Hitoribochi - "Alone"

[warau]

Well, my week can't get any worse so I am throwing my hat in the ring. I have been planning to jump in last minute with a film or two but my editor has a new job and may not be available and my cameraman is probably not going to be helping either. Cool, I'm in!

Chances of a film finished by the deadline - %90. Chances of a WATCHABLE film - %50, up it to %70 if the editor is on, %90 if the cameraman shows.(Hey, I am nothing if not an optimist!)

Plot: A "hikikomoro" (see definition below) loses his last friend and makes the first step toward the outside world. Christian theme.

Hikikomori - a term for a person who seldom to never leaves his house, relying on parents for support. Many were victims of bullying or abuse in jr-sr high. This is a pretty large problem in Japan at the moment. One concern is what happens to them when their parents die. Some of them have literally not left their house in 15-20 years.

Equipment: shooting with a DVX100b and letus 35, Rode NTG1 straight to camera

I have never used either so if the cameraman doesn't show...this becomes an "experimental" film. :)

[warau]

Production Notes

February 8
First day of production. Everyone met for a short rehearsal and to rewrite on scene, then off to shoot the first scene. Major issues with lighting in a small hallway.

February 3
Almost finished with shooting schedule, should finish 99% on Sun, 8th and Wed, 11th. Fumiyoshi Iseri will play the part of Michihiro but is only available to me on the above mentioned 2 days. Cody Permenter will be editing starting the 14th so that is the cutoff for all filming for Hitoribochi. No pressure, just hope this week goes perfectly!

January 25
I have had a difficult time finding someone to play the part of Michihiro. Kumamoto is not an actor's paradise so it ends up not being a filmmaker's paradise either. I do have a few leads and hope to have auditions for the last part by the end of January. Camera and lighting testing has gone well, I think I have decided on the "look" that I will be going for while filming.

January 17
Meet with the first two actors, Kenichi and Yuko. Had a good meeting, they both have a background in theater and commercials so at least they should act somewhat "professional". They are excited about doing their first film. I am hoping to meet with them again to go over the script with the intention of making it "theirs", changing wording, etc to something more natural for them.
Loosing planning to shoot the second week of February, depends on the availability of the 3rd actor.

January 15
Script 4th draft finished. (Third draft in Japanese.)
Based on a quick run through and some wild guesses, it will take 2-3 days to film, never more than 2 actors on set at the same time.
There are 3 lighting setups, one is outdoors. Actors will have 2 wardrobe changes each with one person having 3 changes.



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Kenichi Tanaka will play the part Teruaki, the hikikomori.

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Yuko Nagahiro will play the part of Teruaki's sister.

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Fumiyoshi Iseri will play the part of Michihiro.

[warau]

First day's shoot
Podcast #3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EscjN5ttsE8)

Equipment
Podcast #2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twXIpi17umE)

Introduction to the story
Podcast #1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyFtYJS0GEU)

[amrrahmy]

if you want an editor, and u don't mind uploading your footage or mailing it, i could be interested.

[warau]

Thanks for the offer! I'll keep it in mind, particularly if I can finish shooting soon enough.

[Mark Harris]

Cool, welcome!

[Rodney V. Smith]

can't get any more hectic.. unless it's 2 days before the deadline, so you're in great shape! Welcome!

[Chris Messineo]

Hikikomori - a term for a person who seldom to never leaves his house, relying on parents for support. Many were victims of bullying or abuse in jr-sr high. This is a pretty large problem in Japan at the moment. One concern is what happens to them when their parents die. Some of them have literally not left their house in 15-20 years.

I had never heard of this before and it sounds fascinating. Best of luck with the film.

[stinkpot]

Good luck and welcome to the fest!

:beer:

[warau]

Thanks for the welcome! I figure someone has to offer up the bad films to use as examples of what NOT to do. Might as well be me!

Puck, I have enjoyed your podcast! I may do one to show how not to film a short. :Drogar-Evil(DBG):

I am excited about the potential but am thinking I may have bit off more than I can chew this time around. But hey, what's the worst that can happen? I put up a crappy film and get made fun of, my feelings are hurt, my life seems to have taken a turn for the worse, I move back to the states, can't get a job, move in with my parents and play video games for the next 10 years. ...or not.

[Rodney V. Smith]

You won't make a bad film. Go in and film it, have fun with it and we'll give an honest critique. You won't get made fun of here. That's one of the coolest things about DVXUser, is that you can get an honest critique about what we enjoyed about your film and how we think you could improve on so you're always progressing in your art.

Besides, forum rules FORBID flame wars. That's not what this place is about.

So knock yourself out, podcast it and have some fun!

[warau]

Thanks, Puck!
I always have fun. I just sometimes lack adult supervision at times when it would be beneficial. (My wife can't be around all the time :Drogar-Evil(DBG):)

I pick up the DVX100b today so I have a few weeks to get used to it just in case Koji, cameraman, can't make it. The camera is his and he gave me a lesson last week. I am not so worried about the camera but I do want to practice with the letus35. I believe he has a 50 and 28mm lens for me to use.

I will need to experiment with lighting setups. I am going to try something different from my past films (all documentary). I hope to use colored lights and a very strong "moody" feel. Not sure that I am up to it , which makes it more fun for me! although possibly more painful to watch the results in the end.... :zombie_smiley:

[Rodney V. Smith]

just get some BTS footage so we can enjoy the shenanigans and laugh along with you.

[warau]

just get some BTS footage so we can enjoy the shenanigans and laugh along with you.

Consider it done!

I am thinking of a podcast including some BTS footage but realized anything including the actor would need to be subtitled! Not sure I want to go that far, but I might...

[warau]

OK, I accept the challenge... 1st podcast is up!

scary...

[Susanne G.]

Your story sounds interesting and also exceptional. It looks like an intelligent theme, which makes me very curious. I hope, you will finish this project in time and I am looking very much forward to it. Good work and much luck. :thumbup:

Susanne :bath:

[Rodney V. Smith]

Nicely done Norman! And you even remembered to plug lossfest at the end there.
You should also upload it to the Facebook group.

The concept of your film does sound very interesting and I'm lookign forward to see what you do with it. If you need any help with posters or a banner, PM me and I'll set you up.

[warau]

Your story sounds interesting and also exceptional. It looks like an intelligent theme, which makes me very curious. I hope, you will finish this project in time and I am looking very much forward to it. Good work and much luck. :thumbup:

Susanne :bath:
Thanks! I do think there is a lot of potential but I am struggling somewhat with how to portray the emotional struggle which is the center of the plot. We'll see how it turns out...




The concept of your film does sound very interesting and I'm lookign forward to see what you do with it. If you need any help with posters or a banner, PM me and I'll set you up.

Thanks for the offer!

[Susanne G.]

