"Cleaned Out" [Sean McLeod]

[seanmcleod]

CLEANED OUT

TAGLINE: First you steal the diamonds, then comes the hard part.

http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/newCOposter.jpg

SYNOPSIS: The heist went off without a hitch, now who's got the diamonds?

WRITTEN and DIRECTED BY: Sean McLeod

CAST:
BANKS: Mike Lepera
LENNY: Mike Vernaroli
HARRY: Park Trailer
DETECTIVE: Sherzad Sinjari
"THE HEAVY":Gil Percy

CREW:

DOP: Christina Ienna
1st AC: Michael Distefano
POST SOUND: Kevin Couvillon
SOUND EDITOR: Stefan Cvetkovic
LOCATION SOUND: Johnathon Diemer
COMPOSITOR: Matthew Ramsaur
MAKE-UP ARTIST: Alysse Lister

[seanmcleod]

http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/cast3.jpg

LOW -RES SCREEN GRABS
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/screengrabs.jpg

[seanmcleod]

LOCATION SCOUT PHOTOS
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/colocationcollage.jpg


ON SET PHOTOS
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/day1bts.jpg
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/day3bts.jpg

CHARACTER PROMOS
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/bankspromo1.jpg
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/lennypromo2.jpg
http://www.sean-mcleod.com/cleanedout/harrypromo1.jpg

[seanmcleod]

**DAILY UPDATES**

JANUARY 30th, 2010:
Script is officially in it's final draft and now I begin the arduous task of breaking it down and seeing how much stuff I don't have that I need! Hope to have all the paperwork done and out of the way by end of day tomorrow then hold auditions Wednesday or Thursday night. We'll see how the talent pool has changed since the last project I did.

JANUARY 31st, 2010:
Got a solid day's effort in today. Placed an ad online for actors, completed script breakdown, generated the shoot schedule as well as call sheets, scene summaries, and Breakdown sheets. Tomorrow I hope to put a nice dent in storyboards, while also looking at what props I need to order from ebay and getting those on the way too. Also examine every location, vehicle and prop closely to make sure I can lock them down by the start date. All that AND I saw the Book of Eli!

February 1st, 2010:
Got my 24" rails and quick release mount from IndiFocus today... So I put all my pieces together and I now have a very solid little DSLR rig... I had to modify the shoulder pad to raise it up a little so the loupe was comfortably at eye level and I have to modify the strap for the loupe because it's too loose, but a few more tweaks and it will be ready to go. I am hot on the trail of some filters I want to use for this film as well. Not the end of the world if I don't get them in time, but I would very much prefer to have them. I also want to add a couple lens' to the kit if I could before the shoot. I need a 24 or 28 and maybe someting in the 100 to 135 range just in case. As far as actual pre prod on the film I haven't done much in terms of paperwork, but have been contacting potential crew members and sorting through the actors replying to my ad. There's a lot of "Never acted before but would love to give it a shot" guys ... worried about whether or not I'm going to be able to find able bodies.

[ZazaCast]

Welcome! Great poster. :beer:

[seanmcleod]

Thanks! I'm excited to get started... it's going to be biting off quite a bit but I'm looking forward to the challenge. No stranger to film competitions but this is my first DVXuser Fest... hope it goes well. I'm pretty behind as I just decided to enter about 4 days ago and just finished the script last night. But hopefully all goes well!

[ZazaCast]

. No stranger to film competitions but this is my first DVXuser Fest... hope it goes well.

:shocked: You'll do fine..I'm sure.

[Scott F]

Killer poster!

[Rodney V. Smith]

Hey welcome to the fest! Fun and mayhem to ensue in the count of five... four... three... two...

[Charli]

I think I recognize that guy in the poster (lol). Good luck!

[jasonthewho]

Sweet poster, sounds like it could be a rollercoaster of a film.

[seanmcleod]

It's definitely a rollercoaster... the things I'm up against right now are making sure it all works, meaning that once it's finished people aren't scratching their heads going, wait so what did... I mean just making it clear who did what to who is the key to this genre. And then the other is getting it in under 6 minutes is going to be a challenge, I can see already!

[seanmcleod]

Thanks guys... I love doing posters, haha. I especially love 60's and 70's era when it wasn't just giant heads floating over the world. It was much more graphically driven and very cool.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Yep, totally killer poster. It gives a real sense of style about the film and what we can expect. works on all levels.

[seanmcleod]

*Updated updates section

[seanmcleod]

Update and New Crew Added, more hopefully on the way.

[seanmcleod]

Cast confirmed and new crew added!

[jasonthewho]

So when Park Trailer has to write his name on a form, he has to write it Trailer, Park?

[seanmcleod]

He's a comedian, so I think it's a stage name. But I'm not 100% on that yet.

[MSpencer]

he looks pretty BA for a comedian. haha looks sweet. you cast looks good..

[Bigmagic]

I like the throwback poster, I look forward to seeing your vision.

[seanmcleod]

Okay so Wednesday night is the read through/rehearsal and then we have the shoot Friday, Saturday and Sunday. There'll be some pickup scenes left to shoot after the weekend but they will be taken care of after the main brunt of it whenever the actor is available. Gonna update the thread with a few location scout photos tomorrow.

[seanmcleod]

Updated with scout photos and tweaked the cast list so it looked cooler!

[jasonthewho]

Your locations look perfect for your story. Very nice.

[seanmcleod]

Thanks man... hopefully you feel the same when they are shot in the film!

[chriscurl]

Great locations, can you give us some information about them, how'd you come across that safe or vault or whatever it is?

[seanmcleod]

Friend of mine is converting an old bank into a bar... still got the vaults!

Shooting commences tomorrow! Man, it's so much less stressful to write the scenes than shoot them!

[seanmcleod]

Just wrapped Day 1 of shooting... went without incident... looking to get over the shoot hump day!

[MrSeth]

loveeee the poster!! just finished 2 shorts and i feel cleaned out (financially)

looking forward to some screen caps!

[seanmcleod]

Finished Shooting Day 2, added a couple BTS flix! Day 3 tomorrow!

