well, you could have used a little light on the face of your subject in the beginning. Because of the light coming in through the window behind him it's hard to see his face and get a read on him. I liked the shot of Gustav, through the crack in the cubicle. You had some good framing. ( The John character looks like an older, thinner version of the kid on Two and a Half Men) The whole tie thing had an opportunity to be interesting but his expression just didn't change that much. I don't wonder John's productivity has fallen, he spends all his time watching Gustav. It really is hard to suspend my disbelief, though. You have a lot of good shots and I think with the right cast you could have pulled this off.

Kaz

02-18-2006, 12:01 AM

I thought this was pretty good. I agree with others that most of the actors were too young for their respective parts. Definitely needed more light in places but overall I enjoyed it.

One thing that completely threw me for a loop:

The boy that tells him he needs to make a decision on his future looks EXACTLY like Natalie Portman!
Freaky...

Norm Sanders

02-18-2006, 02:49 AM

This came across to me as OFFICE SPACE meets SNL's AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO. Why, you might ask? Well, the OFFICE SPACE part is obvious, but I was distracted and/or disturbed with WHY the lead would sit there & stare at this guy so much, paying attention to what he wears, caring so much about the kinds of shoes he wears with the three white stripes, etc.

But, then we realize it's an experiment of somekind the office has created, so there's my answer.

Actors were obviously too young, and the setting could have been punched up more & brought to life with better lighting ... especially in the bosses office, where there appeared to be almost zero lighting.

The script needed work, in my opinion. Beyond just the constant VO thing, which bugs some (doesn't bother me so much), I just found the dialogue somewhat tiring/mudane, and wanted it to move on.

I apologize if this comes off as harsh, hopefully it's more constructive, which is the intent. On the flip side, you're a young group of guys that saw a goal & pushed all the way through to the finish, which I'm envious of. I WISH so badly I'd started doing this stuff at your age, instead of the over-the-hill 33 that I am now. :)

JimtheJib

02-18-2006, 09:07 AM

Definitely needed more light in places but overall I enjoyed it.

the overall file became darker when i compressed it. that could be why it looks dull in places.

The boy that tells him he needs to make a decision on his future looks EXACTLY like Natalie Portman!
Freaky...

lol.

thanks for the comments

JimtheJib

02-18-2006, 09:13 AM

The script needed work, in my opinion. Beyond just the constant VO thing, which bugs some (doesn't bother me so much), I just found the dialogue somewhat tiring/mudane, and wanted it to move on

the script is part of a larger one that i'm just playing around with. i took this one scene out of the bigger one but in order for it to make sense i needed to add VO.

i tried to make the dialogue mondane and tiring to reflect john's feelings. maybe i went overboard but i was aiming for that feel..

BrianV

02-18-2006, 05:47 PM

Something about the protag's voice seemed very humorous to me.

In some wierd way, I can picture him being the voice of a cool muppet.

........not much of $0.02, but still, it's there.

JimtheJib

02-18-2006, 09:30 PM

haha... he's a real funny guy... he was really funny during the shoot. he lightened the mood.

JimtheJib

02-19-2006, 03:21 PM

acting aside, what did you think?

EditPhish

02-19-2006, 07:01 PM

I don't want to repeat too much of what others said... I think we've all agreed the actors were too young to pull this off (what would have been bad about taking this story's concept inside a school rather than an office?)

The intro started good... but the lighting was obviously an issue for you -- too much light behind him, not enough on his face. I did like some of your shots, like when we see Gustav over the should of John, from the cubicle to the office.

Your voiceover sounded very hollow, almost like it was coming through a transister radio. Music was okay, but obvious (at least to me) you were using Apple Loops... be careful with those, they become very recognizable very fast and can take away the uniqueness of your project.

I did feel the ending felt forced... almost like you had to reach to make this film fit the sci-fi theme.

It did hold my interest throughout, which not every film here did, so that's a good thing :)

Thanks for sharing it with all of us!

JimtheJib

02-19-2006, 07:38 PM

thanks editphish. some really helpfull comments. im glad you enjoyed it.

i hve to work on lighting in the future. one problem i encountered while shooting was
1. it was difficult to control or avoid the light coming in from the windows because of the way this office was set up.
2. on the first day one of the lights broke. on the second day the second light broke.

do you have any suggestions for problem number one (for future reference)?

Music was okay, but obvious (at least to me) you were using Apple Loops... be careful with those, they become very recognizable very fast and can take away the uniqueness of your project.

i'll steer clear next time. but do you think it helped in setting mood regardless?

Your voiceover sounded very hollow, almost like it was coming through a transister radio.

how could one avoid this? maybe its the compression? i used a microphone hooked up to and md player... could that be it?

thanks again.

EditPhish

02-19-2006, 07:44 PM

Put tint on the outside of the windows temporarily... or put curtains up... or set up something to create shadows outside the window... even if someone stands out there with a large piece of foamcore board (out of view obviously) -- And light the foreground more to balance.

The music always helps set the mood, and I don't think your choices themselves were necessarily bad. For me it was a little distracting because they are loops I've used myself in home-movie type stuff!

As for the voice-over... get a really good mic... they really do make all the difference. Make sure not to compress too much. EQ if you need to in the mix.

JimtheJib

02-19-2006, 10:11 PM

thanks again phish...

