Pickles and Ice Cream - A Robert Eldon Film

[Robert Eldon]

Pickles and Ice Cream

"A valiant husband sets out to satisfy his wife's midnight cravings."


http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1286

A pregnant wife asks her husband to go out and get ice cream... and pickles.
Being her hero, he sets out on a quest, fraught with struggle, disappointment, and danger.
Will he seize his prize and return home to his adoring wife?

Cast

Valiant Husband: Zac Leger
Pregnant Wife: Jane Michelle Heller
Store Cashier: Holly Owen
Impatient Customer: Gail M. Christie
Robber 1: Aaron Dayton
Robber 2: Matt Whittle

Crew

Written and Directed by: Robert Eldon
Edited by: Robert Eldon
Director of Photography: Jaron Eldon
Sound/Boom: Aaron Dayton, Matt Whittle
Script Supervisor: Ciarra Johnston
Craft Service: Kelly Eldon

[Robert Eldon]

Production notes:

03.20.2009 Jason Ramsey polls for one of two fests. CrimeFest or QuestFest? I hadn't done a DVXUser fest in a while and thought QuestFest could be fun. Started thinking of ideas... just in case.

03.29.2009 After submitting the pitch, got the 'Go' from the 'Studio'. All I got was 'Go', so hopefully that's a good thing?

04.02.2009 Developed the story with scenes outline. Developing characters, locations, incidents.

04.03.2009 First Draft of the script in one night.

04.04.2009 Submitted script for review from trusted advisors. Got good feedback. Re-write, re-write, looking good.

04.05.2009 Calls for cast and crew. A little bit of location scouting today.

05.02.2009 Acquired one location. Not perfect for what I need, but will do in a pinch. Still looking for the lead male character.

04.17.2009 More location scouting. Finding it difficult to lock down a grocery store or market that will allow us to film. There are a couple of possibilities and I'm still hopeful.

05.09.2009 Still no poster. Waiting to lock down a location to shoot some stills for the poster. Storyboard and Shot List done today. Yay!

06.23.2009 Finished production today at 2:00am. Yesterday we filmed until 4:00am in the morning, but got all of the shots. The film gods were smiling on us. Now into post! Looks like we'll make it!

06.27.2009 Edit film down to 6 minutes exactly. Now on to sound. I'm still not 100 percent happy with the pacing of a few of the scenes, but it works for the 6 minute limit (which is still a good exercise by the way). Look for a little 'tribute' to one of the DVXUser Mods in a small scene. I'm know that working with some of the sound will be a huge challenge because we shot some scenes in a market with all of the freezer fans blowing. I had a similar challenge when I shot a short film in a florist shop with all of the coolers... and you can't ask the owners to turn them off. :)

06.29.2009 Sound finished. DVXUser leader added. Ready to upload, but it seems like there could be a little more fine tuning. I'll let it rest and upload in a day or so.

06.30.2009 It is done. Just uploaded the film successfully. Now, on to the 'Director's Cut' DVD version. I look forward to seeing everyone's film!

[Robert Eldon]

Screen Grabs

I won't be posting too many screen grabs that might give away the story.

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1300

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1299

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1304

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1303

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1301

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1305

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/picture.php?albumid=191&pictureid=1302

[Robert Eldon]

Reserved for other stuff

[Luis_]

oH MAN! my kind of movie sound like this one is going to be fun!
good luck!

[Rodney V. Smith]

welcome back into the madness...

[stinkpot]

This could prove to be one of the most harrowing quests of the entire fest!

Good luck and welcome to the fest.

:beer:

[mattspat]

hahaha sounds wicked man. Can't wait.

[fixitinpost]

Hard to go wrong with a title and logline like that... awesome. Looking forward to seeing it.

[Ryan E. Walters]

LOL! I love that title and logline! How true is that!!!

[Tom Marshall]

Robert! Good to see you entering this time around... Haven't seen you around here in a while...

[Richard J. Johnson]

Welcome!!

[Robert Eldon]

Robert! Good to see you entering this time around... Haven't seen you around here in a while...

Hey Tom, good to hear from you. I entered a film for LoveFest and Co-produced with Justin for TimeFest.

Lately, trying to weather the economic storm, haven't spent much time at dvxuser, but this seems fun. I may do two movies.:)

Are you entering this round? Or acting in someones flick?

[Tom Marshall]

I hear ya. I've been working a lot lately too... plus trying to get in shape. It's hard to make time for everything...

I'm trying to remember which one LoveFest was. They're all starting to blend together. :D

I'd like to do a bit of acting this time around. We'll see if it will happen or not. What I really need to do is do my own entry. I might have to...

[Robert Eldon]

oH MAN! my kind of movie sound like this one is going to be fun!
good luck!

I'm looking forward to it! Is this your first fest with DVXUser?


welcome back into the madness...

Yes, welcome to the 'puckthemadness'. Thanks for the welcome back.


hahaha sounds wicked man. Can't wait.

It should be fun!


Hard to go wrong with a title and logline like that... awesome. Looking forward to seeing it.

