TwilightFest or love?

[gabrielflorit]

Gosh, I don't know how to get this post started.

3 years ago I discovered dvxuser. I started saving for a camera. Lots happened until now - lost my job, gained another, moved from NY to AK, got a different job, then another. 3 months ago I bought the EX1. My baby. I'm currently in pre-prod for my TwilightFest entry - I'm so excited, the script is good, the locations are unbelievable, and best of all, after 3 years I'm making a movie.

I'm MAKING A MOVIE!!!!!!!!


But. And of course there has to be a but. 6 months ago I met the love of my life. I've never pursued anyone like this. We actually met over a year ago but we never connected - I kept her phone number and eventually we did get together. This kind of love doesn't come twice.

3 weeks ago she moved to Boston, grad school in MIT. I can't visit her now, not until October 28. I got no time to do anything but this. Having a 9-5 job means I have to use my evening time very wisely.

But this relationship is suffering. It's hard, very hard, to keep something going when 5,400 miles separate you.

So what should I do? Visit her one of these weekends, and risk not completing my first ever film? Or wait until it's done and maybe have the relationship suffer even more and maybe risk losing the most amazing love I've ever had?

This weekend is casting. Next weekend is shooting. The next one is lighting rehearsal for a bar scene. The one after that is the bar scene shoot. That means that the first available weekend would be the 10th of October. But I gotta edit, ADR, do pickup shots, color correction.


Any advice?

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Skip the lighting rehearsal.
You'll have plenty of time to fit in the editing and such....

That frees up a weekend for you right there.


Mike

[jasonthewho]

I was going to make the same suggestion. You could always just show up earlier on the day of shooting to have more time to mess around on the lighting.

[stinkpot]

Mike's suggestion is probably best. Alternatively, have her come to you. If she loves you she should understand how important this is to you. This is your MOVIE!

I am probably the worst person to take love advice from but I say make the movie and never give up.

Best of luck to you.:beer:

[Rodney V. Smith]

yeah: skip the lighting rehearsal. it's somthing that can be done on the day of the shoot with a bit of extra time. set your call times later than you had originally scheduled and use the morning. She'll LOVE you for it, especially since inher mind she is saying: "it's just a rehearsal"... so go for it, or fly her out, but spend the time with her.

[Mike Manning]

As everyone's already suggested. You can skip the lighting rehearsal... have your dp and gaffer do it if need be...you don't need to be there.

But yeah man, it's hard. I LIVE with my girl friend, and she still has a rough time with the amount of time I'm dedicating to my film. We both work 9-5 and when we get home.. I go right back to working on my film. It's a delicate balance, you have your two loves in either hand. It can be done. though, I can't imagine how hard it is with her on the other side of the country as well.... that's REALLY tough.

PS...word of advice... do NOT show her this thread. If you skip the lighting rehearsal and go see her... she needs to think it was your own idea and decision.... not the result of a bunch of suggestions...

[Rodney V. Smith]

god advice: do NOT show her this thread

[gabrielflorit]

Ha, thanks guys! Yes, I think a really good piece of advice is not showing her this thread. That... wouldn't do much good.

Skip the lighting rehearsal huh? The problem is that the bar opens for business at 4pm and the crew starts coming in at 3pm. So we only have between 9 and 3pm to get in there, set up lights and shoot. I'm worried we won't have time to do it all in 6 hours. For sure I can go after the shooting is done. Or maybe I could go after the first shoot, the one I HAVE to do next Saturday (because otherwise the road leading to the location will be closed due to snow).

Thanks for all the input guys. I really appreciate hearing other people saying the same thing - it's hard making films and having a life at the same time.

[ZazaCast]

Agreed... whatever you do...DO NOT SHOW HER THIS THREAD! (especially after reading what I have to write)

Now... being of the middle-aged group, having vast life experiences & living through a really nasty divorce... I have a slightly different view of the situation. It may seem jaded, but really, it's not.... just real life (IMHO).