[ZazaCast]

Looking good! Have a great day tomorrow....

[seanmcleod]

Day 3 over... feel like I got hit by a bus!

[dougspice]

Friend of mine is converting an old bank into a bar... still got the vaults!

Shooting commences tomorrow! Man, it's so much less stressful to write the scenes than shoot them!

That's funny, my office is in an old bank building and we have a bar/club down in the basement with the vaults. Cool space. Wish I liked the crowd there more.

Awesome poster... don't know how I didn't see this one before!

[Marlon Ladd]

Are you done or will you have any reshoots?

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Doug... Just finished the second to last scene today, really felt like a creep renting a motel room for 2 hours and hauling all kinds of camera gear into the room! Still have two other shots we need to get that should be taken care of over the weekend... they're really like two lines so I'm not too worried. No reshoots needed as far as I can tell so far. I'm just getting through the painful process of syncing audio to video then I will begin the edit. Got my main man ramsaur working on some compositing I need finished...


Added some more behind the scene pics and a couple of Character promos!

[seanmcleod]

Just finished editing the first scene, it sits at :48secs, could be in some trouble for time! UGH! time limits...

[Rodney V. Smith]

Just think pacing. Look back at it. I'm sure there's lots of fat you can trim. But you shoudl focus on that after the full story edit is in.

How long was your script anyway?

[SpenserS]

Do you mind me asking what follow focus you used? I was just checking out the behind the scenes and I don't think I recognize it thanks!

[seanmcleod]

The script was a quick ten pages, how quick I might have over estimated, but yeah, waiting for the full edit to see for sure... and it's a pro-aim follow focus SpenserS...

[Rodney V. Smith]

wow. according to how you shoot, that can either go way over, or way under.. and then a lot is going to be cut in editing. Sounds like it needed to be shorter in the scripting stages. I used to have mine come in at 6-7 pages, but then I ended up with 10-12 minute cuts that were pure fat. Once you hit the 8-7 minute mark you kind of run out of fat to trim and then end up cutting lines of dialog that while were nice to have... just didn't further the story along. It gets even harder when it's down in the 6 minute arena...

I really don't envy you having to edit this, especially for pacing and story... you'll end up cutting so much out... Best thing is to get the story edit down then start trimming away.

[seanmcleod]

Well yeah I was aware of how long it could run, but it'll get done properly, the story telling allows for cutting if need be, it'll make sense once you see it...

[seanmcleod]

Well sitting at about 7:46... time to put this baby on P90X, loose the weight!

[seanmcleod]

She's now 17secs overweight, no longer obese, just a little unsightly... time for a liquid cleanse!

[Rodney V. Smith]

excelllent!! you can do it!

[seanmcleod]

Annnnnnnnd she's ready for the prom! Haha, still got a scene I'm shooting tomorrow to squeeze in but I think I have the room to... oh and credits will be exactly 1 frame so keep your eyes peeled! jk

[seanmcleod]

Added a little grab assin'... I mean action! Prelim Color grading... we'll see how I feel when I wake up!

[seanmcleod]

So no comments on the screen grabs huh? Should I take that to mean I should go back to the drawing board on grading?

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Where are the grabs?

I see a caption on the first page... "low res screen grabs" ...but no grabs.

[seanmcleod]

give it a second to load, it takes a little bit because they are tiff's

[Rodney V. Smith]

you could also use PNG files... as good as a resolution as a TIFF and smaller... more web friendly. TIFF is more print friendly

[seanmcleod]

modified, should be quicker now

[Rodney V. Smith]

I'd love to see a side-by-side comparison of the Color Correction shots. It looks like you mainly just crushed the blacks... but that's just me...

[seanmcleod]

Updated with originals... hope it looks like I did more than just crush the blacks...

[Rodney V. Smith]

oh wow. didn;t expect you to post them all. sorry for my comment. Just thought you;d post some new pics with the side by side comparison is all. Good job on the color correction too. And I like your cast design layout. You;ve puit some solid thought in the marketing elements for the film. Great job.

Now where's yours facebook page? :grin:

[seanmcleod]

Yeah no worries, I'm hoping the film will have a life beyond the fest so I'm really trying to make everything cohesive...

As far as a facebook page goes I don't have one for the film, but I do have one for my video work, which Ive been updating with stuff about the film... I don't want to spam my friends list with every project I do is all... I will be notifying all the fans on my page of this and of the fest, so don't worry, there will still be the same end result, just not a dedicated film page.

[Rodney V. Smith]

...., just not a dedicated film page.

***glare***


















just kidding. there is no need to have a page, just a little extra online presence never hurt is all...

[Brian Bullets]

This movie looks sweet! cant wait to see

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

modified, should be quicker now
I can see them now. I gave it some time and saw nothing before.

Looking good!

MAH

[Chris Messineo]

I love this poster - the retro look is fantastic!

[dougspice]

Glad you were able to cut it down. I'm still debating whether or not to go back and work on the 8 minute version of mine. I guess we'll see how this version goes over, first.

It's always funny how much it pretty much blows your mind to see the before/after on color grading work. Fun fact: if you're doing color for someone else and they're not totally sold on the look, usually just flipping the correction OFF for a second can do a lot to convince them of how good it looks now!

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Brian! And MAH, Glad you can see them now... have tweaked a bit since then, I find CC'ing so challenging cause I want to make a very appealing image technically, while also creating a look that's unique and identifiable, without ending up with the classic greenish hue of the matrix or the overdone look of so many films. It can get away from you quick and you look at the next day and think wtf was I thinking?!

Chris glad you like the poster... it was inspired by an old poster my brother had, I think it was a UK film, called Robbery. I love the graphic look of those old style posters.

Doug you're so right. People will be like yeah, that's okay, then you show them what it used to be and they're like WHOA. But I think we must strive for the whoa without seeing the change, than you know you got a gorgeous image. As far as the longer version of yours, I would definitely say do it up. I'm pretty confident that mine, and yours I would assume, would benefit from being free from time constraints and really allow us to play with the pacing, build more tension, like things unfold naturally as opposed to micromanaging each scene to make sure it gets all that needs to be said for the plot to make sense in a small amount of time. Festivals like this are great for teaching story discipline, but I know I'm hoping my short will have a life after this festival as well so I want to make sure it's the absolute best it could be, which may require more than 6 minutes!