Yeah, title and logline says it all. The pitch went quick and easy. :)

[Robert Eldon]

This could prove to be one of the most harrowing quests of the entire fest!

Good luck and welcome to the fest.

:beer:

I could have titled it "The Harrowing Quest for Pickles and Ice Cream".

We'll see. It may not be just a simple night out to the market.

[Robert Eldon]

LOL! I love that title and logline! How true is that!!!

Ryan,

Have you had experience with this? Do you have a story to tell?

Thanks for the welcome. :)

[dsto]

You can't go wrong with this one!

[SMarston]

this outta be really cute.
good luck

[Robert Eldon]

You can't go wrong with this one!

Thanks for stopping by.

[Robert Eldon]

this outta be really cute.
good luck

Yeah, I hope so. My first thoughts were to do something 'epic', but the more I thought about it, how can you do 'epic' in 6 minutes?

Good luck with your production!:thumbsup:

[Robert Eldon]

Updated production notes.

I haven't posted production notes before, so I thought it would be a good exercise this time around.

[Robert Eldon]

Updated Signature Banner

[Chad_from_Chad]

Finally, something one can relate to. One of my favorite ideas so far. I'm definitely checking this one out.

[Robert Eldon]

Finally, something one can relate to. One of my favorite ideas so far. I'm definitely checking this one out.

:) Chad, I'm curious... how do you relate to this? Craving pickles and ice cream? Midnight run to the market? Pregnant wife?

Thank you for your encouragement!

[Brandon Rice]

Looking forward to this short! :)

[Mike Manning]

Hey Robert I sent you an email the other day..... did you get it?

[Robert Eldon]

Looking forward to this short! :)

Thank you Brandon. Are you in for this fest?

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Robert I sent you an email the other day..... did you get it?

Mike,

Got it! Just replied. Taking care of business first. Let me know if this something you'd like to explore and I'm OK if you want to go indi-indi. :)

[Robert Eldon]

Updated production notes.

Acquired one location. Not perfect for what I need, but will do in a pinch.

Still looking for the male lead character.

My schedule may also allow me to work on other QuestFest entries this time around.

Cheers to everyone making a QuestFest movie!:beer:

[Robert Eldon]

Still no poster. :(

Storyboard and shot list done.

[Tom Marshall]

Hey Robert, are you still looking for an actor?

[ZazaCast]

As I live & breathe... Tom Marshall reappears! Hire him.

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Robert, are you still looking for an actor?

Tom, good to hear from you!

We've narrowed the lead actor down to one of two guys. Fairly local. But, we're always 'looking'. :)

Are you looking for an acting gig? How far are you willing to commute?

[Tom Marshall]

Hey Robert,

I'd would like to do a little acting this time around. I had a couple things lined up for the last fest, but they fell through.

I can commute an hour or two, that would be just fine. You're just north of San Diego if I remember, right?

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Robert,

I'd would like to do a little acting this time around. I had a couple things lined up for the last fest, but they fell through.

I can commute an hour or two, that would be just fine. You're just north of San Diego if I remember, right?

Yes, about an hour north of San Diego and I work in Orange County.

If I can make time in the next two weeks, maybe we can meet? I'll PM you for additional information. Thanks Tom!

[Robert Eldon]

Updated Cast and Crew.

Still no poster. I'm waiting to get some photos of one of the locations. :)

Looks like we'll be shooting around June 21 -23.

[Edgen]

Robert, right back to ya! Lookin' forward to seeing your film.

/j

[Robert Eldon]

Robert, right back to ya! Lookin' forward to seeing your film.

/j

Thanks! I'm just hoping I can get it done in time! :) We're shooting this weekend.

[RodThompson]

Not leaving much time for post, are ye?

[Robert Eldon]

Not leaving much time for post, are ye?

Not much room at all, but today we finished production and I just finished an assembly/rough cut.

So, looks like we'll make it!

[Robert Eldon]

Finished production today at 2:00am.

Yesterday we filmed until 4:00am in the morning, but got all of the shots.

The film gods were smiling on us. Now into post! Looks like we're in!

I'll be able to post some screen shots in the near future.

[ZazaCast]

Congrats on the wrap! Looking forward to the film.

[Robert Eldon]

Congrats on the wrap! Looking forward to the film.

Thank you. Wasn't sure if we would make it...

And you're in? With all of the challenges you've had, this should be interesting! :)

[Robert Eldon]

Poster's up! Finally...

[ZazaCast]

Thank you. Wasn't sure if we would make it...

And you're in? With all of the challenges you've had, this should be interesting! :)

Yes... interesting...that's the word!:shocked:


...oh... and I like the poster! Nice job.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Nice poster. custom pic?

[Robert Eldon]

Nice poster. custom pic?

Thanks! The image for the poster was taken at one of the locations, so yes, custom.

[Robert Eldon]

Could be in trouble. I have a rough cut of the film at just under 8 minutes. I'm finding a few seconds here and there to cut, but I don't know where I'm going to find 2 minutes to cut.

