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DarkMatter
10-29-2009, 09:06 PM
Synopsis: The Bedtime Story is a horrific fairy tale focusing on the primal fears all children face when the lights go out and the monsters come out to play.....

Tagline: Good Night... Sleep Fright!

I have a couple of posters if you want to P.M. me and vote for the one you like best it would be appreciated.

Poster #1
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/15484/1256874380.jpg

Poster #2
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/15484/1256874440.jpg

Poster #3
http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/15484/1256874485.jpg


It's a miracle I was able to finish this.... My main actor stepped out which put me in that position as well as nearly every other role with a few minor but important exceptions. My bro. did a great rewrite of my script adding some much needed (and appreciated) changes. My wife (begrudgingly) Helped with some camerawork involving movement that featured my character and did a great job! She offered a unique eye of perspective to the film. Last But far from least my daughter did an amazing job acting! I'm not just saying that because I am her dad.... Wait I guess I'm last and least.... Don't laugh, I've never acted before and I'm sure it shows, having no other option I had to step in and do my best!... I may not be too attentive to this thread, because I am seriously behind on school work trying to get this finished and uploaded on time. Hope you like it!
~Kory Gregersen

DarkMatter
10-29-2009, 09:07 PM
Credits:

Starring

Megumi Gregersen as Baby
Kory Gregersen as Daddy and Closet Monster

Monster Costumer Julie Dietz

Written by Kory Gregersen and revised by Justin Gregersen

D.- of P. Kory Gregersen with help from Hiroko Shiratsuchi

Lighting Kory Gregersen

Directed by Kory Gregersen

DarkMatter
10-29-2009, 09:07 PM
Reserved For More!

DarkMatter
10-29-2009, 09:08 PM
One more....

Mood Niatrec
10-29-2009, 09:16 PM
screen caps look awesome. Looking forward to it.

ramsaur
10-29-2009, 09:18 PM
Wow you're posters are definitely big enough! I can't even see them on this 13" screen.

Michael Anthony Horrigan
10-29-2009, 09:20 PM
Holy crap! Smaller poster please. :)

Welcome to the Fest.

DarkMatter
10-29-2009, 09:27 PM
Ya.... Just realized they are Ginormous!

Fixing now!

Michael Anthony Horrigan
10-29-2009, 10:02 PM
Nicely done. :)

Matt Harris
10-30-2009, 10:42 AM
cool posters man, i like all 3. i hear you on production problems, half the battle is just getting the film completed and uploaded - congrats!

DarkMatter
10-31-2009, 01:37 AM
Just got done with some mind numbing school assignments!
Glad you like the posters!
Cant wait to check out all the entries, I always look forward to these Halloween fests!

Happy Halloween!
:eek::zombie_smiley::shocked::evil:

EditPhish
11-01-2009, 02:41 AM
I gotta ask, cause we all wondered when watching, how the hell did you scare the crap out of that kid so bad, cause that was REAL crying. Did you pinch her or something? LOL... Seriously, she looked petrified, and I wonder if you just happened to film her in the middle of the night crying, or if you did something to make her cry so bad. If that's acting, get the kid into the business... seriously!

Your monster was definitely one of the scarier ones in the fests, without a doubt. Very creepy... and it actually had some screen time. You get major props for that!

What you can do to improve is work on the editing. I found some of your cuts a little awkward, especially at the beginning.

Good work overall though :)

Brickhouse
11-01-2009, 09:22 AM
I'm glad you chose to show the monster. The creepy hands from the closet, right before the reveal. Damn, man. That was epic.

Denis Haineault
11-01-2009, 12:18 PM
Yeah the monster was quite good and the little girl was very believable when talking to the dad. As for her screaming/crying, well either give her an award, or someone call child services ...HA !

I agree with EditPhish; the editing seemed odd in the beginning during the dad/girl conversation. It just stood out (too much) like the two shots were filmed at very different times, then pieced together.

