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View Full Version : The Perfect Heist - A Totite Films Production



totitefilms
03-05-2010, 01:29 PM
Uploading for the third time now :D



http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122496988.jpg


TAGLINE
'Hell has three gates: lust, anger, and greed.' - Bhagavad Gita

SYNOPSIS
Everything seems to go well for the heist until they come back to the hotel.


Written by Anthony Beaumont and Don Ha
Directed, Produced and Edited by Don Ha
Music by Kevin MacLeod

Aaron Spytma as Tony
Joni Berby as Sarah
Jules Nathan as Banks


Crew: Duong Ngo, Thien Le, Thai Tran and Trung Doan


Special thanks to Bang Gia and Jeremy Sasamoto

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 01:30 PM
Cast pictures

Aaron

http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122498716.jpg



Joni


http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122498717.jpg




Jules


http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122498720.jpg

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 01:31 PM
My gun :engel017:


http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/121867014.jpg


http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/121867015.jpg

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 01:31 PM
Some BTS pictures

The full rig

http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122423774.jpg


jumping in before the actress woke up

http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122423770.jpg



the cast was enjoying killing themselves :-)

http://www.pbase.com/taleoflens/image/122423797.jpg

vnguyen972
03-05-2010, 01:37 PM
hey, welcome... most of your crew are Viets? that's awesome! Synopsis and tag line sound excellent... I love it.. .can't wait to check it out!

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 02:23 PM
yes they're all Viets and don't know anything about film making which made it extremely hard to work with :-). I checked out your thread and you have very good cast. Can't wait to see your movie.

Rodney V. Smith
03-05-2010, 02:45 PM
welcome to the party dude. linked you on the Betrayalfest facebook page.

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 04:57 PM
welcome to the party dude. linked you on the Betrayalfest facebook page.

Cool! Thanks Rodney! I'm uploading now. Hopefully, things all go well :thumbsup:

MrSeth
03-05-2010, 06:49 PM
welcome to the fest! the colors on the poster are amazing!

Richard J. Johnson
03-05-2010, 09:19 PM
Welcome to the madness, Best of luck!

Mike@AF
03-05-2010, 10:12 PM
Welcome! Glad you made it. The poster looks pretty cool. Looking forward to watching your film.

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 11:16 PM
Welcome to the madness, Best of luck!

Thanks! Same to you!

totitefilms
03-05-2010, 11:18 PM
Welcome! Glad you made it. The poster looks pretty cool. Looking forward to watching your film.

Thanks! I need to reupload though. The last version got cut off prematurely because I forgot that I added the leader :embarasse

Matt Harris
03-05-2010, 11:42 PM
is that an hv20? great rig!

just2me
03-06-2010, 06:50 AM
glad you made it!! :D looking forward to seeing your film. good luck!

Chris Messineo
03-06-2010, 10:31 AM
Nice rig. Best of luck in the fest.

totitefilms
03-06-2010, 10:31 AM
is that an hv20? great rig!

Yes it's the HV20. The whole rig is mostly DIY gears as you can guess from the pink shoulder pad :violin:

totitefilms
03-06-2010, 10:33 AM
glad you made it!! :D looking forward to seeing your film. good luck!

uploading for the third time now. hopefully it's going through :engel017:

Tim Joy
03-06-2010, 10:33 AM
I love heist movies.

hoz
03-06-2010, 10:34 AM
congrats on getting your film locked and loaded!

totitefilms
03-06-2010, 10:34 AM
Nice rig. Best of luck in the fest.

Thanks! and same to you :violin:

totitefilms
03-06-2010, 10:43 AM
updated with the hotel guest's name and some bts pictures

Michael Anthony Horrigan
03-06-2010, 10:47 AM
Welcome to the Fest.

nils_dvx
03-06-2010, 10:00 PM
like the triple betrayal ... nice Romeo and Juliet thing going.

The flashback scenes were the strongest on production and acting.

the acting and audio could have used some help on the rest.

nice entry -- the betrayers all betray themselves in the end ....

Richard J. Johnson
03-07-2010, 07:15 AM
The ADR kind of took me out of it. and the Acting was okay. But I enjoyed the story and some of the shots were great. Overall I enjoyed the film. Nice job. I also liked the fact that everyone died.