If I can't cut this down, I may have to go exhibition (with the film that is). :)

[Rodney V. Smith]

Dude if I can get my 12 minute edit in under 6 minutes, so can you. Start looking for repetitive dialog, bits that drag on too long.. stuff like that. But most importantly get feedback from other people not even close to the project (those friends on facebook may finally have a purpose) and listen to what they like or don't like about the film. Then you'll start seeing how you can shape the scenes.

Right now you;re probably still very attached to how it was written and you can't see past that to what you actually have in the can and the story you're trying to tell. Dose of pserspective and you'll be just fine.

[Solomon Chase]

Dude if I can get my 12 minute edit in under 6 minutes, so can you. Start looking for repetitive dialog, bits that drag on too long.. stuff like that. But most importantly get feedback from other people not even close to the project (those friends on facebook may finally have a purpose) and listen to what they like or don't like about the film. Then you'll start seeing how you can shape the scenes.

Right now you;re probably still very attached to how it was written and you can't see past that to what you actually have in the can and the story you're trying to tell. Dose of pserspective and you'll be just fine.

I agree.. my rough cut was over 8 minutes. Took a break, came back and cut it down to 5 mins, 50 seconds... had to lose a good portion of a scene, but the story still works.

[Robert Eldon]

Posted some screen shoots on the first page.

[Robert Eldon]

Dude if I can get my 12 minute edit in under 6 minutes, so can you. Start looking for repetitive dialog, bits that drag on too long.. stuff like that. But most importantly get feedback from other people not even close to the project (those friends on facebook may finally have a purpose) and listen to what they like or don't like about the film. Then you'll start seeing how you can shape the scenes.

Right now you;re probably still very attached to how it was written and you can't see past that to what you actually have in the can and the story you're trying to tell. Dose of pserspective and you'll be just fine.

Well, I started out with an assembly/rough cut at around 9:30. Then, I've got it down to just under 8. This same thing happened with my Horrorfest entry. I had to basically cut out a scene, and the story/pacing suffered greatly.

What's really interesting to me with this film, is that it is somewhat of a comedy, and the timing and pacing is real important. So, I can cut a few seconds here and there, but we'll see if I can get 2 minutes cut out.

I'm taking your advice and going to have some trusted associates look at this.

Thanks!

[Robert Eldon]

I agree.. my rough cut was over 8 minutes. Took a break, came back and cut it down to 5 mins, 50 seconds... had to lose a good portion of a scene, but the story still works.

Yeah, been there. :)

I can't help but take a break and I can only work on this at night, so we'll see what new perspective I have tonight.

Thanks for the encouragement!

[Robert Eldon]

OK! I've got it down to 6:04. I've had to take out some major comedic dialog, but if you don't know it's there, well, then, you don't know. :)

Now to get out the X-acto and trim the wee little bits more to get it down to 6:00 with 1 frame of credits.

[Robert Eldon]

Edited to 6 minutes exactly. Now on to sound! Looks like we'll make it one way or another.

[Noel Evans]

One of the things that helped me be under time, was I told Alex when he was doing the script that we needed to get a full story in and be around 4 pages. So out of curiosity how long was your script for this one?

Im glad you could cut in places that wont be missed.

[Robert Eldon]

One of the things that helped me be under time, was I told Alex when he was doing the script that we needed to get a full story in and be around 4 pages. So out of curiosity how long was your script for this one?

Im glad you could cut in places that wont be missed.

Noel, my script was 5 1/2 pages, although some of the 'action' was like:

Husband sits down at the table with a sigh and a pause. He stares into the distance.

That one line is about 5 - 10 seconds of film! :)

How did you do with your 4 pages?

[Robert Eldon]

Production notes updated.

Sound is done. DVXUser leader added. I think it's ready for upload!

Do any of you get to the point where you're done, but you feel like you could do more? It just never feels like it's 100% done.

I'll upload in a day or two. Best of luck to everyone! :thumbsup:

[Robert Eldon]

Just uploaded. Woo hoo! There's no turning back now!

What a satisfying feeling to 'push the button' and then get the 'DVXUser Successful Upload' message.

I look forward to seeing everyone's films!

[Edgen]

congrats on the upload Robert! Looking forward to seeing your film!

/j

[Noel Evans]

How did you do with your 4 pages?

With the initial read through I figured about 5 minutes, and if you exclude a small title opener I added, I came in almost right on the money.

Congrats on the upload! Look forward to watching.

[Robert Eldon]

congrats on the upload Robert! Looking forward to seeing your film!

/j

Thanks, and to you too! I look forward to your 'unique' film. This will be fun!

[Girgej]

Sounds Interesting and Quite Different ... Good Luck ...

[Robert Eldon]

Sounds Interesting and Quite Different ... Good Luck ...

Thank you. As I mentioned, I look forward to seeing your film. The locations alone look cool. Good luck to you as well!

[Tim Joy]

YUM!

Sounds tasty. Looking forward to it.

[Robert Eldon]

YUM!

