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View Full Version : Scriptfest XIV : Holidayfest : Bill Sarre's (aka Reef Dreamer) : Project Me



Reef dreamer
12-08-2012, 02:17 PM
Project Me


Logline ...so far...

During the Christmas party of a self help group, a maverick Priest and a younger colleague dispute the meaning of those in need, and just what you should do with them.

Script link

got it to work, at last

Warning - some may find the contents of this script somewhat politically incorrect. whoopee.

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/32393279/Project Me.pdf

Egg Born Son
12-08-2012, 08:55 PM
Are you the priest, the colleague, the self-help group or the one in need? Some schizo combination? :)

Sounds interesting.

Reef dreamer
12-15-2012, 08:48 AM
My link is now up after a few different methods

will start reading the others tomorrow.

best of luck

KhamIsk
12-16-2012, 06:54 AM
Bill, this is so funny!
I'm going to read it again and say more about it.

Egg Born Son
12-16-2012, 07:46 AM
Agree, that was funny. A perfect summation of the season. Nothing really to offer in criticism. I guess I would have liked to see a little more of the NARCs but that's really something for the director and actor's to flesh out. This would be fun to make and fun to watch. Father Stephen was a great character.

KhamIsk
12-16-2012, 02:11 PM
Bill, you need to look up Superstar. First of, it's in the same genre and there's this character who plays Father Mckiney:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0571897/
the actor's perfect for yours. But he's a big star.

This is indeed very funny. One thing to consider is to place the NARCS from mild to worst. Like, I'd think that fatso would be one of the latest Father Kevin should see. It's shocks to hear Father Stephen (or any father)say fatso. Vain should definitely precede the Fatso. Then at the end, I'd expect somthing expressively shocking from Father Stephens. Right now, the end is a bit quiet for me.

Very funny! And great dialog.

Anthony Todaro
12-16-2012, 04:22 PM
Super clean writing. Definitely had some funny in there.
My only suggestion is to really delve into that character trate thing and trick out your guys. Since it's not really plot driven, you could amp up the interest in the characters themselvs. That's not to say it's without plot. I dug the gift idea. I thought there was a gun in the present.

I think the end has a zinger that I missed. I'll go back and read it. I like that he essentially rigged it so he got a bottle of hooch. That's cool.
Maybe you could expand it a little so the end has more weight.

1 From a drawER < typo

1 Clean first page. Formatting and you've got me wondering... I mean, anytime I see a priest with anything tubular... just saying.

2 Ha ha ha "Those who smell"

5 Keeping waiting... < Do you mean 'Keep waiting..."?

Reef dreamer
12-17-2012, 02:07 AM
Thanks everyone. Comedy is a subjective thing and inevitably it doesn't work for someone so glad to hear you all got something out of it

.Khamanna - fatso was the one character bothering me. Changing the order is a swell idea and will help. Thanks. I hadn't heard of superstar but I can see the connection. I think the way I have written this means it wouldn't last a feature, too intense, but it was fun to do.

Egg - thanks for the kind words. You are right it is always difficult with restriction to know where to focus. I think any director could work nicely on the characters, their afflictions and ticks, which I didn't map out

.Anthony - yup you are right the plot is thin, it's more of a sketch than story, but having said that, with a little more time and an extra page or two, it can be fleshed out. I quite like "book ending" scripts, so even if they are a little light on depth they have a connection that ties it all together.

Cheers folks.

KhamIsk
12-17-2012, 06:45 AM
.Khamanna - fatso was the one character bothering me. Changing the order is a swell idea and will help. Thanks. I hadn't heard of superstar but I can see the connection. I think the way I have written this means it wouldn't last a feature, too intense, but it was fun to do.

I'm not saying make it a feature. He's not the main character in the movie. But I was visualizing him when read your short.

Reef dreamer
12-17-2012, 12:29 PM
I'm not saying make it a feature. He's not the main character in the movie. But I was visualizing him when read your short.

Don't worry, that is exactly what I thought you were saying, i merely added an extra thought of mine that its not the kind of script I would want to flesh out. Sort of thinking out loud. Thanks for the comments. Cheers bill

Chris_Keaton
01-01-2013, 10:36 AM
Hahaha, this was great. You had some real funny moments. I did expect it to end in a bigger joke. A real funny piece! Congrats.

I have to add that this was a super smooth read. It drew me in and I stayed until the bitter end.

Reef dreamer
01-09-2013, 03:29 PM
Sorry chris, forgot to say thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. It was one of those scripts I enjoyed writing, but I do fear with this type of comedy that not everyone will get it, indeed some get quite angry and offended. Thankfully on on DVX it appears!