Thanks! I do think there is a lot of potential but I am struggling somewhat with how to portray the emotional struggle which is the center of the plot. We'll see how it turns out...


I noticed that the emotional side of Asian characters often are showed in a very subtle way. Probably this is the nature of their culture, to be very formal and gentle and to take the emotions under control. One of my favourite films is from Asia - not from Japan, but from Hong Kong. 'In the mood for love' by Wong Kar-Wai. This film was set in the 1960's, but perhaps it could give you some ideas to realize authentic emotions. I had the same sensation of how to express emotions when I read the novel 'Dance Dance Dance' by the japonese writer Murakami Haruki.

Susanne :bath:

[Susanne G.]

I forgot to say that 'In the mood for love' has a beautiful soundtrack, which underlined very well the emotional atmosphere and the composer is japonese - Shigeru Umebayashi. :)

Susanne :bath:

[alex whitmer]

I just sometimes lack adult supervision at times when it would be beneficial. (My wife can't be around all the time :Drogar-Evil(DBG):

That's pretty funny.

This sounds like a really interesting film/concept. Thanks for bringing it to DVX. I'll be looking forward to this.

Scenery. Give us scenery.

a

www.brooklyngarrison.wordpress.com



.

[Rodney V. Smith]

yeah dude: scenery. You're in Japan, a location only so few of us will ever visit. Or on further consideration, so will your character. Somehow I don't think we'll be seeing any scenery in thhis film unless its in a dream sequence....

[warau]

I noticed that the emotional side of Asian characters often are showed in a very subtle way. Probably this is the nature of their culture, to be very formal and gentle and to take the emotions under control. One of my favourite films is from Asia - not from Japan, but from Hong Kong. 'In the mood for love' by Wong Kar-Wai. This film was set in the 1960's, but perhaps it could give you some ideas to realize authentic emotions. I had the same sensation of how to express emotions when I read the novel 'Dance Dance Dance' by the japonese writer Murakami Haruki.

Susanne :bath:
I will try to check some of these out. However, after living in Japan 6 years, I have come to be somewhat suspicious of a lot of Japanese movies. Frequently what is presented is the Japanese ideal rather than the reality. Not that you can't learn a lot from seeing the goals that people strive toward.
There is also a generation gap that is growing. A large number of young people ("young" defined as under 35) are rejecting the ideals from the past. Holding your emotions in check, being responsible members of society, putting the group about yourself are all ideals that the older generations more or less all held. Not so with the younger generation.

From my conversations with Japanese leaders, the general opinion is that Japan is in a state of change and what it will become is not yet certain. There is a definite pull toward the ideals of the past, to "stay Japanese". There is also a large pull to "join the rest of the world" and release some of the ideals that kept Japan cut off for so many years. This in between generation is really struggling. Want an interesting study? Look up "hikikomori", "freeter", "NEET" and "parasite single". They are all in this generation and they are all screwed up to varying degrees. :(

My point.... I am not sure a hikikomori expresses emotions in the same way that a "normal" person does. Actually, I know that they don't! Papers, news broadcasts, and talk around town show that the respect for parents (indeed others in general) is lacking as well as a lot of the finer social skills for which the Japanese are known.

What makes it a more difficult study is that it is embarassing for Japanese, so you don't find as much good information as you might from another country.

The more I study and think about it, the more I am certain that I don't have the film making skills to pull this off. But it is a worthwhile idea and I will pursue it to the bloody end... :Drogar-Evil(DBG):

Hey! I bet that was more than you wanted to know! :violin:

[warau]

Puck and Alex, you want scenery I will give you scenery. Any requests? How about a podcast from the largest volcano crater in the world? (really, it is 45 minutes from my house.... I am not going there just for a podcast though...) Downtown Kumamoto? How about it? If it is within reason I am willing to do a podcast from just about anywhere... (remember I am a missionary...some restrictions apply)

(AFTER podcast #2, it focus on equipment and will be up in the next day or two)

[warau]

Podcast #2 is online! An equipment run through, next up, test footage/ practicing with the DVX100!

[Herman Witkam]

I forgot to say that 'In the mood for love' has a beautiful soundtrack, which underlined very well the emotional atmosphere and the composer is japonese - Shigeru Umebayashi. :)

Susanne :bath:

The main theme was originally composed for Yumeji though (a Japanese film by Seijun Suzuki)

[Susanne G.]

I will try to check some of these out. However, after living in Japan 6 years, I have come to be somewhat suspicious of a lot of Japanese movies. Frequently what is presented is the Japanese ideal rather than the reality. Not that you can't learn a lot from seeing the goals that people strive toward.
There is also a generation gap that is growing. A large number of young people ("young" defined as under 35) are rejecting the ideals from the past. Holding your emotions in check, being responsible members of society, putting the group about yourself are all ideals that the older generations more or less all held. Not so with the younger generation.

From my conversations with Japanese leaders, the general opinion is that Japan is in a state of change and what it will become is not yet certain. There is a definite pull toward the ideals of the past, to "stay Japanese". There is also a large pull to "join the rest of the world" and release some of the ideals that kept Japan cut off for so many years. This in between generation is really struggling. Want an interesting study? Look up "hikikomori", "freeter", "NEET" and "parasite single". They are all in this generation and they are all screwed up to varying degrees. :(

My point.... I am not sure a hikikomori expresses emotions in the same way that a "normal" person does. Actually, I know that they don't! Papers, news broadcasts, and talk around town show that the respect for parents (indeed others in general) is lacking as well as a lot of the finer social skills for which the Japanese are known.

What makes it a more difficult study is that it is embarassing for Japanese, so you don't find as much good information as you might from another country.

The more I study and think about it, the more I am certain that I don't have the film making skills to pull this off. But it is a worthwhile idea and I will pursue it to the bloody end... :Drogar-Evil(DBG):

Hey! I bet that was more than you wanted to know! :violin:
This is a very interesting converstion. I lived in Italy for five years and the country is full of 'parasite single'. In Germany you call it 'Hotel Mama' and this term gives it a more ironical touch, because these more or less young people are not ill - they are simple lazy! I personally know also some people in Italy and Germany, who are something between 'Freeter' and 'Neet' what is more serious. I admit that 'Hikikomori' is the top of category and the most extreme case. You could look around the world and will find them everywhere - parents who protect their children too much. So they will be not any more self-sufficient, you can find any kind of service and don't need any more to do things by yourself. On the other hand asks our economical system of capitalism more and more from all of us - more qualification for less money, more hours to work, less chances in the future. One of the consequences is probably 'Hikikomori'. We could have a long discussion about it, but it would come out probably more a political theme and it isn't really the right place for it here.

