XL2 short

[Topper]

Here is my 4 minute short, which is about british soldiers in the first world war:

http://www.transmedia.us/clients/xl2/ww1compressed.wmv

30mb

It is kindly hosted by Strancali, so many thanks to him.

[MattC]

Can I make some comments, with the understanding that I'm only making them because I think you're doing great work and I just want to offer some opinions that might help you do even better? *You understand that you did fine work and that I'm nitpicking right? Yes? *Fine....

I like your short, I like much of the composition and the story your telling. *I really like the acting. *But there are a few issues that nag at me. *In the opening it feels like the camera is moving/panning way too fast over the corpses. *That seems video to me, film cameras don't move that fast. *Not only are there practical reasons for this, but you are showing what should be a very somber scene. *You are creating the point of view for the audience member, allowing them to walk through a battlefield moments after the battle has been fought. *This is a horror. *Even three minutes after the fighting has stopped you will smell the cordite/gunpowder mixed with the stench of blood. *The dead are young men, boys if not for war's requirement to grow up so quickly. *If you ever see a battlefield, you will be overcome. *It is a shocking scene to behold it is truly sickening. *Now I get to use all these adjectives to get you to "see" the battlefield, you have to paint it on film. *That is done in a lot of ways, mis en scene, lighting, sound, sfx like smoke. *But, you are also leading the audience member through this horror as if it were them touring the battlefield, they wouldn't dance or skip through it. *They would tread slowly, being careful where they stepped taking it all in and trying not to look all at the same time, trying not to get sick, trying not to cry. *Go slower, allow your audience to "feel" that battlefield.

You boys are too clean. *Hell you look like you just graduated boot camp and are going into town to meet girls - ok you did dirty up a bit but it looks fake - get DIRTY (oh and mind the haircuts). *These soldiers, your forefathers, lived in those trenches. *When it rained for days on end they sat in them, muddy water up their waists, trying to sleep or stand their post. *The officers (and too a certain extent the enlisted) did their best to maintain some standards of grooming, but when fighting came there was none and what had been there was abysmal at best. *They were tired, they were hungry and they were scared. *Many if not most had been wounded but not so badly that they had to leave the fight, they were bandaged and scarred. *The thought of coming up out of a trench or over a berm, in that type of fighting, was a terrifying prospect. *I didn't feel afraid enough for them - or at least not as much as I could have. *The acting was great, but I think you could do better with shot composition and editing to create more angst for you audience. *You might want to consider using closer shots behind the berm (your natural trench) to bring me the viewer "into" the fight more. *Help me to feel the fear and the resolve that these brave young men are certainly feeling. * I would have liked to have seen more of them, more closely huddled together. *More angles, cut a little more quickly to make me more agitated and nervouse. *War happens fast. *Again, I like the acting, but it could have been edited tighter. *I like the machine gun fire and the tracers - nice. *

When the Cpl. got shot, a medic would have attended to him, in lieu of that at least one of his men would have at least made sure he was dead or tried to help him if he wasn't - there should have been some scrambling, rushing, but not too much confusion, this was after all a relatively common occurrence. *Your Sgt./Officer needed to establish command after that and issue orders - beyond the quick voiceover. *Oh yeah, the Cpl. would have handed his cigarette off or put it out before standing up, or at the very least, held it low - although maybe you did that on purpose to justify his getting shot. * *

Also, I would have like to have seen a real trench. *I know, I know but if you could, that would kick ass. *Face it, it doesn't need to be big at all, just big enough for your shots - the magic of cinema and all. *Maybe you could find a better natural location? *

Smoke. *If ever there was a use for smoke your battle could have used it, both over the berm and during your rush of the machine guns. *I heard the mortars, but I didn't see any explosions or smoke. *Explosions might be tough for you to do (but they're not THAT hard) but smoke, at least here in the States could be easily accomplished. *In any case, I would have liked a less bright day or just a darker feeling to the color/day. *

Also, I would have liked a hint of story line. *Had they been there for a long time? *Did they have to overtake that position at all costs? *Why were they advancing as opposed to just holding there position? * *Had they been in the fight long? *I don't expect a full story for a quick short but some context that makes their deaths even more terrible (if that's possible) would have had a greater impact. *Maybe they didn't need to advance. *Maybe the officer was just arrogant risking his men on a bold move for no real purpose?