NOBELO
11-01-2009, 02:21 PM
Where did everyone get all these good child actors? It's surprising how many children have been in the fest but even more surprising is how well they are doing. This is no exception. Great acting from the little girl. Nice monster. Seemed to be a weird vignette that cut off portions of the screen. Was that intentional? I also thought the monster was pretty gnarly! Good job.

Pocusproductions
11-01-2009, 05:10 PM
Yeah the monster was quite good and the little girl was very believable when talking to the dad. As for her screaming/crying, well either give her an award, or someone call child services ...HA !

I agree with EditPhish; the editing seemed odd in the beginning during the dad/girl conversation. It just stood out (too much) like the two shots were filmed at very different times, then pieced together.


I think a few J cuts would have solved the problem.. I liked the film even without them though.

dahen
11-01-2009, 05:52 PM
I really enjoyed this short movie- the little girl in it was sooo believable!!!!! I thought the ending with the dad all scary and zooming out of the bedroom was a cool effect. Probably my favorite so far!!!

ewoknrock
11-01-2009, 06:58 PM
Just signed on dvxuser and got done watching your Monster Fest entry. I must say, I absolutely loved it. Very simple yet very gripping and super scary. To be honest, I usually don't even like monster in the closet type movies because they 1)never show the moster and usually do a poor job at building suspense and settle on glowing eyes or something in order to scare, or 2)they show the monster, it looks lame and everyone gets let down on the delivery. What I really liked about your flick is that you beautifully built suspense within the entire dialogue (the daddy/daughter talk was eerie and felt kinda surreal), that little girl was an unbelievably awesome young actress (How old is she anyway?), and the monster was truely evil (looked and sounded like something from the very depths of hell (Great job, not very easy to do)! Overall, Awesome! Keep it up, I really like your style. My only critique is that there wasn't more. Hopefully next time.

Charli
11-01-2009, 08:00 PM
This definitely was in the creep factor for me. It was a good story, but I'm not sure it was entertaining throughout.

I know it's hard to work with child actors but she did fine.

Still, you had a creep factor so good job.

DarkMatter
11-02-2009, 02:28 AM
LOL Ok, first things first! I need to state that my daughter has not seen the film that she starred in. That being said the screaming crying scene played out like this behind the scenes.

I asked her to pretend she is crying and relayed the scene to her, she agreed... So I stood there in my street clothes on some makeshift stilts (cause let's face it this creature is tall) With one of the long finger gloves on one hand and the cam in the other. I proceeded to walk towards her and bending down I reached for her with the glove. What happened next made me feel kinda bad; but was terribly effective. She poured it on..
It sent chills up my spine as I was recording; which wasn't very long cause, like I said, I felt kinda bad. I reassured her it was me, and asked her what was wrong. She wanted a hug! A few moments later she was fine again and we finished some other shots.

I think the great thing about kids is that they are genuine and honest. This makes them coachable, and pliable for acting. I doubt all kids are this way, and I really had to calm her down and wait for her to tire to get the right mood. She is really happy and animated most of the time bouncing off the walls with her little sister. It makes me tired just watching them play!

I get really tired of the cliche "less is more" when it comes to monsters, maybe for awhile it was effective, and it still can be if you set it up right. It started a trend, and numerous copies of the formula have been circulating. I think there needs to be a re-imaging as the genre as a whole and focus on what really scares people. It's definitely the most challenging genre!

Thanks for all the comments, and encouragement it means a lot!

Chris_Keaton
11-02-2009, 06:23 AM
Good job. I didn't, as a parent, like to see the child genuinely terrified. I didn't get the reason for mom to be dead or her mention at all. Did he kill her? Was she going to save the girl? I imagine you were adding some depth to the story, but everything needs a purpose especially in a 6 minute short. Loved the monster!

Cur
11-02-2009, 09:45 AM
I enjoyed it. The monster was truly scary. I also loved the opening/closing, it was unique yet it reminded me of something that would be in a late night television series. My only problem was the editing of the conversation that was already mentioned. It just felt weird and less "fluid" than the rest of the film.

overall excellent job.

