"Dreams for the Both of Us" by Tom Anderson and Mike Manning

[Mike Manning]

http://beginningmiddleend.com/images/dreams.jpg

After his wife is murdered, Marky Moretti is out for blood... and the only one who can deliver is the ice cream serving pimp known as Ortiz.
Lick it. Love it, baby.


...The idea is use this script for LossFest too... but that's still just an idea for the moment (aka need funding... know anyone with a grip of cash?). But as for as ScriptFest... I'm in!

[spooky138]

Sweet title guys! Welcome to the fest :)

[DarkElastic]

Good luck with the script.

[Mike Manning]

Thanks guys! Poster and mini synopsis added...

[Brandon Rice]

hehe this looks good :)

[pauly_the_hitman]

Looks cool man can't wait to read it...
Pauly

[Mike Manning]

uploaded!

[Noel Evans]

Lick it. Love it, baby.




Awesome.

[Mike Manning]

He's referring to ice cream.. I'll have you know!

[Horncastle]

I loved Work of Art, so it will be great to see a script of yours. Looking forward to it.
Jason

[Mike Manning]

I loved Work of Art, so it will be great to see a script of yours. Looking forward to it.
Jason

Thanks! I appreciate that.

Unfortunately, I can't take credit for actually writing the screenplay. My friend wrote it based off an idea I had written in prose (and a lengthy discussion over two pitchers of beer). So while it is technically/originally "my idea," Tom really took it and made it it something special.

Anyway, if you like violence, drugs and naked women... you'll probably like this script!

[MiataFilmSomething]

Cool poster. Looking forward to reading!

[DarkElastic]

Good script, it was a good read. I loved the settings and all the ice cream licking ladies... I loved the flawed characters and the action. I just wonder how big this tank is so he can still run around and throw him self out of the way of bullets. The tank did not cause him any trouble, which I think would have been better if it had - made it harder for him.

[Mike Manning]

Hey thanks man! Yeah maybe I should make it more clear... during all the action he leaves the tank behind and picks it back up again after everything's said and done. Refer to the poster image to see how big it is/what it looks like. It wouldn't make sense for him to be running and gunning while dragging that thing. But yeah man, thanks for reading!

[krestofre]

I enjoyed the script. The action sequences were especially well written. I guess my only question is what was the motivation for the tank? I didn't really see how that added anything to the character or the story.

[CallaghanFilms]

I gotta say Dreams for the Both of Us is nothing if not original.

I get a Death Wish (if it had been made by David Lynch) feel.

It was a good enough read, but it felt more like a "grindhouse" than a "pulp". Granted, they might be opposite sides of the same dark coin...but "grindhouse" is much, much more gratuitous. Don't get me wrong, I love a good ass-kicking gratuitous revenge story as much as the next guy, but I was expecting something different here. I hope that makes sense:beer:


***SPOILER ALERT***
Favorite Line:
"Lick it, love it, ladies"
(now that's a great bit of dialogue)

[Mike Manning]

I enjoyed the script. The action sequences were especially well written. I guess my only question is what was the motivation for the tank? I didn't really see how that added anything to the character or the story.

It's just a goofy character quirk. Very much a Blue Velvet homage...


I gotta say Dreams for the Both of Us is nothing if not original.

I get a Death Wish (if it had been made by David Lynch) feel.

It was a good enough read, but it felt more like a "grindhouse" than a "pulp". Granted, they might be opposite sides of the same dark coin...but "grindhouse" is much, much more gratuitous. Don't get me wrong, I love a good ass-kicking gratuitous revenge story as much as the next guy, but I was expecting something different here. I hope that makes sense:beer:


***SPOILER ALERT***
Favorite Line:
"Lick it, love it, ladies"
(now that's a great bit of dialogue)

I wouldn't necessarily separate Grindhouse from Pulp the way you have. Pulp can be very gratuitous. The Tarantino/Rodriguez double feature seemed to push the categorization of Grindhouse in a more gratuitous-violent direction. But in actuality (and it was a major reason why a lot of people hated Death Proof...but why I loved it) Grindhouse is not a genre. It's a nickname for theaters that showed poorly produced films who's genre's ranged from pulp, revenge, horror, blaxploitation, porn and kung fu. They were sensationalist more than they were gratuitous. Pulp fiction isn't to far removed from that idea. Those magazines told exploitative stories and featured covers with sensationalist art. Just like the grindhouse theaters, they were selling violence and sex.
So anyway, I'm rambling. I think it's "you say potato.." type of scenario... Sorry it didn't quite work for you... Gratuity was definitely something I was aiming for.. hehe

[lawriejaffa]

Hey there Blindbuzta I enjoyed your vicious little revenge tale, I think it worked way - my goodness the amount of collatoral damage!!!