Reading a little bit in your thread, gave me the sensation that you try to put too much of this complexive theme in a six minute short. Try to give it a simple structure. Also, it isn't necessary that all will be realistic - you have the fantastic possibility to put your fantasy in - this is the advantage and freedom of a fiction film! Try to enchant your audience with your possibilities - you have exotically locations and lots of different things there, in comparison with western countries. Try to pull them out in your film.
If you are struggeling too much, try to take some help from the forum here - somebody who have a little look over your script - here are some very good knowledged scriptwriter around (one stopped already by in your thread!) :). The other thing is a good score - did you find already a composer? Dvxuser has some excellent composer members, who offer their work. It seems to me that Herman Witkam is also interested in asian culture and he did a fantastic work on other films in the past. :)

I hope really that you will make this short - an asian film would be great enrichment.

All the best.

Susanne :bath:

[Susanne G.]

The main theme was originally composed for Yumeji though (a Japanese film by Seijun Suzuki)

Thanks Herman, I didn't know that. In the meantime I watched both trailer and could hear, that it was the same composer. 'Yumeji' seems also a very interesting film. Next time, I stop by the videoclub, I will rent the film.

Susanne :bath:

BTW: The soundtrack of 'In the mood for love' I heard for years, before I watched the film. An ex-colleague brought the music in the architectural office in Milan/Italy where I worked in 2001. I heard the music and fell in love with it. He gave me a copy. Only one year ago I rent the film!

[warau]

I didn't mean to give the impression that I was cramming all this info in the film! :embarasse

I just find it interesting and consider it "background" material. I think it is entirely possible that someone could watch it as written in the script and never get the concept of hikikomori. I am focusing primarily on one hour of time and will be mostly concerned about conveying emotion not information about his life.

Looking back over my posts I can see how I might have given to much irrelevant information. It will help people understand the film however. I am shooting it with a Japanese audience in mind and they will be less likely to miss the hikikomori references in the film. It is possible that in the end the references will be too subtle for an American audience. Not sure about other countries, probably depends on the prevalence of hikikomori and the similarity to those in Japan.

Let me reintorduce "Hitoribochi", it is a film about change in the life of an outcast from society. :)

[Herman Witkam]

Thanks Herman, I didn't know that. In the meantime I watched both trailer and could hear, that it was the same composer. 'Yumeji' seems also a very interesting film. Next time, I stop by the videoclub, I will rent the film.

Susanne :bath:

BTW: The soundtrack of 'In the mood for love' I heard for years, before I watched the film. An ex-colleague brought the music in the architectural office in Milan/Italy where I worked in 2001. I heard the music and fell in love with it. He gave me a copy. Only one year ago I rent the film!


Susanne,

If you do, be sure to first watch Zigeunerweisen (or 'Tzigoineruwaizen') and Kageroza. The 3 films form a trilogy about the Taisho period in Japanese history.

Wong Kar-Wai often uses great music to support the images. For the In the Mood for Love sequel '2046' Umebayashi did compose the music specifically for the film :)

[warau]

I added a photo of the main actor the production notes.

I hope to add some test footage from the actual location in the next day or two.

I am still one actor short, I contacted a local acting club today trying to fill the role as soon as possible. Kumamoto is not exactly a filmmaking mecca. Finding actors has proven more difficult that I expected. It doesn't help that we have only lived in Kumamoto for about 7 months so I still have very few contacts. I am making a lot more running around trying to get this film made though!

[warau]

A few screen grabs from test footage I shot today. Most of it sucked or I would have put up some video. These grabs do more or less give the look I will be going for though. My wife and daughter were the impatient stand-ins.:dankk2:

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On a related note, is there any potential problem that I should be considering if I need to mix in footage without the 35mm adapter? For a couple of wide shots and shots with more movement, I don't think I can pull it off with the adapter. Keeping in focus during action or lack of space to get far enough away for the wide shot are potential problems.

[warau]

The LossFest entry that almost was...


"Little Stinker"
Test Footage (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1GxNA8pCU0)

[Rodney V. Smith]

cute. you've got a good grasp of your filmmaking techique. I can;t wait to see how you apply it to Hitoribochi.

[warau]

I added the second actor's photo to the first page. If things go well in the next week, we will have the third (and final) actor and have shooting dates locked. Tentatively it looks like we will be shooting on Feb. 11 and 14th. Unless we have a major disaster I believe that will finish it. We do have the option of 1 or two nights in the following week if necessary.

[warau]

Finally have all the cast and some more crew in place! Whew!

Fumiyoshi Iseri will play the part of Michihiro.

Cody Permenter will be editing.

Due to some scheduling issues we will begin shooting on Sunday, Feb. 8. I think we will only be doing one scene and a few master shots for another scene. Everyone will meet on set at 7pm and this will be the only time all three cast members are together. We will try to get the long shots and come back to close-ups later in the week.

If things go well Sunday we should finish shooting on the 11th, if things go bad...

[Noel Evans]

Norman, good luck with it all. Its a very interesting subject. In fact in Japan I have a friend whos sister is hikikomori and a friend whos younger brother is NEET.

But I think youre right in Hitoribocchi being a subject more prevalent globally and the theme will lend itself to a wider audience without concentrating so much on the why's

Again good luck.

Have to ask what your doing all the way down in Kumamoto?

EDIT: Scratch that just watched your podcast.

Shooting IN Japan 101

TIP No.1 - I often found with older Japanese subjects its very hard to hit the eyes cleanly with light when its needed for the shot. A small diffused light source place low can help you get there. Of course you have to match it to the rest of your composition so its best to place this light last and use controls so it doesnt kill your scene.

TIP No.2 - Many house locations in Japan, because of size are limiting in amount of wattage light you can use. Use natural where possible and compliment with CTB and light controls on your fixtures. Watch out for some of the frosted glass as it has a blue tinge to it and can often change the color of your intended shot, as can the proximity of buildings where color reflects and bounces in through your windows. These make a daylight balance difficult.

[warau]

Noel,
Thanks for the tips! No joking about the wattage restrictions, the first house we lived in needed larger breakers just to run the microwave! Most of the filmmakers I have met here so far use flouro's exclusively just for that reason. If my projects grow enough, eventually I'll get a generator.

[Lawsuit_Boy]

Sounds like someone with agoraphobia. Interesting concept. Interested to see what you bring! :)

[Noel Evans]

Noel,
Thanks for the tips! No joking about the wattage restrictions, the first house we lived in needed larger breakers just to run the microwave! Most of the filmmakers I have met here so far use flouro's exclusively just for that reason. If my projects grow enough, eventually I'll get a generator.

Think you will also find that any lighting in Japan is triple the price of anywhere else so cheaper fluro photo lighting is often used as an alternative. I think its good for ambience, or when you have the luxury of seperation, but doesnt really fit the dramatic purpose as will as a fresnel (whether HMI or tungsten).