MrSeth
03-07-2010, 09:06 AM
My critique for The Perfect Heist
The story:
I liked the story and when you told it through flashbacks I understood it better. Liked the concept that everyone dies in the end. A couple things I didn't get. What was the motivation for the first lead actor to kill the girl? When he did kill her, he left the door open, so wouldn't the 2nd guy see her instead of going to the bedroom first? or maybe he was just checking if there was anyone else in that hotel. And lastly I didn't get why he would pick up the drink... it seemed like there should be more of a motivation for him to do that? If it was a careful thought out plan, she would've told him that she is poisoning him and he wouldn't have even touched the drink.. which leads me to interpret that maybe SHE betrayed him as well? lol anyhow I like how I'm thinking about all these things - it just means you told your story with the intent for us to think about these things. Good job!

The acting:
I think acting could have been improved but I was still convinced by the characters all the cast played.

The camerawork:
You did marvelous with the hv20! Good job.. loved how you made it seem so real.

The editing:
Some of the cuts could have been shortened. Again, I liked how you introduced us with the action and then later explained everything that lead up to it. Good job

The sound and music:
Honestly, I believe the dialogue editing could be improved a little. The noise could be heard and I could tell when someone was about to talk when the hiss begin. For some reason the audio didn't sync well with the picture (1 or 2 seconds ahead). It may just be my computer.

Overall impression:
Simple and sweet. Thanks!

My favorite shot:
http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/4924/screenshot20100307at100.png

Chris_Keaton
03-07-2010, 09:49 AM
Nice job, but I have to comment on the screenplay. There was no subtlety in the dialog, everything was just blurted out or otherwise 'on the nose'. Actions can sometimes speak louder if not better than words.

totitefilms
03-07-2010, 11:29 AM
like the triple betrayal ... nice Romeo and Juliet thing going.

The flashback scenes were the strongest on production and acting.

the acting and audio could have used some help on the rest.

nice entry -- the betrayers all betray themselves in the end ....

Thanks for viewing. One lesson that I learned from this film is never used junk audio cable. I almost wanted to drop out when I first heard the noise in the footage :embarasse

totitefilms
03-07-2010, 11:29 AM
The ADR kind of took me out of it. and the Acting was okay. But I enjoyed the story and some of the shots were great. Overall I enjoyed the film. Nice job. I also liked the fact that everyone died.

I'm glad you liked the story. It's my first time doing ADR so there is still room to improve :happy:

totitefilms
03-07-2010, 11:40 AM
Nice job, but I have to comment on the screenplay. There was no subtlety in the dialog, everything was just blurted out or otherwise 'on the nose'. Actions can sometimes speak louder if not better than words.

Thanks for viewing! You definitely have the writer's instinct about the screenplay :D but I kind of like everything to be up front then add a little twist at the end.

vnguyen972
03-07-2010, 11:53 AM
Hey man... it was truly a great effort on making this film! It was indeed the exact same story that a friend of mine when I read the script! Probably the same original screenplay! Its cool though!
This is a very dynamic film and I wish if there was more dynamic shots than just simple one angle and pan it from the door to the bed... I like the shower scene the most... not because of the nudity... ok it probaly was ...LOL but it was executed well... acting wise... are these real actors or they're just friend helping out? Their acting needs lots of work as they didn't bring out the believability from the characters.. but I could see they tried their best and when one could bare all for a scene.. that's the real dedication
I know you had trouble in ADR so I won't say anything about that... its a learning process to improve on the next one! Overall, great job and I encourage the whole team keep on making films, its the only way to get better!

Mike@AF
03-07-2010, 10:46 PM
Good effort and I think the story has potential.

I think the acting hurt the film the most. Obviously there's audio issues, but that could be fixed with some ADR and additional sound design work.

When he drinks the shot at the end I felt that was contrived. I would imagine in that situation what would really happen is he would bolt out of there as soon as he heard the sirens and not even think about taking that drink. The fact he drank it completely took me out of the belief of the story or the triple betrayal.

The look of the film was pretty flat. Some lighting, set design, alternate angles, and tighter shots could have helped the cinematography a lot. And don't forget color correction.

Like I said, it's a decent story with potential and a good effort. Keep at it.

Matt Harris
03-07-2010, 10:58 PM
Don, i liked the story, and i give an overall thumbs up.

i mean this a very positive light:

The acting, dialogue, lighting, color correction; most everything technical,
needed some improvement. But everything was serviceable. The ONLY
thing really hurting you was the bad sound recording, but you have addressed that already.