Edgen
11-02-2009, 10:24 AM
Holy CRapolA! You scared the dark stuff from that little girl! I was oddly laughing, cause I'd probably do the same to my son when he's older. Make him be in a movie and then really bring some real stuff from him. :)

I loved how you actually had a monster and the monster was shown multiple times. Maybe one too many, but hey... who can resist that really cool slimy mouth shot with the teeth?

Thank you for sharing!
/j

Michael Anthony Horrigan
11-02-2009, 10:46 AM
Having a little girl who is a little bit older than yours... this movie bothered me a bit. She was genuinely scared. :(

That aside, you moved that camera really well and your monster effects kicked butt.
Just remember, sound is half the battle. Or as Herman would say, 99%. :)

MrFluffy
11-02-2009, 11:51 AM
Good monster effect.
You know the sound needs work, the panning was very distracting. The dialog was not delivered very smoothly so that needs work.
I was upset that the girl really seemed more scared than I've ever seen a child be in real life (and I have 3).

AmyO
11-02-2009, 12:00 PM
Poor little thing! I'm just as curious as everyone else as to the making of the screaming scene. It is entirely possible she's a good little screamer and had fun doing it. My 9-year-old daughter could earn her college tuition by recording screams for movies. I just have to trust that you were gentle with her.

The opening back and forth got a little repetitive for me. I could have used a two shot mixed in there. The father also was a bit "whiny" to me. I know he was probably trying to be soothing, but it came off as more condescending and whiny than anything.

But, damn that monster is freaky! Awesome job with that! Wouldn't want to wake up to that. Overall, the story was fine, and as Chris said, I would have like more explanation of the mom since you brought her up, but a nice little monster in the closet tale. :)

DarkMatter
11-02-2009, 04:14 PM
Sorry guys, it's gonna take me a little while to respond to everyone; but I do plan to! I'm in the middle of a couple big school projects so it's gonna take me some time!
Again thank you, and I will also respond to the other films when I can get to watch them.
~Kory Gregersen

Marlon Ladd
11-02-2009, 08:22 PM
Hey, Kory! I really enjoyed the film. The teeth were freakin' great and scary. You seem to be good and have a knack for bringing truly frightening stuff. My only minor critiques would be that I think you showed too much of the monsters face. The teeth I think would have been enough with the wide shot of the monster in the hood and then I wanted to see more OTS (over the shoulder) shots between the father and daughter. Other than that, the acting was good and kudos to the little girl. I also really dug the opening credits too BTW. Great to see you back. Nice work.

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:34 PM
Your monster was definitely one of the scarier ones in the fests, without a doubt. Very creepy... and it actually had some screen time. You get major props for that!

What you can do to improve is work on the editing. I found some of your cuts a little awkward, especially at the beginning.

Good work overall though :)

Thanks EditPhish between work and full time school it was a wonder that I actually finished in time!

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:39 PM
I'm glad you chose to show the monster. The creepy hands from the closet, right before the reveal. Damn, man. That was epic.

I'm glad you liked that Brickhouse, I think a good monster movie needs to build up the suspense and then break out the terror!

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:42 PM
It just stood out (too much) like the two shots were filmed at very different times, then pieced together.

Yeah... Actually they were, but only cause I basically had to do it all myself.:embarasse

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:48 PM
Where did everyone get all these good child actors? It's surprising how many children have been in the fest but even more surprising is how well they are doing. This is no exception. Great acting from the little girl. Nice monster. Seemed to be a weird vignette that cut off portions of the screen. Was that intentional? I also thought the monster was pretty gnarly! Good job.

I hear you on that. I didn't realize how many children were featured in these films till I started watching them. I was even more surprised at the great acting in most of them!
The vignette thing, was actually garbage mattes that I used to accent the lighting and composition. Thanks!

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:51 PM
I think a few J cuts would have solved the problem.. I liked the film even without them though.

I did my best to piece it together despite not having time for retakes, I was happy with the end result also. Thanks Pocusproductions!

