PDA

View Full Version : Stretched - Betrayal Fest



smashedburrito
03-01-2010, 07:30 PM
Update: 3/9/10: The original short story this is based on can be viewed HERE (http://whatwearesupposedtodo.tumblr.com/post/343432263/28).

Late notice. Here we go.

TITLE: Stretched

TAGLINE: "I miss your stories. Four years is too long for stories."

SYNOPSIS: An adapted section of the novel EGGSHELLS by Jeremy S. Yingling. http://jsyingling.tumblr.com/

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2815

Starring: Lisa Summerscales, Doug Griffigths

CREW:
Director: Patrick Muhlberger
Writer: Jeremy S. Yingling
Director of Photography: Andrew Poland
Composer: Nathan Rightnour
Grips: Kyle Hollar, Tyler Zak, Rachel Hohenfeld.
Audio: Ian King

smashedburrito
03-01-2010, 07:31 PM
Some grabs to look at.

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2841

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2838

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2839

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2840

smashedburrito
03-01-2010, 07:31 PM
Reserved I guess. Someone please help us compose...

Rodney V. Smith
03-01-2010, 08:09 PM
This guy is looking for s film. You 2 shoudl get together. http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=201621

Welcome back.

smashedburrito
03-01-2010, 10:20 PM
Ok, we've decided to title this sucker "Stretched." So if one of the mods would be able to change the title that would be amazing.

We'll post a poster and grabs soon.

For reference, this piece is taken from a short story by Jeremy Yingling (http://jsyingling.tumblr.com/).

Check it out, he's a great writer.

smashedburrito
03-02-2010, 12:04 AM
We found a composer. Excellent. We are looking forward to Nathan Rightnour creating some music for the piece. Thanks Rodney for matchmaking us.

Mike@AF
03-02-2010, 12:17 AM
Welcome! I like the title you've chosen. Hope it goes well with finishing your film on time.

ZazaCast
03-02-2010, 09:09 PM
Welcome!

smashedburrito
03-02-2010, 10:03 PM
Thanks guys. Poster added. Grabs to follow if we have time.

andreww
03-03-2010, 02:30 PM
Picture locked, color corrected, and audio'd. Composition, compression, then uploading! hope you all enjoy!

smashedburrito
03-03-2010, 02:33 PM
Posted some grabs. Audio work almost done, then we can upload this sucker

Rodney V. Smith
03-03-2010, 02:35 PM
Nice use of lighting. Very subtle. What are you shooting on?

andreww
03-03-2010, 02:49 PM
Canon 7d 17-40 f4, 50 f1.4, both lenses kept at f5.6 for the night shoot, iso 320.

smashedburrito
03-03-2010, 09:03 PM
So we just finished this sucker. Nathan's score is awesome and really makes the piece come to life.

We are excited to share this one.

jasonthewho
03-04-2010, 01:55 AM
How can you start so late and still finish before me? I hate you.

Grabs look great though you bastard.

Mike@AF
03-04-2010, 02:30 AM
Nice frame grabs. Looks great!

andreww
03-04-2010, 10:07 AM
I'd like to say we are seasoned 48 hour shootout competition vets by now. Shot Sunday night, picture locked Tuesday audio/ score both came in early evening yesterday and exported my Thursday morning. Lifes goooood.

dougspice
03-04-2010, 10:55 AM
Looking nice. I was confused by how "Betrayal Fest" is the same size as your title – makes it appear that the title is "Stretched Betrayal Fest," which I think we've mostly agreed is something we don't want! ;)

Anyway, looking forward to it. So far it looks like this will take the award for Darkest/Most Edge-lit Film of the fest!

Scott F
03-04-2010, 11:04 AM
How can you start so late and still finish before me? I hate you.

Grabs look great though you bastard.


hahahahaha, too bad for you, Jason.

Hey burrito, nice grabs.

smashedburrito
03-04-2010, 11:05 AM
Thanks guys, we're pretty excited about this one. I think the really fast pace and loose style of shooting got our creative juices flowing again. We'd been stuck in standard coverage mode after our feature, so this was really a blast to make/edit.

smashedburrito
03-04-2010, 08:39 PM
Uploaded.

andreww
03-04-2010, 09:48 PM
Enjoy!

