(vomit) - Milkman Max Productions

[hansel960]

I didn't realize I was supposed to start a thread until now. Here it is....

http://milkmanmax.com/tronixcounty/jena_small.jpg

[hansel960]

A short comedy about Jacob and Wendy.

Directed by: Thomas David Rennier
Starring: Jay Loafman, Brett McCoy, Jena Rennier, Trey Thomure
Shot on: Canon 5D Mark II with 50mm prime lens (I can't afford any more lenses)
Where: St. Charles, Missouri

This is my first time doing a DVX Fest. Pretty fun stuff. Next time I'll start a thread MUCH earlier.


To learn more about us you can go to MilkmanMax.com (http://www.milkmanmax.com).

[hansel960]

Screen grabs:

Brett McCoy
http://milkmanmax.com/tronixcounty/Brett_small.png

Jena Rennier
http://milkmanmax.com/tronixcounty/Jena_small.png

Jay Loafman
http://milkmanmax.com/tronixcounty/Jay_small.png

Jay Loafman
http://milkmanmax.com/tronixcounty/Jay2_small.png

[ashpatel]

Nice screen grabs. I hope you have lots of fun this first time around.

[Chris Messineo]

That is an intriguing title.

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Looks really great! Nice poster as well.

[hansel960]

Our Behind The Scenes video:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJHd--A7TMI

[Tim Joy]

HA!

Funny stuff.
Cheers

[Noel Evans]

You guys are nuts. In a good way...are ther ever nuts in a good way? Hi Jena :P

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Nordiques!

Best player to ever play for Colorado.... Patrick Roy. :)

[Noel Evans]

Well the BTS was only a prelude to what you guys got up to. Clearly you guys had fun with it - comes across in the short. I think theres a lot you could do with these characters in the future.

[Chris_Keaton]

A film that didn't think too much of itself. I enjoyed this fun piece. Of course I was expecting him to vomit on the girl. I do recommend that actor get a shot after touching that bathroom floor.

[Hawk Teflon]

I have to say that the back-and-forth between the two main characters is wonderful. It didn't feel forced, or fake. I felt like I was actually listening in on a conversation they were having. I LOVED that the guy listening to the story wasn't just standing outside eagerly, and hanging on every word coming from the bathroom. He was doing his own thing. Hot gluing, building a fort, etc. That's EXACTLY what I would have done (if my roommate was telling me a story), and that's what made it feel especially real to me.

[Chris Messineo]

I wish I could do comedy, but I have no talent for it. You guys are awesome at it.

Who came up with the idea to have the roommate in the hallway constantly doing different activities? That was hilarious and brilliant.

I also love the way you tell the story of the date through flashback - it worked really way. I'm not quite sure why he did vomit - I assume it had something to do with the dressing. I'm also not quite sure how that ruined the date (since he went to the bathroom - how would she know what happened)? But, maybe, I'm over-thinking it all. :)

This was a lot of fun. Your actors were wonderful - so natural. Well done.

One last thing, I really dug the end credits and that final song. It was a perfect way to end.

[Trucci]

It was a lot of fun watching this. The dialogue was nice and natural and the characters worked great with each other.

[Matt Harris]

Nice loose mumblecore style, i liked it a lot. i didn't like the rolling shutter "look" of handholding the DSLR, might want to try a monopod or a shoulder rig next time.
but that aside, this had a wonderfully relaxed energy and i ate it up. i liked the way the actors looked into the camera at the end, but i wanted more from the end. I was hoping for a money shot vomit scene, actually i thought the girl was going to vomit on HIM. But whatever, you guys did a great job, i really dug this entry.

[ZazaCast]

Funny little film...great job guys (and gal)! I don't know about that bathroom floor...ugh... made me want to vomit.
Congrats to all involved.

[EditPhish]

My criticisms: I didn't understand the vomit thing. Really, it's one of my only big complaints about your film. How would she have known he went off to vomit? For all she new, he just went for a quick pee. Had he vomited at the table, it would have been clearer. I wasn't also exactly sure why he was a "vomiter" at all... was it because of the food sharing thing? Lastly, I wasn't clear on what was happening with the last two shots at the end and what they meant... what exactly was going on.

My compliments: I hope you take this as a positive thing, but the whole film was very "Flight of the Conchords" (but without the music). It was funny, well paced and possessed that amusing wit that makes me want to see more... another episode! The actors (you guys) were really natural. The trophy line was hilarious. It was well-shot and I felt like I really was a fly on the wall watching this story play out... you as the filmmakers were invisible.