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 12:52 PM
I really enjoyed this short movie- the little girl in it was sooo believable!!!!! I thought the ending with the dad all scary and zooming out of the bedroom was a cool effect. Probably my favorite so far!!!

Wow! Thanks dahen!:Drogar-Happy(DBG):

Blaine
11-03-2009, 02:26 PM
I'm beginning to think this is ChildFest! :cheesy:

You did an excellent job on your monster and some great screams from the Megumi. Child in jeopardy always runs the risk of the cheap scare, though.

I thought the dialogue sounded a bit over processed. Sounds like you had a noise issue recording this.

Overall, you did a good job on this and it moved along quickly.

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 11:37 PM
Just signed on dvxuser and got done watching your Monster Fest entry. I must say, I absolutely loved it. Very simple yet very gripping and super scary. To be honest, I usually don't even like monster in the closet type movies because they 1)never show the moster and usually do a poor job at building suspense and settle on glowing eyes or something in order to scare, or 2)they show the monster, it looks lame and everyone gets let down on the delivery. What I really liked about your flick is that you beautifully built suspense within the entire dialogue (the daddy/daughter talk was eerie and felt kinda surreal), that little girl was an unbelievably awesome young actress (How old is she anyway?), and the monster was truely evil (looked and sounded like something from the very depths of hell (Great job, not very easy to do)! Overall, Awesome! Keep it up, I really like your style. My only critique is that there wasn't more. Hopefully next time.

Wow Thanks! Don't rub my ego or anything :Drogar-BigGrin(DBG) I'm happy it came through to you the way I intended. My daughter is almost four years old and I agree she has potential. She is very confident, expressive, and animated for such a young child, and her sister is the same way. If you've see my acting, you know they definitely didn't get it from me! :-Laugh(DBG):

DarkMatter
11-03-2009, 11:42 PM
This definitely was in the creep factor for me. It was a good story, but I'm not sure it was entertaining throughout.

I know it's hard to work with child actors but she did fine.

Still, you had a creep factor so good job.

So... was it not entertaining throughout because it was too creepy, or because parts were dull, or what? :undecided

I'm glad it was creepy for ya! That was my aim. :shocked:

DarkMatter
11-04-2009, 04:50 PM
Good job. I didn't, as a parent, like to see the child genuinely terrified. I didn't get the reason for mom to be dead or her mention at all. Did he kill her? Was she going to save the girl? I imagine you were adding some depth to the story, but everything needs a purpose especially in a 6 minute short. Loved the monster!

I think the purpose for the mom mention in this film was to cover a couple things. First it was to explain why mommy wasn't there, and it also served to build a connection with the viewer with the characters. Too many Horror movies rely on scares, and gore alone and don't build repore with the viewer. This is a huge mistake in my opinion! If you just have sadistic scenes against people you don't care about it will make your film forgettable and you do the viewer a diservice. That's my feeling anyways~! Thanks for the review, glad you liked the monster.

DarkMatter
11-04-2009, 10:01 PM
There wasn't much of a story here, but the "monster in the closet" gag was very well executed. The monster looked wicked, which is always a plus.

Good short film overall.


What more do you feel the story needed? I realize it was short but I felt it covered all the bases it needed to. I really wanted the monster to be unsettling and creepy not only it's looks but it's movement as well. It seems to have been affective all around that puts a big evil grin on my face :evil:
Thanks!

jasonthewho
11-05-2009, 08:32 AM
You were the dad, right? I think your performance was the strongest thing about this film for me.

The monster was really well done too. The end was strong all around.

You had some interesting camera angles, but that vignetting was too much. If you're going to use a vignette, you should use it just to darken the corners, not bring them all the way to black. Just drop the opacity on those garbage mattes, and that should help significantly.

The sound was weak for me. It should flow, and not feel like abrupt cuts between every piece of dialogue, sound effect, etc.

Enjoyed it overall though! Looking forward to seeing more from you!