I know there is not a better feeling than that of deep love for that special someone. I myself married the 'love of my life', my 'soulmate'. I first met my ex-wife as a 16 year old kid (she was 15). It was love at first sight! OMG what a feeling! I used to visit her on weekends & talk endlessly on the phone as she lived about 3 hours from me. The tough part was once I finished High School, I was offered a once in a lifetime chance to join a newly forming band and tour on a national level... this was something you just can't pass-up. So, as hard as it was, off I went. At first she understood (she was/is a singer with the voice of an angel) and we did the best we could keeping in touch. I even thanked her for the support in the liner notes on our first album (yes, album...CD's hadn't been invented yet). Sad as it may seem, she finished High School and headed off to college...then to Seattle, WA... then to NYC. We slowly lost touch over the years and went on with our lives. I always thought that if our love was so strong, we would meet again...someday. (besides... I was having WAY too much fun with the groupies and living the rockstar life)

Cut to 7 years later... after 3 albums & 6 years of touring, it was time for a change and off the road I came to work in a friends music store and build a commercial recording studio business. I was just out of a long relationship, which I knew would never workout, cause I knew who the love of my life was...but I didn't know where she was....or what she was up to. As part of the marketing for the store, I appeared in a TV commercial for the store. As it would turnout, my love, also just getting out of a longterm relationship (she was even engaged), was living not 10 miles away sharing an apartment with a childhood friend (I also knew her). This friend happened to see the commercial one day...and told her she thought she had seen me!

Two days later...who would walk into the store...but MY LOVE! After all these years and all we had both been through, here we were at the same time...same place...both free & single! BooYah!!! Heaven... I remeber my heart skipping a beat as we ran into each other's arms and had the longest, deepest kiss EVER! (I was so far down her throat I could taste last weeks dinner!) WOW!!! What a feeling, to find each other again after all these years.

Things went fast from there....within a few months, she moved in to my house and before you knew it...our first baby was on the way (yes... it was planned & we were married 6 months after the birth...it's a modern world.). Life was great! I finished building the first version of the studio and opened for business.... this allowed me to be with my wife and daughter all the time... it was great. We then decided to have a second child....and poof! Another healthy, beautiful girl. Again, life is good!

...now it starts to get a little dark... after a good 7 years of absolute bliss... things started going sour. I can't really blame either of us (although I'd like to), but life happens and the stress of raising two children takes it's toll. Needless to say, it wasn't working, she had an affair and nothing was the same after that. Endless counciling was of no use...it was time to call it. It took 3 long years to come to an agreement.... very difficult for all... but we always kept the kids out of it as best we could.

Cut to single 30 something man raising 2 daughters (2 year old & 6 year old) on his own. This is NOT easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. We used to trade the kids off everyother week back then....

Cut to today.... I know it's a sad story...but it's really not. I now have 2 beautiful young ladies, one in her second year at BU (Go Celtics) and another in her second year of High School. Again, wouldn't have changed a thing as far as the girls are concerned.

Now... you ask, why the long-winded story (and believe me, you DON'T want to know the details)? I just want you to know that sometimes what we think is THE one for us.... may just be the one for us AT THAT TIME. If you love someone, set them free. If it was meant to be, they will find their way back to you.... even then, there are no guarantees.

Live your life...stay true to yourself...make your films...visit her when you can...true love will find YOU.... but films are forever!

Best of luck...

[Jason Miller]

if she truly is the love of your life, then skip the lighting go see her, come back shoot your film, then quit your job and move to Boston.

that is if you're old enough to have alove of your life, I.E. over 30, when you're 18, you're not the same person you are when you're 28, but once you're 30, you've pretty much formed into the man you will alway be, as she will have formed into the woman she will always be.

This I think is why Zaza's story is so often seen. Marry young, both change over the years, but they don't change together, they change apart.

sometimes people get lucky and are able to work hard so that there changes allow them to get closer, some just can't.,

when I was 18 I hated Peas, now I love them, its te same thing. our taist buds change, so do out brains.

but heres the thing, if you're not willing to give up everything to be with her, then she's not the love of your life, no matter how old you are. do you love her, or your film, do you love her or your stability, do you love her or your comfotable life. do you love her or your education, do you love her, or anything else including yourself more? if the answer to any of those questions, is anything other than her, then she isn't the love of your life.