I picked up 3 of these http://www.yodobashi.com/enjoy/more/i/cat_13_30_19395407/241839.html, simply because in Japanese interiors most fresnels were just too much all but the 300s. So these were very useful inside, lots of spill so need some black wrap and flags but they work and although it says 500, its about the same as a 300 or a bit less in fresnel. But they worked well in most interior situations. Man do they get hot though. They do have a spot function as well.

If your ever after any let me know as they are still in Tokyo and Ill charge you much less than original price. (My reason for replying wasnt to sell you lights btw - was just passing on my thoughts.

[warau]

Sounds like someone with agoraphobia. Interesting concept. Interested to see what you bring! :)

My understanding is that in some cases it is the same thing or the circumstances that lead the hikikomori to stay home lead to agoraphobia. In a lot of the shor term cases though, there is no fear, just no desire to leave home.

But don't think any of this is coming out in my 6 minute short! :)
It is a topic I am interested in and may come back to with a longer film in the future, assuming I learn how to do this filmmaking stuff ... :huh:

[Lawsuit_Boy]

Ah, I see. The lack of desire to leave as a precursor to the actual phobia. Makes sense. Develop a fear as a justification of the need to stay in.

Yeah, for a six minute short, the story would have to be a simple observation of a character in such a state in order to really be effective, with minimal dialogue.

Keep up with it! Learn the techniques and bring a story of an Hitoribochi to the screen. :thumbsup:

[Lawsuit_Boy]

On a related note, is there any potential problem that I should be considering if I need to mix in footage without the 35mm adapter? For a couple of wide shots and shots with more movement, I don't think I can pull it off with the adapter. Keeping in focus during action or lack of space to get far enough away for the wide shot are potential problems.

You should have no problem switching from shots WITH the adapter to shots WITHOUT the adapter, as long as you don't do something like a shot/reverse shot situation in which one angle covers with the adapter and one doesn't. If you cut to a wider shot that has no adapter, if you find a way to light so that you can open your aperture up very wide (and possibly zoom just a tiny bit) you won't notice a difference.

Even if you just drop off the adapter for the wider shots, it will still cut together well.

[Rodney V. Smith]

You'll have a good time making this Norman, no worries. You got a lot of things in place and sounds like you're planning for as much as possible so you should have a good shoot.

[warau]

Thanks guys! I am looking forward to shooting on Sunday. Today I met with Fumiyoshi Iseri who will be playing Michihiro. I think he will do a good job. I forgot to get a photo so that will have to wait until Sunday.

I have spent a few hours today on set design. I received some good advice from friends who know more than me about hikikomori so the room should look believable....I think. My wife thought I enjoyed this part too much.

[Richard J. Johnson]

Keep it going. I have a friend with agoraphobia and it is not pretty.

[Noel Evans]

Norman, on Japanese actors, the professional actors I have worked with in Japan tend to have a relatively slow methodical pace, which you may come across - not sure what level your actors are. Which meant in western terms a 5 page piece would end up running for 10 minutes. I found you either had to push them through scenes, which can come across in your end piece or write to direct them the way they are. I like to shoot a scene the way I planned and not just get a bunch of inane coverage, like a wide master for every scene, but plenty of cut options will help you shorten in your edit when youre working with Japanese actors.

[warau]

Thanks Noel, my actors are all at a low level of experience, one is a stage actor, one has done mostly small roles and commercials, the last one has gone to acting classes and been in 1-2 films in supporting roles. Because of space limitations (most of the story takes place in a 9x12 room) I am not planning a lot of wide shots, I am hoping to follow my shot list closely, that should allow me to do as you say and shorten things in the edit.

So far the three actors seem very open to direction so I am thinking we will have a good time. I am more worried about ME forgetting something major! I only have one day with Iseri so if I do something really stupid there won't be a film.

[warau]

In 4.5 hours the cast will be gathering for supper and then on to begin our shoot. I have been running around all day trying to double check everything, I am sure I will forget something, I just hope it is something we can work around! :violin:

Assuming I haven't lost it by then, I am planning to put together a podcast of the evening. Don't hold your breath, I am expecting to flip out anytime now...

[Rodney V. Smith]

no worries norman. you'll do great and have a good time doing it. any problems can be fixed. just have fun with it dude.

after the shoot, then you can lose it. :grin:

[warau]

I lived through the first day! We only tackled one scene but it needed to be rewritten before we could begin. I also knew we would have lighting issues with our location. Shooting anywhere in a Japanese house space is a problem but shooting in the front doorway gave us few options for camera and lighting placement. I am afraid it will be too dark. Fortunately it is a short scene so I don't think I messed it up too bad. :huh:

I saw Kenichi running around shooting video for a podcast so as soon as I have enough energy to sort through it I will put up something, not really sure what it might be though!

Planning to finish up on Wednesday. Then on to discover what kind of film I can put together from the footage I have!

[Rodney V. Smith]

awesome dude. glad you had a good first day and got rid of your fears. you're on a bit of a high now.

[warau]

Added Fumiyoshi Iseri's photo to the cast on the first page. Podcast #3 will be up soon!

[warau]

I thought about subtitling this but, decided to lay down until the urge past.

Podcast #3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EscjN5ttsE8)

[warau]

Finished shooting! :thumbup:

In general things went OK today. We finished shooting all the scenes but most were in need of more light (apparently 35mm adapters work better with more than 250w of light....who knew...:shocked::shocked:)

Editing will start tomorrow, not sure I really want to see the results. But, everyone had a great time, enjoyed good food and asked to be included in the next project, I suppose that's a plus! :)

[Herman Witkam]

Looking forward to seeing it!

[warau]

Me Too!

[Rodney V. Smith]

Finished shooting! :thumbup:

In general things went OK today. We finished shooting all the scenes but most were in need of more light (apparently 35mm adapters work better with more than 250w of light....who knew...:shocked::shocked:)

Editing will start tomorrow, not sure I really want to see the results. But, everyone had a great time, enjoyed good food and asked to be included in the next project, I suppose that's a plus! :)


Alright Norman! way to go. I'll bet that's a huge relief getting through that. Wasn;t as bad as you feared now was it? And I'll bet you even had some fun...

[warau]

Oh, it was definitely fun! I was amazed at how much the actor really wanted to get into their characters. All in all a very cool experience. I will be planning to do it again soon!

[warau]

Well, the first rough cut was almost 10 minutes! I managed to cut it to 8 minutes but cutting more without losing the story in proving problematic. In general it is way to dark, sound issues in places and currently 2 minutes too long... all in all not bad for my first try!

[Mark Harris]

Well, the first rough cut was almost 10 minutes! I managed to cut it to 8 minutes but cutting more without losing the story in proving problematic. In general it is way to dark, sound issues in places and currently 2 minutes too long... all in all not bad for my first try!