The good news is, i really liked your story. I loved that the guy at the end drank the poisoned vodka. i wrote a very similar story with the same ending so maybe im partial to it.

bottomline, you have some room to grow so keep making shorts and you'll hammer out some of the technical problems as time goes on. congrats on the entry!

RodThompson
03-08-2010, 06:47 AM
I'm not going to focus on anything negative, because as an artist, I know I've banged my head against the wall a thousand times because something didn't turn out right. It happens. The best thing to pull out of this is that you made a film. There are people with FILM DEGREES who aren't even putting anything out there, so you're on the right path. My recs:

- Hold auditions, using Craigslist to advertise. There are ALWAYS needy actors looking for free work just to put on a resume.

- As far as angles and shooting styles, when you find the genre you're wanting to shoot (i.e. Heist), watch about 10 films in the same vein from diff directors and find a good middle-ground of pacing, angles, and over style.

- And most of all, never forget your last failure, because those who focus solely on their successes never see room for improvement. Take every bit of advice from this thread and USE IT. Have fun with it...remember, it's not a job. It's a hobby! :)

Homunculus
03-08-2010, 08:09 AM
the ADR was poorly done and was very obviously ADR. it just didn't match that well at all.
the story was pretty good and the male actor was decent for the part. and I thought the female was good in the middle section, talking to her real boyfriend whereas she wasn't as good in the beginning. the real boyfriend's acting was not that convincing in the emotional scenes.
I agree with others that the flashback scenes were basically the most convincing.
I agree with keaton who said that the dialogue is way too heavy handed. for example the guy doesn't need to say "ugh..vodka what was in that drink" as he dies. we know the drink was poisoned we saw her put something in it so it takes you out of it with unrealism when he has that self monologue.
Anyhow the weakest parts were the unconvincing ADR for sure, if that was fixed up it will go a long way to making it far more believable and convincing as a whole.
And by ADR I mean 3 things

1. the actual timing of it is off, i.e. their mouths are moving at the wrong times
2. the actual sound of it, there's far too much hiss and improper recording of it
3. the actual acting of the ADR is campy and not realistic

pborghee
03-08-2010, 10:43 AM
Well.....awesome story line and loved how the betrayal went didnt see it coming at all. I do have some things i would work on.
1. I assume that the voices were added in later? It sounded like you filmed it and the voices werent good so you just recorded the voices at the house and edited them in.
2. Acting was well not the best but def not the worst. They could have used some practice on showing emotions and shit.
3. Effects werent done. I know this is low budget but you have to work around it. The pillow didnt even have a hole in it. You could have takent he pillow to a gun range and blew a hole it in and would have made the scene flow better. Also maybe a muzzle blast or some blood on the shower wall.

All in all i have to give you props. You banged out a decent film and had a awesome story line. When you get done shooting always, for me, go back and watch it and see the little things that other film makers would notice and see what you can do to fix it. You may not have the equipment or effects program which is fine you cant control that but the things you can control need to be controlled. Great job and look forward to another film in the next fest.

totitefilms
03-08-2010, 12:19 PM
Hey man... it was truly a great effort on making this film! It was indeed the exact same story that a friend of mine when I read the script! Probably the same original screenplay! Its cool though!
This is a very dynamic film and I wish if there was more dynamic shots than just simple one angle and pan it from the door to the bed... I like the shower scene the most... not because of the nudity... ok it probaly was ...LOL but it was executed well... acting wise... are these real actors or they're just friend helping out? Their acting needs lots of work as they didn't bring out the believability from the characters.. but I could see they tried their best and when one could bare all for a scene.. that's the real dedication
I know you had trouble in ADR so I won't say anything about that... its a learning process to improve on the next one! Overall, great job and I encourage the whole team keep on making films, its the only way to get better!

I wish I had more time for this movie. I didn't have a big budget so I rented a hotel room 2 weeks before the deadline for 1 night and shot the entire hotel scene in 4 hours including all the setup, rehearsal etc. We did the car scene for another 2 hours on the previous day. My crew were just some friends coming to help moving lights, holding boom etc. I was filming, directing and solving all the tiny technical problems at the same time. At the end of the night I was so tired that I forgot many closeup scenes. The hotel room was small and had a big mirror as you can see in the movie thus didn't give me a lot of shooting choices. I'm sure if I had more time, I could have some more creative shots. I think the cast's performance was excellent under such a tight time constraint. I'm pleased with what they delivered.

