View Full Version : Follow Me - FIRST FEST ENTRY

Ryan Paige
01-11-2010, 10:43 AM

01-11-2010, 10:56 AM
Welcome to the fold!

Rodney V. Smith
01-11-2010, 11:40 AM
Welcome dude. Good to have you. When are you starting production?

01-11-2010, 02:14 PM
Can't wait to see it!!

01-13-2010, 10:44 AM
Cool for taking the plunge.

01-13-2010, 11:28 AM
What kind of cast size you looking at? Anyone I might know?

Rodney V. Smith
02-03-2010, 09:31 AM
And you're linked: http://www.facebook.com/pages/BetrayalFest-2010/225675127076?ref=ts

Rodney V. Smith
02-03-2010, 09:40 AM
No worries, just make sure in the info section of your page you link back to your thread here on DVXUser, as well as linking back driectly to the BetrayalFest thread.

This thread: http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?p=1883425
Betrayalfest: http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/forumdisplay.php?f=196

ALWAYS link back to the dvxfest. You can include links to the DVXFest download page when the viewing begins. Remember up for grabs this year is the Audience Choice award that everyone can vote for. But don't just promote your film promote the festival. We'll all do the same.

02-03-2010, 09:54 AM
This is cool... Ryan, if you need any help... let me know...

Rodney V. Smith
02-03-2010, 09:55 AM
Sweet! How mysterious is she going to be? Better not have her too mysterious. I have a habit of dirtying up the women in my movies, blood, mud and other stuff and they all complain that for once they'd like to be pretty... wonder which road you're gong down...

02-06-2010, 09:59 AM
Awesome, good luck Ryan!

02-06-2010, 04:34 PM
Judging from your screen grabs, I like the idea of your story. There's a lot of mystery in following a trail of handwritten notes.

02-06-2010, 06:48 PM
I know you're from Plano, where exactly are you shooting?

02-08-2010, 11:03 AM
Congrats on the wrap...looking forward to the film!

02-25-2010, 10:59 AM
looking forward to it :)

Marlon Ladd
02-25-2010, 12:03 PM
Good luck.

03-02-2010, 05:43 PM
Welcome man!, Now I want to see robocop to find that building in your still :)

Chris Messineo
03-04-2010, 05:55 PM
Beautiful poster. Congrats on entering your first fest (this is only me second). I'm looking forward to your film.

03-05-2010, 09:14 PM
I like the concept and your poster looks great. Good luck with the fest!

03-06-2010, 08:37 PM
Hahaha, I wish I knew why she was doing what she was doing. If only he would've read the message sitting at a different angle. Oh, the red tip safety gun was funny. Overall I thought it was fun. Well for her mostly. :)

03-06-2010, 08:50 PM
You totally had me until the gun. I agree with Chris - some kind of clue as to what the girl was all about, otherwise, it's just a random chick killing off people.

I definitely like the light-hearted feel. I'd be kinda curious to see this with some foley.

Richard J. Johnson
03-07-2010, 05:41 AM
I agree with everyone else on this one. I enjoyed it other wise. nice job.

03-07-2010, 06:23 AM
Good, old fashioned, fun entry! From your grabs, I somewhat saw where it was going, but either way I liked it! Good times!!

03-07-2010, 08:52 AM
This was a great fun short, made me laugh. Well done.

03-07-2010, 09:17 AM
Good story. Great fun. I loved it :-)

03-07-2010, 09:57 AM
Simple and straight to the point... no effing around... I like it :-) we cheered when we saw dallas location.. at st paul station!!! I feel sorry for the guy character... I would have been a victim too... what can I say... I am just a regular dude!!! LOL
Picture and sound are great.. acting could have been better... when he got shot he didn't even jump.... and the gun .. yeah.. it took the reality out of it and a bit ruining the experience... but other than that.. it was a great effort!

03-07-2010, 10:49 AM
Very nice. Love the story line and loved how simple it was. Tell the story and get out. The only think i can say is i wish the gun didnt have the orange safety paint still on it and maybe if the guy would have made mroe of a attempted to look like he just got shot. Haha like everyone else has said that girl was beautiful I would have stood there looking dumb as well. Overall good job for the first fest. Better see you in the next one.

03-07-2010, 12:31 PM
I like how simple and short the story and film was. However, I do have to agree that I feel like I needed to know why she did what she did. I also felt that after he finds the girl the acting could have been better. His reactions to seeing the gun and then his dying weren't believable to me. Other than that you did a good job.

03-07-2010, 12:55 PM
Hey Ryan, I watched it and liked how you chose to do something really different. I can't say I've ever seen a short that involves a guy following notes to get shot, not in any shape or form. Definitely a first. So I think it was original.