[gabrielflorit]

Now... you ask, why the long-winded story (and believe me, you DON'T want to know the details)? I just want you to know that sometimes what we think is THE one for us.... may just be the one for us AT THAT TIME. If you love someone, set them free. If it was meant to be, they will find their way back to you.... even then, there are no guarantees.

Live your life...stay true to yourself...make your films...visit her when you can...true love will find YOU.... but films are forever!

Best of luck...

Thanks for such a detailed reply! Man, this is hard. Or maybe it shouldn't be so hard. I love her, and yes, I should set her free... But I don't want to. I'm 28, and I feel like she is my soulmate.



if she truly is the love of your life, then skip the lighting go see her, come back shoot your film, then quit your job and move to Boston.

that is if you're old enough to have alove of your life, I.E. over 30, when you're 18, you're not the same person you are when you're 28, but once you're 30, you've pretty much formed into the man you will alway be, as she will have formed into the woman she will always be.
...
but heres the thing, if you're not willing to give up everything to be with her, then she's not the love of your life, no matter how old you are. do you love her, or your film, do you love her or your stability, do you love her or your comfotable life. do you love her or your education, do you love her, or anything else including yourself more? if the answer to any of those questions, is anything other than her, then she isn't the love of your life.

Yes, Jason, I think you're right. I'm 28, I have stability, I live in Alaska, I just got started making film connections in this town. It's hard to give all that up, move to Boston, find a job, find a place, find a new film community, learn a new city, etc., etc.

Last night I saw "The Lives of Others". SPOILER WARNING. 15 minutes before the end I was crying my balls out. Weeping like a baby. What moved about that movie wasn't that the writer character loses his love, rather that the spy agent led such a sad, meaningless, empty life. And he was alone when the movie started, and alone when it ended.

And of course that scares me, not to be alone (because I've been alone for 7 years, and I really like moving to new places where I know nothing about the city except where my job is), but to have found someone I really think is the ONE, and then to let her go because of all these excuses, eg. I'm worried I won't find a job in Boston, I'm worried I won't be able to make films, I'm worried maybe after all it won't work out between us, etc.

Jason you're totally right. Am I in love with her or with my stability? And the answer is with her. Done. I'm moving to Boston.

[ZazaCast]

Thanks for such a detailed reply! Man, this is hard. Or maybe it shouldn't be so hard. I love her, and yes, I should set her free... But I don't want to. I'm 28, and I feel like she is my soulmate.

I was 28 when we got married.... isn't love grand?

[Jason Miller]

Man if thats the case, if you truly feel thast way, then go to her, give up yourself, your life, to be with her. hell man, I'm planning a move to Malaysia to be with the woman I love, or rather be there for her, we have other problems keeping us from being together. (her Parents hate me) so I have to get them to approve of me before we can e more than "friends",

at least if you move to boston, you're giving everything up but you still have her. i'm giving everything up for the chance to fight for her.

[Mike Manning]

damn you guys are crazy! haha... step up and lay down some law! My girl knows that I wouldn't abandon my career and dreams and move away with her. That's why SHE moved in with me!

[Mattykins]

Wow. You guys have some stories. I would love to have drinks with you all one of these days.

I am single now, been so for a while. I've seen people along the way. Have had my fair share of hookups. But everyone I've ever been interested in has been involved in theatre. Which makes situations like this easier.

Because they are all stage managers, directors, design people. They understand how busy we are and know the limited time we have together is amazing. And we make the most of it. It is hard - it's even harder just dating when you are that busy. I hate the fact I need to have my phone on me all the time. I hate it. I just can't afford to miss a call.

I hate the fact I am considering an Iphone so I can check emails during the day. But I work well under pressure and I need to stay connected. But the amazing part about being with people in the entertainment industry is that they 'get it'. When I am free - they are working on a show. They come back from rehearsal and they are exhausted.

It's a balancing act. If she won't make a move for you to follow what you love - is she worth it? Do you want to be balancing your life towards her all the time while passing some of the things you want to do and you love to do? Love doesn't have to hurt.