DarkMatter
11-05-2009, 04:43 PM
I enjoyed it. The monster was truly scary. I also loved the opening/closing, it was unique yet it reminded me of something that would be in a late night television series. My only problem was the editing of the conversation that was already mentioned. It just felt weird and less "fluid" than the rest of the film.

overall excellent job.


Thanks! The opening closing was kinda perilous, the jib I made was not long enough to make it to the roof so we climbed the roof and put the tripod at the edge near the gutter to get those shots. (Kids don't try at home) The jib was fun to make and use, I only wish I could have used it and the dolly I made more in this film. Maybe next time. Thanks for the review!

DarkMatter
11-05-2009, 04:57 PM
Holy CRapolA! You scared the dark stuff from that little girl! I was oddly laughing, cause I'd probably do the same to my son when he's older. Make him be in a movie and then really bring some real stuff from him. :)

I loved how you actually had a monster and the monster was shown multiple times. Maybe one too many, but hey... who can resist that really cool slimy mouth shot with the teeth?

Thank you for sharing!
/j

I should probably state again that actually scaring her was not my intention.... The footage turned out great though, and I wasn't about to put her through it again. I just used what I had, as it was highly affective... I'm still not convinced that she wasn't acting though... I only had a black glove from the costume on and my street clothes, I have no idea how that could create the response you see on screen; but it did. I think that when I told her to pretend she was scared she really got into it and created that response within herself. Either way it was truly chilling!
I agree that Alien slime is awesome, i had a lot of fun playing around with it and I intend to use it more in future films.
Thanks again!

Note:(She never saw the full getup, and even to this day, she hasn't seen the film)

DarkMatter
11-05-2009, 10:17 PM
Having a little girl who is a little bit older than yours... this movie bothered me a bit. She was genuinely scared. :(

That aside, you moved that camera really well and your monster effects kicked butt.
Just remember, sound is half the battle. Or as Herman would say, 99%. :)

The sound was a bit of trouble for me this time around. The new mixer combined with my mic had some issues and at the end of the day I probably would have been better off using the in-cam mic and fixing it from there.

I spent a great deal of time getting the monster how I wanted it, so I'm relieved that it was effective at the end of the day. Thanks!

Sprocketboy
11-06-2009, 10:53 AM
You have one of the best monsters in the fest. If not, "the best." Horrific as hell. I would have died from a heart attack if I found that thing in my closet. The technical merit of the shooting, sound and titles are bit weak, but not enough to not lower this gem too far down the ladder. The girl looked really scared. Very believable in that sense, but the earlier angles did not capture enough of her fear and apprehension. What can I say - your monster knocked this one out of the park. Thanks!

Rodney V. Smith
11-06-2009, 12:43 PM
You needed hell of a lot more J cuts and L cuts in this film. The back and forth rhythm really hurt the viewing experience. I really would have liked to see 2-3 more angles on the scene. Instead everything was done in closeup. Shot selection is integral in building tension.

That aside you had ultimately the BEST MONSTER of the entire fest.

I would have liked to have seen his journey getting back to the bedroom with the screams in the background. Instead its just fast cut that felt misplaced. Structure needs improvement in order to get the right amount of tension.

I don' think you need the fake ending and the "Bed time story" line just felt tacked on. The moment the monster emerges and we see it in full... THAT's your shot right there.

Instead we got a lot more monster shots which in the end lost efficacy because of overexposure. Work on your lighting as well. A lot of it was underlit as opposed to strategically lit to enhance the mood. Pay more attention to that kind of thing and you can increase your production value without too much effort.

Good showing though. Apart from those quibbles, a good entry.

ramsaur
11-06-2009, 11:54 PM
Cool monster! Pretty scary. Short little story but seemed fun to work with. Good job with the little girl.

TMerry
11-07-2009, 02:21 AM
This short was a fun project. The little girl looked genuinely scared (I think she was hee hee).
The dialge editing was distracting, lots of pops and room noise coming in and out. Tip: Next time make sure to record 30 secs of room tone in each setup so you can have it underlining the film when you cut to another scene where there is no dialog or a reaction shot set.