ChrisHurn
03-08-2010, 07:22 PM
Everyone has pretty much covered what I was going to say about this film. You definitely showed a lot of potential here, and there are so many things to worry about that getting it all done in one film at once is pretty tough. But Iím sure youíve learned a lot from making this film.

The acting really took me out of it. It was way too far out for me to be able to get into the story. Part of it was probably the ADR, but in general that was a rough area. I agree with others, some different types of shots, experimenting with angles and colour would have done a lot for the film instead of all the pan stuff in the hotel.

You had a lot to cover in six minutes, so impressive that you packed all that in. Script wasnít doing it for me in terms of conflict, it was all too on the nose Ė but these are areas that will be improved over time, Iím sure. The story had a lot of promise.

Memorable Moment
The other guy coming through the door and shooting at 3 minutes. Cool stuff!
I am definitely looking forward to seeing what you do next.

Congratulations on your entry.

Bigmagic
03-08-2010, 07:33 PM
Congratulations on the film, I don't have anything to add to whats been said but keep making films the story was good. I look forward to your future projects.

Charli
03-08-2010, 07:38 PM
I don't think there was enough of a story to constitute enough of a betrayal, even though the betrayal was predictable when you saw the gun in his front pant.

So we know she's going to die but we did know that she had a partner and then he pulls off "she go, I go" - it just didn't do it for me overall.

ZazaCast
03-08-2010, 07:42 PM
Great comments above, so no need to repeat. Learn from them and keep making films.
You are on the right path and I look forward to your future entries!

Michael Anthony Horrigan
03-08-2010, 09:08 PM
Story: This needed more story and less betrayal. There are plenty of good writers here so I would start there.

Acting: Not great. I have huge problems finding good actors so I feel your pain. Still, it wasn't all their fault. Some of the dialogue was way too on the nose.

Technical: Lots to go over but I won't say too much. More coverage would be good. Get a sound guy! Sound is half the picture. The music was way too heavy and too moody for me.

it's tough to film on your own with friends helping out, I'm a one man crew myself. Keep at it though. I hope to see you next fest and I'm sure you will learn a lot from this one.

Good for you for making it happen.

MAH

ramsaur
03-09-2010, 12:26 AM
New to filmmaking? Pretty good for a new filmmaker, if you are.

Story was pretty good. The acting was okay. Actors are sometimes hard to find. I believe someone mentioned craigslist. Also try meetup.com and see if you have any film or acting meet ups around your area. Yahoo groups has some good film and acting groups. See what you can find and improve your films.

I see this has been mentioned about the audio so I'll skip that, but do work on it more next time. You'll get there. I believe just about all laptops these days come with a microphone installed on it, good for something cheap to start with. I also want to say something as cheap as an xbox/ps3 headset can do something.

I noticed a lot of pizza boxes and diet coke in the background. Watch your continuity and logos.

Chris Messineo
03-09-2010, 11:52 AM
Congratulations on entering your first dvxfest.

My favorite part of this was the last twist. I really didn't see that coming and it was so perfect (just like your title) for the three of them to end up dead in that hotel room together.

totitefilms
03-10-2010, 07:50 PM
I like your detailed and constructive feedback. This short film is actually the end of a feature script that I wrote. If you want to know why the girl got killed, please wait for my feature film :violin: The second guy didn't notice about the bathroom because he was too occupied with making sure if the first guy was dead or not. The girl never told the second guy about what she planned to do so he had no idea that it would be poison. The second guy drank the poison just out of spontaneity and he wanted to say good bye to the girl :happy:


My critique for The Perfect Heist
The story:
I liked the story and when you told it through flashbacks I understood it better. Liked the concept that everyone dies in the end. A couple things I didn't get. What was the motivation for the first lead actor to kill the girl? When he did kill her, he left the door open, so wouldn't the 2nd guy see her instead of going to the bedroom first? or maybe he was just checking if there was anyone else in that hotel. And lastly I didn't get why he would pick up the drink... it seemed like there should be more of a motivation for him to do that? If it was a careful thought out plan, she would've told him that she is poisoning him and he wouldn't have even touched the drink.. which leads me to interpret that maybe SHE betrayed him as well? lol anyhow I like how I'm thinking about all these things - it just means you told your story with the intent for us to think about these things. Good job!

The acting:
I think acting could have been improved but I was still convinced by the characters all the cast played.