Ha ha, every entry I make is at least 2 min too long when I first cut it!

[warau]

A second and third pair of eyes managed to get it close to 6 minutes, really lost some of the flow the longer version had though.

[jasonthewho]

After I had to cut two minutes off my last entry, this time I only wrote 4 pages.

Good luck with your edit. I'm sure you can make it work. Sometimes it's for the best and makes for a tighter better film.

[Rodney V. Smith]

you'll be surprised how much more incisive you can make some scenes. It hurts to cut great performances, but sometimes it is worth it. My first edit came in at around 12 minutes, so I turned on "Cruel Bastard" mode and started to chop everything that was running long. i actually ended up adding some shots for pacing and replacing others to keep the flow. Helps to ask yourself: "what am I trying to say in this scene?" you'll find the cuts easier to make as you trim the fat.

And then it comes down to the second and micro-second stage where you're trimming here and there to get your cut down from 00:06:01:32 or some such...

You'll do well. See if you can get your stuff graded. Sometimes good color correction and film-grading will help the darker scenes. Just depends on how well lit they were.

[warau]

You'll do well. See if you can get your stuff graded. Sometimes good color correction and film-grading will help the darker scenes. Just depends on how well lit they were.

"well lit" and this film don't really go together! I am just hoping the darkness matches the mood. Since it has turned out so bad, I am using the whole thing as practice and will be giving color correction a try myself, I expect to make some scenes better and some worse... AND I am doing a tiny bit of ADR today, thanks for the tips on workflow. I only have one actor able to come back for 30 minutes, fortunately he is the one that needed ADR the most.

I have learned a LOT so far making this short, I expect I will learn more in the next few hours!

[warau]

After I had to cut two minutes off my last entry, this time I only wrote 4 pages.

Good luck with your edit. I'm sure you can make it work. Sometimes it's for the best and makes for a tighter better film.

I wrote 7 pages thinking 1 minute/ page + vicious cutting would equal a tight 6 minute film, oops, almost 10 minutes!. :crybaby:
Looking at it now I would have been better off writing 4 pages and giving the characters room to breath. I have cut 3.75 minutes off my original edit! I am simultaneously doing a longer edit, currently right at 8 minutes. Everyone who has seen both prefers the longer edit.:(

[Rodney V. Smith]

Dude, you vanished for a bit. Surface from editing for long enough to give us an update. Come up and get some air!

[warau]

Dude, you vanished for a bit. Surface from editing for long enough to give us an update. Come up and get some air!

Finished the 6 min edit, but I have one bad cut I can't seem to do anything about. It really needs a good cutaway but everything looks weird. I suppose I will leave it and move on, it is not a problem in the longer edit.

If I can just get the subtitles in place I will start working on compression. Hopefully I will finish both of those today and be ready to upload tomorrow.

I am SICK of looking at this film.

[warau]

Uploaded and ready to rock!
I hope I am not graded on the subtitles, I noticed several commas, periods and apostrophes that didn't render for some reason.
I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's films and to getting some serious critique/ advice for the future.

[Rodney V. Smith]

woot!

[Noel Evans]

Uploaded and ready to rock!
I hope I am not graded on the subtitles, I noticed several commas, periods and apostrophes that didn't render for some reason.
I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's films and to getting some serious critique/ advice for the future.

Ahhh glad you finished it. Looking forward to seeing how it came out. Ganbatte ne.

[warau]

Finishing was never in doubt, only the quality of the final product. I have a gift for organization and enough stubbornness to finish no matter how bad it gets.:Drogar-Smoke(DBG):

As a new DVXuser and new filmmaker, I must say this has been a blast to do! I have enjoyed seeing everyone's struggle to get a film done. The range of solutions for the common problems of too little time and money is fascinating. I am so ready to do this again!

[Morox]

I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason I keep thinking back on this short. I really liked the acting and dialogue and it all moved so smoothly. Good job.

[warau]

I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason I keep thinking back on this short. I really liked the acting and dialogue and it all moved so smoothly. Good job.

Thanks! The subtitles are rough in spots, more of a "dynamic equivalent". I was hoping it would come out OK.

[Noel Evans]

Hey mate. Well a pretty good first effort if you ask me. And no one is.

Story was a bit up and down, and I found myself thinking the change just came through reading a few words, thats fine - but needed more impact on his character there.

Really heavy in dialogue. Would have liked some moments to play themselves out around action as well. In the end felt a bit melodramatic.

Cinematography also there were a couple of good shots in there, but mixed with a fair few rough ones - that comes with work. Kind of felt you had locked lighting down (bedroom shots) and werent prepared to change it so stuck fairly well with the 1p to 1p cuts. The camera angle and composition will sell you story even more.

Sound was a mixed bag. Have you checked out Barry and Davids DVD on sound? I think theres a lot of good things in there for you.

EDIT: Wanted to add something - Im not sure your lens choice/choices did much for me here. If this is your first piece, Id start by getting rid of the letus and work on your composition as a start point.

But, please refer back to my original remark, and let the rest slide. Good job.

[warau]

Thanks for the notes Noel. You pretty much nailed my opinion of it as well. The longer edit does help the story but can't help the rest. I did learn a lot in the process though.

[Chris Messineo]

I thought this was very impressive for a first film.

First, I liked the subject matter, this lost soul alone in the world and his last friend trying to help him find a way out. I thought the actors were good.

I agree with Noel though, I would love to see you do this with less dialogue and let your visuals tell the story. I think you will find it can be quite powerful.

Lastly, I really liked the score. I think you have a lot of promise as a filmmaker and I hope I get to see more of your films in the future.

[Maximus]

Good job. I enjoyed your film.

The main problem, too much expositional dialogue. It's seemed the same thing was being said over and over again. First the sister, immediately followed by the best friend... Sometimes one sentence is all it takes, if that. Actions always speak louder than words.

I found his sudden salvation at the end too sudden. A few more beats should have been used for that transition.

The picture of the girl on the wall was a nice touch, but I found her beauty to be almost distracting from the story. Perhaps an uglier girl would have been better. :laugh:

[Zim]

Nice job. It did a good job of showing the hopelessness of life sometimes. The acting was good.

[Richard J. Johnson]

Great first film!!! The acting was dead on.

[Lawsuit_Boy]

This was a very interesting subject to tackle, isolation, stigmas, and sibling rivalry. I thought the performance from the two leads were strong, but some of the conversation between the lead and the woman were a little forced, but still solid.

I feel that the music might be pushing for a little too much of a dramatic effect even though it's a fairly strong piece.

The sound and image were consistent throughout. That's a definite plus. :thumbsup:

It was nice to see the character make effort in the end to change his habits. I'm highly pessimistic when it comes to religion, but I don't feel that the film was "preachy" or over the top, so that's good. People will take it in many ways and interpretations.