[Chris_Marrs_Piliero]

dude, your poster is badass and kudos to you on your bts images and screen grabs... stoked to see this...

[Hermn8r]

Loving the look of the film! Nice job on the color correction!

[dougspice]

Doug you're so right. People will be like yeah, that's okay, then you show them what it used to be and they're like WHOA. But I think we must strive for the whoa without seeing the change, than you know you got a gorgeous image. As far as the longer version of yours, I would definitely say do it up. I'm pretty confident that mine, and yours I would assume, would benefit from being free from time constraints and really allow us to play with the pacing, build more tension, like things unfold naturally as opposed to micromanaging each scene to make sure it gets all that needs to be said for the plot to make sense in a small amount of time. Festivals like this are great for teaching story discipline, but I know I'm hoping my short will have a life after this festival as well so I want to make sure it's the absolute best it could be, which may require more than 6 minutes!

I agree. But in my case, at least, it's almost as if the short version is a different film entirely. It's how, in making a film, you can't ask for anything better than for your cast and crew to offer up something brilliant that you hadn't thought of. Well, I honestly was skeptical that it could be done after seeing the initial cut, but my editor Keith did some really cool and impressive things with the footage which hadn't even occurred to me – and voila! Six minutes. The overall feeling is a little different, the actual story told is a little different... so it's just a question of whether that story, told how it is, resonates better with people than the more involved, slower story I had started with.

We're going to see what kind of feedback the film gets, and then decide how to approach the "director's cut."

[Mike@AF]

I love the poster. Frame grabs look great too! Can't wait to watch this one.

[seanmcleod]

That's awesome Doug, cool metamorphosis! I think there's gonna be some entries that I'm going to request the script from the creators just to see what was written on the page and how they interpreted it for the film, so I'd love to see what you had going into it and what it became.

And thanks everyone who's commentating on the poster's and grabs. Facades poster is very very clean and sleak, and the razor blade really peaks the curiosity, excited for that, and Mike with two entires I can't wait to see what you've but together. I am going down to the wire with one so I commend the living hell outta you for two, sight unseen!

And taking Kevin Smiths original title and calling him out? How could I not be intrigued by that! There has been a flurry of new flicks popping up in the past couple of days that have really stepped up the competition! Should be a lot of great shorts watching this weekend!

[Richard J. Johnson]

Add myself to the Amazing Poster List. This looks like it's right up my alley. Anything that involves a skimask has to be epic.

[pborghee]

Sean, good luck man! Always up for a bank robbery!

[dougspice]

That's awesome Doug, cool metamorphosis! I think there's gonna be some entries that I'm going to request the script from the creators just to see what was written on the page and how they interpreted it for the film, so I'd love to see what you had going into it and what it became.

That's a great idea. I was thinking of posting up one of the early, early drafts of mine (it was a different movie, for sure) just for comparison, but I like your idea even better. Tell you what: I'll just go ahead and spare you the trouble for my film at least and say that on Monday I will post up the script!

I actually wouldn't mind seeing that as a rule for these fests – obviously having people submit their scripts for pre-approval was a fiasco, but having everyone post up their script AFTER the movie is released? That would be a great learning experience.

[Rodney V. Smith]

That would be interesting to see. I think I'll also participate in this exercise. How about also storyboards and reference shots if you have any to see how closely the plan matches up to the reality...

[seanmcleod]

Uploading now... now the stress of getting done turns into the stress of did I make a decent flick!

[just2me]

[quote=seanmcleod;1916695]Uploading now... now the stress of getting done turns into the stress of did I make a decent flick![/quote

i was just happy to make the deadline, and then i read this...!! sudden realization. lol.

i'm sure it's great. it looks intense. i can't wait to see it. good luck!!

[RodThompson]

Your movie better be good, dammit!

[seanmcleod]

Haha, thats what I'm worried about! But I have the constant thing where even if I think it's good I always wonder if it actually is or if I have blinders on... like how every mom thinks their kid is so cute when really there are some rough looking babies out there!

[Nemesis TS]

rough looking babies...

Thanks I needed a good laugh this morning after stressfull night of upload nightmares.
And, I feel the same way. My pals and I like our movie but after seeing what other folks here are doing, I can't help but wonder.... is there a JR dvx fest? For us little "rough looking" film makers?

[seanmcleod]

reviews & discussion starts here!

[RodThompson]

I LIKED IT!

Had a very USUAL SUSPECTS feel to it, and being that US is one of my favorite flicks, you faired well with me.

The opening shot was superb, but as the film went on (start with the interrogation) I felt that the lighting quality and sound quality diminished a bit. I also caught the mismatched audio in th car at the beginning, but poop...it wasn't that bad.

Good story! And awesome execution.

[Richard J. Johnson]

I agree. Awesome execution. Nice twist. And you have damn fine group of actors. Excellent film!! I loved the score.

[ramsaur]

I loved it! Everything seemed right on! The acting was brilliant, loved the editing, camera, and music. Cool story as well. I was a little scared the vault shots weren't going to turn out as great but the color really helped it out! And the execution turned out fantastic! Awesome job over all! Would love to work with you again.

[seanmcleod]

Rod I'm glad you liked the story and likening it to the Usual Suspects is definitely high praise, so thank you. The audio mismatch in the beginning was to save the edit, head positions of Banks in the front seat were different long story short it was that or have head positions not match, so I made the call as to what I though people might not notice more...

Thanks so much Richard and ramsaur, glad you enjoyed the film, and ramsaur, you took a huge weight off my shoulders cause I shot those "plates" not even sure I could execute the CG well, but you came and made it work, really awesome working with you on this!

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Ryan!

[MrFluffy]

Good effort, very enjoyable.

[Mike@AF]

Good job with this film. I enjoyed it. Good use of non-linear storytelling really worked for me.

