"Address unknown" by George Tabone

[Girgej]

Hi to all, this is my first short, so don't expect anything spectacular. These are a some pictures : Title, Photo (which story is based on) and Photo (of me during shooting)

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2435/3658862309_f1be8f0e6e.jpg?v=0
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3303/3658862495_219b818f58.jpg?v=0
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3338/3659659606_aee0a0108e.jpg?v=0

Synopsis : A man receives a letter from a girlfriend he had the previous summer when he was on holiday abroad, and sets out to go find her. The only problem is he does not remember where she lives.

Link to download Movie : http://www.dvxfest.com/questfest/index.php?id=3300555

Poster coming soon...

[Noel Evans]

Good luck George.

[kurtmo]

Welcome to the party!

[ZazaCast]

Welcome to the fest!

[Girgej]

Hey, Thanks for the warm Welcome....

Poster :

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3407/3662475932_7bf952a4bc.jpg?v=0

[Girgej]

testing signature ....

[Rodney V. Smith]

welcome in.

[RodThompson]

Did you film in Bahrain?

[Girgej]

eeh .. no, it was all filmed in Malta ...

[RodThompson]

eeh .. No, it was all filmed in malta ...

nice!

[stinkpot]

I like the poster. Welcome to the fest!

:beer:

[Robert Eldon]

Love the locations and the story synopsis. Looking forward to seeing your film!

[Girgej]

Hey, thanks ... looking forward to see all of your films too....

[Matt Harris]

Nice, clean poster, i like it. What did you shoot on, is that a DVX or HVX?

[Girgej]

Thanks for the comments, It's a DVX.

[Tim Joy]

Nice poster.

Congrats on a first entry!

[ramsaur]

It was really boring, too many zoom in and outs. The music was ok. You couldn't really say much to the acting. There was more camera and editing than the acting. It was an okay story. Just a guy trying to find an address, nothing exciting. Hope to see you improve on your next film :)

[Tom Marshall]

I lost interest pretty fast. There's really nothing interesting going on. The music is too repetitive and the 4 split screen was pretty distracting.

But since you say this was your first short film, it's not bad. Keep working on it and next time try and write a story that engages the viewer more. :)

[Girgej]

Thanks for the honest Analysis ... I will Definitely try to improve ... thanks again

[~jai~]

I really liked the idea for your film and thought you had some really nice shots. The 4 way screen was a nice touch and added to the craziness of him searching for this address/girl. My problem lies mainly in the beginning with him opening the letter. I didn't see any recognition or really any kind of angst about finding this girl/location again. He was kind of blank and that made me not really care if he ever found her or not. What was the reason for the calendar months changing? Why did he have to wait so long to go back? Also, the girl in the 4 way shot looks like she's on a beach, but he ends up finding a building. Did he find the wrong place? With your ending, I needed something more in the beginning or else I just feel like, "That's it?" Also, the score gets to be a tad too much at times. In the beginning it's a little too dramatic (I think if the payoff is in his expression or something this might not be that big a deal) and there are some dramatic switches to different music that were abrupt for what seemed like no reason.

Overall, I have to say that this was a very good short for your first attempt and the scenery/architecture is just beautiful. Good Job and thanks for sharing!

[Erik Olson]

I enjoyed the concept of this one. As a first effort, it works very well without the dialogue. The cinematography is rough with lighting on the interiors really making it look amateur. Little things like the pan and crop graphics work could be smoothed-out for better viewing.

Once he's on the ground, the camera work is a little more appropriate. Kind of the Bourne style. You used this to build more tension in the piece and I might've pushed it a little more. The shot of the girl in the swimsuit is a distraction - unless it is meant to be her?

Music really didn't work for me. Just too "library" / synth-heavy for my personal taste and it didn't cut into the film very well.