The camerawork:
You did marvelous with the hv20! Good job.. loved how you made it seem so real.

The editing:
Some of the cuts could have been shortened. Again, I liked how you introduced us with the action and then later explained everything that lead up to it. Good job

The sound and music:
Honestly, I believe the dialogue editing could be improved a little. The noise could be heard and I could tell when someone was about to talk when the hiss begin. For some reason the audio didn't sync well with the picture (1 or 2 seconds ahead). It may just be my computer.

Overall impression:
Simple and sweet. Thanks!

My favorite shot:
http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/4924/screenshot20100307at100.png

hoz
03-10-2010, 11:56 PM
congrats on your first dvxuser.com film!

wow- carnage! i would love to have seen the cops walk into that mess! all 3 perps dead with the cash laying right there in broad daylight.

kudos for cramming in so much in 6 minutes! i think the acting will get better with a smoother script. keep at it!!!

Ben Sliker
03-11-2010, 09:21 PM
I don't know if can add to the critiques that have already been made, but i can say that I liked how the 'drink' twist worked out, and as someone else said, the flashbacks were the strongest part of your film.

Congrats on entering your first dvxfest, and might I say, that's one hell of a rig! My advice from here on out is to stick around. (i think this is my 8th fest ... i can't quit you DVXuser!) There's a lot to be learned around here!

totitefilms
03-12-2010, 12:09 PM
Don, i liked the story, and i give an overall thumbs up.

i mean this a very positive light:

The acting, dialogue, lighting, color correction; most everything technical,
needed some improvement. But everything was serviceable. The ONLY
thing really hurting you was the bad sound recording, but you have addressed that already.

The good news is, i really liked your story. I loved that the guy at the end drank the poisoned vodka. i wrote a very similar story with the same ending so maybe im partial to it.

bottomline, you have some room to grow so keep making shorts and you'll hammer out some of the technical problems as time goes on. congrats on the entry!

Thanks for the encouraging feedback. I didn't have a good team for this short. My friends are all noob about film making. The sound guy didn't even know how to hold the boom. But the noise interference came from a junk cable that I have. I already ordered a better one for my next project :happy:

totitefilms
03-13-2010, 02:00 PM
I don't know if can add to the critiques that have already been made, but i can say that I liked how the 'drink' twist worked out, and as someone else said, the flashbacks were the strongest part of your film.

Congrats on entering your first dvxfest, and might I say, that's one hell of a rig! My advice from here on out is to stick around. (i think this is my 8th fest ... i can't quit you DVXuser!) There's a lot to be learned around here!

This fest is actually not my first fest. It's my second or third. I can't remember now :happy:. I've been lurking around and definitely learned a lot of cool things from this site. It looks like you have a really good team, which is the best thing that I learned from all the fests "good team = good movie"

Ben Sliker
03-13-2010, 02:51 PM
well... congrats on your second or third entry. :) i must have been sleepy...

Jaime V
03-13-2010, 05:06 PM
The story was decent, the only thing I thought odd was why were they coming to the hotel in the first place if the guy was in such a rush to leave it because the cops were coming?

My only suggestion in the future would be to shoot more coverage for dialog so you can spice up the shots a bit. Even with that mirror there with the way your actors were standing you could have angled them and gotten coverage I believe.

Anyway, congrats on submitting!

dre83
03-13-2010, 07:17 PM
- I guess the first shots were meant to introduce it's a hotel room ?
They could be skipped I think. The first shot were I knew it's a hotelroom
was were the boy and girl came in.

- I hear you've done ADR. Watch out for "proximity effect". It sounds to clean, to close in mike.
Better was to have more distance to the mice. Also watch out not to cut in lines to abruptly.
And watch out for lipsync.
Watch out for dialogue levels.
And the acting was less... I can hear they're reading there text. (Am I right ?)

- It's great you've added sound effects (closing door, opening door), but also here watch out for proximity effect. The closing of the door sounded "to clean, to near".

- Around 01:13 I have a feeling that the girl will betrayal the boy (or inverse).
In a way it can be good... Because I want to see if I'm right.

- Banks coming in the bathroom with a pillow that moves a small thing.. I can't hear it. I didn't notice it in
sound.. Better was to let it fall down

- sound effect of the gun wasn't that good (wrong kind of gunshot). But I hear that you've compressed sound of the entire short to reduce space ?

