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LloydC
06-12-2005, 01:20 PM
My friend wrote this and we are shooting it in 3 weeks. We are in the process of finalizing the script and some constructive criticism would help a lot.

We also want to change the first scene to something completely different



http://www.angelfire.com/film2/tempdemo1/

much appreciated!
LloydC
06-13-2005, 06:52 PM
updated version is up
Cheesesailor77
06-13-2005, 11:02 PM
FYI, I will look at ur script! lol

We've been moving everything out of my dead grandmothers house, which is full time, after family goes home and thing cool down in the next couple days I'll take a look and make a couple comments :)
RomanJaquez
06-14-2005, 07:02 AM
so, before I download it, how many pages is it and what is it about? how many characters?
LloydC
06-14-2005, 07:19 AM
it's a short film, so about 20 pages. about 3 main characters

thanks for your 'future' comments
reservoir
06-14-2005, 05:05 PM
Don't worry Lloyd, if it's any good, Hudson and I will steal it, turn it into a feature, then have Jarred delete your posts then Ban you for life. :) :grin:

Just Kidding....I'll take a read of it!!:thumbsup:

~reservoir~
LloydC
06-14-2005, 05:24 PM
Don't worry Lloyd, if it's any good, Hudson and I will steal it, turn it into a feature, then have Jarred delete your posts then Ban you for life. :) :grin:

Just Kidding....I'll take a read of it!!:thumbsup:

~reservoir~

I wish reservoir :)

Wouldn't mind having Hudson directing it... but we youngens need some experience too!
taubkin
06-20-2005, 06:00 PM
I though it was very nice. I really want to see if you'll be able to mix the bittersweet highschool kids comedy with the heavier stuff in Ryan's bedroom, it's going to be tough, but the mix makes me thing about blue velvet or virgin suicides... I hope you make it!

I personally think it's very sharp, with a nice progression, very good character construction, and a good entertaining story. Really, it could render a cool film... Let's see what you can do... Good Luck!
LloydC
06-23-2005, 08:13 PM
thanks for the comments taubkin

We're shooting in 2 weeks! Holding auditions this sunday, so hopefully we can find a good actor for the leads.

I'll post it up once I finish (which could be a LONG time from now)
dasonras
06-24-2005, 04:45 PM
Overall, interesting concept and nice flowing dialogue. However, watch for too much dialogue. You need very good actors to be able to deliver lines of this length. Also, with that in mind, if you have bad actors, the dialogue will come out just flat and boring. Even though the script seems fairly easy to shoot, the camera work in my opinion will make or break your film.