I really think that if you go back in and smooth out the rough spots on the audio/dialog track you will elevate the entire production value quite a bit.

The father seemed to have some good acting chops and was drawing off of some true emotions in his earlier scenes with his daughter.

Fun stuff, thanks for sharing!

DarkMatter
11-07-2009, 04:59 PM
Poor little thing! I'm just as curious as everyone else as to the making of the screaming scene. It is entirely possible she's a good little screamer and had fun doing it. My 9-year-old daughter could earn her college tuition by recording screams for movies. I just have to trust that you were gentle with her.


Lol, sounds like you should get your daughter into movies! My daughters make a game of screaming at each other and breaking out in laughter when those screams become deafening. I think she probably just got into the scene and started to believe it herself, giving us that chilling scene!
Thanks AmyO

ZazaCast
11-08-2009, 10:14 AM
Great job on the film. Best monster...love the mouth shot. Classic story that I'm sure we can all relate to (frickin' closets). I remember waking late one night and seeing the shadow of my clothes tree (which had a hat on the very top)...I couldn't move from my bed! Scary stuff.

Congrats to all involved!

Noel Evans
11-08-2009, 03:53 PM
Awesome on the monster. Had a small issue with your vignettes, bit overdone. And shot composition was a bit here and there.

But you did scare. Well done on that. Anata no musume kowaisou! If I did that I may as well by the shovel myself.

Good job.

kalaylababe
11-08-2009, 05:53 PM
Honestly, I have to say I am extremely proud of Kory!!! and his cute little daughter she did a great job! :laugh:Especially with the camera shots and lighting. Every shot really tied everything together. Set the mood. Now where do i vote....

DarkMatter
11-08-2009, 06:27 PM
Honestly, I have to say I am extremely proud of Kory!!! and his cute little daughter she did a great job! :laugh:Especially with the camera shots and lighting. Every shot really tied everything together. Set the mood. Now where do i vote....
Lol, I think you have to have at least 50n posts to vote! thanks though.

DarkMatter
11-08-2009, 06:35 PM
Awesome on the monster. Had a small issue with your vignettes, bit overdone. And shot composition was a bit here and there.

But you did scare. Well done on that. Anata no musume kowaisou! If I did that I may as well buy the shovel myself.

Good job.

Lol, my wife thought it was pretty funny! But then again she may be demented.... So do you speak Japanese or did someone tell you that phrase?
Thanks again!

DarkMatter
11-08-2009, 06:36 PM
Hey, Kory! I really enjoyed the film. The teeth were freakin' great and scary. You seem to be good and have a knack for bringing truly frightening stuff. My only minor critiques would be that I think you showed too much of the monsters face. The teeth I think would have been enough with the wide shot of the monster in the hood and then I wanted to see more OTS (over the shoulder) shots between the father and daughter. Other than that, the acting was good and kudos to the little girl. I also really dug the opening credits too BTW. Great to see you back. Nice work.

I don't know what to say... Thanks man!

DarkMatter
11-08-2009, 06:41 PM
I'm beginning to think this is ChildFest! :cheesy:

You did an excellent job on your monster and some great screams from the Megumi. Child in jeopardy always runs the risk of the cheap scare, though.

I thought the dialogue sounded a bit over processed. Sounds like you had a noise issue recording this.

Overall, you did a good job on this and it moved along quickly.

yeah, my mic. mixer to cam didn't turn out so well! I tried to fix it in Soundtrack but there was too much noise, and it ended up overprocessed. On the plus side It sounds better than it did :cheesy: Glad you liked our monster!

Noel Evans
11-09-2009, 05:32 AM
Lol, my wife thought it was pretty funny! But then again she may be demented.... So do you speak Japanese or did someone tell you that phrase?
Thanks again!

