View Full Version : The Indispensable Chaucer
01-11-2010, 07:30 PM
TAGLINE: For love or studies?
We already shot, so be kind. :)
01-12-2010, 10:23 AM
Trickery more than betrayal that's emotionally connected. Most of the story read like prose instead of a script.
I would like to see more interaction with characters, let us get to know them, so we get invested in them.
Michael Anthony Horrigan
01-12-2010, 10:44 AM
This was quite an interesting read and I loved the reveal at the end. He really set her up. Had me fooled as well. Can't wait to see this one.
Definitely one of my higher rated scripts of the fest.
01-12-2010, 01:51 PM
Thanks Michael, just got BTS and screen grabs up if you're interested.
Charli, thanks for the the thoughts. I know the language is not a standard format, but I've found that it can help in getting an image or emotion across concisely. Especially when the story has very little dialogue in its exposition. Did I go a little nuts with it? I'm hoping the jury is still out on that. :)
Regarding dialogue, I'm sure it could have helped with characterization on a longer piece, but I wanted to tell the story visually first and foremost.
01-12-2010, 02:52 PM
Nicely done. A tad flowery in the descriptions, but it did not distract me from the story.
I was interested to see how it was going to turn out and I was rooting for him to get his book. Then when the reveal happens (you got me btw) I thought, you little b*stard.
There may have not been a real emotional connection between the two, but it was definitely a betrayal.
The time between when she gets the book and he finally approaches her, felt a little long. Even though that is kind of the idea, that it feels like an eternity for him at that moment.
You did a good job telling the story visually. I'm glad to hear your filming this, I look forward to seeing it. Good, solid script.
01-12-2010, 02:59 PM
Thanks, conlanforever. You'll be happy to know the section you mention should be shorter in the final piece. You're right, I wanted to convey the agony, you can count on readers/viewers to be only so patient though. We'll see how the final cut flows.
I'm glad everyone seems surprised so far, too!
01-12-2010, 03:09 PM
Catching anyone by surprise is no easy feat in these fests, when everyone knows the theme, well done.
Oh, btw...when I mentioned "You little b*stard" I was speaking of the character, not you. lol
01-12-2010, 03:13 PM
Haha. It would be fine if you meant me. :)
01-12-2010, 05:07 PM
You know, if it were me, and the beautiful girl I was planning to trick like this offered me her number to take another look at her stack, I would totally let her have the books.
This is why I did not graduate with anything like a 4.0. I also didn't get a look at... oh, never mind. :D
Seriously, it's a good script and should make a good film. The academic angle is a nice way to (hopefully) distinguish yourself.
01-15-2010, 09:09 AM
Nice work here. I really enjoyed the quietness of the atmosphere you created. Not an easy thing to pull off while maintaining interest.
Good old Ronny, a man on a mission. I didn't think he had it in him. I enjoyed being addresed in your writing, as the reader. It can be dangerous, bringing people out of the story, but you did it successfully.
The visuals were great but, agreeably, a little less flourish would strengthen the readers experience. See my signature quote... I have it to remind myself, because, I too am often guilty-as-charged! =)
I like the idea of the subtle surprise, when the "COUGH" occurs, a startle to the viewer/reader. Nice touch.
Very thoughtful work.
01-15-2010, 11:45 AM
Hi Jared, hust read your script.
Very nicely written, and as you have been making it I can understand putting more emotion and direction into it.
You got me with the ending, I never saw it coming. It was nice to see a different kind of betrayal in this Fest. Almost one of the softer kinds. But you managed to build the tension well.
I look forward to seeing how this looks on the screen. Well done.
01-15-2010, 06:33 PM
look forward to seeing this on the screen. I think you did a good job of keeping your audience in suspense and surprised by the 'how', we know he has to do something, but how does he get that darn book? You say even more about the character with your ending. Thanks for sharing!
01-15-2010, 06:46 PM
Marshall and Ben,
Thanks for your kind compliments! I can't wait to see it cut together either.
This is a cute story. I love the library setting and atmosphere you created. Looking forward to seeing it brought to life. Nice work. :)
01-21-2010, 12:36 PM
I really liked the way you set everything up with your use of action instead of dialogue. It really set the tone of the script so that once the dialogue did arrive, we were already right where you wanted us. I really liked how you wrote the girl. She really worked to establish a different turn of events had Ronny not tried to trick her. Good job with this script.
01-22-2010, 06:31 AM
Thanks Kenneth! Glad you liked the structure!
01-22-2010, 11:21 AM
I enjoyed it. You established atmosphere and character well without a lot of dialogue, nicely done. You have a very light but well executed betrayal. Looking forward to watching it and seeing how it all plays out.