Hermn8r
03-04-2010, 11:47 PM
Looking forward to seeing this one. It definitely grabbed my attention!

Richard J. Johnson
03-05-2010, 05:47 AM
Lighting looks great. on the grabs. ISO at 320 at NIGHT at 5.6?!?! wow. I know that has to look amazing. I still suck at night shots with that cam. I can't wait to check it out.

RodThompson
03-05-2010, 05:56 AM
Zak Forsman?

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=421&pictureid=2840

Chris Messineo
03-05-2010, 06:03 AM
Cool grabs - I dig the dark lighting.

pborghee
03-05-2010, 10:12 AM
Good luck. Hope it goes well.

andreww
03-05-2010, 10:55 AM
Yeah, the project became a test of stop over exposed highlights and under exposed fill. Fun shoot for sure.

nils_dvx
03-05-2010, 12:14 PM
looking forward to seeing your film. good luck!

-Nils


"Recession" by Nils David Peterson -- DVXUSER Betrayalfest 2010 (http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=201885)

smashedburrito
03-05-2010, 03:54 PM
Approved!

mark menditto
03-06-2010, 07:42 PM
I enjoyed the look of this film. Nice. Congratulations.

Richard J. Johnson
03-06-2010, 07:43 PM
Amazing lighting!!! great film. awesome job.

smashedburrito
03-06-2010, 08:12 PM
Thanks for the compliments. Andy is an awesome DP. My direction to him consists only of "make it look good."

Richard J. Johnson
03-06-2010, 08:20 PM
Thanks for the compliments. Andy is an awesome DP. My direction to him consists only of "make it look good."

At least you have a DP!

Homunculus
03-06-2010, 09:24 PM
Wow..
1. best acting I've seen so far out of all the shorts (seen about 7 or 8)

best DP job so far too...the lighting/shot design is utterly professional...the ONLY thing to me keeping this from being an absolute 100% professional art film was the voice over, the guy's voice just wasn't that great for the tone of the film, but the directing was just incredible...possibly best film I've seen so far, very professionally done and absolutely love the snow falling inter cuts

RodThompson
03-06-2010, 09:48 PM
Gorgeous film.

Simply engrossing and just...phenomenal.

stinkpot
03-06-2010, 11:45 PM
Great job. Very poetic story, I really enjoyed it.

Lighting was cool as hell and snow was great. I wasn't too keen on the guys voice for VO (sounded too much like the audio was recorded in same place and was hard to tell when it was VO and when it was in-scene at times) but... cool movie overall.

Bigmagic
03-07-2010, 01:43 AM
My favorite of the fest so far very well done. Kudos

GoodLuck
03-07-2010, 12:37 PM
I think we both did fairly similar shorts in theme. About a guy who recalls/states all his feelings about a woman who seems to never know, a guy who betrays himself by not telling her how far his thoughts go. So I'm a bit biased and really like shorts like this. I thought you had some great shots and liked the actors you picked for the roles. You should check out my short to see another take on the same theme. Overall great job!

Polarjee
03-07-2010, 02:18 PM
Absolutely Beautiful! Everybody who worked on this film was great and the performances by the actors were outstanding!!

MrSeth
03-07-2010, 04:09 PM
My critique for Stretched
The story:
I loved the dialogue and the narration was very poetic. Great job!

The acting:
Both of the actors were completely professional and did the story justice. You can feel for the lead actor a lot.

The camerawork:
Amazing.. The colors were really cool (reminded me of The Road). The tights and inserts were very visually appealing.

The editing:
Smooth and subtle = AWESOME.

The sound and music:
The ADR threw me off a little but eventually redeemed itself at the end. Great sound design job!

Overall impression:
Make this a feature please!! lol I really enjoyed it

My favorite shot:
http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/594/screenshot20100307at508.png

andreww
03-07-2010, 04:51 PM
Thanks for the support guys. We had a blast shooting it, as for a feature.. I think this one is best kept right around 6 minutes. Maybe extend work from the writer in the near future though... Cheers!