I lived in japan almost 4 years :)

DarkMatter
11-09-2009, 11:45 PM
You were the dad, right? I think your performance was the strongest thing about this film for me.
The monster was really well done too. The end was strong all around.
You had some interesting camera angles, but that vignetting was too much. If you're going to use a vignette, you should use it just to darken the corners, not bring them all the way to black. Just drop the opacity on those garbage mattes, and that should help significantly.
The sound was weak for me. It should flow, and not feel like abrupt cuts between every piece of dialogue, sound effect, etc.
Enjoyed it overall though! Looking forward to seeing more from you!

Thanks a lot! As for my part I think my acting was terrible ( I'm way too self-concious in front of the camera; I don't even like having my picture taken) I was really nervous, so I'm at least glad you disagree with me! :) The vignettes were a artistic decision, but I respect your input on the alternative.

DarkMatter
11-09-2009, 11:55 PM
You have one of the best monsters in the fest. If not, "the best." Horrific as hell. I would have died from a heart attack if I found that thing in my closet. The technical merit of the shooting, sound and titles are bit weak, but not enough to not lower this gem too far down the ladder. The girl looked really scared. Very believable in that sense, but the earlier angles did not capture enough of her fear and apprehension. What can I say - your monster knocked this one out of the park. Thanks!

Thanks on the monster comments, I tried to portray bit in the most frightening way possible. I'm not afraid to admit either in the same situation It would have scared the $&^! out of me. I think that may be what makes aspects of all films impactful; that we draw on our own experiences and others can relate on some level so it has an effect on us, and while we can't always relate to everyone, some things or ideas are universal.
Thanks for checking it out!

DarkMatter
11-10-2009, 12:07 AM
You needed hell of a lot more J cuts and L cuts in this film. The back and forth rhythm really hurt the viewing experience. I really would have liked to see 2-3 more angles on the scene. Instead everything was done in closeup. Shot selection is integral in building tension.

That aside you had ultimately the BEST MONSTER of the entire fest.

I would have liked to have seen his journey getting back to the bedroom with the screams in the background. Instead its just fast cut that felt misplaced. Structure needs improvement in order to get the right amount of tension.

I don' think you need the fake ending and the "Bed time story" line just felt tacked on. The moment the monster emerges and we see it in full... THAT's your shot right there.

Instead we got a lot more monster shots which in the end lost efficacy because of overexposure. Work on your lighting as well. A lot of it was underlit as opposed to strategically lit to enhance the mood. Pay more attention to that kind of thing and you can increase your production value without too much effort.

Good showing though. Apart from those quibbles, a good entry.

Thanks for the review and your insights, they are appreciated. Your ending idea I think would have worked well, (my last entry ended in that fashion) I wanted to try something new with this one, I also felt it needed some closure and (I kinda like the ending as it is). I appreciate the critcism on the technical aspects as well; dually noted. Thanks for the heads up!

lawriejaffa
11-10-2009, 06:20 PM
Bed Time Story actually has some grizzly and interesting elements at work here - and its frustrating because there is some great little nastiness going on here - that is sometimes pee'd on as it were by marked inconsistencies.

First we have the Nikolodeon style title for spooksville or something - about a group of multiculural tweenies (of various abstract primary colours) hunting for haunted easter eggs or something.

But no.... no at all! Instead we are confronted by a man - 'a man' that not only ANY child would be terrified of, but most mammals and cellular based audiences.

If a creepy bald man in black was sitting next to be talking in a low monotone voice with unblinking eyes telling me not to get scared in bed, (then i'd tell Chris Keaton to go have a shower.) But honestly!!!

So that is actually the most terrifying monster in this fest there and then!

But wait! Theres more!

Our poor child is a great actress (my god at least i hope she was acting) and you werent just threatening her with the films of Questfest or anything!

While the story is uttterly simple - its quite clear that this abstract (visually too though we do go overkill on vignette) has something different going on anyway. I like to think of a Lovecraftian influence and if thats not intended then it has certainly permeated from the miasma of popular culture to influence your monster depiction!

It's great, i think a slight occult subtext - in scene building, something to hint at something 'infernal' to suggest ever so slightly that we go 'er' - that this father and child relationship is anything but benovelent may lend the film greater purpose and dread.

As its stands, its a dark little ditty.