Sounds tasty. Looking forward to it.

Seriously, have you tried pickles and ice cream? I bought some (for props and photos) and my wife and daughter were trying it and said it was pretty good!

I gave it a try... and it was... interesting to say the least. :)

[Jeff Anderson]

You know I could actually see that working out - the ice cream kind of cooling off some of the bite of the vinegar maybe?? I still dont think I'll be trying it out... Looking forward to seeing this none the less Robert, good luck!

[armisiano]

I really quite liked this film. I hate to say it, but there's ONE thing that would've benefited this production more than any other hands down. Good actors. No one likes to hear it, but it's true. Shoot it the same, light it the same, everything. It was simple, it was cute, it was fun and funny, but it was only funny conceptually, it would've been TRULY funny had the same material been in the hands of better performers. All in all good work.

[ramsaur]

This one was a good little film. Some good humor flowing around it in. I liked this one.

[Noel Evans]

Really liked this simple, humorous story. It built nicely through to the muggers. Nice work.

[Solomon Chase]

The "robber" scene was funny, but acting was flat and it seemed like the scene had more potential for humor. Very simple and cute film, and well shot. :thumbup:

[Robert Eldon]

You know I could actually see that working out - the ice cream kind of cooling off some of the bite of the vinegar maybe?? I still dont think I'll be trying it out... Looking forward to seeing this none the less Robert, good luck!

Jeff, it may have to do with the saltiness of the pickles? Have you ever had french fries and ice cream or french fries and a chocolate shake? Yum! I think it's the salt! :)

[Robert Eldon]

I really quite liked this film. I hate to say it, but there's ONE thing that would've benefited this production more than any other hands down. Good actors. No one likes to hear it, but it's true. Shoot it the same, light it the same, everything. It was simple, it was cute, it was fun and funny, but it was only funny conceptually, it would've been TRULY funny had the same material been in the hands of better performers. All in all good work.

Thank you for watching and thank you for your specific thoughts.

[Robert Eldon]

This one was a good little film. Some good humor flowing around it in. I liked this one.

Thank you for stopping by! :)

[Robert Eldon]

Really liked this simple, humorous story. It built nicely through to the muggers. Nice work.

Noel, thank you for your kind words.

[Robert Eldon]

The "robber" scene was funny, but acting was flat and it seemed like the scene had more potential for humor. Very simple and cute film, and well shot. :thumbup:

Solomon, thank you for your thoughts. I found subtle humor to be very challenging. Do you have any advice for the direction or the acting in that scene specifically?

Thank you for the 'well shot' comment and the 'thumbs up'. I will pass that on to my son who DP'ed the film.

-Robert

[Susanne G.]

I like the idea of the story and the enormous package of ice cream and pickels. Especially when he runs against the other man to get the last pickel glass - this scene I enjoyed very much. Very entertained film, but I could see the end coming. So I missed a bit the attention.

I never was pregnant, but I think I can exactly imagine this appitite :Drogar-Happy(DBG):


Susanne

[Robert Eldon]

I like the idea of the story and the enormous package of ice cream and pickels. Especially when he runs against the other man to get the last pickel glass - this scene I enjoyed very much. Very entertained film, but I could see the end coming. So I missed a bit the attention.

I never was pregnant, but I think I can exactly imagine this appitite :Drogar-Happy(DBG):


Susanne

Susanne,

Thank you for the comments. I'm glad you liked the story. I especially like the way you've worded your thoughts in your best English. :)

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the reference to a DVXUser moderator in this film? We'll see.

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Fun movie. Been there.

Framing was a little tight in spots during the opening couch scene. The drive to the first store was great. Loved the pickle face-off and the robbery bit. Saw the ending coming long before it happened but it was still good.

Nice little gem in this one.

MAH

[Robert Eldon]

Fun movie. Been there.

Framing was a little tight in spots during the opening couch scene. The drive to the first store was great. Loved the pickle face-off and the robbery bit. Saw the ending coming long before it happened but it was still good.

Nice little gem in this one.

MAH

Michael,

Been there? I'd love to hear about it? Thanks for the expanded compliments.

I've been hearing that viewers 'saw the ending coming'? Did you anticipate that the wife would be asleep or that he would 'sample' the pickles with ice cream?

Thanks again for your review! :)

[kurtmo]

I enjoyed this piece. I liked the concept. I really enjoyed the muggers, they were a lot of fun. Some things for improvement: Audio and a bit of work on pacing. I liked the pace when he was in the car, but I kinda wanted to see his impatience a little more.

Overall a solid piece. Thanks for showing!

[ZazaCast]

Great little short! This was an enjoyable watch. The story was well thought out and written, actors were believable, good cinematography, sound worked, really nice job. I've lived this story, so it really hit home for me!

Congratulations to the cast & crew. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

[Brandon Rice]

Hey Robert!

I enjoyed this short, it was very cute and charming :) Technically it was quite proficient as well.

I felt you could have drawn some more laughs out of the film, but it would possibly taken away from some of the charm. :)

Good work! Thanks for the watch!