Again, this is nitpicking. *I really liked your work, but I think with a bit more attention to detail and some slightly different camera and post work it could be really great.

Best of luck!!

Matt

[Topper]

I agree with pretty much everything you said, I know its far from perfect.

I would have had a medic come to check the shot cpl etc if I had more than 3 guys, but I didn't :(

I was extremely limited in the shots I could do of the trench because the widest shot you see of it is actually how wide it is in real life, so the angles were very limited otherwise it would be obvious that it was just a little bump in the ground rather than a trench as its meant to be.

I'd have loved to have had smoke, but thats just not practical here in the uk for a few reasons.
The whole thing was done at the crack of dawn and people had to rush of to uni and stuff, so there was hardly any time to do it. This was in a park in the middle of a built up area, so I was taking a big risk by having the rifle there (even though it is de-activated) because the police here are extremely tough on anything gun related. If I'd had smoke or explosions then people would see and panic and call the police or something, and it would cost too much even if I was allowed to do it.

About the story, the point was sort of meant to be that they didn't really know why they had to go over the top or what the point of it was, but I guess that could have been clearer.

More attention to detail and time would have helped.

Anyway, thanks for your comments, they're very helpful.

[MattC]

Well hell, given what you had to work with I think it's an outstanding effort. Anytime you want to come to the States, let me know an we'll blow some $hit up!!!

Again, I was really impressed with the acting. Please post more.

[Raptor3400]

Topper,
All in all it was a good effort. I like the tightness of the editing. You've cut out extraneous crap and gotten a flow going. i also didnt think there was any reason for these young men to commit suicide by running in to live fire in an upright position. I also agree that they were too clean to have been crawling in the mud for hours or days. One technical thing, your tracer rounds look to sharp and white. I dont know what program you used to create them but I would suggest some type of motion blur and perhaps reduce the opacity so they dont look so fake. But other than those points, it looks really good well exposed shots and good timing. Keep it up!

[Shaw]

Very interesting little short.

Topper: That's pretty much the way it was though... bombard the enemy trench with lots of ammo then run as fast as you can across the dead zone.

Did they use tracers in WWI? I can't remember. It seems that such rounds were only used later.

[Topper]

Raptor: Thanks for the comments. I agree they were too clean, should have sorted that out but everyone wasn't too keen on getting totally dirty cos they had to go places afterwards and despite it raining, the ground was very dry so I couldnt find much mud. There wasn't meant to be any real reason for them to charge the enemy, because thats the way it was in ww1. You would often have all out attacks on the enemy trench with no cover and nearly everyone would get hit before they got anywhere near it. The objective was simply to capture the enemies trench but they were hardly ever successful.

Shaw: I think they had tracers, but I'm not 100% certain. I am certain that they used them in ww1 fighter planes though. The film a very long engagement used tracers, and it was set in ww1. So they probably did have them, I'm just not absolutely sure. I really wanted to use them though, cos otherwise the fighting would have looked a bit empty, and it makes it easier to 'see' the danger. I wanted it to look like they had not hope of dodging the fire and it was just down to luck if they got hit or not.

[artistiam]

That was good nothing really to say except rain guard for the camera. Good stuff.

[MattC]

See now here, I thought the "rain" was an effect he was going for....

[J.R. Hudson]

Not too bad; at least entertaining. I'd rather watch an attempt at entertainment than "Three women discover themselves at the local coffee shop hang out."

I agree with most of what was said; with a subject matter such as this you really have to do your homework. There were Tracers in WW1 by the way but they were used mainly in the air.

Some tech issues I have are:

It has that squeezed look; why the full frame? This was not 24p was it? Anyway, I liked it and look forward to more of what you can offer.

[Topper]

It was 25p. *I don't know what you mean by squeezed look.

EDIT
If by 'squeezed look' you mean its squishing a 16:9 picture into a 4:3 frame, then you just need to get the latest window media player (10) and it will display properly as 16:9. Strancali had this problem.