Mike@AF
03-07-2010, 06:10 PM
Great film. The male actor did a good job. The character seemed very real. Nice lighting. Nice work!

smashedburrito
03-07-2010, 06:30 PM
Thanks for all the kind words, it means a lot.

Christopher Blake
03-07-2010, 06:34 PM
Very nice. Acting was professional, never thought they were acting. Great story, editing...I really enjoyed this one.

pborghee
03-07-2010, 07:28 PM
wow....everytime i write a comment about how good it is i watch another and its just as good if not better. Yours belongs up there man. I felt for this guy just like every guy that has lost a girl that he wishes he could have back. The angles were spot on, the actors rocked the F'n show and everything fit perfect right where it should be. Thank you for that 6 minutes!

Chris Messineo
03-07-2010, 10:31 PM
A few people have mentioned the word "poetic" and I would agree. This was lovely - a poem to lost love. The actors were wonderful. The cinematography beautiful. One of my favorites so far.

Tunnelmen
03-07-2010, 11:17 PM
ok. justifiably so, there is a lot of criticism on the film threads about technical aspects of film making...sound design, lighting, camera movement so on and so forth....... f dat noise! When it comes to what films and film makers that I like, its about the story. You freakin nailed it and I have this film rated the highest so far (though I've only done about ten). this film will be hard to beat for me personally. AWESOME JOB!

dougspice
03-08-2010, 01:06 AM
This film was a nice change of pace from most of the others I've watched so far, so I'm excited about that (although – side note – I've been really impressed with the huge variety of genres, tones, etc that I've been seeing from everyone. HUUUUUGE reason why I think a theme like "betrayal" is so much richer and more interesting than something like HorrorFest with a specific genre.)

Okay, back to your film, sorry. :)

It started off a little rocky, to be honest. The initial audio didn't grab me – the performances in that offscreen dialogue felt stilted and inorganic, and since it was clear from frame 1 that you were doing a character piece, I was extremely worried about what I was about to (maybe) sit through.

So the good news is that it got a LOT better from there. The actual performances between the actors once they're in the scene were far, far better and the thought "I'm gonna skip this one" never occurred to me again. I really appreciated how understated the tone was – how you almost avoided addressing any sort of plot entirely, really! That's hard to pull off without good acting and writing, and you carried it.

I have really mixed feelings on the voiceover, though. Sometimes voiceover is an intrinsic part of the story, the tone, the whole approach. And sometimes it's an after-the-fact kludge that you call in in post to save an edit that's not working. I'll be completely honest: I'm not 100% sure which one this was. It was well written – used to illuminate character rather than strictly story – and generally well performed, but there's something about the way it fit into the movie that just wasn't entirely natural. After the movie was over I found myself wondering what it would have been like if you had just had confidence in the scene to get across everything that was said in the voiceover. It feels like your actors could have done it. Maybe that was never your intent, and maybe it wouldn't work as well – but it's a thought that I had and I think it'd be incomplete not to share that.

The visuals were striking (although maybe sometimes a little too much so – the jarring extreme closeups on his lips, smoking). But the snowflakes drifting slowly down? Lovely. A perfect note for the film.

Your sound could use a lot of work. As much credit as I give the characters, the actors, it was all undermined by continuous distraction in the audio. Even just a continuous layer of room tone throughout would do a TREMENDOUS amount of good in this respect. And that's an easy fix.

In any case, congrats! This is one of the good ones. I appreciate the minimalism – makes a nice contrast to films like, well, mine. ;)

smashedburrito
03-08-2010, 09:26 AM
Thanks for watching and responding guys. I am going to write up a post about our intentions in making the film to hopefully answer some questions, but I am going to wait a few days so that I don't accidentally influence anyone who hasn't seen it.

Otherwise thank you all for watching and taking the time to give your thoughts. We appreciate all of it.

ChrisHurn
03-08-2010, 07:18 PM
Very nice. Loved the lighting, the cinematography, the acting, the script, sound, score, it all tied together pretty nicely. I really liked your opening.
+1 for use of the word poetic to describe this film, I’ll throw that in too. For the most part I liked the narration a lot, and there were some very good moments in it.