The quirky characters were cute and held my attention - certainly the blue velvet element of our hero comes across - so does our ice-cream man!

It was also succinct and held my attention throughout - you took a simple plot idea and gave it texture and colour so that it felt fresh and original. So congrats on that if you get a chance i'll love to hear your opinion on 'Red Rope!'

I can see why it might seem more grindhouse than pulp maybe to callaghan as one might direct it that is the first visual impression that might come to mind, but the script could easily be directed also in more the 'history of violence' noir/pulp style also! So it works either way - congrats.

[Mike Manning]

Yeah I mean, were I shoot it, I would play everything straight. I think the movie is funnier if everyone plays it completely serious.

[MiataFilmSomething]

Good script! The story seemed pretty basic to me, but I liked the desert scene elements and the overall feel of the script. Lots of potential for something original through the filming and execution of the story.

[seansshack]

Solid read. One of the lines just tapped into my rated R type sense of humor - "file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/ryanst/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpglick it, love it, ladies" addressing a group of prostitutes. Dialog all round is very good and seemed to really suit the genre/theme.

Wasn't too sure of the reason for the tank? unless I missed read/understood it wrong.

It read/felt a little Sin City to me - which is a compliment. Saw the same visual style as I read it.

Ending felt a little unfinished or cut short. I was reading and it just ended. Not sure if that is what you intended.

Not much to add as very little wrong or needs improving (in my opinion).

[GrizzlyGuy]

That was a fun read! Nice break from all the detective stories. The visuals were great, this story would look stunning on film.

The dialog struck me as a cleverly and deliberately written battle of cliches. "Curiosity killed the cat" was immediately trumped by "cat and mouse kinda game". They just kept coming with "lookin a gift horse in the mouth", "glutton for punishment", etc. I loved that, very pulpish and entertaining. Added some humor to all the virile violence.

Hopefully you guys can pull this one off for LossFest! :thumbup:

[Mike Manning]

Solid read. One of the lines just tapped into my rated R type sense of humor - "file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/ryanst/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpglick it, love it, ladies" addressing a group of prostitutes. Dialog all round is very good and seemed to really suit the genre/theme.

Wasn't too sure of the reason for the tank? unless I missed read/understood it wrong.

It read/felt a little Sin City to me - which is a compliment. Saw the same visual style as I read it.

Ending felt a little unfinished or cut short. I was reading and it just ended. Not sure if that is what you intended.

Not much to add as very little wrong or needs improving (in my opinion).

Hey thanks!

Yeah the tank is just a quirky character trait... a bit of a Blue Velvet rip off..

I'm sure the script could benefit from another draft, I agree that the ending needs a little more punch.

Thanks for reading!


That was a fun read! Nice break from all the detective stories. The visuals were great, this story would look stunning on film.

The dialog struck me as a cleverly and deliberately written battle of cliches. "Curiosity killed the cat" was immediately trumped by "cat and mouse kinda game". They just kept coming with "lookin a gift horse in the mouth", "glutton for punishment", etc. I loved that, very pulpish and entertaining. Added some humor to all the virile violence.

Hopefully you guys can pull this one off for LossFest! :thumbup:

Haha thanks! Yeah I specifically wanted to avoid cops and detectives in this one.

I'm glad you liked all the clichéd dialogue... I think your the first to specifically comment on that.

I would love to shoot this film for LossFest, but it doesn't look like I can scrounge up the funding to get it going...

[Noel Evans]

Mike really liked this one and agree was happy to have a break from the Detective pieces.

I just read above comment you made about the tank. But for me there are a couple of times I wonder about it and his ability to carry out the action, e.g Morett #%$^ Candy against.... I was wondering how a tank man could actually get the job done.

INT. LIBRARY - LAST NIGHT. Word wise we can get that, but on screen, there needs to be a SUPER to show it.