Additionally... I scored you an extra point for the BEST Best-the-Scenes film! You both looked like you had a great job doing this project!

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Fun film! I really enjoyed it. Very nice natural acting all around, and cute chick too.

I also dont understand why she'd dump him just because he excused himself and puked. She'd have had no way of knowing.

Also dug the idea of the friend doing his own activities!

[Tim Joy]

So funny how they're talking through the bathroom door. Ha! I knew when I saw the BTS this was going to be good.
And it looked great to boot!
I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for brining a funny comedy to a fest that has only a few.

...Oh yeah, Spoilers up above..^

[Mr Blue]

This one was a pleasant surprise. I found myself laughing from minute one. The way they talked between the doors had me rolling. I thought everything was well done, light hearted and simple. This is a good example of how characters drive a story. This had no crazy effects, lighting, camera angles and yet I was drawn in. You can take these high marks, "Yeah you can take it right to the bank"

Spoiler

As to the vomit reference that a lot of people didn't quite seem to get, this was my take on it. He met the perfect girl, she was everything he could ever hope for, and all he did was throw up in the privacy of a bathroom. He pretty much called it off for something she probably would never know about. I think its just showing the oddness of the character and how he threw love out the window for something so minute.

[hansel960]

Thanks for the comments everybody! I wanted to respond to a couple things.

First, I agree with some of the criticism about the ending. We could have made things more clear at the end for sure...it's a little foggy and can be confusing on why he vomited or how/why the girl would even know that he vomited.

But just to clear things up, I think the movie is being "over-thought" a little. It's pretty simple. The main character is just a weird guy who over thinks things. We never say the girl broke up with him or that she even knows that he vomited, but in his own mind the date was a failure. He's just freaking out and being weird.

This is actually part of a web series we're creating and we decided to turn one of the episodes into a short film. It's much more subdued and the comedy isn't as outrageous as the web series, but I think it works.

I also agree that I need to invest in a shoulder rig. The 5D can be pretty jittery.

But we had fun with it and I hope everybody enjoys it!

[lyonfilms]

Good stuff. Loved the guys characters and interactions. The different setups outside the bathroom were a great addition. I want to learn to "wall sit" like that - cool.

[Charli]

Finally, now that they put up the mirror site I could actually "hear" the short. Though I do think the audio was off a bit. I loved the friend and how he kept changing positions in the hallway. The "tent" at the end was fun. Both actors breaking the "fourth wall" was funny too. I don't understand the title or the concept of vomit, but the film was okay not to. It's not top drawer filmmaking for me, but it was mildly entertaining.

[hansel960]

Finally, now that they put up the mirror site I could actually "hear" the short. Though I do think the audio was off a bit. I loved the friend and how he kept changing positions in the hallway. The "tent" at the end was fun. Both actors breaking the "fourth wall" was funny too. I don't understand the title or the concept of vomit, but the film was okay not to. It's not top drawer filmmaking for me, but it was mildly entertaining.

What do you mean you don't understand the title or concept? What is there to get?

[Charli]

So he "vomits" doesn't really explain why a girl would leave. Uh, girls date guys who vomit all the time cuz they've had too much to drink. I've seen guys hurl at parties. Seriously, didn't get her motivation to leave and with that gut of his, can't imagine he was over sensitive to anyone dipping every food group. Now if she had drunk a cup of ketchup like the world class gymnast Olga Korbut, that would I understand.

[loafdaddy]

Hey Charli, it's the guy with the gut.
Right now, I'm preparing my gut for the next film we shoot by consuming mass amounts of food. Wait until that release, my gut will be the size of your ego.
(Poking some fun back at you)

In all seriousness, nowhere in the film does it state that the girl "left" the character or that the character was even "together" with her. This film was based upon a personal story of mine and yes, I vomited all over a restaurant bathroom due to her dipping everything in dressing. Dressing to me is like feces to others, I can't stand the sight or smell of it and I vomit when I'm near it. What's so hard to get about that?

This was a "bad date" story where the character vomited at the end. In the character's mind, vomiting on the date made him never want to see her again. Total embarrassment, whether she knew it happened or not.

Not everything in film is done to have a point or to be creative, sometimes simple things are the best things. This was simple and people are over-thinking the film entirely.