Locations were fantastic! Noticed that Dr. Henry Jones makes an appearance at 2:30 - sweet cameo!

e

[Girgej]

Hey ... first of all .. thank you very mush ... stopping and writing this ... I appreciate a lot.
On the Acting you're spot-on ... i had no actors and had to act myself ... and as you can see i'm a lousy actor ... obviously ... next time I will try to find actors at least ...
Now on the Girl in the split screen ... I didn't manage to get my idea across clearly ... (bad film making from my part ... will try to improve) ... but it was meant ... as he is walking / searching he is remembering her (from last summer) ... and at first she is totally blurred ... and the blur is reducing from shot to shot ... and in the last shot there is only a little blur ... sort of remembering her more...but obviously ... it wasn't done good enough as it was not understood...
As for the calendar you might be right ... it was an extra part (and maybe even it doesn't make sense) ... and on second thought it just does not add anything to the short ... and so it detracts ...

anyway ... thanks again .. for the thoughts ... cheers

[Brian Parker]

Not bad for a first film. Great location. You got some pretty interesting shots too. The music was kind of distracting but I get what you were going for. I understood the story so everything was cool with that. For a first film, I say not bad at all! Keep 'em coming.

[sean156]

I loved the locations you used, they gave the film a unique, exotic look. The editing techniques (i.e. the calendar/the split screen) worked well for me. They spiced things up. I personally enjoyed the silence of the short.

On the whole, I didn't think the short needed to be as long as it did. The protagonist spent the bulk of the film looking around, and we didn't get a satisfying enough payoff at the end. Also, some of the music seemed out of place and canny. A solid first effort. Keep on making movies!

[Tom Marshall]

Hey ... first of all .. thank you very mush ... stopping and writing this ... I appreciate a lot.
On the Acting you're spot-on ... i had no actors and had to act myself ... and as you can see i'm a lousy actor ... obviously ... next time I will try to find actors at least ...
Now on the Girl in the split screen ... I didn't manage to get my idea across clearly ... (bad film making from my part ... will try to improve) ... but it was meant ... as he is walking / searching he is remembering her (from last summer) ... and at first she is totally blurred ... and the blur is reducing from shot to shot ... and in the last shot there is only a little blur ... sort of remembering her more...but obviously ... it wasn't done good enough as it was not understood...
As for the calendar you might be right ... it was an extra part (and maybe even it doesn't make sense) ... and on second thought it just does not add anything to the short ... and so it detracts ...

anyway ... thanks again .. for the thoughts ... cheers

An idea for the shots of the girl... instead of having it blurred less and less, start by showing shots of her body at first, like her arm on his or something. Then, as you show more of her, show more of her body, like up to her chin for longer, then finally show her face at the end... :)

[Lawsuit_Boy]

This is an intriguing film on a number of different levels. I really like the idea of seeing this man seeking out a woman of great value in his life after being sent a photo of the two together. It's obvious that time has been spent apart from this woman, and the thrill of the chase, so to speak, is always one to pull a person in.

I think it's a very interesting approach to this kind of film to take essential shots and use them almost like still photos. It works in relation to the key element (the photo) in creating a scrapbook of the journey. This is obvious with instances like the months passing by on the calender and the following shots of an airplane and the "arrivals" sign. There are moments in the film though in which I feel as if sometimes, this might not be entirely intentional. This might just be a technical misfire somewhere in the actual editing or in the compression for web streaming. But, the truth is that it can be unsettling to some.

I also agree with others that the locations benefited the film exponentially. However, the cinematography itself doesn't quite lend to the warm, excitingly foreign terrain that the character explores. A lot of the images are washed and blown out while others are exposed well. What I DO like about the cinematography at times is that it's unassuming and inoffensive in the way that it reveals, quite simply, a man seeking a great friend/companion of his. Some of the shots really allow the locations to drench the viewer in a tangible reality of foreign curiosities and culture.

I really felt, though, as if the music had just too much precedence over the images the audience sees. There are solid shots within this piece, and I feel like a more subtle and deliberate score would have brought the film up to a new level; a bit of music that allows the audience to find a myriad of emotions and sentiments that one might possibly experience during a quaint journey to a different country.