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Michael,

Been there? I'd love to hear about it? Thanks for the expanded compliments.

I've been hearing that viewers 'saw the ending coming'? Did you anticipate that the wife would be asleep or that he would 'sample' the pickles with ice cream?

Thanks again for your review! :)LOL! Just the late night run for odd food choices. My wife craved meat late at night, cooked but almost raw. I thought we were having Rosemary's Baby there for a little while. :)

The only thing I saw coming was that she would be asleep.

Once again, nice work. :beer:

[Robert Eldon]

I enjoyed this piece. I liked the concept. I really enjoyed the muggers, they were a lot of fun. Some things for improvement: Audio and a bit of work on pacing. I liked the pace when he was in the car, but I kinda wanted to see his impatience a little more.

Overall a solid piece. Thanks for showing!

kurtmo, thank you for your comments. Very observant of you regarding the pacing. To get the film to fit the 6 minutes, I had to cut and trim in areas where it affected the pacing. My director's cut (for DVD) is almost 8 minutes and I think the pacing is much better.

I'm working a lot on the audio. I learned a lot from previous fest's about audio and there was an excellent DVXUser thread posted recently by NOIZ2 (I think) about audio layers that was very helpful. I'm basically having to strip out the dialog from the market scenes, clean it up, then put in the dialog layers with some market 'room tone'. It's quite a challenge. :)

Thanks for watching!

[Robert Eldon]

Great little short! This was an enjoyable watch. The story was well thought out and written, actors were believable, good cinematography, sound worked, really nice job. I've lived this story, so it really hit home for me!

Congratulations to the cast & crew. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

ZazaCast, thank you for your comments and compliments. I appreciate your individual comments for the different attributes of the movie.

So now I'm curious, you've 'lived this story'? I always considered this kind of story a cliche', but am finding out that it happens more often than not. What's your story?

Thanks again for the comments! :)

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Robert!

I enjoyed this short, it was very cute and charming :) Technically it was quite proficient as well.

I felt you could have drawn some more laughs out of the film, but it would possibly taken away from some of the charm. :)

Good work! Thanks for the watch!

Brandon, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Wish I could have enjoyed yours (I will later I suppose?)

This was the first time I tried a comedy and it's said that comedy is very difficult. I tried to balance the comedy of circumstances and reaction without being too goofy. You made an interesting comment regarding more laughs but maybe at the expense of some of the charm. That was the challenge!

Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I appreciate it. :)

[Robert Eldon]

My wife craved meat late at night, cooked but almost raw. I thought we were having Rosemary's Baby there for a little while. :)


That is too funny! Thanks for sharing! :thumbsup:

[Tom Marshall]

Hey Robert, I liked your short. It was a cool little story - well written too.

Technically, nothing stood as as being an issue (though I don't usually notice stuff like that anyway). And I'd also like to give a kudos to your son for doing a great job on the lighting. :beer:

[Girgej]

Hey Good job .. very Cute / Lively story ...apart from the non surprising ending (his wife was asleep) ... funny western moment ... Keep it up ...

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Robert, I liked your short. It was a cool little story - well written too.

Technically, nothing stood as as being an issue (though I don't usually notice stuff like that anyway). And I'd also like to give a kudos to your son for doing a great job on the lighting. :beer:

Tom, thanks for watching! Thank you for the writing compliment. I'll pass on the 'great job' to Jaron. :thumbsup:

[Robert Eldon]

Hey Good job .. very Cute / Lively story ...apart from the non surprising ending (his wife was asleep) ... funny western moment ... Keep it up ...

Girgej, thank you for stopping by and adding your comments. So many people have said the ending was no surprise... I'm surprised! Maybe, there is some satisfaction in knowing the ending?

Thank you!

[Brian Parker]

Nice concept. Acting was very natural. Perfect locations. Good sound and production. I enjoyed your work. Good job.

[Robert Eldon]

Nice concept. Acting was very natural. Perfect locations. Good sound and production. I enjoyed your work. Good job.

Champloo, thank you for the nice comments. Everything that you mentioned, I tried to focus on and learn how to do better.

The sound was a challenge for the grocery store scenes because of all of the freezers and fans. I used SoundSoap to clean up the sound as best I could, and then put some 'room tone' layers of audio from the market back in.

Thanks again! :)

[hoz]

well done. cute funny story. that was one tough looking cashier. nice showdown in aisle 3. the stick up men were good too- only thing i'd say different is to maybe not have the lead repeat what just happened to him - i did like it when he said the joke about highway robbery though. real nice touch when you flickered the light off at the closed store too. good attention to detail.

congrats!

[Brandon Rice]

Brandon, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Wish I could have enjoyed yours (I will later I suppose?)

This was the first time I tried a comedy and it's said that comedy is very difficult. I tried to balance the comedy of circumstances and reaction without being too goofy. You made an interesting comment regarding more laughs but maybe at the expense of some of the charm. That was the challenge!

Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I appreciate it. :)

You bet Robert!