Congrats on the film. Solid effort! :beer:

[MrKilloran]

A strong effort for your first entry :thumbup:

The image was nice but you never gave it time to breathe, there was hardly any story told through visuals, mainly just dialogue, that much dialogue can become a bit much after a while.

Characterization was great except for maybe a very brief change in character that could be worked out. You had a good harmony with your audio and visuals though, it never felt inconsistent or changed, so well done.

[warau]

Thanks for commenting guys! This has really been a learning experience for me. I will be thinking through a lot of these issues for the next one.

[Sprocketboy]

Norman, you did a nice job here. All the actors looked great, but their acting at times looked dis-connected. I think a lot more could have been said with fewer words. At times it felt a little repetitious, one or two lines could have been removed. The camera work is really good. Overall, a very nice first entry in a short period of time. Not an easy task.

[Rodney V. Smith]

Norman! You did it! This was actually quite good for a first attempt and you even made the leap outside the main location. Some of us would have cowered to the realtive safety of inside.

The story was conveyed very well, with conflict and a decision, so you had a definite arc for your characters. You had a definite sense of growth for ALL of the chracters and that is rare in a first effort, and in a lot of cases, even for a 3 or 4th film. You have the ideas and the story and you actually know how to shape characters and their development. That right there is HUGE.

Unfortunately it is overshadowed by the one flaw we've all succumbed to at one point or the other: they enter a room and sit down and talk.

Thankfully, this is an easily solvable problem. You just need to work with your blocking and give your characters something to do besides talk. Maybe it's a cultural thing where Japanese people don't touch their friend's stuff, but it gives a sense of familiarity and comfort if one friend is moving about the room, doing something other than confronting his friend. Movement within the scene also dictates camera movement and give us thing to look at, things that can inform us about the characters without having to say a word.

Add blocking, and informed camera movement to your shots and you have a much different film. It's already working on several levels so you've accomplished a bit.

If you hadn' told us, I wouldn't have believed this was your first short film.

[Norm Sanders]

Just watched it ... good message. I just read that this was your 1st film? CONGRATS! Solid outing for a 1st project for sure.

It was difficult for me to tell with the acting, because it was in a different language, but I got the impression that the supporting male lead was better or more experienced than the male lead ... the actual lead just seemed to yell his lines a lot, which may or may not be normal for the Japanese culture, I'm not sure, but from where I was sitting much of it came across to me like Samurai war cries. :)

If the room wasn't already dressed that way, good job on all the set design, and filling the frame!

One thing I've noticed, which is pretty natural for people newer to filmmaking, is the director also being the camera operator. Once you can find someone you really trust to work the camera, you're going to see directing in an entirely new light, and be able to focus on it more. Something I heard a long time ago, and try to stick by was this: "The secret to success is surrounding yourself with people more talented than you are". So as you can begin to delegate things out, the more you can focus on directing, while having people even more profiicient than you at certain things be able to bring a LOT to the table.

Good luck in the fest & thanks for making this!

[Noel Evans]

but I got the impression that the supporting male lead was better or more experienced than the male lead

IMO you are correct, in addition I think the female was the outstanding performance in this piece.

[warau]

IMO you are correct, in addition I think the female was the outstanding performance in this piece.

You both were very perceptive, particularly seeing through the Japanese! The female, Yuuko, is regular on the local theater circuit, the supporting male, Fumiyoshi, has appeared in several plays and in one movie. The lead, Kenichi, has done commercial voice work and DJ but limited acting.

I was happy with all of them, Kenichi's performance was hindered by my direction/ or lack thereof so I take full responsibility for any flaws there... as everywhere else!

[warau]

Just watched it ... good message. I just read that this was your 1st film? CONGRATS! Solid outing for a 1st project for sure.

If the room wasn't already dressed that way, good job on all the set design, and filling the frame!


Thanks! And thanks for noticing the set. We spent HOURS cutting out people from magazines to tape to the wall. The original idea was to show something about the main character through the photos on the wall, I ended up not getting most of those shots though, the ones I did get were mostly cut to hit the 6 min limit.

[warau]

Unfortunately it is overshadowed by the one flaw we've all succumbed to at one point or the other: they enter a room and sit down and talk.


Thanks for the comments! I enjoyed making it. You know, I didn't really think about this until editing, then it was too late, I had 10 minutes of people talking to edit into a 6 minute film... of people talking. Who knew?:crybaby:

I think I will post a big sign above my computer while writing the next script, SHOW, DON'T TELL.

[Noel Evans]

You both were very perceptive, particularly seeing through the Japanese!

Was working out of Tokyo for four years - it helps :P

[warau]

It was nice to see the character make effort in the end to change his habits. I'm highly pessimistic when it comes to religion, but I don't feel that the film was "preachy" or over the top, so that's good. People will take it in many ways and interpretations.

Thanks for your comments! It was interesting to see your response, I made it and am still not sure about the ending. I didn't have the time (filmmaking chops?) to really take the lead character through change and the inner struggle against change. So even I don't really buy the ending. But it was good practice and I have a few other ideas now, and that is really what this fest is about for me, learning and growing as a filmmaker.

[SMarston]

when i started watching this movie i was expecting a great twist of events, although im sure your intentions of what came out of the movie were great, to me it felt cut short and gave no explanation to what was really going on with the main character.

[Robbie Comeau]

Hey, pretty sad and touching here.

Acting was brilliant, probably the best in the fest so far, and it was in chinese!

Nice camera and lighting, and the audio seemed to be great in this piece also.

I'm a little confused as to who that guy was. A doctor?

Anyway, I gave a good rating!

Robbie

[Brian Parker]

Nice work on your first film warau. Interesting subject matter. It's good to see that with each fest, everybody seems to be expanding their topics.

I had two shots that I really liked. The one when the guy dropped the box just resonated with me. The other is near the end when he was coming down the stairs and the woman stepped forward from the shadows. The expression on her face and the lighting worked really well. I don't know if it was your intent but it felt like it was an visual emphasis on the role that someone who cares for a hikkomori plays....waiting in the shadows...obscured because of the person's illness. Having watched a lot of Japanese movies, the delivery of the actor's dialogue felt pretty spot on. Their delivery of lines just seems indicative of the natural Japanese speaking patterns.

The image was a little muddy but I think that was more from compression. I know you had an extremely small space to work with so shot variation was limited but it also works because of the subject matter. My only other petty nitpick is that the subtitles were a little bit on the blurry side.

OK, I'm done rambling. Good first job warau, really. Looking forward to seeing what else you do.

[warau]

Thanks for the comments guys! I am taking it all down and hoping to take things up a notch in the next fest! Your comments are really invaluable, it is great to have the perspective of a fresh set of eyes after watching it myself SOOOOO many times. At the end I only saw the mistakes, nice that someone else found something worthwhile in it.