In regards to editing to the pace of the music around the 3 minute marker, I wasn't quite a fan of that. It brings a lot of attention to the actual cutting of the film and detaches the audience a little. It worked with the calenders changing, but at this point, it just seems a little forced. Perhaps if there were just a few less quick cuts in this section, you could keep some of the cutting on the beats while still maintaining that sense of temporal ellipsis that elevates the anticipation.

I feel as if the split screen segment was a fine way to depict, in a short amount of time, all of the activities the character participated in from that point-on in order to find his destination. Keep in mind though (for future references, really) that split screen in four quadrants tends to overload the viewer if not done carefully. I didn't feel overloaded at all, but it's something that some filmmakers overlook when they use the technique.

The film does not come without hiccups (like the odd sound choice that cuts in and out when he finds her place), but it certainly knew where it wanted to go, and that's one of the most important things in filmmaking. Nice work. :thumbsup:

[AmyO]

Hard to stay with the film. I love silent films - I’m trying to get my students to appreciate them for their pure focus on visual storytelling. But this one meanders a bit much. It could use some overall tightening. Things finally pick up and get going at a good pace once he’s out and about with the map, and then we stay stuck in the four way split screen. I like what you are attempting there, but it gets too static. Try varying the size of the frames, move them around, have one pass on top as the other slides the other way on the bottom. We get that hectic, time crunching effect and it is more visually interesting. I like ending it with ringing the doorbell. The story is about the journey not the destination.

[Girgej]

Hey .. thanks for the Interest & Posts ... your comments / opinions vary a lot ... but that means a lot ... everyone found something they enjoyed / appreciated, obviosly this comes with the sad fact that everyone found a lot of things they disliked ... I don't think i will go back to edit on this one ... but will try and enter another contest and will try to improve on all the aspects you mentioned ... As a second effort (film), I will keep in mind all the faults / shortcomings you've mentioned ... so thanks a lot ... I welcome any new posts / comments / ideas ... so check me out again on any new production I might Upload / Share ... thanks again for your support ...

[DarkElastic]

Hi Girgej,

I can't really add much to the above comments. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed it and appreciated the euro feel. The music and the editing worked really well together, especially as he climbs the steps, and I think people aren't appreciating that euro style.
I agree that it could have been a little shorter, but still a very good effort.

[Susanne G.]

I like the concept and loved the view through Malta. I spent ones my holidays there and remembered some places. Your film began very interesting, but the part when he tried to find the address was to long for me and I missed a conflict in the story. I am intersting in to see what you make next time.

All the best

Susanne

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

First time filmmaker while also acting in it is quite a feat! Nice job on that. The journey was a little long and the music didn't really work for me. I did like the story that you were trying to tell in a silent manner. Very tough challenge to take on.

Keep at it! I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next.

MAH

[kurtmo]

I enjoyed this from a visual perspectives. Beautiful local. I thought the jump cuts in the same scene worked well. The handheld shots were a bit too shaky for me. I liked the concept, but overall it felt long. I think you could have done more with the story. The main character could have interacted more with others in his quest. Also, I would have liked more bouncing back and forward in time showing why this quest is so important. What happened on his vacation? Why did they not keep things going? I liked the music, it fit the mood, but the abrupt ends to the music distracted.

All in all a nice first piece. Visually enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!

[hoz]

first film! good job getting it finished! what happens when they meet again?

maybe you took too long showing every little move he makes, like taking off his jacket in the beginning, make that stronger! cut right to the chase. show them breaking up or her leaving him or whatever might have happened. something happened for him to want to be w her and something happened for them not to be together. make me care about why i want to see him find her.

congrats on your film!

[Girgej]

Hey ... thanks for the Posts ... and i will see and eventually review all the films int the fest ... so don't worry about thet ....

On the Ending - we had a lot of different options on the ending :
1 - He didn't find her
2 - She doesn't live there anymore and has no Forwarding address and now way to find her
3 - She is with somebody else
4 - She ia a totally different person
5 - and obviously ... He finds her and she is still thinking about him ....

... but the final choise was not to limit on one ending and leaving it open .. obviously it will be disappointing to some (an open ended Ending) ... but i think it can be more appresciated this way ...
... anyway just my point of view ...
... Thanks again for posting

[ZazaCast]

First film? Great effort! I won't repeat comments from above, but agree with most of them.