Hopefully you'll be able to get out to our final shoot day (Aug 1) and we can finally meet :)

[Robert Eldon]

well done. cute funny story. that was one tough looking cashier. nice showdown in aisle 3. the stick up men were good too- only thing i'd say different is to maybe not have the lead repeat what just happened to him - i did like it when he said the joke about highway robbery though. real nice touch when you flickered the light off at the closed store too. good attention to detail.

congrats!

Hey hoz, thanks for the comments. Believe it or not, the cashier was also pregnant! I don't know that you can tell in the shots, but she is. I thought her reactions were really good. I wish I could have put more of her expressions in that scene.

'showdown in aisle 3', ha! that's funny. I should have had them say that over the PA system.

Regarding the lead explaining what happened to him, I didn't write all of that dialog, instead, I just wrote 'he rambles on about his adventures that night'. The scene was actually supposed to be shorter, but his rambling and ad lib (highway robbery) and the robbers reactions were worth taking that scene longer.

Thank you for the compliment regarding the attention to detail. We put a lot of effort into the detail.

Speaking of detail, I still can't believe that no one has noticed or mentioned the reference to one of our own DVXUser Mods? It's kind of an 'easter egg' in the film. Anyone?

Thanks again for your comments. I appreciate it! :)

[Robert Eldon]

You bet Robert!

Hopefully you'll be able to get out to our final shoot day (Aug 1) and we can finally meet :)

Oh? Hey, yeah, maybe I could make that final shoot. So you have one more shoot day to finish the film? Is that why it wasn't entered in time? Is it just pick ups' or some scenes that you couldn't get to?

Keep in touch! Thanks!

[stinkpot]

Great short (as stated in many comment before this one). My question is how did you go about acquiring the grocery store location?

:beer:

[DarkElastic]

Hi Robert,

This was a nice short. I was lucky both time with my missus that she didn't really have stange cravings, just anything that was in the cupboards...
Really nicely filmed, good acting, good script, excellent showdown, would have been better if you had more time to expand on it as he gets the jar a little easy.
I wasn't too impressed with what the robbers were wearing on their faces, you missed a chance to do something funnier there I feel.

Overall, a good short. Good work.

[Robert Eldon]

Great short (as stated in many comment before this one). My question is how did you go about acquiring the grocery store location?

:beer:

stinkpot, :)

Ah, the grocery store location. The grocery store was a key component of the story. I don't think I would have done the film if I didn't have the store location.

I actually wanted three different locations, so when I started location scouting, I started with the major supermarkets in my area. Needless to say, after talking with the 'right' person, I had to contact corporate and basically got the run around. So, I set my sights on some local independent markets.

I originally had written that the husband drives up to the convenience store and they put a 'Closed' sign out in the window. But I found this small market with a neon 'Open' sign, and that worked so much better. I approached the owner about doing a small scene with his store, let him read the location release, and he insisted that he get a copy of the DVD (he had done this before, and the filmmakers didn't provide a promised DVD). The owner was very accommodating and we shot that scene about a half hour before they closed. The night shift manager allowed us to turn off most of the neon beer signs and he also turned the neon 'Open' sign off at the appropriate moment.

My son is also a filmmaker and he had shot a short film a couple of years ago and remembered this independent store in a beach community about an hour from our home.
I contacted the owner who was VERY accommodating, set up a meeting, provided the location release for his review and he let us shoot at night while the store was open. The store has a loyal local community of customers, and there was a 'buzz' about us filming there, so it created some interest for his store and maybe a little more business than usual.

The store was bigger than a country market, but smaller than a supermarket. The aisles were narrow and the shelving was high. It was perfect for how I envisioned the scenes. They also had a long freezer section. So we shot the scenes that were suppose to be in two markets in just the one.

I apologize if my answer is too long, but if it weren't for the generosity of these two independent store owners, the film would not have been made.

I also have a philosophy as a producer that 'it can't hurt to ask'. :)

Glad you enjoyed the film and thanks for asking!

[Robert Eldon]

Hi Robert,

This was a nice short. I was lucky both time with my missus that she didn't really have stange cravings, just anything that was in the cupboards...
Really nicely filmed, good acting, good script, excellent showdown, would have been better if you had more time to expand on it as he gets the jar a little easy.
I wasn't too impressed with what the robbers were wearing on their faces, you missed a chance to do something funnier there I feel.

Overall, a good short. Good work.

DarkElastic (I'll ask you about your user name later),

Thank you for watching the film and thank you for your comments! 'Both times'? So you have two?

Thank you for the nice comments on specific areas of the film. I did have a thought that the pickle jar would 'slip' out of their hands and we would see it tumbling in the air in slow motion, then the husband catches it before it hits the ground, but that was too dangerous and complicated. I even had a 'stunt' jar of pickles! (an extra jar just in case) :)

Do you have some ideas on what else I could have done with the robbers? I'd love to get some more thoughts and learn for my next film. :thumbsup:

Thanks again!