I felt the lighting in the interrogation could have been maybe a bit more stark. Lastly, I find it odd that 2 of the 3 thieves had their masks off to begin with.

Other than that, this film is very good.

[Stephen Mick]

Review posted…

http://www.filmeveryday.com/2010/03/07/cleaned-out-a-dvxuser-betrayal-fest-film/

Very nice work, Sean. I look forward to seeing more from you (and your crew) in future fests.

[4100xpb]

Well done on this film. I felt it was a good, solid effort. You had some great sets and locations, and used them very well. The acting was decent, and the editing was solid.

Two things I felt could have been better. Technically, the audio wasn't consistent. In the car, it was dead. When the head organizer was talking in his office, it was boomy. The interview was good, but in some ways that just makes the other scenes stand out more.

Story wise, I liked this – there is a good story in there. But personally, I’m not a fan of the whole “see everything in flashbacks as the guy explains it in the interview” method of telling it. I would liked to have seen things rearranged in a way that we see things without having them narrated to us.

Thanks for putting this in, there is some great work in there I hope you build off of. The introduction was really good, and the technical work was quality.

[seanmcleod]

I felt the lighting in the interrogation could have been maybe a bit more stark. Lastly, I find it odd that 2 of the 3 thieves had their masks off to begin with.


I was thinking of going with something very different for the interrogation scene, very top heavy lighting that would have created a lot of shadows, but I decided against in favor of reality, feeling that those kind of rooms have giant fluorescents illuminating the entire room, so I felt if I tried to get all moody with it it wouldn't ring true. But I guess I could have played with shadows a little bit more. The way I look at the mask thing is that Harry had to pull his up to put the ear phones in for cracking the safe, and Lenny didn't give a damn cause he was always going to kill her. But yeah, maybe Harry should have been a little more discreet.



Two things I felt could have been better. Technically, the audio wasn't consistent. In the car, it was dead. When the head organizer was talking in his office, it was boomy. The interview was good, but in some ways that just makes the other scenes stand out more.


When you say in the car was dead do you mean there wasn't enough going on in the bg? To sort of sweeten the atmosphere of their setting?

And yes, due to circumstances beyond my control I had to use just the on-camera mic for the Heavy's scene, not ideal. If we had more time it would have been ADR'd, and will be for the extended version.

[Christopher Blake]

Very impressive. Good story, acting, editing. I like the idea you had originally about the interrogation scene, would have liked to seen that.
Great job - its going to stay on my computer for awhile! :)

[John LaBonney]

Great work!

On the whole, I think that this was very impressive and a massive undertaking. Another example of fitting a lot of story into six minutes.

The story is almost overly twisted to the end, it's a little difficult to follow a quadruple-cross all the way through. There's betrayal all over the place in this one! I was starting to look for a way for the cop to be crooked and to somehow be involved in the heist. While I though it was a little too much to follow, I did enjoy the story thoroughly.

I really liked the sirens and the shot with the guy in the car turning and looking through the window--it could have been just a tad more jarring. Maybe a hair of camera shake or the push-in could have been a little more rapid. Great shot of the guy in the phone booth making the anonymous tip; great color, great setting, and the actor does a great job there and I think throughout the show he stole the show acting-wise. Great sequence with the guy discovering he's got fake diamonds and blank paper for money. Lots of camera movement in the film which really adds some quality and professional.

Speaking of which the acting in this film was really good in my opinion, with the exception of the guy in the office. The sound there was pretty boomy there.

I have a few issues with the interrogation room scene; I've just seen way too many Law & Order episodes and have a certain expectation of the way those scenes ought to go. "Are you ready to tell me what I need to hear?" strikes me as a pretty weak piece of dialog. I thought that the scene started off a little slow and he cracked a little easy, but from the point the guy cracked forward it was pretty good. My two cents: for the 'director's cut', consider cutting a good portion of this scene.

I thought the editing was really good and this just had to be a really difficult film to edit. Way beyond my skill level brother. Well done.

I liked the robbery scene, especially outside after the shot, but I have to think these guys are real bunglers. Banks impresses me as a really cool and sharp thief, with a good criminal reputation and connections. Connected enough to be a guy that people call when they need a job done, yet his men don't wear gloves, and although they initially wear masks, they show their faces to the only witness (although they did deal with that issue), but it seems like they were just begging to get pinched. If they at least wore gloves I'd believe it a bit more.

Man, this was a really good entry, a big story to tell, and I think there are a lot of things done really well. My thanks to you because I did learn a lot from watching and critiquing this one.

Best of luck in the fest! Looking forward to your next one.

[Nemesis TS]

I haven't read other reviews and I don't have time for an in depth one at the moment. But, damn that was a lot to cover in six minutes. You pulled it off nicely. The thing that surprised me is the bad audio on the old guy. The rest of the sound seemed fine.

I thought this was great and the sets were terrific. The safe was awesome. This is been one of my favorites so far.

[seanmcleod]

Thanks so much John... With that first line of dialog I wanted to make the objective of the detective very clear. What I had in mind when I wrote it and what I kept telling the actors is that he has his version of what he thinks happened and he wants Banks to agree to it. He is not interested in finding out the truth, his interested in validating his truth, so with the time given I thought this would make it clear, though I guess it could have been worded more poetically or originally. And yes, the longer version will expand Banks indecision so he doesn't seem to break so quickly, but you are supposed to get the idea they've been at this for hours. Maybe I'll ADR a line in to establish that.

And if I'm being 100% honest with you, gloves were a prop that I simply forgot about cause they aren't talked about in the script, rather assumed they would wear them. But since I was basically wearing every hat in preproduction and before shoots I flat out forgot them for the shoot days. Haha, now that's honesty!

Glad you liked it for the most part and your points are all very valid, thanks for taking the time man, means a lot.

Thanks nemesis, the safe interior was CGI and I gotta thank Ramsaur for helping to make that shot work. The audio of the Heavy is addressed above but we didn't have enough time to ADR it, but we will for the full length, for sure!