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

This was a fun, quirky comedy.

Love the relationship and banter between the two guys. Very natural. My favourite shots were in the restaurant.
The dialogue was great, very well written and acted.

I think had he made just one little reference to how much he is disgusted by dressing, everyone would have got it.
As is I still think it works quite well. We don't need to know every detail and can figure out that he was sickened by it.

Nice work on this. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

[Charli]

@loafdaddy - I'm a screenwriter so I poke holes in the story. If one person sees a hole and no one else does, then you can toss that out the window. But when several people have the same "I don't get it" thought, then yeah, there's something wrong with the story. You can poke, it's all good.

[HappySadScared]

First of all, i wrote the script, just as a preface to all that comes after this.

Second, thanks for all the feedback. First thing I've written that's been in a contest so a pretty big learning experience for me. I'm glad everyone that's posted about it enjoyed it at least to some degree. It's a fun, silly comedy that really shouldn't be analyzed too terribly much.

But, i do want to address the "why" question regarding the vomiting.

In the film, the protagonist states "you're missing one crucial detail"
it CUTS to a big bowl of dressing.
the girl then states she puts dressing on everything
the guy in the hall states "you didn't" implying that there is some shared knowledge between the two that dressing = vomiting (or at least SOMETHING bad that's about to happen.)
Protag says "Yep, i did"
Cut to the vomiting.

I really don't know how we can make it any clearer that he puked because of the dressing, without coming out and saying it explicitly which is lame. Does anyone really think a line where one of the characters states in some form "he puked because of the dressing" would work at all? Maybe it could be clearer, but i think it's there.

As far as the state of the relationship: we, as audience, don't really know what happened after the vomiting. As said by someone above, the reaction the protagonist is based on his embarrassment of the situation. While this also could be clearer the line by the guy sitting in the fort makes it clear that hope is not lost. He says something to the effect of "if the girl is as cool as you say, she'll understand." That says that 1) she is aware of the vomiting....probably....and 2) that he believes the relationship could continue.

Also, the protagonist ends the film with the question "why would she want to be with a vomiter?" Again showing the relationships undecided status. Essentially, after the actual vomiting, the conversation is all about what might happen next. It's unexplained on purpose, because like the audience, they don't know.

The story the protag is telling his friend in the hall (recapping the date/night out) ends with the vomiting. The story of the film ends with the question about the relationship that is, at least in the protag's mind, up in the air.


Just as a side note, referring to someone's "gut" is in somewhat poor taste, no?
Beyond that, using a gut as some sort of reason that he wouldn't vomit because of food is sort of weird and nonsensical.

[Matt Harris]

Thanks for taking the time to clarify, that helps, i understand your thought process now. Great short dude.

[Charli]

I poked at his gut, he poked at my ego. I think that was quid pro quo as it were. You were the one who cast a guy who was less than skinny and he has problems with food? That in itself is not really plausible. Loafdaddy, meant no offense.

When you have to "explain" the story (as I have done in the past during a script fest) then know you did not write a story that worked. It's really that simple. Most audiences aren't going to think much about "dressing" dipping. Maybe vinegar or some weird food group, but not dressing. It wasn't gross enough for the audience to really "believe" that was an issue.

It's all in the writing. It wasn't good writing.

[Zak Forsman]

would hate to see this thread shut down because the participants can't keep from insulting each other. stop this garbage now. if you can't comment in a constructive, professional and civil manner... don't comment. this is not to say I'm asking for people to sugarcoat their feedback. not at all. this is saying, do not pepper your words with insults.

now, where were we...

[hansel960]

Charli, give us 1 star and move on. We've got a contest to lose.

Here's a picture of me right before WORLD DOMINATION!
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/167954_1535549195763_1445820506_31178651_3847049_n .jpg

[HappySadScared]

I poked at his gut, he poked at my ego. I think that was quid pro quo as it were. You were the one who cast a guy who was less than skinny and he has problems with food? That in itself is not really plausible. Loafdaddy, meant no offense. .
Your theory that a guy who is "less than skinny" can simply NOT have a problem with food is what is actually implausible. He has an issue with dressing and it made him sick. If that's really what you're going to harp on then, well, go ahead. That is NOT a plot hole, that is your own bias being brought to where it doesn't belong.