Something to think about anyways.

Best of luck with it. I say visit her, and then rock that film.

[Mike Manning]

damn you guys are crazy! haha... step up and lay down some law! My girl knows that I wouldn't abandon my career and dreams and move away with her. That's why SHE moved in with me!

PS... I'm kidding (kind of). I'm VERY lucky my girlfriend decided to move in with me. She had been accepted into the Peace Corps...I told her I couldn't do it. So she applied for Teach For America (the American version of Peace Corps haha!) and luckily she got in.

But yeah... it's tough. Hope it works out.

[gabrielflorit]

Wow. You guys have some stories. I would love to have drinks with you all one of these days.

AMEN to that! One day man, one day. One day we'll all be so rich and famous because we'll be making blockbusters left and right. And we'll all work with each other and in the later years talk about "those dvxuser times, do you remember Johnny? those were the days".


They understand how busy we are and know the limited time we have together is amazing. And we make the most of it. It is hard - it's even harder just dating when you are that busy. I hate the fact I need to have my phone on me all the time. I hate it. I just can't afford to miss a call.

I hate the fact I am considering an Iphone so I can check emails during the day. But I work well under pressure and I need to stay connected.

Amazing. Two weeks ago I got an iPhone so I could check emails during the day, so I could stay in touch with her. Also I completely agree with you - our time together has been amazing and very intense. And now that she's gone, she's very busy with grad school, I'm very busy producing my film. We're both busy and enjoying life, and our relationship is - well, not intense at all anymore. And we thrived on intensity.

I think I'm going to try and do both. I'll make this film - I better, I haven't gone through all the trouble of a SAG Short Film Agreement for nothing - and I'll visit her as soon as the shoot is over. And then I'll move to Boston.

I really appreciate everyone's input. DVXuser ROCKS!

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

damn you guys are crazy! haha... step up and lay down some law! My girl knows that I wouldn't abandon my career and dreams and move away with her. That's why SHE moved in with me!

make your movie if it's anything but a hobby to you.

a few weeks shouldn't matter if she's the love of your life

and here's the secret, as the above poster alludes - be true to yourself and life will happen around that shape, mold yourself to something else and it will never work out ...

So either she will love you and be inspired by how driven you are and the fact that you are a filmmaker or she won't support you and won't think it's cool and won't respect the fact that you had to do something important to you.

I mean were talking about a short period of time in a lifetime and in a relationship. If you are really a filmmaker this isn't even really something to struggle over IMHO.

If you're not really a filmmaker, then scrap the project, sell your gear and go get the girl.

Not being clear I don't think, but either your the guy that has to make a movies or not. If you are that guy then be yourself NOW rather than two years into the relationship and make your movie. If she's not down with that then she's not right for you.

If you aren't that guy who has to make movies, then it's moot. But usually people are more attractive to someone else when they have their own stuff going on and aren't willing to just scrap it all to be with them.

Make sure you're not using the relationship as an excuse to indulge a fear of success / realizing your dream also.

[Tim Joy]

I've tried the long distance relationship thing quite a few times, and they all just faded away over time.... except with the last one, who is now my wife.
She's Swedish and had to jump through a few hoops to get back here and was gone for 3 months. That sucked, but she was the first one that I actually missed, (not just the nookie) so I knew she was the one and married her. Now she's my producing partner.

My point is, if you have a strong bond, you will stick together through long periods of separation. You can wait till the fest is over, and just think, you probably have MORE time to spend on filmmaking with her gone, (unlike some of us who have to stay up all night after the woman goes to bed to get any work done.) :kiss:

[Mike Manning]

(unlike some of us who have to stay up all night after the woman goes to bed to get any work done.) :kiss:

This is me 100%

[bosindy]

I think in life we regret the things we didn't or haven't done always more than the things we actually do. Even if the relationship flops, and there is a chance it will, it is about the journey as they say. You can make films just as easy in Boston as you can in Alaska, probably easier.


When you get the Boston, PM me and we can grab a beer.