[dougspice]

I'm skipping the other reviews to write this, so I'm sure I'm covering some of the same territory. But suffer through it! ;)

First of all, well done on cramming so damn much betrayal into 6 minutes! You successfully pulled off the one-two punch (betrayal! And then another betrayal!) that I wanted in my own film... kept it interesting and satisfying at the end. Some of it was a little hard to follow in the moment but it all works, and I can definitely appreciate the challenge. Now looking even more to seeing the longer cut! I really liked almost everything about the opening scene, especially the pacing and shot choices, so that made it all the more obvious that the later scenes were pretty rushed.

I don't generally like reviews that only focus on the technical, and I'm sure it's been covered, so I'll keep this as brief as possible. The sound with the diamond owner/mastermind*– it clearly wasn't at the same high level of quality as the rest of the film. The matting – I personally found the white/gray lines at the edge of the letterboxing a little distracting. The score – I wasn't a big fan of it... it didn't quite seem to suit what I was seeing a lot of the time. I do appreciate that it wasn't exactly what you'd expect from a heist movie, but I just don't quite think it hit the spot.

Your performances were all very solid – especially your lead. Good casting. I liked that these all seemed like essentially likable thugs, guys you could get to know. Although I gotta say I don't know why anyone would ever trust Lenny – everything he does from the very get-go is super suspicious!

Overally a well made film that I enjoyed. Looking forward to seeing the longer edit!

[seanmcleod]

The matting – I personally found the white/gray lines at the edge of the letterboxing a little distracting. The score – I wasn't a big fan of it... it didn't quite seem to suit what I was seeing a lot of the time. I do appreciate that it wasn't exactly what you'd expect from a heist movie, but I just don't quite think it hit the spot.


Thanks Doug, those lines are not something I put in, I think it's tech glitch with the matte I put in to the quicktime file. So my bad on that. The score is something I am going to half to rearrange. To be honest when I got back what the composer had down, I was a little disappointed, but it was my own fault. Not to say the music isn't beautiful, cause on it's own it's a fantastic piece of music, but I wasn't happy with the mood it set for the piece, and being that it's the same the whole way through it made the film feel smaller to me, like a scene out of a film rather than a film itself. I did not give the composer enough time or direction to do this so that's on me, but we will address it for the extended cut.

Glad you liked it overall though.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Hey Sean, just wanteed to drop you a note: FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC.

I'll e back with my full review later. Workign on some promo stuff right now, bbut just wanted to let you know how much I liked the film and that you pulled off the look and story fantastically.

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Rodney, looking forward to it, and re-watching your film to give you my (non 4am) 2 cents too!

[Homunculus]

VERY strong effort. the ADR was really bad though that's my only gripe. You can tell it doesn't match what they're saying on their lips.

However there were SEVERAL categories where this short was amongst the strongest of them all.

1. directing: very strong, excellent story telling, excellent shot composition.
2. acting: one of the strongest ensemble casts out of all the films. not really a single weak actor. everyone was from good to great. the main lead and the betrayer guy were particularly good.
3. story/script: one of the deeper and actually interesting/authentically done stories that I've seen so far. something I could see being on TV.
4. other than ADR which is something easily fixable (well sort of) the only other slightly weak part was the music. some odd musical choices and overall it just didn't stand out that well as underscoring the story.

[seanmcleod]

VERY strong effort. the ADR was really bad though that's my only gripe. You can tell it doesn't match what they're saying on their lips.

However there were SEVERAL categories where this short was amongst the strongest of them all.

1. directing: very strong, excellent story telling, excellent shot composition.
2. acting: one of the strongest ensemble casts out of all the films. not really a single weak actor. everyone was from good to great. the main lead and the betrayer guy were particularly good.
3. story/script: one of the deeper and actually interesting/authentically done stories that I've seen so far. something I could see being on TV.
4. other than ADR which is something easily fixable (well sort of) the only other slightly weak part was the music. some odd musical choices and overall it just didn't stand out that well as underscoring the story.

I'll agree with that, and we will be addressing those issues for the longer version, thank you so much for the encouraging words otherwise... I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Story: Holy betrayal, Batman! Lots to go around here. I knew when he handed him the cell phone in the beginning that he was the dude to watch. The extra betrayal in the end surprised me though. You bit off a lot in this one.

Acting: Pretty good. Some actors were better than others but overall it was pretty steady.

Technical: Pretty good. Sound was an issue in spots but overall it was good. The film was shot well and the framing worked nicely.

Maybe too much for a six minute short? Maybe not. You managed to swing it pretty well.

Nice work.

MAH

[dougspice]

Sean, just letting you know that I posted my script to my film thread*–*hoping you and everyone else will do that same! Would be fun to look at.

[seanmcleod]

Awesome Doug, gonna DL it right now and post mine later tonight! Should be a very cool exercise.

[Norm Sanders]

Hey Sean, I think you just got my highest marks yet. If this isn't a finalist, I'll choke.

Expertly shot, solid story line, and you just really filled up the time frame with meaningful stuff. The was pro in every sense of the word, in my opinion, and fit the theme of the fest perfectly as well.

If I were to have any critiques at all, it would be that the audio got out of sync some with the dialogue (playing this through Quicktime 7+ Pro ... but, I'm rendering right now as well, so POSSIBLY was on my end with system lag), and the exit would on Harry's head ... looked about the right size if that was the ENTRY wound, but the exit would will always be larger ... always, especially when dealing with the head.

Also loved your poster/graphics work, the BTS teaser shots, etc. Sooo pro.

Oh, one more thing ... was slightly confused on the VERY ending ... if The Heavy had actually betrayed them all, and if so, to what end & where were the real diamonds & money, but didn't effect me enough to rate this lower because of it.

[seanmcleod]

Hey Sean, I think you just got my highest marks yet. If this isn't a finalist, I'll choke.

Expertly shot, solid story line, and you just really filled up the time frame with meaningful stuff. The was pro in every sense of the word, in my opinion, and fit the theme of the fest perfectly as well.