When you have to "explain" the story (as I have done in the past during a script fest) then know you did not write a story that worked. It's really that simple. Most audiences aren't going to think much about "dressing" dipping. Maybe vinegar or some weird food group, but not dressing. It wasn't gross enough for the audience to really "believe" that was an issue.

It's all in the writing. It wasn't good writing.

THe only thing i explained was that he threw up because of the dressing, and subsequently that i felt we did a more than adequate job of showing (in the writing) that that is why he vomitied.
Anything else i pointed out was merely mistakes people were making by assuming the girl had "broken up" or otherwise left him Those things, as you will notice if you watch again, are not there.
He threw up because he didnt like dressing. Again, if you really needed him to see something more "gross" to "believe" he would throw up, i think you're again bringing in too much of what you would want in a particular film rather than what the film really is. To me you're essentially looking at Mt. Rushmore and saying, "Well that's fine, but where is Santa Claus?"

Okay, i'm done. I've already repsonded more than i really cared to.

[HappySadScared]

One more thing as I felt I've only truly responded to the small amount of slightly negative feedback, which is unfair and kind of silly:

I cannot tell you how glad I am that most of the viewers that took the time to post had mostly postive things to say. The feeling i got from the comments is that it was an enjoyable, goofy comedy, which is all we wanted it to be. We had fun and hoped the audience had fun watching it.

Thank you and thank you again for taking the time to watch it and let us know we made you laugh (since we can't hear you ourselves).

[loafdaddy]

Charli, give us 1 star and move on. We've got a contest to lose.

Here's a picture of me right before WORLD DOMINATION!
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/167954_1535549195763_1445820506_31178651_3847049_n .jpg


That's what I'm talking about.

[Blaine]

The acting was the best part of this for me. It felt like they were really talking to each other, rather than reading lines. I got drawn in by their discussion. That said, it just didn't make me laugh.

[Charli]

@han - I actually gave you more than 1 star. Like I said, breaking the 4th wall and the guy in the hallway was funny.

[Matt Harris]

I don't think this was intended for outright belly laughs, it was more of a "performance piece" in a quirky indy "dating gone bad" comedy. I rated it high, for it's relaxed cadence.

[hansel960]

@han - I actually gave you more than 1 star. Like I said, breaking the 4th wall and the guy in the hallway was funny.

Sweet! :)

[4100xpb]

Fun little short. This was nicely edited. I loved all the different things the guy did in the hallway, they cracked me up. The story was cute, but I just didn’t buy two of the main plot points. One, why he was vomiting. I wasn’t sure if it was the yogurt or the fact she put dressing on everything, but it came out of nowhere. Secondly, that the girl would care, or even know about it. Overall, the set-up was good but the punch line fell flat for me. Nicely shot, look forward to seeing more from you.

[hansel960]

Fun little short. This was nicely edited. I loved all the different things the guy did in the hallway, they cracked me up. The story was cute, but I just didn’t buy two of the main plot points. One, why he was vomiting. I wasn’t sure if it was the yogurt or the fact she put dressing on everything, but it came out of nowhere. Secondly, that the girl would care, or even know about it. Overall, the set-up was good but the punch line fell flat for me. Nicely shot, look forward to seeing more from you.

Thanks for the comments!

[Hitaish]

I enjoyed the characters and acting. The film did not take itself too seriously but had a natural feel that seemed authentic and real and allowed the audience to connect with the characters. I liked how they were having a conversation in all sorts of body positions, camera angles, and activities. The flashbacks to the diner date were funny (I wished there was more to the date disaster. Someone vomiting during a date seems pretty standard nowadays I am thinking...) :thumbsup:

[MrFluffy]

This was fun, interesting to see where it was going. Would have worked better with a different title, and maybe enlarging him finding the "dressing with everything" so aweful it made him chuck :)

Well produced with a good playout in the hall and bathroom.

Well done.

[Erik Olson]

This felt like a professional-grade comedy piece to me. Well crafted, fun to watch. I loved the improvisational feel of their conversation - which was either so well-written or improvisationally-acted that it seemed to come right off-the-cuff. I'd love to see more from these characters.

[Anthony Todaro]

This works on many levels but it’s charm won me over. The editing is superb. The acting is relaxed and very believable. The intercutting of audio can be tricky but you did it masterfully and kept the pace up. Cinematography was imaginative and the writing was strong. I laughed my arm off when he was hot gluing mini x-mas presents. I loved that. Good show.

[hansel960]

Thanks everybody! Appreciate the kind words.