I loved all the action sequences and the very character based dialogue.

In the end Im not sure I get this Moretti guy though. His late wife was a hooker that had sex with her killer. And he himself had a romp with Candy - I guess these actions make me think, does he even care ? (based on action with Candy) and then Why would he care (based on the info Ortiz gives him) and surely he would have known what kind of woman his late wife was. But that's just how I perceive it.

This one scored high for me.

[Mike Manning]

Hey Noel.. yeah his dependence on the tank isn't meant to be handicap related... more like narcotics related...

As for Moretti himself... I can't really answer your questions, cuz frankly, I don't know! Haha... I just think it's funny. Seriously, what kind of guy do you have to be to do the things Moretti does? So many of his actions seem contradictory... I just love how driven he is... even if it doesn't really make sense.

Thanks for reading!

[themightyshrub]

I loved your characters, really full of flaws, and everyone just had fantastic lines!

My only criticism is that the story seemed super linear to me. Guy wants revenge for his wife, guy has no trouble finding her killer, they have a bit of a shoot out, guy wins. Perhaps it might have worked nicer if he encountered a bit more trouble on the way, although I do appreciate that that's kinda hard to do in ten pages.

Really loved the image of a guy being kicked by prostitutes eating ice cream. Original, and incredibly funny!

[Mike Manning]

What can I say? I'm a sucker for structure..

Though I don't think adding more obstacles for him to face would do anything to make the film less linear... and I do have a number of flashbacks in the film as well... Perhaps (instead of being too linear) you found the film to be too straightforward? I'll admit, it's not very dense (especially compared to something like A Work of Art!), but I think that's the beauty of it! Simple... straight to the point... and FUN!

Thanks for reading/commenting!

[themightyshrub]

Perhaps (instead of being too linear) you found the film to be too straightforward? !

That's exactly what I meant! In my defence, I'm in the UK, so it's like 1:45am over here...

[Horncastle]

This was a very visual script, probably the most visual in the fest. I had a bit of a problem following the dialog at the beginning, Moretti and Candy seemed to be talking at cross purposes, but that may actually be fine and realistic. I did miss though that the dead woman was his wife till I read it here, though it was pretty obvious when I went back to the script again. I liked the dialog much better once Moretti and Ortiz meet up and from then on. I'm afraid that as soon as I read about the tank, "No Country for Old Men" jumped into my mind - it was such a strong element in that film that it's difficult to avoid. I think this was a very good script and would make a great short with strong visuals, but despite you calling it straightforward I did feel it took a bit of reading.
Jason

[jamiejay]

i like the flawed characters and the humorous elements... ice cream, prostitutes, revenge, the dessert, and oxygen tanks add up to a very colorful script.

i wasn't too keen on some of the word-choices. "ostensibly" means apparently or obviously... is that what you meant? i thought maybe you were trying to say "exaggeratedly" or something along those lines. ?? that's really not a big deal though.

also, i don't care for cliches. of course, this just my personal preference, but i love movies with really memorable and unique lines. plus, i'm not sure all of the cliches actually fit properly with what the characters were trying to say. but maybe that was intentional. misused cliches can be humorous.

overall, this script doesn't take itself too seriously, which i like, and there is a lot of action. thanks for the entertainment. :beer:

[preston]

This was a very visual script, probably the most visual in the fest. I had a bit of a problem following the dialog at the beginning, Moretti and Candy seemed to be talking at cross purposes, but that may actually be fine and realistic. I did miss though that the dead woman was his wife till I read it here, though it was pretty obvious when I went back to the script again. I liked the dialog much better once Moretti and Ortiz meet up and from then on. I'm afraid that as soon as I read about the tank, "No Country for Old Men" jumped into my mind - it was such a strong element in that film that it's difficult to avoid. I think this was a very good script and would make a great short with strong visuals, but despite you calling it straightforward I did feel it took a bit of reading.
Jason


i like the flawed characters and the humorous elements... ice cream, prostitutes, revenge, the dessert, and oxygen tanks add up to a very colorful script.

i wasn't too keen on some of the word-choices. "ostensibly" means apparently or obviously... is that what you meant? i thought maybe you were trying to stay "exaggeratedly" or something along those lines. ?? that's really not a big deal though.