On the first view I thought the story was a bit weak because we don't know anything about either one of them, so why should we care. Kind of like what some others have said, they wanted to know more. Then I realized what you were going for, and it's basically just a short two minute comedy. So I think when you realize it's a short comedy and don't overanalyze it as more than that, you see that the guy is excited when he sees the letter like he found some sort of treasure and he's on his way to collect it, when he turns the corner and sees her face, he seems excited. Thinking he's going to have a great time. Then she raises the gun and you see his face drop, which I laughed at. He's all like "alright!" to "ah crap, I'm going to die". I think the boundry on drama and comedy has to be further separated though a little so people don't overanalyze it as some sort of short drama...saying things like "I really wasn't feeling his emotional impact on when he was shot".

I think it would have been funnier though if it maybe wasn't a real gun. Maybe a paintball gun or something to really mess up his clothes. Then show him sitting back down on the bench in multicolors. Or if we heard him let out this really girlish squeel before getting shot, would really play into it being a dark comedy. The orange tip on the gun also pulled me out. Maybe you can cut before it's shown, like she raises it half way and then cut to his face again and him being shot. That faster cut would also come so quickly to the shot that he wouldn't have time to "jump" as others are saying. They are only wanting him to be startled because she holds the gun up for so long that they want a reaction. I also thought all the shots looked great, really professional and clean.

03-07-2010, 02:10 PM
I hate to be a buzzkill especially when I'm new here, but hasn't anybody seen the Kids in the Hall sketch that's exactly the same joke, but with the infamous Headcrusher waiting at the end of the notes?

I'll give the benefit of the doubt, and say if you're gonna have a coincidence with a comedy short, at least it's a coincidence with some of the best at comedy shorts.

03-07-2010, 03:11 PM
I liked it.
I wanted to see her reach in for his wallet or something and rob him before putting the note back though to have confirmation that, that's what she was actually doing robbing people.
If she was doing that at all...
But is cool not knowing because she could be doing any other thing like secretly eating human parts or selling them or something, so not knowing leaves it open for thought.
good stuff!

A nice pile of bodies piled up somewhere after resetting the note would have been nice touch for me... LOL......

nice work, congrats!

03-07-2010, 03:17 PM
Yep, as a composer, there's been a few times when I've winced after completing a project when I realized just where that melody or chord progression I used actually came from.

I actually love GoodLuck's idea of her having a paintball gun instead. Then the last shot could be a couple of guys with paint on their shirts running into each other outside the alley looking embarrassed and saying, "WTF?"

I can't find the KITH sketch online either. Looking at an episode list, I'd guess it's "Girls Girls Girls" from the opening of season 3 ep. 11 if that helps at all. I've got the DVDs so could pull it out and rip it for you if you like.

03-07-2010, 03:19 PM
I liked it.
But is cool not knowing because she could be doing any other thing like secretly eating human parts or selling them or something

You seem to be a little too knowledgable on this subject Luis. :Drogar-Shock(DBG):

03-07-2010, 10:20 PM
This looked nice. The music fit the piece well. I was interested to see where he was going and what he'd find. He he got there, well, the red tip took any seriousness out of it. The story never quite did if for me. It was so short it that if felt underdeveloped and when all was said and done I was left with a "so, what" feeling story-wise. As far as your visuals went, though, I thought you did quite well.

03-07-2010, 10:51 PM
wow, talk about taking the wrong path...

this poor guy didn't see that coming, and neither did I!

liked the opening shot and title screen with the bus passing through and nice job in filming his walk.

not sure about the story though, i think its just a bit too simple.

congrats on submitting your first film!

03-07-2010, 10:55 PM
Congrats on getting your first fest entry in! This is a cute little short. I absolutely LOVED the music – great job working with your composer – it added the necessary light touch to this.

Story wise it was short and sweet. I found it somewhat unsatisfying though – it felt more like a one-liner gag than anything else. That’s probably what you intended, so it may just be a matter of personal taste. I found the lighting a little flat, it would have been nice to lighten up your subject a bit to make him pop out a bit more.

Overall, it was reasonably well done. Thanks for putting it up!

03-07-2010, 11:50 PM
The whole point is that there is no point. The characters are supposed to be disposable; you're not supposed to care about them.In that case I guess you succeeded.

"seriousness" was used ONLY in terms of the toy gun and should not be confused with the idea that I thought the story should be taken seriously.

03-08-2010, 09:47 AM
it was a decent effort/production. Nothing in particular stood out as the best but it was a solid effort. It was obviously a bit short and I would have liked to see a little more effort taken in locations. For example it would have been a little more believable, set the tone,atmosphere better if the final location had a better set up and looked convincing like a place that someone could actually just stand there and kill people with a gun. I mean yes it had a fence and such but maybe a dark alley or something more..it still felt like they were right out in the open and that her just being able to shoot him out right would not have been realistic without people/police seeing/hearing it. Also some more effort in believability would have been nice in terms of either a pile of bodies or whatever 'device' you could use to indicate that this is something this woman does since she obviously 'reset' the game at the end by placing that piece of paper back on the bench, yet there didn't seem to be any indication of previous murders of this sort. The photography and such was good like I said it just needed a little more effort in setting the stage and being convincing. The music was strong and fit the quirky and slightly comedic nature of it.