Acting was extremely solid. Very professional actors, very convincing performances. Some lines came across very naturalistic, there were a few good moments of real honesty in there.

Loved the score to this, very nice job. Extremely suitable, goes with the visuals so well. Just great.

Memorable Moment
A few, but one that struck me was things you did like “She has a beautiful mouth”, then right away “Like the snake?”, back to the conversation...that played very nicely I thought. Was cool. Of course the ending was very memorable to me as well, with the score, the great V.O “and it ends”. Great.

Very striking visuals at 5:22. I agree with Dougspice about the change of pace, I too was happy to see a film like this after watching so many others with guns, loud score, epic betrayals, etc. Not that those things are bad at all, just was refreshing at the time. I think you did a very impressive job, I’m really looking forward to seeing what you do next.

smashedburrito
03-08-2010, 08:12 PM
Thanks for the kind words Chris. I'm really happy with the score, especially considering Nathan did it in a few hours before the deadline. He really transformed the feel of the piece.

The actors were really great to work with. I've known them for a while but hadn't had a chance to work with them in this style of a piece so it was great. They literally read the script that morning so it's impressive what they were able to pull off a few hours later.

I'm happy you liked the change of pace, it was really a change of style for us as filmmakers as well. We approached it differently then we had any past piece so it's great to hear that people are enjoying it.

Michael Anthony Horrigan
03-08-2010, 09:46 PM
Story: Such a nice change of pace. So few have gone this route this Fest. Very compelling. Now this is what I wish many had done with the theme.

Acting: Great acting! Never even thought about it after the first few moments.

Technical: Superb all around. Very professional looking. Great sound, music, editing, it's all there. There's really nothing else I can say.

Very nice work indeed.

MAH

Ben Sliker
03-08-2010, 11:22 PM
congrats on creating a very engaging conversation between two people. your insert shots were bad ass and the intercut snow functioned very well for the whole story.

I'm flip-flopping back and forth on whether the Male's V.O. throughout the story helped or hindered. At times it was spot on, but at others, I felt like what he said could have been better served in spoken dialogue or even just a look or expression on his face.

I really, really enjoyed the way your female lead delivered the snake story, very genuine.

some very good filmmaking here.

Zak Forsman
03-09-2010, 03:18 AM
Wooooooow. I like. Quite a bit.

smashedburrito
03-09-2010, 10:19 AM
Wooooooow. I like. Quite a bit.

Thanks Zak, we figured this one might be up your alley.

As for the voice over, this piece was really intended to be a memory piece and have a strong sense of POV. We originally tried writing the piece without the VO, but we felt like something was missing so we ended up inserting our favorite parts of the short story's prose as the VO. Our intention was to really give the piece the feeling that this was a memory, being reiterated in the fragments and moments that stuck out in the main characters brain.

I hope that sheds some light on our choices. Thanks again for all the comments and compliments. It's great to have such active viewers.

smashedburrito
03-09-2010, 10:22 AM
Also, I thought it would be good to post a link to the original short story this is based on.

You can check it out HERE (http://whatwearesupposedtodo.tumblr.com/post/343432263/28).

Ben Sliker
03-09-2010, 10:29 AM
Our intention was to really give the piece the feeling that this was a memory, being reiterated in the fragments and moments that stuck out in the main characters brain.

I hope that sheds some light on our choices. Thanks again for all the comments and compliments. It's great to have such active viewers.

When I think about it this way, all of the choices really fit. esp. the incongruous inserts. great work.

smashedburrito
03-09-2010, 10:56 AM
Thanks Ben. By the way ROM was really cool. Great work.

Charli
03-09-2010, 12:45 PM
The acting was believable, I will give you that, but I found the setting claustrophobic and the pacing very slow. The actors were your strong suit in this one.