- I hear sound of closing the bag, I don't hear sound of opening the bag and putting the gun in it.
Also taking bags makes some sound.

- Banks is a few feets away from us (around 2:57) but we here him to close.

- the gunshot is better, but to long... the second "gunshotsound" could be removed (the echo)

- the acting is less... but that's because the first time doing ADR I guess.

- Sirene sound.... also from the internet ? :-p it sounds to close...

In general.. it's good you've done ADR, foley and sound effets. But take care of using the good sound effects. Watch out for proximity effect, and watch to make sound effects sound "logical". A door 54 feets away can sound like it's 54 feets away. Don't skip sound effects (like putting away the gun in the bag).

The story is a little to long....

ZazaCast
03-13-2010, 10:13 PM
Good story and you did a great job with the HV20!
The acting felt a bit flat... or maybe it was the ADR?
The score also seemed a bit out of place.

Great job getting a film done and entered. Keep making them!
Congratulations to cast & crew.

namelok
03-15-2010, 10:03 PM
Well... :)

I don't know if it is polite to say this, but man, ADR made me laugh so much in this one :)
It made it one of my favorite movies on this fest! For all the wrong reasons, I know!

The violin score near the end was totally off. Second actors monologue + violin score mood made it a comedy. "Fodka, f**k..." the gulp sound, his "explainable dying" and the police car inside the room didn't help :)

Story was good, acting... I don't know, ADR made a mess there, oh, and the second actor reminded me a lot of Ryan Stiles :)

Nevertheless, one of my favorites on the fest!

namelok
03-17-2010, 01:14 PM
Is this the fodka guy or he just looks a lot like him? :)

http://www.fetummi.com/temp/fodkaguy.jpg

totitefilms
03-18-2010, 02:05 PM
The story was decent, the only thing I thought odd was why were they coming to the hotel in the first place if the guy was in such a rush to leave it because the cops were coming?

My only suggestion in the future would be to shoot more coverage for dialog so you can spice up the shots a bit. Even with that mirror there with the way your actors were standing you could have angled them and gotten coverage I believe.

Anyway, congrats on submitting!

The hotel in this movie is their rendezvous after the heist. In the feature script, they stay at another hotel before the heist :happy: I had a list of scenes to shoot on the filming day. The list had about 60 scenes but my friend who was supposed to check the list just didn't know what to do and totally forgot about checking the list :embarasse I was filming, directing, setting up the set and fixing issues in a 4 hour time frame and was so tired that I also forgot about the list at the end. I'm still amazed about the fact that I actually got a film out of all the mess on that day.

totitefilms
04-08-2010, 12:57 PM
- I guess the first shots were meant to introduce it's a hotel room ?
They could be skipped I think. The first shot were I knew it's a hotelroom
was were the boy and girl came in.

- I hear you've done ADR. Watch out for "proximity effect". It sounds to clean, to close in mike.
Better was to have more distance to the mice. Also watch out not to cut in lines to abruptly.
And watch out for lipsync.
Watch out for dialogue levels.
And the acting was less... I can hear they're reading there text. (Am I right ?)

- It's great you've added sound effects (closing door, opening door), but also here watch out for proximity effect. The closing of the door sounded "to clean, to near".

- Around 01:13 I have a feeling that the girl will betrayal the boy (or inverse).
In a way it can be good... Because I want to see if I'm right.

- Banks coming in the bathroom with a pillow that moves a small thing.. I can't hear it. I didn't notice it in
sound.. Better was to let it fall down

- sound effect of the gun wasn't that good (wrong kind of gunshot). But I hear that you've compressed sound of the entire short to reduce space ?

- I hear sound of closing the bag, I don't hear sound of opening the bag and putting the gun in it.
Also taking bags makes some sound.

- Banks is a few feets away from us (around 2:57) but we here him to close.

- the gunshot is better, but to long... the second "gunshotsound" could be removed (the echo)

- the acting is less... but that's because the first time doing ADR I guess.

- Sirene sound.... also from the internet ? :-p it sounds to close...

In general.. it's good you've done ADR, foley and sound effets. But take care of using the good sound effects. Watch out for proximity effect, and watch to make sound effects sound "logical". A door 54 feets away can sound like it's 54 feets away. Don't skip sound effects (like putting away the gun in the bag).

The story is a little to long....

It's nice to have a sound guy commenting on my film :laugh: I fixed some of the problems that you mentioned in this Youtube version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TND3trEif_4