[DarkElastic]

Yes, two mate, a girl of 3 and a half and a boy of 22 months.

A stunt jar, brilliant. Obviously more time with a film would have given you more to play with, but what you have is good. I just need to find something to improve on.

Without taking time to really think about the comedy of the robbers, you could have done something political, like Point Break; something funny like small masks just covering their eyes, like in the old days, or a mask depicting some female cartoon character, He could be being mugged by the one character who would never mug anyone, etc...
Just something more than a hat with eyes cut out of it... I did kind of like the old stockings though.

[Robert Eldon]

Yes, two mate, a girl of 3 and a half and a boy of 22 months.

A stunt jar, brilliant. Obviously more time with a film would have given you more to play with, but what you have is good. I just need to find something to improve on.

Without taking time to really think about the comedy of the robbers, you could have done something political, like Point Break; something funny like small masks just covering their eyes, like in the old days, or a mask depicting some female cartoon character, He could be being mugged by the one character who would never mug anyone, etc...
Just something more than a hat with eyes cut out of it... I did kind of like the old stockings though.

Congratulations on your two children!

Ha! Yes, I like your ideas. We had considered the masks like the ones used in Point Break, but my wife said those are too scary. :) I like the small eye covering masks idea. Female cartoon character... hmmm, that would have been funny! Thanks for the ideas. I'll have to get more feedback on my script next time.

Thank you.

-Robert

[DarkElastic]

Thanks mate,

You know it is a small thing, I just thought you missed a good opportunity. I think it is one of those things that need to be thought of when you have your locations, your actors, etc. It might be quite hard when you just have the script... I suppose experience and comments on past work is the only way you will catch these situations.

Good luck.

[dsto]

Nice wam look. Good idea. Good locations. I ike the lead. He had a "normal guy" look that was cool...

[Robert Eldon]

Nice wam look. Good idea. Good locations. I ike the lead. He had a "normal guy" look that was cool...

dsto, I appreciate your observation about the lead. I was looking for a "normal guy" look and found it with Zac Leger. He's also a musician (aren't a lot of actors?) and he can have a 'hard look' as well. I also wanted someone with a quiet disposition, so that we might feel sorry for the guy. I thought he fit the part very well.

Obviously, the story takes place late a night, so his wardrobe was sweat pants, simple T-Shirt and flip-flops. :) Simple and ordinary.

Thanks for watching and commenting!

[Fictionfeatures]

I liked the wardrobe and art design you used, it did give a very "average joe" feel to the film. I really liked the concept and I'm sure it's something that anyone who has been around a pregnant woman can relate to. From a audio perspective I noticed that the first store he went into to get the ice cream that his audio buy the freezer sounded really manipulated like you tried using an EQ or hum remover to get rid of the fridge buzz. Since his audio was being heard while you were using an OTS on the ice cream you could have just recorded his dialogue during post and mixed it with nat sound from the fridge. From a cinematography perspective I notcied that you had flickering from shooting under the flourecent lights in the first super market, and there isn't much you can do about that, but just something to be cautious of.
Having said that I enjoyed the short and especially liked the ending.

[~jai~]

The title says it all! A very cute film that found it's way to the end with a few bumps along the way. I have to say that I really did like the film mostly, but wanted more of a sense of possible failure. There didn't seem to be any real desperation to him finding what he needed (which I think would have added to the comedic element). I didn't really get the comparison of the ice creams (as he supposedly was searching for her favorite and the two he pulls out are in no way similar). I also wanted more of a struggle to get the pickles before the other guy. The robbers at the end missed in my opinion and could have been taken out or amp'd up (such as them grabbing the pickles, getting stopped by cops, husband sneaking in to get pickles without being seen, etc.). I do realize that you only had six minutes, but I feel like some of the jokes didn't work and could have been taken out to make some of the better ones funny. Overall though, I liked your film and thank you for sharing!

[richke]

Just checked this out. I thought the shooting/lighting/sound were top notch. It had the professional I look for when I try shooting, but I'm not quite there yet.

So good job there.

The story I thought was okay. Maybe it just ins't my thing but I just thought it was okay. It flowed very well but the subject matter has been done and done again so iut felt a little bland to me.

Good luck to you!

[Robert Eldon]

I liked the wardrobe and art design you used, it did give a very "average joe" feel to the film. I really liked the concept and I'm sure it's something that anyone who has been around a pregnant woman can relate to. From a audio perspective I noticed that the first store he went into to get the ice cream that his audio buy the freezer sounded really manipulated like you tried using an EQ or hum remover to get rid of the fridge buzz. Since his audio was being heard while you were using an OTS on the ice cream you could have just recorded his dialogue during post and mixed it with nat sound from the fridge. From a cinematography perspective I notcied that you had flickering from shooting under the flourecent lights in the first super market, and there isn't much you can do about that, but just something to be cautious of.
Having said that I enjoyed the short and especially liked the ending.