DC Ninjas
03-09-2010, 12:58 PM
Beautifully shot and lit. Thought the story was well written and the score was a good fit. Thought the actor's voiceover delivery was weak, but that the in scene acting was fair. This one is definitely one of our favorites.

killacam
03-10-2010, 03:59 AM
I thought this one was very well shot and had a great look to it. The cinematography was great. It was a little dialogue heavy for me personally but I also might have a mild form of add. Very nicely done, and was a great intimate character piece.

smashedburrito
03-10-2010, 08:50 AM
Thanks for the comments guys.

dvpixl
03-10-2010, 10:26 AM
...thoroughly impressed overall as I was watching it. great job!

hoz
03-10-2010, 08:19 PM
poetic!

i really dug some of the lines and liked how she went on about a snake and how he works that into his own sad and frustrated thoughts about their past.

congrats on your film !

i saw quickly that this is based on a short story - thanks for passing on the link to it - i am going to give that a look later.

Aaron Marshall
03-11-2010, 11:59 AM
Great job!

I loved the writing, the performances, the cinematography, and the score. Everything was so atmospheric. Your aesthetic reminded me of, "Let the Right One In".

The voiceover was ok. I think what it lacked was something on the technical side of things. The recording sounded too up front, too in your face. That could easily be fixed without having to rerecord anything. I think the performance of it was well done.

Excellent work.

deedive
03-11-2010, 11:09 PM
Great work, LOVED this one!

smashedburrito
03-14-2010, 02:14 PM
i really dug some of the lines and liked how she went on about a snake and how he works that into his own sad and frustrated thoughts about their past.

That was my favorite part of the short story. I knew we had to work it in somehow.


I loved the writing, the performances, the cinematography, and the score. Everything was so atmospheric. Your aesthetic reminded me of, "Let the Right One In".

The voiceover was ok. I think what it lacked was something on the technical side of things. The recording sounded too up front, too in your face. That could easily be fixed without having to rerecord anything. I think the performance of it was well done.


Hadn't thought of "Let the Right One In." Awesome movie though, I'll gladly take that compliment.

I get what you are saying on the Voice Over. We might play with some reverb or something when the fest is over.

Thanks for the compliments everyone. It's finals week here so I haven't been able to comment on any of the other films, but I've made sure to watch and rate them in between exams.

Keep the criticism coming, we love to see how we can improve.

ZazaCast
03-14-2010, 04:31 PM
Powerful film! Looked great (snow was sweet!), sounded great...acting, cinematography, edit...all on mark.
One of my favs.

smashedburrito
03-14-2010, 04:39 PM
Thanks Zaza!

Bigmagic
03-14-2010, 11:49 PM
I have already commented, but I have rewatched this film several times and I am struck by how well you mixed VO & dialog. So many do one or the other very well done.

smashedburrito
03-15-2010, 12:22 AM
Thanks Bigmagic. It was a tough thing to play with but we really just followed the lead of the short story.

jasonthewho
03-15-2010, 08:35 AM
This short had great atmosphere. It evoked a mood, a feeling.

Your actors were very strong, and the writing was very interesting and compelling.

I like the moody look of the cinematography. That combined with the images of falling snow really gave the film a striking visual look.

That was a very interesting thing you did with the smoking, having it cut to him smoking in closeup when she smokes. Not entirely sure what it means, but clearly deliberate.

I thought the narration was very well used here. Really makes the film what it is.

I would have liked to have seen more of the girl's face. She seems to have a great look, but we never get to really see her. She could have turned away towards the light for a moment. By that same virtue I think you could have found a moment to move them to a different part of the room, or to change their physical relationship to each other.

To harp further on the girl (sorry, but she is the central focus of the film), when he says she has a great mouth, we see a side shot of her drinking, that doesn't really make her mouth look great. Just a straight on close up with a little more light on her lips would have probably been more effective.

Tim Joy
03-15-2010, 10:04 AM
A very cool and captivating piece. So simple, but with many layers.

I liked it a lot. Can't say I understood the overall point or story, as it was more of a 'slice of life' but it was still intriguing.
Music, lighting, and framing were very strong.

The acting had it's moments of being very natural, especially physically, but I felt something weird in the VO's. I think you could rerecord those and have a better piece. It felt like he was reading it into a mic, instead of 'hearing' the thought in his head. The best example I can think of is Jim Carrey's VO in Eternal Sunshine.. He has this whispered quality that makes you feel like your inside his head.