If I were to have any critiques at all, it would be that the audio got out of sync some with the dialogue (playing this through Quicktime 7+ Pro ... but, I'm rendering right now as well, so POSSIBLY was on my end with system lag), and the exit would on Harry's head ... looked about the right size if that was the ENTRY wound, but the exit would will always be larger ... always, especially when dealing with the head.

Also loved your poster/graphics work, the BTS teaser shots, etc. Sooo pro.

Oh, one more thing ... was slightly confused on the VERY ending ... if The Heavy had actually betrayed them all, and if so, to what end & where were the real diamonds & money, but didn't effect me enough to rate this lower because of it.

That's so awesome Norm, thanks for the encouraging review! The audio issues we are definitely aware of and will take greater care in cleaning that up for the extended cut, and thanks for the advice on the headshot, we will adjust that for sure, didn't wanna go over the top, but if it's not authentic I want to do my best to make it so. My father's a graphic designer and my brothers a professional illustrator, so design work and an artistic eye is in the genes.

What the Heavy did was play two sides. He provided Banks with the means and incentives to rob this particular vault, which is where he stashed his stuff. He told him he wouldn't have his diamonds in the vault when they robbed it, but it would appear they were to the insurance agents. What he didn't tell Banks is that he tipped off a bunch of his diamond dealing friends to the scheme as well so they all took out their real diamonds and replaced them with decoys as well. This way the keep their merchandise, and also get reimbursed with insurance money as it would appear all their stuff was stolen. And obviously the criminals won't go to the police and say hey I was supposed to steal these diamonds but they pulled a bait and switch on me!

[Norm Sanders]

Ah, gotcha now, thanks. And yes, the exit wound is thankfully an easy fix, along with any audio sync issues, for you to send out to other festivals. It'll do well I'm sure.

For the exit wound, I just googled "Bullet Exit Wounds", and got this: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=bullet+exit+wounds&aq=0&aqi=g1&aql=&oq=bullet+exit&fp=91fa8dc8225f38ce

[Luis_]

dude what the hec! seriously!!!
This movie is ridiculous!!!
I am absolutely speechless!!!
The best I have seen so far without a doubt!
so good that it's not even worth mentioning the little details that I noticed...
wow,
wow,
wow,
********** <<<------- here's a few more! The thing didn't have enough! lol...
I'm ready to work with you guys...
this is my cup of tea! lol...

[seanmcleod]

Norm not sure which pick you like to, for some reason that link takes me to googles main page, if its the one of the girls cheek than yeah, a little messier for sure! haha

Luis... thanks a million man, great to here and very encouraging moving ahead!

[ChrisHurn]

Nice work on this. Nice story, acting, cinematography, score, sound, it was all very good. The interrogation scene in particular I really liked.
A really well put together film. I liked how you structured it, starting in the car. A lot to cover in six minutes but you did it really well. The bar has been set really high in this fest, and this film is right up there. Making a film that tells a story in six minutes and does it well is no easy task.

The good thing about this film is you showed us a lot, and it felt natural. The lady getting shot while the others are talking outside, that could have gone a different way, but you did it well and moved the story on. That slow push early on as the cops showed up then cutting straight to a close up in the interrogation room. That’s good stuff.

Sound was good! Definitely no distractions for me in terms of quality, it was all pretty clear and I didn’t stop to think about anything sound related, which is always a good sign.

Memorable Moment

The ending sequence. Really enjoyed the way you put that together. I especially liked how you went in for those really close shots right at the end – saving up the tension to the very end. Your actors really pulled through on this, great team.
Overall – really enjoyed this one, everything worked well. Good job to everyone involved! Congratulations.

[hoz]

wow! top notch!!!!!


loved it!

you guys rock! great story, great pacing, awesome acting!! so cool!

and you got a vault!!

even love the poster.

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Chris glad you enjoyed it! Your comments are truly appreciated and motivating.

Thanks Hoz, I'll pass on your compliments to the team. The vault was a great find because a friend of mine is converting an old bank into a vault. The interior of the vault was just a bare walled box, so we cg'd the safety deposit boxes in. Thanks go to Ramsaur for making that work!

[KKeller]

That is a lot to fit into 6 minutes and I think it felt a bit rushed. If you have a longer cut I think we would all love to see it.

[Chris Messineo]

Great film. Tons of style. I loved the cast. Awesome locations. Some of the highest production values I have seen in this fest.

This was a lot of fun to watch. It reminded of Guy Ritchie's stuff and if I had one complaint, I wish it was longer.

Very well done.

[dre83]

The recorded sound is good. That's already positive.

The shots are nice as well

Sirenes are coming from the left... breaks from the right.. little... confusing
They're also not close enough to have impact... it's like they're catching another guy a few miles away.

The dialogue of the old guy was less...Roomy and I think phase problems also.

In a way, not putting sound effects stuff gives it a compleet other feeling.

The betrayal part behind it is used more in films, but still... it's a nice story.

[Tunnelmen]

The titles were crazy good. I love the vault location and your story was nice too. I also feel like it could benefit from a longer run time. Great Job!

[MrSeth]

My critique for Cleaned Out
The story:
Story was solid. Very interesting.. reminded me of the Departed.

The acting:
Everyone did great. The lead really brought his character to life.

The camerawork:
Very cool.. nice choice of angles.

The editing:
Very smooth. The flashbacks were used very effectively

The sound and music:
The ADR might be a little off but the sound was clear. Loved the sfx of the gun shot.

Overall impression:
Cool. Very cool. I could see this as a feature

My favorite shot:
http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/719/screenshot20100309at856.png

[ZazaCast]

Really good film! I enjoyed the acting. The story was well written. The look & feel really worked for me as did the edit. I wasn't crazy about the music in the end.

Congratulations to the cast & crew on a job very well done. Solid entry!

[seanmcleod]

Yes time constraints are tough when you have a lot of story to tell, but we did our best to make it work. It definitely requires the viewers full attention as if you space out for even a small part you could get lost... but to me thats a strong suit, it demands the attention of the viewer.

Thanks for the comments and they're will be a longer version for sure to try to make some other festivals...