Fictionfeatures, thank you for commenting. You've got a good ear! In the initial shot of the freezer section, I did not need to modify the audio, but yes, for the OTS and dialog, I did. The freezer section in the OTS shot was actually in a different part of the store. I used noise reduction to get to the dialog only and then added a layer of 'room tone' audio of the original freezer section. I would agree that the dialog sounds a little 'digital' there. :)

I did not notice the 'flickering' fluorescent lights. I'll have to take a look at it again.

I'm glad you enjoyed the short and the ending. Thank you.

[Robert Eldon]

The title says it all! A very cute film that found it's way to the end with a few bumps along the way. I have to say that I really did like the film mostly, but wanted more of a sense of possible failure. There didn't seem to be any real desperation to him finding what he needed (which I think would have added to the comedic element). I didn't really get the comparison of the ice creams (as he supposedly was searching for her favorite and the two he pulls out are in no way similar). I also wanted more of a struggle to get the pickles before the other guy. The robbers at the end missed in my opinion and could have been taken out or amp'd up (such as them grabbing the pickles, getting stopped by cops, husband sneaking in to get pickles without being seen, etc.). I do realize that you only had six minutes, but I feel like some of the jokes didn't work and could have been taken out to make some of the better ones funny. Overall though, I liked your film and thank you for sharing!

Jaimyon, thanks for watching! I tried a different route and instead of desperation, he was tired and frustrated. His frustration finally peaked when the robbers confronted him, and he wasn't bothered, but just gave up ('awww come on!) and then went into his rant about the whole night. The robbers were then disarmed and went on to 'greener' pastures. :)

Thank you for your comments and in-depth analysis.

[Robert Eldon]

Just checked this out. I thought the shooting/lighting/sound were top notch. It had the professional I look for when I try shooting, but I'm not quite there yet.

So good job there.

The story I thought was okay. Maybe it just ins't my thing but I just thought it was okay. It flowed very well but the subject matter has been done and done again so iut felt a little bland to me.

Good luck to you!

richke, thank you for the technical compliments. I understand the story not being 'your thing'. I'm the same way about my likes and dislikes! :)

I thought the story had a familiar feeling and wasn't sure if it had been done before, but I thought that it fit the 'quest' theme very well. My first story ideas were of a medieval quest, but I couldn't figure out logistically how to pull that off in 6 minutes.

Thank you for watching and thank you for stopping by!

[Noel Evans]

Coming to LA?

[Mike Manning]

Hey congrats on your film, I just checked it out. I haven't been keeping up with the thread so forgive me if my notes have already been voiced...

I felt like you didn't take the idea far enough. I mean, I think you could have gone more over-the-top with it than you did. I don't have specific ideas for you, but I just felt that in general, the stakes weren't high enough...given the scenarios presented. And while there was an escalation to the different events... despite their absurdity, it felt like there were missed opportunities for something BIGGER. He has to pay the cashier in change... but fortunately he had enough. There was one pickle jar left...and the other guy wanted it... but he let him take it (i love the "married" line though, that was hysterical!). The muggers tried to mug him... but they just let him walk away.

I just felt like each scenario was a missed opportunity for something greater.. and instead settled for just good. And it is GOOD.. by the way. You did an excellent job and undoubtedly will make it into the top 8 or 10 or whatever it is. Congrats on a job well done!

[Robert Eldon]

Coming to LA?

Noel, I'll probably be going. I live about an hour and half south of L.A. I haven't RSVP'd yet. Making room in my schedule.

Maybe we'll see you there?

[Robert Eldon]

Hey congrats on your film, I just checked it out. I haven't been keeping up with the thread so forgive me if my notes have already been voiced...

I felt like you didn't take the idea far enough. I mean, I think you could have gone more over-the-top with it than you did. I don't have specific ideas for you, but I just felt that in general, the stakes weren't high enough...given the scenarios presented. And while there was an escalation to the different events... despite their absurdity, it felt like there were missed opportunities for something BIGGER. He has to pay the cashier in change... but fortunately he had enough. There was one pickle jar left...and the other guy wanted it... but he let him take it (i love the "married" line though, that was hysterical!). The muggers tried to mug him... but they just let him walk away.

I just felt like each scenario was a missed opportunity for something greater.. and instead settled for just good. And it is GOOD.. by the way. You did an excellent job and undoubtedly will make it into the top 8 or 10 or whatever it is. Congrats on a job well done!

Hey Mike,

Thanks for watching and thanks for stopping by. There have been a number of comments about how I could have gone further with the gags, etc. I was trying to balance between the comedy of the circumstances without going over the top or making it seem like 'goofy' comedy.

I did write this with the 'escalation of different events' in mind. There were basically four obstacles (with some subtle ones in between) that I wanted to show within the 6 minutes. Perhaps, I should have had fewer obstacles and expanded on the ones left in? Good comments, thanks!

This is one of those situations where I think a collaboration, even with the writing, would work real well, especially for a comedy.

I really appreciate you taking the time to watch and review and I appreciate your comment about the top 8 or 10. I was informed that this film ranked #10! So I made it into the Top 10, but alas, they are only screening the top 8 finalists. :)