View Full Version : Check out my short

05-09-2005, 12:05 PM
Take a look at this short film I made last summer and let me know what you think. Thanks!



05-09-2005, 04:06 PM
I think It's good, but I do have some constructive criticisim.
1. Although your story is formed well enough your characters seem to lack a sense of internal motivation. In my experience this comes from a lack of rehersal time with your actors. They need to bettter understand their charachter's motivations for their actions. It's not enough to just have them act the diolog. If they empathize with these charachters then the acting becomes infinately more believeable.
2. You have some good "Spooks" but the over all sense of tension is not as palpable as is necessary for the material you've written. It's hard to do, but every frame should be heavy with a stressfull air. This is not about your photography which was fine, but about the way your actors hold themselves. Again rehersal iis the only place these things can be diagnosed and remedied.
3. Music. This always hard with self funded projects. Synth scores will always cheapen and detract from a highly charged piece. Try contacting a local band or music school and getting someone, even if it's just one instuiment, to play for your piece. In horror/thriller the more off beat and wierd the sound the better. But it has to sound natural or it brings the audience out of the moment.

This may seem like alot, but I see real potential in someone who can put this much together themselves. I'd like to see you take it to the next level. I'm trying to do that myself. These are the same issues I've delt with in my first few shorts so I can see them preatty clearly. The only way to overcome them is to keep shooting.

05-13-2005, 06:17 AM

Very spooky. I couldn't finish watching it. I would say if your goal was to give people the "spooks" you accomplished that.


05-16-2005, 09:36 PM
Great work. There is always a guy who dissects everything and thinks too much. I was creped out. Mission accomplished.

05-17-2005, 02:33 AM
"If you think you've done good enough then you certainly have'nt" Chinese proverb.
I honestly liked the short.
However if I put my work up for others to see It's not to have my ego massaged but so I can better learn the art and craft of filmaking. That will be the case till my dying day. I applaud Ryan and sincerly hope he starts his next project with gusto and a determination to make it even better than this one. I give my remarks in firm appreciation of what it takes to put together a production and work in a medium that so easily leads us to mediocrity. So Ryan if your reading this please do not take my criticisims as a question of your ability but as a nod to your potential and an encouagemennt by a peer to push yourself to create even greater art.

P.S. Directing is understanding, which requires disection and analysis to achive.

05-17-2005, 07:49 AM
Thanks for the comments, guys. I've already completed another short (called "Watching You") since this one, and everyone says it's better than "Mirror, Mirror" (although I'm hesitant to post it online since I still want it to be eligible for the major festivals). The good thing is that I've made marked improvements with each film. Although I'm still proud of "Mirror, Mirror" (which is good because I can't say the same for my films before that), I know it's not the best thing since sliced bread and there is lots of room for improvement. That's actually a good thing, because if I've made my best film already at 20 years old I'd be in trouble.

Anyways, it's nice to hear different peoples' opinions on the film. My next project is going to be a music video, which will be quite the change-up. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

P.S. You can check out my website for the trailer to "Watching You" (well, more of a teaser really) if you feel so inclined:



05-25-2005, 01:21 PM
Anyone else check it out yet? The site has a downloadable link now for the movie.

Please critique it and let me know what you think. Thanks.


05-29-2005, 06:38 AM
I enjoyed the short Mirror Mirror. It had a creepy edge to it that soured my morning a bit. For a thriller piece that's great.

I enjoyed the bits with the shadows moving across the room and the sounds of footsteps- An audience will always fear what they can't see more than what they can.

My biggest technical suggestion is with the edit. I'm certain you could cut it down more and create greater impact in so doing. Also, the part with the hands against the mirror was cool but it would have come across much better if they were pushing against a solid pane of glass or something.

As mentioned above the acting was a bit dry but it wasn't the worst I've seen, either. As evinsky mentioned more rehearsal would be a help- but, if overdone also has the potential of destroying what you already have.

I had a situation last year where one member of my cast was coming across very dry. After thinking about it for some time I finally figured that he knew the part too well and was pushing the performance. I pulled him aside on break and we talked about the character together on a very personal level. As evinsky mentioned, we really figured out this characters motivation (of course I already knew it but the idea was to get this performer to discover it with me). We wanted the performer to psychologically become that character. It took some time, but alas on his next take there was a HUGE improvement. In fact, it turned out that this cast member, seen as the weakest performer on set by the producers, became the shining star. After his single take performance was complete the entire cast and crew applauded him.

Its tough sometimes to get results. What I've found to work best is as above- stop pushing the lines and start understanding the characters, the situations, the humanity... and understand all of it WITH your cast.

06-05-2005, 05:59 PM
Overall, it was a good job Ryan and as an amateur filmmaker, myself I appreciate what a quality job you did. I know how much work goes into (or should) on even the smallest project. Your attention to detail is evident. Evinskyís observations were valid and useful for future reference. Iím a firm believer in rehearsals depending on the strength of the actors. I also appreciate the methods of Robert Altman and am a true fan of his work.

It would appear that you know what you want and as you have indicated, you certainly hope to improve with each project. I havenít made a short film in over 3 years because I realized how much more pre-production work I needed to do as the complexities of my projects increased in step with my experience. In just about any creative art form, you the more you learn, the more you realize you donít know.

Bravo on you effort and good luck on your future work. You have obvious talent.