Michael Anthony Horrigan
03-08-2010, 10:15 AM
Story: While I got it... I guess I thought it was a bit silly. Toy gun, etc... Hope that was intended.

Acting: Seemed fine.

Technical: I'm willing to bet that you shot the scene of him lying in the grass early on because as he was walking around he had a lot of dead grass on the back of his black jacket. :)
Music seemed to suit the mood quite fine. Editing was done well.

Good job for your first entry. Keep at it.

03-08-2010, 01:13 PM
Was that shot in our fair city of Portland?

Fun little ditty - but not for that chap. Killing for the simple pleasure of it I suppose.

John LaBonney
03-08-2010, 02:16 PM
A cute little story. I agree that showing a pile of previously shot bodies before she returns the note would have added some value to the bit. I think that editing wise, the cuts in several places come a little too quickly, and by lingering on the notes a little longer you could create a touch more drama.


03-08-2010, 06:07 PM
Quirky, fun film. Nice work on this, Ryan. Loved the opening shot and title.
Simple and to the point, I liked it a lot. Great piano score. Really quirky feel to it that works really well with the film.

Memorable Moment
This film was a bit short for me to pick out one moment that I thought worked really well, but in all honestly I think the whole thing was fun, and memorable.

Great work! I really am looking forward to seeing what you do next.

03-08-2010, 06:58 PM
While I agree that less is more I also believe that you have to tell the story within that concept. She likes to meet guys to their deaths I am not sure that qualifies
for betrayal since there's no emotional connection or any connection.

It was a very short, short film and I commend you for getting something out there.

03-08-2010, 08:31 PM
Good ending.

03-08-2010, 11:49 PM
I would have liked to have seen it extended with slower pacing and a more isolated location. Seemed a bit unbelievable in that setting. I liked the look and overall it was very well done.

Chris Messineo
03-09-2010, 11:00 AM
It was very cool to see another silent film in the fest (mine is one as well).

I really liked the simplicity of this. The ending is odd and unexpected, but that is also some of it's charm. I really liked the score too.

Well done.

03-10-2010, 12:21 PM
I hate to be a buzzkill especially when I'm new here, but hasn't anybody seen the Kids in the Hall sketch that's exactly the same joke, but with the infamous Headcrusher waiting at the end of the notes?

I knew something was ringing a bell.

This really did feel like a comedy sketch without the comedy. Look at Monty Python, they'd do stuff like this all the time, but always with some insane twist that made it memorable. "He's a newscaster reporting a funny story – but the camera pulls back and the news desk is on the back of a moving truck!"

Unfortunately you didn't have that. While I appreciate the simplicity in concept, I just needed more... or, better than more, something I haven't seen before instead of a gun and bang you're dead. As it is I couldn't tell how serious or funny this was meant to be. The toy gun complicates that issue.

I do admire your economy of storytelling, though. You got in and got out and didn't do anything you didn't need to. That's nice to see.

03-10-2010, 12:41 PM
Great job getting a film into the fest....you're on your way.
Looking forward to your next film!

03-10-2010, 06:06 PM
My critique for Follow Me
The story:
Very quick and to the point. Awesome!

The acting:
Both characters stayed on top of their character!

The camerawork:
Very solid and powerful camerawork

The editing:
Everything fit in perfectly!

The sound and music:
Liked how you made it a silent film. The music composition was very cool!

Overall impression:
Sucks what happened to him in the end but it wasn't predictable. I thought she would at least steal his wallet? lol

My favorite shot:

03-10-2010, 09:33 PM
Hmm... Ryan, did you delete all your posts? This review might be for naught.

Anyway, this was fun and simple. Visually it worked, and the music was appropriate.

I wanted more though. Either more backstory as to why did this girl pick this guy, or more of the twisty turny notes. He could have gone through buildings, seen a little note that said look up, then seen a note on the ceiling... there are a lot of creative ways you could have stretched the concept. Or if you went the backstory route, as he lied there dying, you could flashback to his last thoughts, the memory that explains why she did this to him.

Ben Sliker
03-11-2010, 09:09 PM

I'll echo jason's sentiment. fun and simple. of course, we know something's going to happen to him, and then he's dead! for some reason it brought a little smile to my face.

I also, was left wanting more, this felt like the 3rd act of a film, and not surprisingly, it was about a third of the max runtime. Are we going to see more?

03-11-2010, 09:12 PM
So when i finished the only question i had was.. really... she just shot him and is gonna do it again... man she doesn't even wait..

seems like it's like a weekly routine for her... tease... shot.. kill.. repeat..
the story was good and simple and a great betrayal.. just kindof quick to the point.

03-15-2010, 11:03 PM
Fun piece. Lighthearted enough that the insanely fake gun seemed to fit!