[jasonthewho]

Visually awesome, shot composure and selection were great.

Very nice story, love the way it's told and it all unravels.

Really good acting, especially by the con man (guy who takes the phone, etc).

Nice locations, props, costumes.

I feel like the old guy needed a more exciting, suggestive shot. It was a little too straight on to me, didn't give him an air of mystery or intrigue, which would have been cool.

I think what this really needed for me, and what kept it from working 100% for me, was a really effective score. Something that drives the action along and properly emphasizes the moment to moment flow. Did you have a composer? I see Post Sound listed, not sure if he's the composer. If not, I would definitely get in touch with one of the awesome composers around the forum, and have him put together something really awesome.

[seanmcleod]

awesome jason thanks!

[Hermn8r]

Nice story. Everything looked great and was told in a way that didn't reveal too much, yet kept everything engaging and interesting throughout. While the original betrayal was clear early on, the secondary betrayal was a surprise, so kudos to that!!!

The only critique I would have is "The Heavy"'s phone conversation didn't seem overly authentic to me. But those are tough to do, and it certainly didn't take me out of the story at all! Although I did have to watch the last 30 seconds again to pay closer attention to what he said. Then again, I think that had something to do with the great visuals- they distracted me in a good way!

Nice work!

[abdeziel]

Who is Kaiser Soze!? Obviously, the man behind the curtain with ties to the insurance company. I got a kick out of this you think you're watching a typical backstabbing and it's like peeling back the layers of an onion until you're stung hard.. great story. I liked the actors though I figured the guy being interrogated would make a good detective himself he has a little clean cut to him but that almost makes all the other criminals a little more.. shady..? by comparison. Really good job.

[seanmcleod]

Yeah Banks is a handsome devil abdeziel! haha thanks glad you enjoyed it. And Hermn8r those Heavy scenes were cut way down for time... with the longer version we'll be able to linger a little more and he has more dialogue which helps set things up in the beginning... might even re shoot that scene as I don't think it has the same dynamic as the other scenes we shot. Kinda flat. But glad you enjoyed it overall.

[Chris_Marrs_Piliero]

hey buddy... ok so your main actor was top notch... really liked him... didn't dig the cop doing the interrogation, but all of the other actors did a good job... dude, get a zoom h4n! that onboard audio for that old dude was killing me!!! ahhhhhhdhdfgdfgdfgdfgdf... good twists going on... overall you did a great job at telling a multi-layered story in 6 minutes... really solid...

[Rodney V. Smith]

Cleaned Out

Review: Love the title treatments. Great graphical skills there. And dude I gotta say it: excellent fucking movie. I enjoyed it all the way. Your shots were sharp and precise, well thought out and every single one informed us. There was no waste on ths film and I lOVE it. Any fan of the genre should get a kick out of this, especially with the multiple double crosses.

Story: Solid, well told. Everything was set up as naturally as possible and paid off in a satisfying matter.

Technical: Hah! You kidding me? I have to search to find anything wrong. Oh yeah, I;d wished for some wide shots in the interrogation room. Some of those would have been nice to see, at least once. Oh yeah, and you seemed to have some focus issues at times where it went a little soft then corrected.

Acting: Everyone was solid, looked the part and performed well. The detective had a few moments near the end where he felt a little lost and unsure of himself, but personally I just blame the director :grin:

WrapUp: Excellent fucking film. Good piece of work. One of my favorites.

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Rodney... The reason there were no wide shots of the "interrogation room" is because it was actually and art gallery. Actually to be more precise, and old car garage converted into an art gallery. So if you were to show the scene from a wide shot from where the camera position was, you would see a giant garage door. Anything wider on the two guys and you would see the angular walls of the gallery. Thats why I tried to cheat it with the birds eye view 2 shot, that served as my wide angle, and I shot all the dialogue from that angle, but when I got in the edit I wanted it to feel more like these guys were butting heads, really going at it so the tight semi-profile shots I used were used to help create a sense of opposition between the two. So a combo of practical and motivational reasons drove those shots.

The director is a hack and any perceived flaw in a performance falls squarely on his shoulders, I agree! haha

Thrilled you like it and I want to take a moment out to thank you personally for everything you've done in the fest. You were a great resource from the beginning from how to set up your thread right through to reposting how best to deal with the critiquing process. A lot of what you've done has been invaluable to a new fest participant like myself who wasn't sure how these things go exactly and so yeah, besides getting your own film in you still managed to do so much for the fest in general. So really and truly, thank you.

[stinkpot]

Man! Great cast of guys... they fit their roles perfectly. I really dig this film and my favorite part is the intro dialog in the car... it has a very pro feel to the way it cuts. I was hoping for a little more hardcore action based on the theme but otherwise, great job! Lots of good tech.

[Aaron Marshall]

= multiple double crosses done correctly, and cleverly =

One of my biggest pet peeves of this fest has been directors trying to jam too much story into a 5-6 min short. You did it, but the story didn't feel compressed to hell. I liked your use of the cell phone. That was very, "The Departed". The acting was well done.

Your poster and design work is the best I've seen out of anything. I want to save a large version of it for archival purposes. It looked like Death Proof.

Great work.

[seanmcleod]

thanks stinkpot! so happy you liked it.

and aaron glad you liked it as well. This was my jump off point for the poster... my brother had this poster a long time ago in a frame and I always really dug it...

http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/images/products/8/30418-large.jpg

[Brandon Rice]

Great Cast. Well shot. Some audio issues... and it was kind of a shallow storyline, in my opinion... however, this was, by far, the best straight "crime" type entry I've seen! :)

[seanmcleod]

Great Cast. Well shot. Some audio issues... and it was kind of a shallow storyline, in my opinion... however, this was, by far, the best straight "crime" type entry I've seen! :)

Thanks Brandon glad you dug it, would you be willing to elaborate on why you thought the storyline was kind of shallow?

[Chris_Keaton]

I liked this. It looked good and the story had a twist in a twist in a twist. Actually it may have been too many twists. I think it detracted a little bit from the real irony that he betrayed everyone for nothing. That's the punch and it kinda gets lost. But overall a great job!