TimothyJinx

02-20-2006, 09:29 AM

Jim,

From a purely non-technical standpoint I enjoyed this film more than many of the others. It was light, funny and easy to watch. I particulary liked the main character and liked the opening shots. I immediately felt sorry for this guy.

I agree with some other posts here about lighting, sound, etc. But that's ok - that's why we make these films and put them out there for everyone to see. I guarantee your next film will have better lighting!

I liked a lot of your shots - they kept the film interesting and dynamic. I'm not sure how long you have been doing this but I thought you did a good job.

JimtheJib

02-20-2006, 10:16 AM

thanks timothyjiynx. i appreciate the the comments. i hope to do better next time. these open discussions are very helpfull.

im glad you liked it

Captain KickAss

02-20-2006, 04:12 PM

I found this film to be charming, in a simplistic and rudimentary kind of way. I can't give too many high marks to the actual production values, but there was something about this film I could connect to. I liked the film's subtlety and the fact that it didn't try to be more than what it was. At heart, it is just a story about a guy, curious about another guy...and who hasn't been fixated on the office oddball?

Normally, I am not a huge fan of voiceovers, but this one actually kind of worked for me. I liked the feeling of curiosity and isolation that the voiceover delivered. I think these feelings were essential to this project, and I'm not sure if they could have been presented in a better way within six minutes.

I enjoyed the little observations that the character makes in this monologue. I was particularly fond of how he thought the "little man" based his mood on his ties and not the other way arround. Very creative.

JimtheJib

02-20-2006, 07:27 PM

thanks captain kcikass, could you be more specific in terms of elements of the production that could be better if they havn't already been covered?

luluthevegetable

02-20-2006, 07:41 PM

wow.. i really liked this! i mean, there really wasn't anything you could do abotu the actors, but it was an impressive start for your (hopefully) future career in film.

CallaghanFilms

02-20-2006, 08:19 PM

JimtheJib,

I found your writing style to be quite solid and effective. I can
tell that you have an inner bard waiting to burst out. I especially
liked the closing dialog:
"...was that, now - I was only happy on Thursdays."
I think if the few lines leading up to this thought
had been the entirety of the VO, you would have
had a much tighter narrative.

Likewise on the plot itself. I felt a pungent story was
there to be told, but never quite surfaced.

Regardless, nice little film...and I look forward to more of
your writing, my man.
Cheershttp://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/beer.gif

JimtheJib

02-20-2006, 09:50 PM

thanks callagan. as i mentioned before this is basically a section of a largerr script i am writing (hopefully full length). so i had to adapt it to fit the sci fi requirements. thats why it might feel incomplete or the story never quite surfaced...

CallaghanFilms

02-20-2006, 10:08 PM

Gotcha...and sorry, if I read that earlier it must have escaped my mind.

Good luck on the feature version.

Captain KickAss

02-21-2006, 01:32 PM

thanks captain kcikass, could you be more specific in terms of elements of the production that could be better if they havn't already been covered?

Sure thing.

In terms of the visuals, I thought they tended to be a bit too flat and grainy. Colors seemed washed out, and there was too little contrast in your lighting.

In terms of audio, the voiceover was very hollow and empty and the few scenes with actual dialogue were fairly difficult to hear. Your overall sound design did not wow me. It was by no means horrible to the point of distraction, but it was lacking enough that it did not impress me either.

Also, the acting...mainly on the part of the boss character...was very amateurish. Plus, the actor playing this role looked like he was twelve.

Again though, let me reitterate that your story was good, and I enjoyed the concept you were shooting for.

THX-1138

02-21-2006, 04:33 PM

That's a tough location to shoot what you needed properly with the equiptment you needed. I know it's hard to scare up an office willing to give you permission to shoot in but now you have to deal with all the dark face posts. One easy idea is to shoot at night. Put the blinds down and no one will be the wiser, My exteriors were shot from 10am - 4 pm My interiors were shot at 10pm-2am.

Just an idea...

Kip Kubin

JimtheJib

02-22-2006, 02:17 PM

captain kick ass: thanks for the specifics. i think it might be flat or grainy because this was the first time i attempted to color correct the image. also it could be the compression. this was also the first time i compressed for the web.

Thz 1138: i'll keep that in mind next time...

thanks

conrad_johnson

02-22-2006, 11:24 PM

Hi - this was a nice, cohesive story. It fit the time restraints well - good job.

Lighting (as has been mentioned) was a problem. Acting wasn't so bad as has been mentioned - the only character to throw me off was the boss who (broken record) seemed a little young. Sound was garbled at times, for example I couldn't hear what the girl was saying before he talked to the boss. Nice job overall.

JimtheJib

02-23-2006, 07:27 AM

thanks conrad. im glad you liked it. about the interrogator: its me!...i had to step in because another actor didn't show up.

Z B Brox

02-23-2006, 09:28 PM

I quite liked this one. I'm actually a fan of quiet, quirky movies, and this was one. It wasn't flashy (others have already mentione dhwo you could improve some technical aspects of the film, so I won't) but it had some neat ideas. I'd just say go with that, develop them, try and figure out how to make them come across as powerfully as possible while still maintaining the tone you're looking for and keep looking for ways to make production smoother. You've got a good solid base, I think, and from here it's just chipping away the debris and sanding it down.