[Will Clegg]

I thought this was a really interesting and engaging piece. While I agree with puck about the blocking, I actually kind of like that the main character never really leaves the desk. It fits the theme quite well. However, if he got up and then end and moved, think of the implications...

This was a really great first film. I would be totally embarrassed to show you guys my first film from 12 years ago - congrats for putting out it out there and having such a successful first effort!

[warau]

Thanks for the comments, Will. This has been a challenging process,to transfer an idea to paper and then to translate that into a short film. Watching everyone's films is equally valuable as I get to see how they approached the subject.
I must say I never really thought about the blocking during the shoot! (oops..) I was just focused and getting then main story told. Many shots were totally unusable so that limited my selection in editing. One step at a time, right?

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

First film? Excellent work based on that alone.

A little depressing and dark but the acting was good. The story seemed cut off though, like you ran out of time. Technically it was pretty good. Maybe just add a few more shots to shake things up. Helps while editing as well.

MAH

[warau]

First film? Excellent work based on that alone.

A little depressing and dark but the acting was good. The story seemed cut off though, like you ran out of time. Technically it was pretty good. Maybe just add a few more shots to shake things up. Helps while editing as well.

MAH

Thanks for the nice comments!
I did struggle with where to end it. I still don't have a better idea, it seemed to me if you went to far past a certain point you would have to go even further to find a good break , and there are only 6 min to work with! Aargh! It was fun to try anyway. Now I can't stop thinking about what I would do differently.

[orchidsofwrath]

A great effort.
There was some good shot comp, and REALLY great set design (maybe just a good setting choice) with the clutter and such. Perfect for this movie.

Here's my crits:

-Don't cut to a similar (in this case identical) angle of the same subject in a different position. It makes the audience very camera aware.

-imo fade out and fade ins are kind of out dated. I think its always better to think of a more creative way to symbolize passage of time.

-contrary to what alot of people have said, I didn't think all the acting was incredible. For these dramas impecable acting is a must. Its hard to explain, and this might not be entirely the fault of the actor but rather script/lines/direction, but I thought the way the kid transitioned between emotions seemed a little unnatural. Sounded kinda scripted. However I thought the dad (i think the dad?) was excellent. I think when its in a different language people pay less attention on the acting and more attention on the subtitles.

[alex whitmer]

and it was in chinese!

Japanese.

You need to get out more, Robbie!


aw



.

[alex whitmer]

I went into this with super-high hopes. The concept had me since the day you announced the film.

I do like the characters, but I think this was so heavily laden with what others thought he should do, or how he should behave, or avenues he should seek, that we never really got a chance to see and explore just him. Yeah, we got a room full of models and assorted hobbies, but that's not so unusual.

Maybe him looking out a window, or looking at photos of outdoor places, and his longing for adventure is overridden by his fear. Something.

Never really got the whole dropping the box thing. What did I miss?

We didn't get any establishing shots of where this guy was tucked away. Small apartment in a concrete jungle? Farm house?

All in all it is a nice snapshot of an interesting character. Nice to have Japan in the mix!

alex

[Blaine]

I got excited when I saw your opening into the room with the guy working on models. Great set design. But then things started to go south for me. It turned into talking heads and that got tedious.

It could be a difference in cultures but the acting seemed overwrought and melodramatic to me.

The other problem I had was with the character's breakdown and cry for help at the end. I would have like to seen some kind of lead up to it. As it was it seemed to happen just to quickly for me to find it believable.

[Lawsuit_Boy]

The other problem I had was with the character's breakdown and cry for help at the end. I would have like to seen some kind of lead up to it. As it was it seemed to happen just to quickly for me to find it believable.

This is a common problem in this festival and a fundamental problem with short short films (not bashing your response, Blaine, don't worry). The relationship between the characters could have really been set up in a more fluid and crescendo-like manner, revealing more and more as time passes without cramming, if more time would have been allowed. The story presented is one that needs more time and patience.

Agreed that it was melodramatic and "overwrought," but because of the time limit, it had to get to the punch quick, which obviously is one of the reasons the blow-ups and tension can feel too fabricated and sudden.

With development and refinement, this could be a better short film than a short short film.

[Lawsuit_Boy]

Japanese.

You need to get out more, Robbie!


aw



.

Heh, I was thinking the same thing.

[Rodney V. Smith]

This is a common problem in this festival and a fundamental problem with short short films (not bashing your response, Blaine, don't worry). The relationship between the characters could have really been set up in a more fluid and crescendo-like manner, revealing more and more as time passes without cramming, if more time would have been allowed. The story presented is one that needs more time and patience...

I think the one place a lot of short films fall short is knowing WHERE in the story to begin. There's this whole universe and a bigger story outside of the film and for us, finding the right entry point is the hardest thing. Hitoribochi comes in at the end of the relationship, the possible turning point for the 2 friends, and so much could have been said with simple actions. All of the dialog was directly to the point and might as well have been between 2 strangers.

And this was due to the failure of recognizing the entry point and seeing all of the things that had happened before. Who were they yesterday? what did they usually do when they hung out? Apparently it was watching movie together... and that point was setup but never followed through on. If we had entered on the best friend coming over while the other dude was setting up to watch the movies, kind of in denial of the earlier rejection... that would have been a good way to create a sense of routine, character and ultimately history.

The ending and transition to that would have been a lot more organic... but it depended so much on where we came in to the story.

[Lawsuit_Boy]

I think the one place a lot of short films fall short is knowing WHERE in the story to begin. There's this whole universe and a bigger story outside of the film and for us, finding the right entry point is the hardest thing. Hitoribochi comes in at the end of the relationship, the possible turning point for the 2 friends, and so much could have been said with simple actions. All of the dialog was directly to the point and might as well have been between 2 strangers.

And this was due to the failure of recognizing the entry point and seeing all of the things that had happened before. Who were they yesterday? what did they usually do when they hung out? Apparently it was watching movie together... and that point was setup but never followed through on. If we had entered on the best friend coming over while the other dude was setting up to watch the movies, kind of in denial of the earlier rejection... that would have been a good way to create a sense of routine, character and ultimately history.

The ending and transition to that would have been a lot more organic... but it depended so much on where we came in to the story.

This is all very true, but depending on where the story comes in, with the six minute limit, the filmmaker is still going to have to chop much out and make compromises. Sure, this film could still make the six minute marker and give more to the audience by making some changes, but if you come in at a certain moment, you're still not given a tremendous amount of time for development of situations, character motivations, and consequences with such a time limit.

I think you're absolutely right that the starting point changes everything, but I contend that the time limit, with this filmmaker's style, does not yield enough opportunity to really make memorable situations or characters.