[seanmcleod]

I liked this. It looked good and the story had a twist in a twist in a twist. Actually it may have been too many twists. I think it detracted a little bit from the real irony that he betrayed everyone for nothing. That's the punch and it kinda gets lost. But overall a great job!

but those are the only two twists... he screwed them but got screwed. Do you see something else as a twist?

[seanmcleod]

Well... that's that. Thanks to anyone who watched and rated the film. We're a little crest fallen around here but we'd do it again in a heart beat. Thanks again for watching.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Dude you put on a good show. Time to get on Withoutabox and check out what film festivals are you there tha tyou wanna play at. This is a solid film. So get it out there. Don;t make me come over there!

[hoz]

omg! i so agree with rodney! this film is terrific and you should be extremely proud!!

[Norm Sanders]

Yeah, I've got to echo the above sentiments ... I was EXTREMELY impressed with so many aspects of this film ... I mean, stuff in there I want to aspire to. So, I'm crest fallen as well to a degree, and really surprised this didn't make the top 10 ... but voting is an crazy animal, and can never really tell how or why something's going to come out.

Be proud of this film, and get it out to some other festivals, so you'll also have an IMDB credit on this & maybe you can do something even bigger with it.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Voting is a weird animal indeed and it's sometime hard to gauge what will make it into the finals. The taste of your average DVXUser is so wide and varied.. dare I say eclectic... that it's hardly a fair representation of the average viewing audience. Remember we're all filmmakers here so some of us prize certain aspects above others. Some are wowed by cameras, others by technical savvy... some by story and execution... there is no one set attribute that is valued over any other by absolutely everyone. And the same goes for your average viewing audience. So what flops here... well it might be a wild success out in the wild blue yonder.

have you set up your withoutabox yet? You can do it while you finish off that beer. now get to it man!

[Norm Sanders]

And this certainly didn't flop ... just for whatever reason got eeked out by a few other films ... or maybe even just ONE other, as for all we know this could be 11th.

And I could be WAY off base here, but I do tend to think that this audience is different than your general audience you'll find at a well marketed film festival (meaning one that's got more than just the filmmakers attending it). If you're making a movie for filmmakers, then you really have to cross your T's, dot your i's, and they'll STILL find something to quip about in the film, with a reflection here, some place they felt an extra beat of score could have been used, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But the general audience ... I'd say story is king for sure, and how it's told. Not that the DVXuser crowd takes story less into account, but we can certainly get muddled with other things technical, and will almost always look at (and judge) a film differently than the average movie goer that's simply wanting an escape ... an experience.

Anyway, I'm rambling. This film is solid.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Hah! I beat Norm to it. But he underscores my point.

now seriously: withoutabox. get on it. You can drink your beer and type. some on! let's get moving!

[seanmcleod]

Yeah thanks for the pick me up guys. I did feel I had a strong film and when I was watching the others I did see about a crop of 15-16 that would really be fighting for the top ten, but then some weren't even on my radar that ended up making the top ten. I am definitely going to set up that withoutabox but not before tweaking the film without runtime being a factor, fix some audio problems, redo the score, etc.

I guess all in all my first experience in the fest has been solid, just was really hoping to get a chance to really have my film looked at if it had made the ten. Anyways, I'm not the only sad sap tonight, 39 others filmmakers I'm sure wallow in the same disappointment. Oh well, thanks again you guys, means a lot, back to re-watching Band Of Brothers, and on that note, regardless of the next fests' theme, my entry will be a WWII film.

[chriscurl]

and on that note, regardless of the next fests' theme, my entry will be a WWII film.


Awesome, that's definitely on my to-do list at some point as well.

[MSpencer]

i think cause i've got two entries there's a bit less of people who are sad... i feel like you had a really strong film.. keep your head up... and just keep up the awesome work overall...

I can't wait to see what else you got..

[seanmcleod]

Thanks Matt, feeling down is now officially over... like Jay says, on to the next one...

[Blaine]

I think you did a good job telling your story but I think it also required that your characters weren't very smart. The cops didn't seem to bright as they overlooked the obvious. You lead character also took a long time to put things together. The guy who set EVERYBODY up seemed to have it together, though. Looks like he was the only winner.

The characters' intelligence level aside, I liked that you had so much going on in a six minute short. Kudos on that.

[seanmcleod]

So did you see the ending coming then?

[Blaine]

No. Like I said, you had a lot going on in there and that was good.

[seanmcleod]

Well thanks a lot, glad you enjoyed it. I only asked because obviously as the writer I don't think the cop is stupid, you gotta remember he doesn't know Lenny existed. So to me, he was a pig headed cop who had his version of what he thought happened, and he just wanted Banks to agree to it, not try to get to the truth.

And yeah it may have taken Banks a while to put it together, but Lenny set him up to believe it was Harry, then he hear's Harrys dead, so then he starts to think it was Lenny all along. In any event, it is a film so I wanted to let the revelations happen gradually, without losing the audience. That was the goal anyway.

[Homunculus]

wow, surprised this one didn't make it. Between this and "Dead Drop" being the two best 'gritty dramas' types of things, I felt like this one was much stronger on account of the better and more immersive story whereas Dead Drop has really good acting, I definitely would have picked Cleaned Out instead but hey...there were a few surprises like that, there's a few movies I would have easily put in top 10 and taken a couple out

[seanmcleod]

Thanks dude! I appreciate that, and I was kinda close, 12th place. In any event, happy a lot of people seem to dig the film, so I hope the longer more polished version for other film fests will get the same reaction!

[Stephen Mick]

A great first-fest effort, Sean. Looking forward to more from you in the future.

And congrats on winning a "Festie" (though you do have to share it with another film).

http://www.filmeveryday.com/2010/03/23/1st-semi-annual-festie-award-winners/

[Rodney V. Smith]

Cool! Does this mean he gets to add laurels to his poster and DVD?

[Stephen Mick]

Sure. Why the hell not!?!

[seanmcleod]

Got a new music video! Check it out over here:

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=210513