I have one question... why didn't he just get her cell phone number the first time he met her? :)

Congrats on getting a film in the fest.:beer:

[Girgej]

Yes ... this is my first film ... and i made a lot of mistakes during production (especially during shooting), and when I noticed these it was a bit too late (in timing I mean) ... so I had to work with what I already had.

Next time I will obviously / hopefully anticipate some of these difficulties and even though in the final product they might not be noticeable ... it will make the production easier / faster ... and not having to stop and wait for shots you didn't take and insert afterwards ... but anyway ... you learn by the mistakes... so I guess, I can learn a lot :-)

[Brian P. McQuilkin]

As said before -- a very good effort for a first film.
I think a little more tangible conflict in his trying to find the girl would have gone a long way. We have him wandering around for a long time, and you could have used that space to have thrown some other stumbling block in his way of finding her (maybe he gets mugged and loses the picture and is about to give up when at last he finds the street from the photo, etc.).
But overall it was good -- you have a good eye.

[RodThompson]

Bro, as a fellow first time film maker, let me just say don't sweat what you didn't know. That's the biggest thing I've had to come to grips with. Lol. You did what you could with what you had and rocked it! No one expects the BEST on your first time out, they just expect us to TRY our best. Which you did!

I also won't echo any sentiments, other than good job on your first film. Visually, you have a good eye. Throw that to an awesome story and you're set!

[keaseyb]

Nice first film. I agree with most of the above criticisms and compliments. Acting and directing, now that is hard. I'm like you, I learned so much my first time out and it is exciting thinking about the improvments that will be made on the next film. So keep it up and make sure there is another Next film.

[Girgej]

Thanks for the compliments, and honest comments ... And I will definitely try to have make my Next film ... thanks again ...

[Solomon Chase]

Nice and simple film. I liked the silent film aspect as I'm a very visual person... I made the same choice on "Nightlight".

A couple things things:
- The opening scene was pretty dark... could have used some lighting
- The plane scene is jumpy.
- The video is interlaced. Try to use "blend fields" option or convert to "progressive"
- Shoot more closeups and cutaways (although I know this is hard when your the actor)
- music choice could be better

Cool location and good first effort. Hopefully with you next project you can get someone else in front of the camera so you can do more work behind it! :)

[Sarah Daly]

Hey great first effort - lots of good stuff here!

From a story point of view - some tips - cut anything that doesn't push your story forward - if two scenes serve the same purpose, cut one. Although the shots where the guy is walking around searching for the place do create tension, try to build the tension with each new scene - maybe give him some kind of deadline - even just that it's getting dark, or put a new obstacle in his way as others have mentioned.

But all this can be learned and improved - considering you had such a tiny crew, and this is your first film, very impressive stuff!!

[Jeff Anderson]

Enjoyed this George, nice work.

I just made notes while I watched so I apologize if this has already been said -
lighting could be more dramatic in kitchen scene. Feels very flat.
The initial guitar score is nice.
The airplane/calendar sequence felt like it didnt fit with the pace and look and feel of everything else.
When he gets to Malta the score changes to something that feels to secret agent-ish, thought for a minute he was going to go all Bourne on us.
Feels a little slow as he's just walking around lost. Why not have something happen to him while he's out walking or at least let him interact with some other people - why doesnt he ask for help?
Liked the ending - glad we didnt actually get to see them meet or even know if it was the right place necessarily.

And congrats on your first film! Looking forward to seeing more!

[Fictionfeatures]

Cheers for a good short film to start out.
It seemed like the story was fairly slow. It just seemed like he was walking around town for the majority of the film. Definitely try to add some other plot points that create and maintain the audience interest as well as push the story forward. I like the simple concept but felt like overall it was a little flat. But again good first short and hope you take some of the advice here for your next short. Look forward to it.

[Girgej]

Thanks very much for all the replies. I will try to keep all this in mind in my future ventures. Most probably won't make it to the next fest, because I'm competing in a local Ad Contest. See you in the near future... and thanks again.