And if the filmmaker wanted to squeeze more development into the six minutes, he would have had to result to hackneyed techniques that work well only in the most skilled of hands, such as consistent (temporally) voice over and flashbacks/flashforwards. Unfortunately, a lot of the time they're used for covering poor writing or directing and need to be used for expository purposes.

[Rodney V. Smith]

You're right. With Norman's current style it certainly isn't possible to put this much into the story. But any script can be developed and tweaked to get all of this information in without exposition or voiceover. It might not be a six minute script, granted... but it can certainly fit an 8 minute or 10 minute script.

Besides, you gotta admit that with that amount of history, conversations would flow so much easier. Hell, if you're Zak Forsman, you can do it with 2 lines of dialog... (damn you Zak! damn you to heck!)

[warau]

Hey my ears have been burning!
But while you were all figuring out what was wrong with my script, I spent most of the last 24 hours on the set of another short film, directed by Koji Nishiyama. If I had had this opportunity BEFORE lossfest, I would have had a better film for sure, I have learned a LOT in the last 24 hours!:beer: We will finish up later this week. I am thinking I still have more to learn before he is done.

Back to Hitoribochi - I agree, I had real trouble deciding where to begin AND end the story (the middle part was a little muddy too..:(.). This was my first script in addition to first short film. 6 minutes seems awfully short to tell much of a story with my current knowledge of film techniques ( I don't really think you can say I have a style yet!:Drogar-Dum(DBG):). Part of my desire to enter these fest is to learn and practice so that I CAN tell a story without resorting to talking heads.

Thanks for all the comments on set design, it was intentional and took about 5 hours to do so I am glad it was noticed!

Blaine, you are probably right about the melodramatic acting, which would be my fault as a director. They first takes were all so emotionless and low key that I couldn't imagine that they would work. My mistake...:(

Alex, the dropped box was part of a longer scene that showed him as a busy "salaryman". It was cut down and I left the dropped box in because it is the only scene where anything was happening! Oh, and "establishing shots", hmmm, yeah, I have heard of those... (oops... it was on the shot list...which was put down and forgotten within minutes of the first day of shooting).

Thanks for all the comments, man, this is like a filmmaking cram school! I love it!

[The_Happy_Haole]

If I had had this opportunity BEFORE lossfest, I would have had a better film for sure, I have learned a LOT in the last 24 hours!:beer: We will finish up later this week. I am thinking I still have more to learn before he is done.


I agree with a lot of the other posts in this thread, so I won't rehash anything. I did like your film very much. Good job.

I think we all have a lot to learn......perhaps the beauty of this site and it's "fests".

[Rodney V. Smith]

Don;t you just hate it when we talk about narrative and style while you're gone?

I take it you're enjoying your experience on set?

[warau]

Don;t you just hate it when we talk about narrative and style while you're gone?

I take it you're enjoying your experience on set?

All the best conversations happen without me:crybaby:

I am loving the time on set with someone who knows what they are doing in charge!
I am also realizing that working with actors is a talent all to itself. I am starting to agree with the opinion that casting is a MAJOR point in having a good film. In our area there are very few actors to chose from so it is a struggle when you have a small budget.

[hoz]

just saw your film and liked the effort that went into it, you tackled a huge story line. i thought the friend was good with his acting i liked his exchange with the sister about who failed who. if only the entire film played on this level, this would've been awesome. as it is, i still liked it but the exchange between the friend and the lead seemed forced. too much talking maybe or maybe the lead was too full blast all the time. the lead seemed so spoiled in his responses to his sister that it made it hard to root for him, but this might be a cultural thing so i don't know.... good work!

[warau]

just saw your film and liked the effort that went into it, you tackled a huge story line. i thought the friend was good with his acting i liked his exchange with the sister about who failed who. if only the entire film played on this level, this would've been awesome. as it is, i still liked it but the exchange between the friend and the lead seemed forced. too much talking maybe or maybe the lead was too full blast all the time. the lead seemed so spoiled in his responses to his sister that it made it hard to root for him, but this might be a cultural thing so i don't know.... good work!

Thanks for the comments! About the lead seeming spoiled, that was the point of that exchange with his sister, to show how spoiled that he is, with no real motivation to change anything. You weren't supposed to be rooting for him at that point so I did something right!

[John LaBonney]

I was more engaged by this piece than I originally thought I would be. I think it's a pretty good story and I thought the acting was pretty good, although if you don't speak the same language as the characters it's not always easy to gauge. Regardless I thought the main character turned in a pretty good performance.

The sound wasn't all that good for me for some reason, sounded very metallic, perhaps it's a technical problem on my end since others think it's pretty good.

The original idea was to show something about the main character through the photos on the wall.

Ah, that explains the dolly shot at 5:10. I was wondering what that was doing in there; it didn't seem to fit and struck me as a shot that was supposed to be trimmed out but was forgotten about.


Thanks for the comments! I enjoyed making it. You know, I didn't really think about this until editing, then it was too late, I had 10 minutes of people talking to edit into a 6 minute film... of people talking. Who knew?:crybaby:

I think I will post a big sign above my computer while writing the next script, SHOW, DON'T TELL.

A problem I succumbed to in my entry and it was a lesson I won't forget for next time. One thing that I think will help me in the future is really cutting down on the amount of dialog.

All-in-all I was more impressed by this film than I thought I would be when I got to the end. Nice job. Looking forward to your next entry.

[Noel Evans]

HOh, and "establishing shots", hmmm, yeah, I have heard of those... (oops... it was on the shot list...which was put down and forgotten within minutes of the first day of shooting).



In a short I wouldnt worry too much about those. Tell your story. Cut the junk.

Look at the top 8 - count the establishing shots.

[warau]

The sound wasn't all that good for me for some reason, sounded very metallic, perhaps it's a technical problem on my end since others think it's pretty good.


Thanks for your comments, I am glad you got something out of the film. The sound IS bad:beer:. It is metallic in the scene by the doorway, I think the metal door and tile floor caused an echo that sounded funky. I should have put some carpet or a blanket on the floor, I think?:undecided

Part of the leads dialogue was shot with no help so the mike was on a stand, and obviously not in the best location, so poor sound once again. :(

The good news is, I think I have learned enough to keep from making the same mistakes next time! I will get to make all new ones! :)

[warau]

In a short I wouldnt worry too much about those. Tell your story. Cut the junk.

Look at the top 8 - count the establishing shots.

Good point. But I still would have liked to at least get the shots so I have the option o fusing them. Or at least to show that I used my shot list. :thumbup:

[Chad_from_Chad]

Hmm, so he's just sitting around feeling sorry for himself? the performances seemed genuine, and I always love a "...done that himself" line. ST;E3:ROTS "You have done that yourself!!!", Obi Wan Kenobi.