also, i don't care for cliches. of course, this just my personal preference, but i love movies with really memorable and unique lines. plus, i'm not sure all of the cliches actually fit properly with what the characters were trying to say. but maybe that was intentional. misused cliches can be humorous.

overall, this script doesn't take itself too seriously, which i like, and there is a lot of action. thanks for the entertainment. :beer:

:smiley_up these are the last two comments from the previous page (just so you don't have to click back)... for the most part, these were my feelings after reading "DREAMS FOR THE BOTH OF US".

there were a few odd adverbs here and there (and i admit- i didn't know what ostensibly meant until the previous comment), but the story as a whole was entertaining.

i knew it was his wife, so that part of the plot wasn't confusing to me, and i did get the Anton Chigurh (NO COUNTRY) vibe from the air tank.

overall: nice, cool setting and characters, with enough strange behavior and action/violence to keep it interesting.

[Mike Manning]

Hey Thanks for reading... The full definition of "Ostensibly" is apparently or purportedly, but perhaps not actually. So when it reads, "Candy ostensibly chews gum," it's saying that she's chewing her gum with the intention of letting Morreti know she's chewing it... not necessarily because she enjoys chewing it. In other words, she's trying to act casual and seem disinterested...when really, she's setting him up for a trap - but being a little too obvious about it.

[preston]

ok gotcha...

[jamiejay]

thanks for clearing that up ;)

[conlanforever]

Nice straight forward action piece. You write the action really well. Liked the odds and ends, ice cream, the tank (nice homage)

As you said, Moretti's action are contradictory and don't always make the best sense...that's probably pretty realistic I think.

Good entertaining piece of writing.

[jamiejay]

after reading all of the scripts, i just want to say that your story definitely stands out for originality. very sin city. :)

[Nektonic]

You created a detailed and grimy world of sleaze. I wouldn't want to live there, but I loved being able to take a peek inside.

This was well written. The descriptions were visual and flowed nicely.

The characters, while hard to root for because they are so sleazy, still worked for me. I like that you didn't try to sugar coat things.

There are a few blocks of description that could be spaced out a bit, especially since you only used 7 pages out of the 10. Another thing I noticed was that the text seemed a bit fuzzy. It was still pretty easy to read, but would be better if it was cleaner and clear.

The dream sequence was cool. I would love to see what that would look like on film (or digital).

I'll never be able to get these images out of my mind whenever I eat ice cream again.

[alex whitmer]

Review for Dreams for the both of us

I’d break that opening action block up. Gives your reader that ‘warning, daunting task ahead’ feeling right off the bat.

Your script is protected, so I can’t copy and paste examples :(

You have the pole dancing action in parenthesis. Curious.

What kind of tank is under the table? Oxygen?

Nice dichotomy of action – fondling and threatening. Classic! Great antagonism.

Bottom of page one …

Not sure I’d go so graphic with the action language in a script. Save that for dialogue. Maybe bangs?

‘Cat and mouse kind of game’ – great come back!

Oxygen tanks are not normally on a dolly. They are outfitted with their own wheels.

Page 3

Braces the door knob? Not sure what you mean.

Instead of RANDOM PROSTITUTE, use PROSTITUTE #1, #2, etc.

Where did Candy suddenly get a fire extinguisher?

Page 4

I assume the desert scene is a flashback?

Love the idea of the sofa in the middle of nowhere (one word, not two, unless you are making an emphatic form)

How do we know Shondra is the ex?

Page 5

Moretti had to move lightening quick to lift his tank and hit Ortiz before Ortiz could fire a shot.



Bottom of 5 – more action in parenthesis.

Page 6

Where did Moretti get this strength? Is he faking the whole oxygen thing?

How can he run across the bar and hit Ortiz in the face while being shot at?

Lot of Awe going on here.

What? Pulling the tank behind him? He had it all this time?

Okay, well, some pretty unbelievable athletics here. It’s a clean revenge story kinda lost in some absurd - albeit fun - action. Not sure if that is meant tongue-in-cheek or not.

Like the idea of the man with a tank and the prostitute, and think some great stories can continue to come out of it.


Maybe make Moretti a little more human in his abilities, and I think this is a sharp concept.


Very fun read.


aw

[Mike Manning]

Thanks for all the comments guys, I appreciate it!