The only other nitpick is their voices in the beginning. It sounds like it was recorded in VO, but I think you would get a much better sense of space if it was recorded at the location and was as if this is a conversation that we're hearing but not seeing. The transition from ext sound with footsteps and ambiance to a hollowed out building that echos and has junk around could be really cool and add another layer.

Perhaps it's been mentioned, but I liked the juxtaposition of cutting from med of her about to smoke, to CU of him smoking. It caught me off guard, and at first I thought it was a mistake. I discovered that it was intentional, but didn't feel a payoff. What was this showing? My best guess in the moment was that he was crazy and was really talking to himself and she was imagined.

Some great stuff here, and I look forward to more from you. :)

MSpencer
03-15-2010, 02:26 PM
that was very short and simple. your actors were really good.. the cinematography and lighting was spot on. i don't really have much to say about it but i really liked it.. the smoking thing i liked it just the overall atmosphere was good..

andreww
03-15-2010, 02:38 PM
Perhaps it's been mentioned, but I liked the juxtaposition of cutting from med of her about to smoke, to CU of him smoking. It caught me off guard, and at first I thought it was a mistake. I discovered that it was intentional, but didn't feel a payoff. What was this showing? My best guess in the moment was that he was crazy and was really talking to himself and she was imagined.

It was basically an attempt through editing to foreshadow the slow mo sequence at the end. The passing of wine, the smoking of cigarettes, almost like passing time with out us actually watching- then they kiss. At least that was my intention through editing. Thanks for all the great comments and support!

abdeziel
03-15-2010, 06:00 PM
I really didn't think they actually kissed, once I saw the detail from her. This is only the second movie I've seen in this fest to give me goosebumps. Loved it.

Scott F
03-16-2010, 12:44 PM
Gorgeous film.

Simply engrossing and just...phenomenal.

I'm gonna borrow this from Rod cuz I couldn't say it better.

It was mentioned the opening lines were stilted. I agree, but then things take off and it's all good.

smashedburrito
03-16-2010, 02:50 PM
Thanks guys, glad to see people are watching and enjoying it.

Bigmagic
03-16-2010, 09:29 PM
Another film that I thought was a finalist. I must not vote with the majority. I look forward to your next entry.

AJ Brooks
03-16-2010, 09:31 PM
Yeah, I liked this film. Surprised to see it didn't make 2nd round.

Rodney V. Smith
03-16-2010, 09:34 PM
It was hypnotizing for sure and shot beautifully. When I saw it I had to shake my head and say "top 10 is getting full"... didn;t realize HOW full. Big surprise on this entry not making it, that;s for sure...

smashedburrito
03-16-2010, 10:12 PM
Thanks guys, it means a lot.

smashedburrito
03-17-2010, 10:45 AM
Just got our results. A bit further down in average score than we were expecting based on the feedback (5.87%). Would people be willing to post some of their critiques on the short so we could see how we could improve? Be harsh if you want, we just want to get better.

Thanks, just always trying to produce better work.

chriscurl
03-17-2010, 11:03 AM
I feel ya man, I actually did worse than the crappy first film I did for one of these, which blows my mind, don't let it get you down.


Just got our results. A bit further down in average score than we were expecting based on the feedback (5.87%). Would people be willing to post some of their critiques on the short so we could see how we could improve? Be harsh if you want, we just want to get better. Thanks, just always trying to produce better work.

MSpencer
03-17-2010, 11:05 AM
seems like people were being pretty harsh... now i'm scarred to see what i got...

Scott F
03-17-2010, 11:33 AM
A bit further down in average score than we were expecting based on the feedback (5.87%)

If you guys got that, I don't feel so bad about my score!

Stretched was another film in my personal top 10.

Great job, and if I can elaborate with a full review, I will.

andreww
03-18-2010, 09:02 AM
Nice little mini review:

http://www.filmeveryday.com/2010/03/17/dvxuser-betrayal-fest-the-round-up-part-two/

Thanks for looking out stephenmick!

Michael Anthony Horrigan
03-18-2010, 09:15 AM
Great film. I'm a little shocked by the placement.
Best of luck next time guys.

MAH