View Full Version : The Tenth Reel
11-29-2008, 07:54 AM
TITLE: The Tenth Reel
LOG LINE: He needs to find the tenth film reel so the love of his life can get on with her life.
Coming soon to a PULPFEST near you!
Thanks to Kevin Clark for the poster!
11-29-2008, 08:12 AM
Welcome to the fest!!
10th reel of what? Fishing reel? Film reel?
11-29-2008, 08:13 AM
Film reel. I fixed the logline.
12-03-2008, 12:04 AM
Good luck sounds interesting. PM what you need as far as a poster goes I can maybe work something out for you.
12-03-2008, 02:01 AM
Someone is working on a poster as we speak!
12-06-2008, 04:12 AM
Poster added! Thank you Kevin Clark!
12-06-2008, 08:23 AM
A most excellent poster!
12-06-2008, 11:12 AM
Nice poster, interesting logline.
12-12-2008, 08:30 AM
Nice adaptation of the novel (was it a novel) from the 1930s? In anycase I enjoyed it - its always a bit funny giving comments on adaptations because what do you credit ? The story? characters?
In anycase very competent job, and would make a great little short film.
12-12-2008, 09:16 AM
Thank you. This adaptation came from a short story that was published in one of those pulpy detective rags that were popular in the 30s and 40s. I think it was six pages long.
12-12-2008, 01:16 PM
I liked this one quite a lot. The writing and characters are solid. Two comments:
The dream sequence doesn't work for me. The whole film is very much through Dan's perspective and then to be in the middle of another character's dream seems odd to me.
Secondly, I think the story gets muddled when Geoffrey shows up at Dan's and pulls a gun on him. The motivation is kind of there, but it seems like a stumbling block in the story to me. At this point I would have rather Dan continued on with the investigation instead of having to deal with a jealous guy who is misguided.
12-14-2008, 12:02 PM
Your style is one that I can really appreciate. :beer:
I honestly didn't want to post what I have in my notes, but now that I see it was an adaptation, I will do so without hesitation...
The Tenth Reel is a not-so-good story told very well.
I ran over some plot holes along the way, but I can assume they were not of your doing.
Again, you have an even-keel style that I would love to see an original script tempered with.
"Can't talk if a man don't listen."
12-14-2008, 04:12 PM
I liked this script - really well written, lovely dialogue. I did have a couple of issues with it though.
Who is Geoffery? Leneta is engaged to Victor, so who is Geoffery meant to be? Presumably he's not an ex-boyfriend or something like that, because from what you've said about Victor, he wouldn't want somebody like that around his girl. Maybe I lost his connection somewhere, but I just couldn't work out who he was and why he cared so much.
Like Krestofre, I didn't really find the dream sequence very fitting. I guess you had to put it in because of the stipulation in the competition that it had to have a dream sequence, but it kind of stuck out as a bit odd. Perhaps you could have written the same sequence in as a flashback, when the story is being explained to Dan. Just a suggestion.
It felt a little rushed at the end, but I'm having trouble giving any examples or suggestions - sorry! I guess it would have been nicer if you could have taken longer to explain everything, but again I guess you were restricted by the page limit.
All of that might have made it sound like I thought your script had a fair few problems - but that's not true! I really really liked this story, definitely one of my favourites so far!
12-14-2008, 06:14 PM
Hi Faith. Overall was a good read.
I agree on the dream sequence. And from my end as we left Dan before the dream and returned to him after, I was wondering how this would transition in a shooting version. Also, I didnt feel that sequence added anything to what we already knew.
Some of the action that took place just seemed a little too easy for me, such as the way Dan found the reel, he knew where it was because she looked at it. And then I wasnt quite sure why the woman he just busted would become intimate with him. There didnt seem any motivation for it. Theres a few others.
I enjoyed it, just think it needs to be tightened up a bit.
12-15-2008, 06:30 AM
I enjoyed your script, I thought it was a good read. As stated above, it was an adaptation, so no credit for the story, but it still needed to be arranged well and you managed it. Very easy to read and well structured. I agree with the dream - I made the same mistake in my script (focus should remain on your main character). Well done.
12-15-2008, 07:08 AM
Structure and formatting are fine. But (for me) would avoid the use of fonts changes - i.e. bold text (even for slugs). Screenplay formatting and style are of high quality - short sharp paragraphs (vertical writing) - but (for me) would not use notes: as they distract and pull you out of the story.
Story and writing style matches the pulp theme well - but think you may have had a leg up with this because you state it was adapted (unless original is significantly different).
Dream sequence seems tagged on and didn't add enough for me (try and have ever scene mean/add to the story). But this could be just how I perceived/read it.
Overall good story and I enjoyed the read.
12-18-2008, 07:49 PM
That was a fun story with an unexpected ending (all the more fun).
I found it entirely unbelievable that Dan could make two phone calls and have Dorothy pin-pointed to her room number, but this is pulp fiction, right? :)
12-18-2008, 08:55 PM
Great story and structure, but a little hard to follow in spots.
The dream sequence didn't seem to mesh with the rest of the script. But that can be fixed pretty easily.
Good characters, and some great dialog. Nice classic feel. Cool!
12-19-2008, 10:08 PM
I like your writing style. The dialogue was good.
I felt also that Dorothy slept with him and she didn't seem to have any motive for it. Maybe if she was trying to lull him into a false sense of security to get the reel back.
Though the end seemed rush, you were dealing with page limits. I liked the idea of Croft being the one that got shot.
You definitely can write well. Good job.
12-20-2008, 05:52 PM
Well written and enjoyable but, like others, I have a few issues with the plot:
1.The dream sequence seems to be used as a device to keep the audience thinking the blackmailer is Geoffrey, but it doesn't feel necessary and doesn't really fit in.
2. Who is Geoffrey? He seems to have to be too personally involved to be just some sort of assistant.
3. Why does Dorothy get Dan into bed if she's still latched up with Victor Croft. Was it just to give Victor time to arrive?
Nevertheless, it was a fun read. Thanks
12-21-2008, 12:26 PM
Review of The Tenth Reel
GEOFFREY JACKMAN (40s) pauses at the door
*Iíd put Ďpauses at the doorí at the end since you do an insert right after the intro.
one-thousand dollar bills
*Did they have those back then?
I had to watch the twist take it on the
heel and toe
Dorothy Manley. Just got in from New York.
*Just got in? Hasnít she been dumped and replaced already, and wedding planned?
*also referred to as an ASIDE.
He sits at a massive desk, a coffee
pot and a steaming cup next to him.
*Probably was a percolator.
The director pulls ten more film canisters from the bottom
drawer in the desk
*That makes 11. I guess Iíll find out as I read.
Nice fast read! Nice twist at the end, but unsure if Leneta was involved in setting that up or not. Kinda hints at it.
Is Geoffrey a secret admirer? Donít quite get his reason for wanting to hire a detective.
Ok, re-read, and itís the original and ten prints. That makes eleven.
Nice story/concept. A few questions unanswered, but very enjoyable.
12-22-2008, 05:12 AM
Cool script! Really enjoyed it. Fun to see something so old adapted, because it just reminds me how f'd up people were 70 years ago, and how little we've changed.
All my criticisms have already been voiced.
Oh, Alex, I think the title does not include the master reel, it only refers to the prints. Kind of confusing though, I admit. And I imagine it would be hard to run off with 10 reels. How big are said reels? Would they be smaller cause it's just a porno?