View Full Version : Documentary first 17minutes

11-25-2005, 10:09 PM
Hello All:

Here is the first 17minutes of a rough-cut doc I've been working on for awhile. Take a look and let me know what you think of the feel...is it heading in the right direction? Is it even interesting at all? All comments welcome...need advice. The subtitles are a little small, sorry about that. Also, I compressed this with the H.264 compression...so you'll need the updated player. And lastly, some of the archival is graphic so beware.

http://www6.streamload.com/Deliver/Deliver.asp?cxInstID=25991141&nodeID=256719516&returnPage=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Estreamload%2Ecom%2FN odes%2FNode%2Easp%3FcxInstID%3D25991141%26nodeID%3 D666867718

DVX South Korea

p.s. All the interviews and B-roll was shot with the DVX. you may notice an interseting credit for our narrator...hehehehe (its a joke of course)

11-25-2005, 11:23 PM
interested in seeing it. the link is broken.

11-26-2005, 12:32 AM
sorry here is a new link that should be up and running....

http://www6.streamload.com/Deliver/Deliver.asp?cxInstID=25991141&nodeID=256719516&returnPage=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Estreamload%2Ecom%2FN odes%2FNode%2Easp%3FcxInstID%3D25991141%26nodeID%3 D666867718

11-26-2005, 01:03 AM
First, I want to say Wow! You have the makings of a really great documentary. Amazing first person accounts. A very compelling and provocative subject matter. Very well shot interviews (of the grandmas). If you do this right, you could get a lot of attention for your work and for this subject.

I want to give you as much feedback as possible. I hope it helps.

The cartoon in the front is very long..The lack of matching audio is really distracting. This footage is great and you intercut it effectively later on during the tales of the abductions. I would use just a fraction of it here and intercut other elements that help to convey the subject of your documentary. The thesis of the whole film is revealed by the CNN clip which is unfortunate. It is so impersonal. You have all of these great stories. If you lead with one that explained the subject it would really help set the tone. In this 17minutes the CNN clip really sticks out as not belonging.

The moment that I sat up and said wow was when the soldier talked about throwing the woman down the well. Unbelivable. That is an amazing admission to have on film (tape). It is so personal and creepy. I think the closer you have that to the beginging of the film, the sooner you will have everyone's attention.

The first male voice has an _extremely_ long subtitle. I would break that up.

I would push in all of your 4:3 footage to fill the frame side to side. You will lose some resolution, but you have to do it. Some of those interviews are so beautifully shot, you should keep everything 16:9 to match.

There are two colors of subtitles. Are the yellow ones where voice over is going? You may want to put in your temp narration now to give a better feel.

I see what you were trying to do with the "I didn't do anything" song. It didn't really work for me. I think if you do something like that, it needs to be intercut with a lot of sound design - bombs dropping, people screaming. As it is, it just seems to go on and it really lessens the impact of the footage there.

I would say much more sound design throughout. There are so many sequences with just music that it starts to feel like a bit of a slideshow at times. You have great music, some natural sound or sfx will help to sell them.

The military brothels material should be intercut with some other footage.

In the sequence where you interview the professors back to back (One from Chicago and one fom Wellesly) I would, again, inter cut some of your other footage. By the way, those two were the only interviews that did not match the quality of the others.

I would put sound design under cartoon of abductions.

Your editing will make or break your film. You have a challenge. Dont let the little old ladies fool anyone. This is not ancient history. If you cut this right, you can make it seem immediate. Keep the sound and enegry up when you can. I like the music, but add variety. Keep provoking. Do not let the audience feel that this is all safely in the past. The best example is the "well" story. That is scary, right now!

Overall - Amazing. Keep up the good work. It is an important subject matter.

Sorry about the long post. Just trying to help.


11-26-2005, 09:31 PM
Very moving. It appears as if it's coming along great!

11-27-2005, 01:19 AM

thanks for the suggestions. We have a sound designer onboard that is going to add effects soon so the "I Didn't Do Anything" seq. will move better. Teh subtitles haven't been edited for length. We just broke everything up into a sentence and put it on screen. Once we finish we will go back and cut down the subtitles. The sound design will be nice once we get closer to the fine cut. We have a lot of artists making original music for the film. Thanks for the suggestions. We are seriously considering mvoing the CNN clip.

12-04-2005, 01:48 PM
want to see, but both links are broken again.

12-06-2005, 07:00 PM
Sorry guys i took it down...we are doing some reedits and i will post it up again. i hope we can post it up this weekend....